The Severed Hand Of Antwerp

The nearer they get to the Belgian beer café, the taller their guide seems to be.

Almost a giant.

Nearly there, says the guide. Over the bridge here.

Virtual Gaius stiffens, but says nothing.

Gaius on the other hand is looking forward to a beer. He becomes chatty.

I am Gaius, and this is my companion, Virtual Gaius, although he answers to Arne. Arne is switched off at the moment. I find it more peaceful.

I am Antigoon, says the guide, in a voice deep and rumbly.

Virtual Gaius nods imperceptibly as if he knew as much.

Antigoon, says Gaius. Interesting name. Are you a local?

You could say that, says Antigoon. Just step onto my... the.....bridge will you?

What is the name of this river? asks Gaius. I should know, but...

The Scheldt, says Antigoon. And this is my bridge, and you owe me twenty euro.

Ha ha! laughs Gaius. Your bridge.

Antigoon is not laughing. He looks scary.

I think we should pay him, says Virtual Gaius.

You might think that, says Gaius. But I am the one with the money.

If you don't pay me, says Antigoon. I'll cut off your hand.

And then what? asks Gaius.

Throw it into the river, says Antigoon.

Virtual Gaius has turned pale. But Gaius is enjoying himself.

This sort of thing happened a lot in the old days.

What if I ask you a riddle? says Gaius.

Riddle, what riddle? says Antigoon. No one ever asks me a riddle.

Why is a pig's tail like four o'clock in the morning? says Gaius.

SIX o'clock in the morning, says Virtual Gaius. I remember that riddle.

FOUR o'clock, says Gaius firmly. I am an early riser. Oops that's a clue I just gave you.

I still don't know the answer, says Antigoon. What is it?

Because it's TWIRLY, says Gaius. Too early. Do you see why it's comic?

I suppose so, says Antigoon. But I've now lost the thread of my story.

I thought it was more of a threat, says Gaius.

No, no, says Antigoon. It's my way of explaining the meaning of Antwerp.

Indeed? And what is the meaning? asks Gaius. No wait, let me guess. Ummm...

Let ME guess, says Virtual Gaius. My dad used to call me a twerp, when I did something stupid.

WRONG WRONG WRONG, says Antigoon. It's Hand-Werpen, which is Dutch for hand throw. Do you see where that's coming from?

The severed hands, says Gaius. Very good. What a lot of trouble you went to. Thank you, Antigoon.

Not my real name, says Antigoon. It's Luuk. And here's the Belgian beer café. Come in, and welcome. Let me buy you a beer, and some chips. You'll enjoy our chips. In Belgium, we eat them with mayo.