Jesus's Girlfriend

Is this really a good idea, Mark? says Merve, as the Jeep drives behind the Toyota.

Yes! yes! cry the three little girls.

We've come this far, says Mark. Why not make a day of it?

But it is kind of embarrassing, says Merve. However, dear, you're the one who knows best.

Faith looks at Joybells.

Axe Twenty Nine doesn't usually work out this well.

Mo is playing with the pink and black rubber spider.

She pokes it at Faith. She makes it bite Joybells.

Mum! says Faith. She's doing it AGAIN!

Mo! says Merve. Behave or we'll turn around and go straight back home to Bowral. Then there'll be no Booderee National Park and no looking for funnel web spiders.

Mo tucks the rubber spider inside the leg of her shorts. Only three black spider legs are now visible.

That looks disgusting, says Faith.

Shut up, hisses Joybells. Jesus gave her that spider.

We don't think it was Jesus, says Merve.

It wasn't, says Faith. It was his sister.

That proves it wasn't him, girls, says Mark. Jesus doesn't have a sister.

We don't know she was his sister, says Merve. In fact, we know she wasn't. She's Ray Moon's daughter.

Point taken, says Mark. But he doesn't have a girlfriend either.

Are we arguing? says Merve. I hope were not arguing.

Of course not, says Mark.

.........

In the ute:

Happier, Ray? asks Katherine.

No, says Ray. I thought they'd changed their minds about me, but they hadn't.

Wait till they see you in action, says Katherine.

Looking for funnel web spiders? says Ray.

By their deeds shall you know them, says Katherine. Why on earth do you want to join them anyway?

They have a network, says Ray. And I miss my old congregation.

Why don't you ask Unni to help you, says Katherine. Surely they'll do what she says. Presumably they're just the usual easily-led group of naive, scared-of-death hopefuls.

Ray is astonished.

How did you know that? says Ray.

.......

In the back of the ute:

Sweezus's plait has unravelled entirely. He hopes Unni will do it again.

But Unni is talking.

What cute kids, says Unni. Sharp as tacks. Axe Twenty Nine. That was hilarious! And Mo thinking you were a pony.

I had to say that, says Sweezus. D'you reckon I got away with it?

We'll see. says Unni. If she says fuck in front of her parents, we'll know that you didn't.

Sheesh! says Sweezus. They seem pretty nice though, the parents.

Yeah, says Unni. They probably are. Anyway, it's good they're coming with us to look for funnel web spiders.

Yeah, says Sweezus. I need all the help I can get.

I know, says Unni. You've no idea what to look for, have you. What about calling up that Doctor Wallenius? Have you got a contact number?

No, I haven't, says Sweezus. Hey! Gaius might have it!

Call him, says Unni. When we get to Nowra.

.......

Nowra.

Sweezus calls Gaius.

Gaius doesn't answer, because it's still night time in Belgium.

......

Belgium:

Gaius is dreaming.

In the dream, he is escaping from the kitchen of Dr Egges and Dr Geraerts, on Schopenhauer's bicycle, which they had refused to release to him, until they had unlocked its secrets.

His phone rings.

He doesn't wake up.