The Nihilist Hole

At this point Arthur comes in.

Just the man, says Sweezus. Where's the stalker?

Lost him, says Arthur.

Can you help us out here? asks Sweezus.

Sure. What's up? says Arthur.

The play! says Vello. Had you forgotten? It's only half finished. And we need you to play a gardener.

Okay, says Arthur. Which gardener?

Costa, says Sweezus. You don't have to.

Costa, says Arthur. Do I get a black wig?

Yes, Arthur, says Belle. A curly one. And a black beard and moustache. I imagine that's tempting?

It is tempting. Arthur may have lost Sikong Shu for the moment, but Sikong Shu is relentless.

I'll do it, says Arthur.

Good, says Vello. Now, let's workshop the rest of the play.

Where are you up to? asks Arthur.

I'm in the sink hole, says Terence. Running about. And someone's getting a ladder.

And we're at the top of the sink hole, says Celia. Wearing hats.

Hats? says Arthur. Did we write that?

No, says Sweezus, we came up with the hats just now because Celia and Saint Roley look too much like birds without them.

They would, says Arthur. So, the scene ends how?

With the old lady saying that Costa is coming to plant hydrangeas, apples and tree ferns, and introduce bees, says Sweezus.

So we're up to scene two, says Arthur. I suppose I should be in it.

And I should be in it, says Terence.

You don't have to be in it, says Sweezus.

I do until I get out of the stink hole, says Terence.

SINK hole, says Belle.

Stinky sink hole, says Terence. I'll keep pressing my stink button.

What stink button? says Arthur.

We had to give him one, says Sweezus.

Right, says Arthur. Here's my idea. Scene Two. The sink hole. Costa climbs down the ladder, followed by the old lady. Costa says This has potential. How's about we give it the treatment on Gardening Australia? The old lady says Done!

Where are you going with this? asks Vello. Television! We don't need to appeal to the populace.

They wait months to hear back from Costa but nothing happens, says Arthur.

Like Waiting for Godot, says David.

I trust not, says Vello.

So you're in the scene for a couple of minutes, says Belle. And that's it. And for that you think you can have a black wig and curly whiskers?

You know me too well, says Arthur.

There's a knock on the door.

Everyone freezes. Is it Sikong Shu?

But no. It's Pablo, looking for Arthur and Sweezus.

Hello men, says Pablo. Have you finished here? Today is the swimming race of the Marilyns at Brighton.

Shit I forgot, says Sweezus. Mind if...?

Go ahead, says Vello. I think we can take over from here.

Yes, says David. We need to get out of this nihilist hole Sweezus and Arthur have dug us into.

Sweezus, Arthur and Pablo depart from the nihilist hole, leaving Vello and David to come up with a new direction.