Mentos Keep You Going

They arrive at the castle.

Very nice. Were you born here? asks Gaius.

No, says Cornelis van Dalem. I was born in Antwerp. I moved to Breda because of the rumours.

Rumours? says Gaius.

Nothing of import, says Cornelis. I didn't attend the Catholic church. There were rumours of heresy. A pity, because my house in Antwerp was rather splendid......people came to marvel at the facade. I had....

Splendour does not impress me, says Gaius. But I should like to see your paintings and drink a glass of your Oranjeboom beer.

Come in then, says Cornelis. You and your double.

I shall wait outside, says Virtual Gaius. Counting traffic. It's my duty.

There won't be any traffic, says Cornelis. Don't be silly. Come inside.

The three men step over the threshold into a grand hall and gallery hung with dark paintings.

You two enjoy the paintings, says Cornelis. I'll get the beer.

He disappears into the kitchen. Gaius and Virtual Gaius look around at the paintings.

It is clear that Cornelis is an excellent painter of rocks. In amongst the rocks are people in various poses, gesturing and bending, dressed in rough clothes. Goats, sheep and cattle. A fire is burning.

The paintings are not all landscapes. Gaius stops in front of a curious painting of people, some of whom sit on chairs and have cabbages for heads.

This will be the painting you mentioned, says Gaius. Can you remember the story?

No, says Virtual Gaius. I now see this as an example of crowd control.

Nonsense, says Gaius. I imagine it's some sort of allegory.

Virtual Gaius shrugs his virtual shoulders. When is the beer coming?

Cornelis comes into the gallery with a tray and three glasses, and a bowl of green mints.

These are for later, says Cornelis. They are sugar free Mentos. Made in Breda.

You don't say? says Gaius. Just the green ones?

Of course not, says Cornelis. All colours. But I favour the green ones. What do you think of my paintings?

You are unsurpassed in your depiction of rocks, says Gaius. But I should like to know more about the people with cabbage heads. Is it an allegory?

Ha ha, laughs Cornelis. Many people ask that. Take a glass of Oranjeboom, and I'll tell you.

They take a glass each while Cornelis explains the Legend of the Baker Of Eeklo.

Whenever the people of Eeklo were dissatisfied with their looks, says Cornelis, they went to the local baker, who would cut off their heads and then roll them out, knead them and re-bake them. To stem the bleeding he would place cabbages on their heads while they were waiting. Sometimes the newly baked heads would be spoiled and the owners would still be dissatisfied. A cautionary tale, as you will have gathered!

A wonderful one! says Gaius. Vanity is foolish. We should be satisfied with the looks we are born with.

Virtual Gaius swallows the remains of his beer and takes a green Mentos. There is no point in arguing. But if he had looked more like Arne than like Gaius, Belle might have allowed him to touch her......

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! comes a faint cry from the basement.

Jumping cabbage heads! cries Gaius. What is it?

Just my Anabaptists, says Cornelis. I've been giving them refuge. They're always re-baptising one another.

But surely these days there is no need to hide Anabaptists, says Gaius.

True, says Cornelis. And I should tell them, but really, they make such good servants. Note how spotless they keep my gallery, and you should just see my studio!

We'd like to, but we ought to get going, says Gaius.

Take a handful of Mentos with you, says Cornelis. I always find they keep me going.