Renouncing Technology

Two o'clock, at the Environment Institute, University of Adelaide.

Assistant Professor Ivan Nagelkerken meets with Gaius and Ageless.

Wonderful to meet you, Gaius, says Ivan. Come in.

Gaius and Ageless go into the office.

Now, how can I help you? says Ivan.

I am interested in replicating your research into fish noise, says Gaius.

Although it's unnatural, says Ageless.

Unnatural? Why unnatural, says Ivan.

My colleague is referring to your use of the hydrophone, says Gaius. That is, if you did use a hydrophone.

Of course, we recorded the marine soundscape, says Ivan. We studied the kelp forests and seagrass beds in St Vincent's Gulf, and compared audio readings of the polluted waters with audio recordings at naturally high carbon dioxide underwater volcanic vents showing the the acidification predicted for global water conditions by the end of the century. What about that is unnatural?

I apologise if my colleague has offended you, says Gaius. He is keen to assist me.

Is he the expert in underwater audio recording you referred to? asks Ivan.

Don't talk about me as though I'm not in the room, snaps Ageless. I am a lobster, that is the crux of the matter.

The crux being? asks Ivan.

The crux being, says Gaius, that the sensory hairs on his body, indeed those of most marine crustaceans, are stimulated......

....and mine are especially sensitive, says Ageless, ask Kobo.... no, wait... don't ask her....

.....stimulated by water-borne or substrate vibrations, and are most sensitive to water vibration frequencies between 150 and 300hz, says Gaius.

....and even lower, on a good day, says Ageless.

I know that, says Ivan. But lobsters have notoriously faulty memories. That is why we don't generally use them on field trips.

Understandable, says Gaius. However, Ageless boasts an excellent memory. Let me cut to the chase. Do you have an available tinny I could borrow?

Dear me, says Ivan. This is inopportune. My associate Tullio has just taken it out to do a spot of fishing. He won't be back till next Monday.

Never mind, says Ageless. We'll borrow what's-her-name's.

Margaret's says Gaius. No, I don't think so.

There, you see what I mean about memory, says Ivan. A hydrophone is way more reliable. Would you like to borrow my H2A-XLR?

Ageless looks sharply at Gaius. If Gaius says Yes, he will simply walk out of the office.

He will go and look for Baby Pierre in the library.

Let them use a stupid piece of technology to measure their fish noise. What do they want to measure it for anyway?... stupid fish and their fish noise.....let their larvae get lost and not be able to find their way home ....wah-wah-wah-wah.....

See if he cares.

He walks out of the office, just as Gaius is opening his mouth to say:

No, I don't think so.