Like Brothers

Sweezus has cycled away.

Saint Roley remains by the seat near the Emu Bay playground.

Thinking of brothers.

Sweezus and sharks are like brothers. Why does Sweezus think that? Because he once had a business arrangement with the Great White Teacher, marketing sea salt? Of course it fell through.

Is that what he thinks is like brothers?

Saint Roley flies off, in a random direction.

The wind changes. 

He alters his course.

.....

Captain Baudin has been napping.

A wave breaks over his bow.

Woosh! Captain Baudin wakes up quickly.

Ach! Which way is he sailing? Where is his compass?

The shadow of a bird darkens his deck for a moment.

He looks up.

He signals.

Saint Roley flies down and lands on a railing. 

Problem? asks Saint Roley.

Minor problem, says Captain Baudin. I seem to have mislaid my compass.

Where are you headed? asks Saint Roley.

The lighthouse, says Captain Baudin.

Then you're going the right way, says Saint Roley. I'm going that way as well. I'll be your compass.

Very well, says Captain Baudin. Do you know any old sea songs?

No one's asked me that lately, says Saint Roley. I do know one or two. 

He sings: Encore un coup laoura, kaliman ah, ah ah ah ah kaliman, encore un coup laoura.

C'est beau! says Captain Baudin.

They sing it together.

Like brothers.

......

Sweezus is not far from Stokes Bay.

He hopes Arthur will have hired him a surfboard.

He imagines himself chucking the bike and racing straight for the water.

With the surfboard.

After removing the beanie, and other parts of the window cleaner's outfit.

The hi viz vest, the Bunnings trousers.

He can't remember what he's got on underneath.

Dark Shadows

Captain Baudin has sailed too far west.

He is singing tra lalala lalala etc, and does not realise.

Then he does.

Merde! says Captain Baudin, I am too far out in the deep ocean. I must turn south eastwards. 

A south wind is blowing.

He raises his sail.

......

Arthur and Louisa have hired surfboards and are paddling out to the reef break.

Winter's the best time here, says Louisa. But in winter it's freezing. Today's perfect.

Left or right break, says Arthur.

Left, says Louisa. There's a west swell combined with an offshore wind from the south.

They both paddle faster.

Watch out for rocks, says Louisa.

And sharks, says Arthur. I've surfed here before.

With Sweezus? asks Louisa.

Yes, says Arthur.

He stops paddling.

A dark shadow slides past his legs.

......

Sweezus has disembarked from the ferry.

He is cycling towards Stokes Bay.

At Emu Bay he stops for a break.

He gets off his bike and wheels it to a seat near the playground.

He takes a Power Bar from his back pack, and takes off the wrapper.

A bird alights near him.

He is about to shoo it away when he sees it's Saint Roley.

Hello, says Saint Roley. I didn't recognise you.

Nor me you, says Sweezus. 

Good disguise, says Saint Roley. Why do you need it?

I'm not meant to be here, says Sweezus.

No humans are, says Saint Roley.

Woa! Radical, says Sweezus.

Don't mind me, says Saint Roley. I'm bitter. Someone ran over the nest I built with my beloved and crushed our one egg.

That's fucked, says Sweezus.

True, says Saint Roley. I had hoped that egg would replace my lost brother.

Look at it this way, says Sweezus. It wouldn't have. Want a bite of my Power Bar?

Only if it's flavoured with mollusc, says Saint Roley.

It's not flavoured with anything, says Sweezus.

Then no thanks, says Saint Roley. Where are you headed?

Stokes Bay, says Sweezus. Arthur's there surfing.

There are sharks about, says Saint Roley.

No worries. Sharks and me are like brothers, says Sweezus.

Saint Roley doubts that.

Sailing Optimistic

Captain Baudin has decided to take the short cut to the lighthouse.

He will travel by sea.

It's a dangerous journey.

He heads for the rocks. Will his boat still be there?

It's not his old boat which was too large for a lobster.

It's a small boat, made of flotsam.

He has named it the Minérau, in honour of the old sailors' song.

Yes there it is, tied up to a half buried spar.

He boards the Minérau, feeling optimistic.

As-tu connu le Minérau? Hourra mes boueés hourra!

He unties it. Stows his journal under a thong.

The waves crash onto the rocks which surround him.

He floats out between them, the wind blows him west.

C'est un joli petit bateau, tra lalala lalala la la ....

......

Gaius decides not to cross out the two Gang-gang cockatoos and the Rainbow Bee-eater.

Next time you spot anything, says Gaius, tell me.

Okay, says Baby-Glossy.

He flies up again, in a zigzag pattern.

Gaius returns his notebook (and Ronnie) to Terence, and re-mounts his bicycle.

Don't point me downwards, says Ronnie.

What then? asks Terence.

Upwards, says Ronnie.

You'll poke my eye out, says Terence.

I won't, says Ronnie. It's made of cement.

Or make a mark on my eyeball, says Terence.

I promise I won't, says Ronnie. I'm into self-preservation.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

I don't want to get shorter and shorter and end up buried, says Ronnie.

I won't let that happen, says Terence. Shall I wrap you in socks?

No need to go that far, says Ronnie. 

......

Sweezus is on the ferry, on his way to KI.

Piped music is playing from somewhere. 

"Sailing".

He liked that song once but jeez.....

He pulls his beanie down over his ears.

And looks through the salt-crusted windows.

Crossing Birds Out

 Gaius writes down the names of the birds Baby-Glossy has spotted.

Two Gang-gang Cockatoos and a Rainbow Bee-eater.

Where were they, as a matter of interest? asks Gaius.

Back there, says Baby-Glossy, zigzagging in order to point in a backward direction.

Funny I didn't see them, says Gaius.

And I didn't, says Terence. I bet you didn't either.

I did, says Baby-Glossy.

How did you know what they were? asks Gaius.

I asked them, says Baby-Glossy.

You didn't stop, says Terence.

Birds talk fast, says Baby-Glossy.

YOU don't, says Terence.

And Captain Baudin had un bird book, says Baby-Glossy.

A bird book and a pencil book, says Gaius. I wish I had seen his collection.

It was un book, not deux books, says Baby-Glossy.

Unusual, says Gaius. Why combine the two subjects? Was it a journal?

What's a journal? asks Baby-Glossy.

We're on one, says Terence. It means going.

It doesn't. A journal is a book of daily observations, says Gaius.

Wee, says Baby-Glossy. It was about what Captain Baudin did every day. First thing in the morning...

A wee, says Terence. 

Not everything was recorded, says Baby-Glossy. 

So why did you say wee? asks Terence.

Perhaps he meant yes, says Gaius. 

I did, says Baby-Glossy.

A trap for French speakers, says Gaius. Something to remember.

Noted, says Baby-Glossy. Captain-Baudin recorded trois subjects, in his journal. Birds, songs and things he had sharpened.

Including pencils, says Gaius. 

He only had one pencil, says Baby-Glossy. It got shorter and shorter. When it was only one centimetre long he could no longer hold it.

What did he do with it? asks Gaius.

Yes what? asks Ronnie the pencil, hoping for a happy ending.

He stopped using it, says Baby-Glossy.

But did he keep it? asks Ronnie.

He buried it, says Baby-Glossy. 

What else did he sharpen? asks Terence.

His sword, says Baby-Glossy. And his pocket knife.

He has a pocket? asks Gaius.

He has un in his sailor trousers, says Baby-Glossy. 

Gaius suspects that Baby-Glossy has learnt more than English, French nombres, sharpening skills and old sea songs from Captain Baudin.

All those glib answers.

Gaius looks again at his notes.

He considers crossing the Gang-gangs and Bee-eater out.

Three Raisins

Captain Baudin scrapes his way to the mouth of the cave.

His visitors are slowly receding.

Gaius is wobbling away on his bicycle, as there is no road.

Terence's head is poking out of Gaius's back pack.

Baby-Glossy flies overhead, in a zigzag pattern.

Captain Baudin wonders if there is a reason.

But it's no longer his business.

His mind turns to Captain du Couedic.

Has he evil designs on the Ears? 

When someone lives in a lighthouse, what might not they get up to?

But sea captains stick together.

He should warn Captain du Couedic of what's coming.

(Arthur, at night with a ladder).

(It's like Cluedo).

He readies himself for the journey. It doesn't take long.

Baby Glossy zigzags above Gaius.

All right up there? asks Gaius. I gather you're not used to flying.

I'm not, says Baby-Glossy. 

Why are you zigzagging? asks Terence.

Trois raisons, says Baby Glossy.

Three raisins, says Terence. That's a good answer.

Raisons, says Baby Glossy. And they are, un: I don't wish to get ahead of you, deux: I don't wish to get behind, trois: I wish to start counting nombres as soon as possible, and the zigzag is giving me a wider perspective.

Woop, says Terence. 

It's not woop, says Gaius. It's well reasoned. Have you seen any other birds yet, Baby-Glossy?

Deux Gang Gang Cockadeux, says Baby-Glossy. And un Rainbow Bee-Eater.

Gaius stops. 

Terence, hand me my notebook. It will be somewhere under your feet. And a pencil.

Terence yanks out a notebook, and Ronnie!

I'm broken, says Ronnie.

Boo-hoo, says Terence. Do you think it's my fault?

No, says Ronnie. Just saying. 

Drat! Broken! says Gaius.

I can sharpen a pencil, says Baby-Glossy. I learned it from Captain Baudin.

He has a collection of pencils? asks Gaius.

No, says Baby Glossy, he has un book on the subject. Give me the pencil.

Terence hands Ronnie to Baby-Glossy, who sharpens him to a point the like of which has rarely been seen on Kangaroo Island.

Cockadeux

Did you go to the lighthouse? asks Captain Baudin.

We did, says Gaius. We met Captain du Couedic.

He kept my Ears, says Terence. 

Only un was your Ear, says Baby Glossy. Un was mine.

It wasn't an onion, says Terence. It was an orange.

It wasn't an orange, says Baby-Glossy. It was a peel. And I didn't say onion.

You started to, says Terence.

Un, says Baby-Glossy. It's a nombre.

Terence tries to think what that nombre could be.

One! says Terence. 

I knew you would understand me, says Baby-Glossy. 

That's wonderful, says Gaius. Well, we must be going. We have birds to count, and record in my notebook.

Before you go, says Captain Baudin, May I ask you un question?

Go ahead, says Gaius.

Did the Ears stay with du Coeudic of their own volition? asks Captain Baudin.

We believe so, says Gaius. I had my doubts, so I sent Arthur back to investigate. All appeared well, but he intends to go back under cover of night with a ladder, just to be certain.

Very wise, says Captain Baudin. Well au revoir, mes amis. I must return to my lonely life style.

Bye bye, my Captain, says Baby-Glossy. 

I hope you count many birds, says Captain Baudin.

I will return un day, to tell you the nombres, says Baby-Glossy.

You can't, unless I say so, says Terence. You're going to be my new parrot

Cockadoo! says Baby-Glossy.

Cockadeux, says Captain Baudin.

Ha ha! laughs Gaius. Cockadeux! Very good, you two.

Gaius loads Terence into his back pack and gets on his bicycle.

Baby-Glossy realises he is expected to fly.

Falling In Is Not Important

 Bomb! repeats Baby-Glossy.

Why have you taught him to say bomb? asks Gaius. 

He is not saying bomb, says Captain Baudin. He is trying to say bon, but he is not good at it.

Bon is not English, says Gaius.

But bomb is, says Terence. 

He pats Baby-Glossy.

When you think something's good, says Terence, say bomb, and I'll understand you.

Bomb, says Baby-Glossy. Ti ti la reeti!

Riti, says Captain Baudin.

A French sailors' song, if I'm not mistaken, says Gaius.

It is, says Captain Baudin. I have taught him to sing one which is inoffensive.

Very good, says Gaius.

Very bomb, says Terence. 

What is it about? asks Gaius.

A young woman falls into a river, says Captain Baudin. 

Why? asks Terence.

Because she is picking cress for her father, and she reaches over too far, and falls in, says Captain Baudin. But that is not important.

What is important? asks Terence.

Let Baby-Glossy tell you, says Captain Baudin.

Can he do it in English? asks Gaius.

Let him try, says Captain Baudin.

She is rescued by trois sailors, says Baby-Glossy. That is important.

Well done, Baby-Glossy, says Gaius. Except for the trois.

What's twa? asks Terence.

Un deux trois, says Baby Glossy.

He counts in French, says Captain Baudin, and sings in French, but everything else is in English.

Not good, says Gaius.

But surely not bad, says Captain Baudin.

I didn't mean that, says Gaius. What about bomb? That was French, albeit a mispronunciation.

There are exceptions, says Captain Baudin. But let him sing you the end of the song, which is sweet.

Baby-Glossy sings the end of the song in French.

It's a song to the glory of all those people of the sea, who smell of tar.

It brings a tear to the eye of Captain Baudin.

Neither Gaius nor Terence understands it, but Baby-Glossy expects a reaction.

Bomb, says Terence.

Trés bomb, says Gaius.

Ti Ti La Riti Tonton

Stokes Bay.

Arthur and Louisa are in the Rockpool Café, eating hot chips with sauce.

Arthur has received a short text from Sweezus.

I'm out! Got a ladder.

He won't need a ladder, says Louisa. Imagine trying to bring a ladder and surfboard across on the ferry.

Could be awkward, says Arthur.

Text him, says Louisa.

Arthur texts Sweezus. No ladder.

Sweezus calls back at once. Hey bro, what's this about no ladder?

Louisa'll get us one, says Arthur. And you can hire a surfboard.

Cool, says Sweezus. That means no baggage.

How'd you get out? asks Arthur.

The boss and me swapped places, says Sweezus. Now I'm dressed as a window cleaner. And I've got this ladder I don't know what to do with.

Leave it in the office, says Arthur. Let David get rid of it. When are you coming?

Today! says Sweezus. See ya tonight, 

He's on his way, dressed as a window cleaner, says Arthur.

Won't he change first? asks Louisa.

Arthur hopes that if Sweezus does change first he will bring the window cleaning outfit

It may come in useful.

They finish the chips and sauce and head off to hire surfboards.

Meanwhile Gaius and Terence have been dropped off by the Perrots.

Now what? asks Terence.

We find Baby-Glossy, says Gaius. Then we can get on with the task that we're here for.

Counting, says Terence. I wonder if Baby-Glossy can count.

It all depends on how good a teacher Baudin is, says Gaius.

Let's find them! says Terence. Where did we leave them?

In the cave, says Gaius. The one we all slept in.

Yes! shouts Terence. I remember. It was that way!

It was, says Gaius. You lead, I'll follow.

Yay! says Terence.

He leads the way.

Soon they hear singing.

Petite a la ti ti la riti tonton lariton.

They follow the sounds to the mouth of the cave.

Petite a la ti ti la riti tonton lariton.

That, says Gaius is an old French sailors' song.

They enter the cave.

It's dark. But not that dark.

Captain Baudin is tapping out a rhythm with both claws.

Click-click, click-click-click etc.

A larger version of Baby-Glossy sings lustily.

Petite a la ti ti etc.

That's not English! cries Terence. You were supposed to learn English!

Bomb! says Baby Glossy.

Okay, says Terence. That IS English.

Is it? asks Gaius, looking at Captain Baudin, who has stopped clicking and is now looking sheepish.

Captain Baudin shrugs in the French fashion, as if to say: It is English as well.

Paradise!

 Sweezus is trying to get an exemption.

He has called Victor (a policeman).

Everyone wants an exemption, says Victor. What for?

Gotta go to KI to help with a rescue, says Sweezus.

Who needs to be rescued? asks Victor. 

Two friends, says Sweezus. They've been imprisoned.

On Kangaroo Island? says Victor. I was there a few days ago. All was in order.

It's not now, says Sweezus. 

Give me the details, says Victor. I'll look into it.

Thing is, they need a ladder, says Sweezus.

I can arrange that, says Victor. Where are your friends imprisoned?

Cape du Couedic lighthouse, says Sweezus.

That damn lobster! mutters Victor. Why didn't you say?

Does he have form? asks Sweezus. 

Yes, says Victor. I'll head off at once. Can you give me the names of the victims?

Not really, says Sweezus. They're friends of friends, kind of.

Description?  asks Victor.

Orange, says Sweezus. And one's bigger than the other.

Very helpful, says Victor. Well, cheerio. I'll keep you posted.

Sweezus wishes he hadn't called Victor.

Trust a policeman to sidestep the issue.

He lies down on his hotel bed. Looks up at the ceiling.

What would Arthur do?

Just walk out probably.

Yes but Arthur isn't employed by the editor of Velosophy.

Vello! 

He calls Vello.

Sweezus, says Vello. Are you out yet?

No, says Sweezus.  

I am, says Vello. So is David. How are you enjoying it? Eggs on toast every morning. Paradise! I miss that.

I'm over it, says Sweezus. Still got three days to go.

Ha ha! We should swap places, says Vello. How would that be? I bet no one would notice.

I bet they wouldn't, says Sweezus. That'd be awesome. I've got leads on a kidnapping story on Kangaroo Island. I should get there before the trail goes cold.

Kidnapping, says Vello. That's not our usual thing. Are there bicycles involved? And philosophers? 

I reckon, says Sweezus. A couple of minor philosophers, and bikes, definitely.

This is tempting, says Vello. How would we do it? What floor are you on?

Third, says Sweezus.

I presume you have a window? says Vello.

Yeah, says Sweezus. 

I'll bring a ladder says Vello. I'll dress up as a window cleaner. 

Boss, you're a lifesaver! says Sweezus. 

I'll be there shortly, says Vello. Oh, and once you're out, take the ladder.

The Surfboard

Sweezus is bored, in quarantine. Even though it's a classy hotel.

He calls Arthur.

Hey, says Sweezus. What're you guys up to?

Cycling to Stokes Bay, says Arthur.

Stokes! says Sweezus. I'm coming!

Finished your quarantine? says Arthur.

Not exactly, says Sweezus. I'll ask for a special exemption.

Good one, says Arthur. What grounds?

Dunno yet, says Sweezus. Still thinking.

Tell them we need a ladder, says Arthur.

DO you need a ladder? asks Sweezus.

We do, says Arthur. We need it to climb.

To what? asks Sweezus. 

Lighthouse window, says Arthur. At night.

Coolio! says Sweezus. Don't tell me. The Ears need to be rescued.

They might, says Arthur. And they might not. 

But we need to find out, says Sweezus.

And before that we'll go surfing, says Arthur. Bring your board.

Copy that, says Sweezus. See you soon.

Was that Sweezus? asks Louisa.

Yes, says Arthur. He's getting an exemption.

If anyone can get an exemption, he can, says Louisa.

I could get one, says Arthur.

You wouldn't even ask for an exemption, says Louisa.

This is true, but Arthur likes to think he could get one. 

Is he bringing a ladder? asks Louisa. 

He'll have to, says Arthur. It's his reason for coming.

We've got ladders on KI, says Louisa. And he could hire a surfboard.

They pass a koala.

A wallaby, an echidna. 

Not all at once though.

A Cape Barren Goose flaps overhead slowly.

A wombat crushes something under its buttocks.

Louisa and Arthur cycle north-east, speaking of ladders and surfboards.

The Ladder

 Now what? asks Louisa. Should we talk to the Ears?

No, says Arthur. It's all good. Everyone's happy.

SEEMS happy, says Louisa. We should ask them if they're happy.

But the Ears have climbed up the rope and disappeared into the lighthouse.

They'd escape, if they were unhappy, says Arthur. 

True, says Louisa. They could escape down the ropes. But then what? Where would they go?

Hitch a ride with a tourist, says Arthur.

Where to? asks Louisa.

Arthur doesn't know. He tries to put himself in the Ears' position.

And realises that for unattached Ears, there is nowhere to go.

Sweezus is coming over next week, says Arthur. And the Captain's invited him to the lighthouse.

Great, says Louisa. You and Sweezus can check on them then.

We will, says Arthur. And we'll ask if they want to go surfing. 

What if they say no? says Louisa. You'll be none the wiser.

If they say no, says Arthur, we'll wait around till nightfall, and look in through the windows.

The windows are all high up, says Louisa.

We'll use a ladder, says Arthur.

Louisa feels she has already made too many objections, so does not ask where Sweezus and Arthur will find a ladder. 

Leave that to them.

So, where to now? asks Louisa. I guess we find Gaius.

We could just call him, says Arthur. Then we can go where we like.

Great, says Louisa. Let's go to Stokes Bay.

That sounds good to Arthur. He calls Gaius.

Hello, Arthur? says Gaius. Did you delve into the mystery?

It's all good, says Arthur. The Ears are a hit with the tourists and they're helping Captain du Couedic with his hearing. 

What's wrong with his hearing? asks Gaius. It seemed all right to me.

He was scraping his sensory hairs on the wall of the lighthouse, says Arthur.

A wall? says Gaius. Those sensory hairs are only sensitive to water vibrations.

Maybe they itch, says Arthur. Anyway, Sweezus and I'll check up on them next week. We'll go at night, and climb a ladder to look through the windows.

Wonderful, says Gaius. Where will you get the ladder?

I'll find one, says Arthur.

Good man, says Gaius. Are you coming here now?

No, Stokes Bay, says Arthur.

No doubt in search of a ladder, says Gaius.

Arthur lets him think that.

My Sensory Hairs

 Arthur and Louisa arrive at the lighthouse.

They lean their bikes on a tree.

One of the Ears is at the top of the steps, addressing a small group of tourists.

Ear: Mail was delivered fortnightly from Kingscote by horseback to Rocky River.

Tourist: Where is Rocky River?

Ear: Nine miles from here. Interestingly, there is still an old cottage there, named Postman's Cottage....

That Ear knows its stuff, says Louisa. 

Where's the other one? asks Arthur. 

The other Ear appears, dangling on a rope from the highest window.

Although Cape du Couedic was rarely foggy, the lighthouse had a full set of rocket apparatus and rope ladders for scaling the cliffs during rescues, says the other Ear.

How cool is that! says Louisa.

Not bad, says Arthur. 

We'd better find Captain du Couedic, says Louisa. Just to be certain.

Okay, says Arthur. You wait here. I'll go round the back.

He goes, leaving his bike with Louisa.

Behind the lighthouse a lobster in a sea captain's hat is scraping his claws on the wall.

Bonjour! says the lobster. The talk's round the front.

I know, says Arthur. I was looking for you.

Captain du Couedic, à votre service, says Captain du Couedic.

Arthur Rimbaud, says Arthur.

The famous cyclist! says Captain du Couedic. But you did not go to the Tour de France this year. Pourquoi pas?

No team, says Arthur.

Alas the virus, says Captain du Couedic.

Alas the virus, agrees Arthur. My friend went. But as a domestique, not a captain.

This would be Sweezus? says Captain du Couedic. I know of him also.

Yes, says Arthur. He's in quarantine. But he's coming next week.

Eh bien! Let him come to visit the lighthouse! says Captain du Couedic. I have recently appointed two excellent tour guides. They are Ears, as you may have seen. Not only do they speak with great knowledge, but they help me with my hearing. I don't hear well out of the water. This is why I am scraping my sensory hairs on the wall of the lighthouse.

That's funny, says Arthur.

Not at all funny, says Captain du Couedic.

Just thinking aloud, says Arthur. I never saw Ageless do that.

You know Ageless lobster! says Captain du Couedic. Is he here?

No, he isn't, says Arthur. How do you know him?

All the sea captains know him, says Captain du Couedic. Baudin, de Freycinet, Louttit, me.

Okay, says Arthur. I'm going to tell Gaius his fears were unfounded.

What fears were those? asks Captain du Couedic.

He feared for the Ears, says Arthur. But they seem quite happy.

Naturellement, says Captain du Couedic. It's a fine life.

So Arthur goes back to the front of the lighthouse, where the Ears are being thanked by the tourists.

Sometimes, everything is okay.

The Head Of The Abductor

Louisa has unloaded her bike.

Perrot is about to drive off.

Wait, says Louisa. Arthur, have you eaten?

No, says Arthur. Have you?

We had peanut butter sandwiches, says Louisa.

Would you like one? asks Claudine.

Sure, says Arthur.

Do you mind a crust? asks Claudine.

No he doesn't.

She spreads the peanut butter thickly, and hands the crust to Arthur, thorough the window.

Thanks, says Arthur. 

Wasn't that nice? says Louisa.

Uh, says Arthur.

Meaning: Not as nice as eggs on toast with extra butter

The Hi Lux drives off, with Gaius and Terence inside.

Arthur and Louisa start cycling back to the lighthouse.

About the Ears, says Arthur.

Yes? says Louisa. 

Who wants them? asks Arthur. It's obvious Terence doesn't.

You're right, says Louisa. He's moving on to Baby-Glossy.

So that leaves Gaius, says Arthur. Why does he want them?

I don't think he does, says Louisa.

So what are we doing? asks Arthur.

Checking up on the bona fides of the lobster, says Louisa.

Who is he again? asks Arthur.

Charles Louis Chevalier de Couedic, says Louisa. Friend of Captain Baudin.

Any idea what Gaius suspects him of doing? asks Arthur.

Not really, says Louisa. But it must be one of two things.

Being an imposter, says Arthur. And doing away with the Ears, for some reason.

I don't think he'd do away with them, says Louisa. He might want to use them.

Did he have his own ears? asks Arthur.

I didn't notice, says Louisa.

They cycle on, Arthur picking at small chunks of peanut stuck in his teeth, Louisa trying to remember the shape of the head of the abductor.

Suddenly she remembers why she doesn't remember. 

He was wearing a sea captain's hat.

Copper Studded Yellow Bracelet

Not really nothing, thinks Arthur. But nothing much.

He is still at Remarkable Rocks.

He is watching the tourists, taking selfies.

One of them wears a copper studded leather bracelet.

It reminds him of Sweezus.

Why not call him?

He does.

Arthur: You back yet?

Sweezus: Yeah. In quarantine. It's mega-boring. What're you doing?

Arthur: The Ears have been abducted. 

Sweezus: Terence's Ears?

Arthur: Yes. Into the lighthouse.

Sweezus: At least you know where they are.

Arthur: It'll be locked at the moment. No tours until further notice.

Sweezus: Wish I was there.

Arthur: No you don't. I haven't had any breakfast.

Sweezus: Bummer. At least I get food here.

Arthur: Like what?

Sweezus: Eggs on toast.   

Arthur: Jealous.

Sweezus: I get out next week. I might come over.

Arthur: You can help count survivors.

Sweezus: What? Oh yeah the bush fires. I'd forgotten about those.  

Arthur picks up his bike and heads for the lighthouse, thinking about eggs on toast.

With extra butter.

He hasn't gone far when he sees Perrot's Toyota Hi-Lux coming towards him. It stops.

Gaius gets out.

Arthur! says Gaius.

I'm heading to the lighthouse, says Arthur. Why aren't you there?

We've just left, says Gaius. You won't need us, will you?

No, says Arthur. But tell me what you know.

Mu! says Terence, poking his head out of the window.

That's not much, says Arthur.

Louisa gets out too.

I'll go back to the lighthouse with you, says Louisa. I know the story.

Wonderful, says Gaius. Terence and I will get a lift back to the Ravine des Casoars, and pick up Baby Glossy.

Yay! says Terence. 

What about the Ears? says Arthur. Do you want them back or don't you?

It's up to the Ears, assuming they're able to make a decision, says Gaius.

He looks meaningfully at Arthur, then at Terence, who isn't listening.

Doing Currently Nothing

Mu, says Terence.

Is it English? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Terence.

No, says Louisa. It's a Japanese term.

It could have been a cow sound, says Claudine.

That was my next guess, says Gaius.

Cows don't speak English, says Alfonse.

It means nothingness, says Louisa. Like Wu in Chinese.

I know Wu, says Gaius.

Ha ha! laughs Terence.

What's so funny? says Gaius.

You said I know nothingness, says Terence.

Did I? O yes. Ha ha, laughs Gaius. You are quite the logician.

All are wrong, says Terence.

I think I'm beginning to get this, says Gaius.

Perrot hands him a peanut butter sandwich. 

Wash your hands, says Terence.

I should have, says Gaius. Too late now.

That's what I said, says Alfonse. 

We should be off, says Perrot. Want a lift anywhere? There's plenty of room for your bikes in the Hi-Lux.

We ought to find Arthur, says Louisa.

Yes we should, said Gaius. Let me just call him.

He moves away from the others.

Hello, Arthur?

Yes? says Arthur. 

We're all at the lighthouse, says Gaius.

You and the snake and the dunnart? asks Arthur.

No, myself, Louisa, Terence, and the Perrots, says Gaius. Also those Ears. Remember? But there may be a problem.

What problem? asks Arthur.

Gaius lowers his voice.

The Ears have been taken into the lighthouse on some pretext, says Gaius. 

And you want me to find out what it is, says Arthur.

If you wouldn't mind, says Gaius. What are you currently doing?

The true answer is Mu (or Wu).

But Arthur says: Nothing.

All The Cool Answers

Come on, kids, says Perrot. Back to the lighthouse.

Again! says Claudine.

She has just been back there with Louisa, to make her a sandwich.

And returned to the rock pool.

There to learn three Buddhist koans, from a fur seal.

I know, says Perrot. But it's a great view from the boardwalk. We'll take some photos.

They start walking back, Terence and Louisa included.

Dad, can I take some photos? asks Alfonse.

Sure you can, says Perrot, giving Alfonse his smart phone. Just don't drop it.

As if, dad, says Alfonse.

Alfonse takes a few selfies with Terence, and a background of sky.

Let's see, says Terence. These are good ones of me.

We should have got one of the fur seal, says Alfonse.

And our orange peel Ears, says Terence.

Alfonse agrees. They should have.

Soon they arrive at the lighthouse.

Gaius is there. He is leaning his bicycle against the white wall of the lighthouse.

Hello Gaius! says Louisa. 

Hello all, says Gaius. I was hoping I hadn't missed you. 

We've been down at Admiral's Arch, says Louisa.

And guess what? says Terence. 

You fell into a rock pool, says Gaius.

How did you know? asks Terence.

You're wet, says Gaius. 

That's why you looked good in the photo, says Alfonse. The drops of water are sparkling on your hair.

Terence shakes his head, flicking water drops everywhere.

What happened about the Ears? asks Gaius. Who won the competition?

We both did, says Terence.

Yes, says Alfonse. Both of our Ears were so good at talking that the lighthouse keeper wanted to keep them as tour guides.

Hum, says Gaius. Who was this lighthouse keeper?

Charles Louis Chevalier du Couedic, says Louisa. A lobster, and friend of Captain Baudin.

He kept the Ears, did he? asks Gaius.

It was their choice, says Louisa. Why, is there a problem?

Gaius thinks there may well be a problem. But he won't alarm Terence and Alfonse.

He will send Arthur to investigate, later.

Would you like a peanut butter sandwich, before we head off ? asks Perrot. We heard you haven't had breakfast.

I'd appreciate that, says Gaius.

This time Perrot himself makes the sandwich. 

Guess what else? asks Terence.

What else? says Gaius. Did you see any fur seals?

Yes, says Terence. And one of them said I was a natural teacher.

On what basis? asks Gaius.

Terence considers the question.

And all the cool answers.

Wash Your Bowl

All are Wrong

Mu.

Mu About Ants

Louisa has finished her sandwich, except for the crusts.

She shoves them into her pocket.

The ants could have had them, says Claudine.

Second Wrongly has been lurking below the surface of the rock pool.

He pops up again.

Did someone say ants? asks Second Wrongly.

You don't eat ants! says Alfonse.

Never said I did, says Second Wrongly.

Yet you must have asked for a reason, says Perrot.

Third lesson, says Second Wrongly.

We don't have time, says Perrot. We have to get going. 

Come on, dad, says Claudine. One more lesson.

Okay, one, says Perrot. Is it a short one?

I'll give you the short version, says Second Wrongly.

And I'll give you the long one, says Terence.

Second Wrongly looks doubtful.

A monk asked Zhou Zhao if a dog has Buddha nature, says Second Wrongly. Zhou Zhao answered Mu.

He sinks under the water. 

What's Mu? asks Perrot.

Nothingness, says Louisa. So the answer is no, a dog doesn't.

That's crazy, says Claudine. What about ants?

Second Wrongly remains under water.

Now for the long version, says Terence.

Pity he doesn't know it.

Should he fall into the rock pool again?

No, he won't have to. Second Wrongly has resurfaced.

Terence doesn't know it, says Second Wrongly.

Wu, says Terence.

You mean Mu, says Perrot.

Wu has the same meaning, says Second Wrongly.

This is NUTS! says Alfonse.

What's yes? asks Terence.

This, says Second Wrongly. The monk asks why, if even ants have Buddha nature, a dog doesn't.

Because, says Zhao Zhou, a dog's nature is karmically conditioned. 

Meaning? asks Perrot.

A dog has it but doesn't know it, says Second Wrongly.

Ants don't know it! says Alfonse.

But no one asked about ants, says Second Wrongly.

The monk did! says Alfonse.

That's my boy! says Perrot.

What about trees? asks Terence. Mu or Wu?

I know this one, says Louisa. The oak tree will become a Buddha when the sky falls to the earth.

When will that happen? asks Terence.

When the oak tree becomes a Buddha, says Louisa.

Second Wrongly applauds. Flip flip!

He couldn't have put it better.

Nor could Zhao Zhou.

All Are Wrong

 I don't get your stupid lesson, says Alfonse.

Everyone else does, says Terence.

After you eat something, wash something, says Claudine. It makes sense to me.

It sounds like a Zen Buddhist koan, says Louisa.

Funny that a fur seal would know it, says Perrot.

We get a lot of tourists on KI, says Louisa.

Monks? says Perrot.

Not many, says Louisa. But anyway, even I know a few koans.

Would you like a peanut butter sandwich? asks Perrot. You must be hungry. 

I'd love one, says Louisa.

Go back with Claudine to the car, says Perrot. She'll make it.

Thanks, says Louisa.

She goes off with Claudine.

Perrot sits with Alfonse and Terence, beside the rock pool, waiting for them to come back.

Second Wrongly surfaces.

Okay? asks Second Wrongly.

Yes, says Terence. Now I'm waiting for a sandwich.

I don't do sandwiches, says Second Wrongly.

But you do stupid lessons, says Alfonse. Why would a fur seal tell anyone to wash something?

Such as a bowl? asks Second Wrongly.

Or their hands, if they hadn't used a bowl because they were having a sandwich, says Alfonse.

Did Terence come up with that? asks Second Wrongly.

Yes, says Alfonse.

Well done, Terence, says Second Wrongly. You are ready for the next lesson.

We all are, says Perrot.

You? says Second Wrongly. Have you understood the first one?

Yes, says Perrot. It's a Zen Buddhist koan as I understand it.

Good, says Second Wrongly. Now imagine a flag blowing in the wind. What is moving?

The flag is moving, says Alfonse.

The wind is moving, says Perrot.

It's your mind that is moving, says Louisa, returning with Claudine and a sandwich.

She remembers this answer.

When the mouth opens, all are wrong, says Second Wrongly.

He dives back into the rock pool.

All are wrong! Excellent! 

Terence wishes he'd said it.

Too Late Now

Perrot peers into the rock pool.

It's okay. He's coming up, says Perrot.

Terence's face breaks the surface.

Perrot grabs his hand.

Louisa grabs the other, and Terence is rescued.

Thank you, says Terence. What took you so long?

The fur seal dived in after you, says Louisa. We decided to wait, and see what happened.

And what happened? asks Terence.

He brought you up, says Louisa. But he took his time about it.

He wanted to teach me a lesson, says Terence. I had to stay down till I learned it.

What was it? asks Louisa.

Have you eaten your breakfast? asks Terence.

No, says Louisa. Remember we stayed in the park overnight? And we finished the oranges? And Arthur scoffed all the chocolate.

Isn't that forbidden? asks Perrot.

It was Arthur, says Louisa. We didn't mind.

I mean staying overnight in the park? says Perrot. It's not allowed until they fix the amenities.

We had special permission, says Louisa. 

Aren't you hungry? asks Claudine. Dad, have we got any snacks in the car?

HEY! says Terence. Remember my lesson?

Yes, says Louisa. You asked have I eaten my breakfast. And I haven't.

Not you, says Terence. Alfonse. Have you?

Yes, says Alfonse. I had a peanut butter sandwich.

In a bowl? asks Terence.

No, says Alfonse. Who has a sandwich in a bowl?

What then? asks Terence.

In my hands, says Alfonse.

Then wash your hands, says Terence. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Too late now, says Alfonse. 

What's this lesson? asks Perrot. 

Wrongly taught me, says Terence. He and me are natural teachers. It's a lesson. But it should be a bowl.

Everyone (except Alfonse) acts as though they have understood the lesson.

It should be a bowl.

Wash Your Bowl

Why do I deserve to stay down here longer? asks Terence.

Karma, says Second Wrongly. What goes around comes around.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

Like a whirlpool, says Second Wrongly.

The water's going in and out, says Terence. 

Maybe that was a bad image, says Second Wrongly.

Give me a good one, says Terence.

You insulted my friend Wrongly, says Second Wrongly. You said he'd sink. Then you sank. That's Karma.

Who are you? asks Terence.

Wrongly, says Second Wrongly. I'm the one that you waved at.

And, says Terence, you're the one who said I had to stay down here longer.

That's me, says Second Wrongly.

So you decide Karma, says Terence.

Of course not, says Second Wrongly. I get your point though.

What is it? asks Terence. 

You've been punished, says Second Wrongly. Who am I to prolong it?

That's good, says Terence. Did I think of it?

Yes, says Second Wrongly. It seems you're a natural teacher.

Ha ha, laughs Terence.

Water goes up his nose.

I like to think of myself as a natural teacher, says Second Wrongly.

Go on then, says Terence. 

Have you eaten breakfast? asks Second Wrongly.

No, says Terence. I just like red drinks.

You have ruined my lesson, says Second Wrongly.

Okay, yes, says Terence. I've eaten a Spew Ball.

Was it in a bowl? asks Second Wrongly.

No, says Terence. A crinkly packet.

You can't wash a crinkly packet, says Second Wrongly. Say it WAS in a bowl.

It WAS in a bowl, says Terence.

This is going well now. 

Then you should wash your bowl! says Second Wrongly. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Yes, says Terence. Wash my bowl. Spew Balls are sticky.

Second Wrongly's enigmatic teaching riddle has succeeded.

Terence has achieved understanding.

Two Watery Faces

Terence lies at the bottom of the rock pool, facing upwards.

He sees the watery face of Claudine, with a frowning expression.

It vanishes. 

He sees the watery face of Alfonse, grinning. 

Then it too goes.

Terence supposes that they will tell Louisa and Perrot, and one of them will reach in and pull him to the surface. 

He'll be rescued!

Time ticks by. It's slow in the water.

Sea water gurgles in and out of the rock pool.

Maybe the tide will go out. Then he'll stand up and climb out of the rock pool.

Like that time when he fell into Lake Geneva, off Oscar's bike.

And Oscar ( his blood brother) swam to the surface, but Terence couldn't.

And he had to wait at the bottom.

And who should come by but a Wall-eye, which was a fish that lived in Lake Geneva.

And it showed him the ladder.

And then asked more Wall-eyes to help Terence get to the ladder.

And Terence climbed up it.

And there was Oscar. With some Chinese tourists.

Who took him to the Palais de Nations, which was where Vello and David found him, being looked after, and dried.

That was a good sort of rescue.

But what about now?

No ladder. No Wall-eye. No Louisa. No Perrot. He might lie here forever, turning into a coral.

His little chin trembles.

But guess what? Wrongly has seen him fall in.

Not the first Wrongly, the second Wrongly, the one that he waved at.

The second Wrongly plops into the water.

Glides down gracefully.

Shoves a furry face right up against the little cement face of Terence.

Yay! Beam me up, says Terence.

You deserve to stay down a bit longer, says the second Wrongly.

Graceful Sink

 Alfonse hears his dad's voice, and Louisa's. 

They are standing under Admiral's Arch, admiring the stalactites.

Great stalactites, says Perrot.

This would have been a cave once, says Louisa.

No kidding! Yes, I guess it wasn't always an archway, says Perrot. 

Alfonse makes his way up from the rocks.

Terence talked to a fur seal! says Alfonse.

I hope he was polite, says Louisa.

All the fur seals are named Wrongly, says Alfonse.

Ha ha! laughs his father. Who says so?

They do, says Alfonse.

Actually, says Louisa, they have been named wrongly.

As in, wrongly? asks Perrot.

Yes, says Louisa. They're called New Zealand fur seals, even though they're native to Australia.

Blow me! says Perrot. So they're not New Zealand fur seals. How'd that happen?

Don't know, says Louisa. Maybe they look like their New Zealand cousins. But they're now called long-nosed fur seals.

I bet they don't know, says Alfonse.

He runs back to tell his sister, and Terence and Wrongly. 

What? says Terence.

They're called Long-Nose fur seals, says Alfonse.

Not so fast! says Wrongly. We've had that debate. We prefer the name Wrongly.

Why's that? asks Claudine. 

We object to Long-Nose, which is put-downish, says Wrongly. Whereas Wrongly reminds us every day of the ignoramus who named us.

Is Long-Nose put-downish? asks Claudine.

Only a short-nose would ask that, says Wrongly.

Ha ha, short-nose! says Alfonse to his sister.

Why not each have your own name? asks Claudine.

Like Fatso, says Terence. Or Slug.

Such names are highly offensive, says Wrongly. We may looks ungainly to you, but we're graceful in the water. You should watch us.

As you gracefully SINK to the bottom, says Terence.

This is not a good thing to say to a fur seal.

Wrongly shuffles to a nearby rock pool and plops in.  

Terence follows him to the rock pool.

Wrongly has disappeared, having exited to the ocean.

Terence leans over, too far, and falls in.

He gracefully sinks to the bottom.

Wrongly Named Wrongly

They are now on the boardwalk, where there are views.

Wonderful view, says Perrot to Louisa.

Yes, says Louisa. 

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

Not yet, says Louisa. It's a natural rock arch. You can't miss it.

Terence starts running.

Alfonse follows.

Go with them, Claudine, says Perrot.

Okay dad, says Claudine. 

She races off after Terence, and her brother. 

She soon catches up. 

What's the big hurry? asks Claudine. It's not like a natural rock arch is going anywhere.

We want to see fur seals! says Terence. 

And whales, says Alfonse. 

Whales! You'll be lucky, says Claudine. 

They arrive at Admiral's Arch. It's true, you can't miss it.

The floor is smooth rock. Above, spiky stalactites frame the view, which is the sea and horizon.

No fur seals are visible.

Keep quiet and still, says Claudine.

Soon enough, a fur seal becomes visible.

And another, and another, enjoying the sun.

Terence heads down through the arch to the rocks.

He approaches a fur seal.

Have you seen me before? asks Terence.

The fur seal looks suspicious.

You haven't, says Terence. 

Silence from the fur seal.

I used to live on a palace, says Terence. There were all kinds of animals, but no fur seals. Now I know why.

The fur seal is intrigued now.

Why?

Your shape's way too easy, says Terence.  

Who ARE you? asks the fur seal.

Terence, says Terence. What's your name?

Wrongly, says the fur seal.

Wrongly, says Terence. That's a really weird name.

I was named Wrongly, says the fur seal. We all were.

You all have the same name? says Terence. 

He waves at a second Wrongly, nearby. Hey Wrongly!

The second Wrongly waves back at Terence, before flopping to a different position.

So it's true! All the fur seals are named Wrongly.

Alfonse and Claudine arrive.

Guess what! says Terence. They're all named Wrongly!

Alfonse believes him.

Claudine thinks there might be more to it.

Unforeseen

A lobster emerges from the door of the light house.

Another sea captain perhaps.

A lobster! says Perrot. What's it doing here?

It probably lives here, dad, says Claudine.

I bet it's a friend of Captain Baudin, says Louisa. Sea captains tend to know one another.

Correct! says the lobster. I am the best friend of Captain Baudin. Do you know him?

We left our baby-glossy with him, to learn English, says Louisa.

It won't be pure English, says the lobster. But never mind. What it learns will be colourful.

So you're a sea captain? says Perrot.

I am Charles Louis, Chevalier du Couedic de Kergoualer, says the lobster.

You're named after the lighthouse! says Alfonse.

You are young, so I won't take offence, says Charles Louis. The lighthouse is named for the cape it stands on, which is named after me.

That's cool, says Louisa. We've just been learning about the history of the lighthouse.

From the two knowledgeable Ears. I know, says Charles Louis. I too was listening.

The Ears turn bright red.

I have come out of the lighthouse to make them an offer, says Charles Louis.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

Wait, says Louisa. He'll tell us.

Perhaps the Ears would like to stay and assist me as tour guides, says Charles Louis. It's a fine life, out here. And no tourists are allowed in the lighthouse. We'd have it all to ourselves.

A fine life! The Ears look excited. 

The Ears belong to Alfonse and Terence, says Louisa. So it's their decision.

Do you want to? asks Terence.

Terence's Ear looks at Alfonse's Ear. 

Alfonse's Ear nods, then looks hesitant.

What? says Terence's Ear.

All those steps, says Alfonse's Ear.

They can't do steps, says Terence. Do you have a flying fox with a basket?

No I don't, says Charles Louis. But I'll take the upstairs and the Ears can remain on the ground floor, if they prefer it.

So there is no obstacle.

The Ears agree to be tour guides at the lighthouse. 

We'd best be off, says Perrot. Come on kids.

Do have a look at Admiral's Arch before leaving, says Charles Louis. It's at the end of the point that the lighthouse is on. There's a boardwalk around the cliff face. With any luck you'll see fur seals at play on the rocks.

Great! says Claudine.

Can we? asks Alfonse.

Okay, says Perrot. 

Can we go? asks Terence. 

Okay, says Louisa. I always love to see fur seals.

Me too, says Terence (who has never seen fur seals before).

The Zigzag Path

My Ear's the winner, says Alfonse.

You haven't heard mine yet, says Terence.

That's right, says Louisa. Give our Ear a chance.

Give us a minute, says Terence's Ear.

Yes, give us a minute, says Terence.

Terence takes his Ear to the steps of the lighthouse.

What's the problem? asks Terence.

We need to talk tactics, says the Ear.

Okay, says Terence. What tactics?

Long words or short? asks the Ear.

Both, says Terence. Go for it.

He comes back with his Ear.

Everyone is waiting.

Terence's Ear speaks: 

Initially, the cliff face was inaccessible by land, so a jetty was constructed at Weir Cove, one mile north of here. Stores were carried up a zigzag path hewn into the rock face, until a flying fox became operative.

Yay! says Terence. A flying fox! We're the winner!

What's the flying fox got to do with it? asks Alfonse.

Solving the problem, says Terence. It flew backwards and forwards, carrying the nails and cement.

You don't even know what a flying fox is, says Alfonse. You think it's a bat.

No he doesn't, says Terence's Ear. He knows it's a cable and pulley.

Do I? says Terence. 

With a basket attached, says the Ear.  If the lighthouse keeper's wife wanted to go shopping, she could get into the basket and ride all the way down to the jetty.

What if she got stuck half way? asks Alfonse.

That happened, says the Ear. She had to swing in the air in the basket for HOURS.

How terrifying, says Louisa.

No one liked her, says the Ear. She had a sharp tongue.

Good story, says Alfonse. How about saying we both won?

Yes, we both won, says Terence. It's my orange peel anyway.

Want to swap? asks Alfonse.

No way, says Terence. Mine's the best. It knows long words like circumference. And oracular.

Auricular, says Terence's Ear.

Three cheers for the Auricles! says Alfonse's Ear.

The Ears are now best of friends.

Circumference

 Can we go in the lighthouse? asks Terence.

No, says Louisa. You can walk around the outside.

Boring, says Terence.

Let's do it, says the Ear. We'll think of long words.

Okay, says Terence.

He picks up the Ear and starts walking around the lighthouse.

Circumference, says the Ear.

That's a good one, says Terence. 

Do you know what it means? asks the Ear.

Yes, because I went to one, says Terence. It was in Melbourne.

You don't GO to a circumference, says the Ear.

You're right! says Terence. I was supposed to go, but I didn't. How did you know?

I didn't, says the Ear. 

Same, says Terence.

By this time they have completed the circumference of the lighthouse.

And guess what?

Alfonse has arrived with his dad and his sister.

They are talking to Louisa.

Alfonse has been so excited since his Ear started talking, says Claudine.

I bet, says Louisa. Look who's here, Terence!

Yay! says Terence. My Ear talked first.

My Ear talked straight away, says Alfonse. Arthur said yours took hours.

That's true, says Louisa. It didn't talk at first. It only talked when it got tired of other people talking for it.

Hey! says Terence. That wasn't the competition!

Alfonse has pulled his orange peel ear from his pocket.

It's pretty small.

Puh! says Terence. Let's hear it.

Talk, Ear, says Alfonse.

His Ear clears its throat. 

Here we are at the lighthouse, says Alfonse's Ear. It features a round masonry tower and a red dome. It was built from 2000 pieces of local stone. A flying fox was used to bring building supplies up the cliff face. 

Everyone is amazed, Terence's Ear included.

Could Alfonse's Ear have had coaching?

Auricular

I knew I was with the wrong person, says Terence.

It doesn't matter, says Louisa. We know where Alfonse is now. And he's coming.

When is he coming? asks Terence.

He doesn't say, says Louisa. 

What does he say? asks Terence. Read it again.

Terence get ready for the ear competition wait at the light house Alfonse, says Louisa. His spelling's atrocious.

Ha ha! laughs Terence. I win the spelling competition.

You don't, says Louisa. You can't even read. But you might win the ear competition.

The Ear has been admiring the lighthouse.

What did you say? asks the Ear.

Alfonse is coming, says Terence. You have to get ready.

I'm always ready, says the Ear. 

What was the competition exactly? asks Louisa. 

The first one to talk is the winner, says Terence.

That's me, says the Ear.

We don't know that, says Louisa. Let's hope Alfonse knows what time it was when his Ear spoke.

What time was it when I spoke? asks the Ear.

Yesterday afternoon, says Louisa.

Can you be more specific? asks the Ear.

Morning, says Terence.

I don't think it was, says Louisa.

I was being more specific, says Terence.

That's not what it means, says Louisa. But if the winner can't be decided by the timing, you could try something different.

Like what? asks the Ear. 

An Ear fight, says Terence.

No, says Louisa. A speech. Which Ear is the best speaker.

Yay! says Terence. Let's teach him some words.

I know plenty of words, says the Ear.

Long ones, says Terence. REALLY long ones.

Auricular, says the Ear.

The other ear might know that one, says Louisa.

Reddy For Ere Competion

 Arthur supposes that Gaius will expect a reply.

There are several options

a: is it a dunnart?

b: congratulations on finding a dunnart.

c: congratulations on finding a dunnart (?!!)

(better not mention the snake).

He goes with c:

Gaius can interpret the ?!! however he likes.

Arthur looks out at the ocean, which is blue.

A few tourists have arrived, and are photographing themselves under the proboscis. 

A child scrapes at the orange-gold lichen.

Is it Alfonse, for whom Arthur is meant to be looking?

Alfonse? says Arthur.

That's me, says Alfonse. Where's Terence? Does his orange peel talk yet?

Yes, says Arthur. Does yours?

Alfonse drags his orange peel out of his pocket.

The tiny mouth holes are silent.

Terence had help, says Arthur. First from Louisa, then from the bird Gaius rescued.

What did the bird do? asks Alfonse.

It fashioned an ear, says Arthur.

Ears don't talk, says Alfonse.

So you might think, says Arthur. This one does though. 

It was my idea, says Alfonse. The ear. I said the holes might be ears. 

Maybe it's not too late, says Arthur. Terence is at the lighthouse with Louisa.

Will you help me? asks Alfonse.

Not my thing, says Arthur. Where's your sister?

Getting a photo, says Alfonse.

Claudine is posing under the proboscis. Her dad holds the camera.

Ask her, says Arthur. Or your dad. The best ears are small. 

It's too late, says Alfonse. The competition was whose ear talked first.

There are ways to get round that, says Arthur. Terence's ear didn't say anything for hours.

Alfonse thinks he sees what he means. 

Want me to send Terence a message? asks Arthur.

Yes, says Alfonse. Can I write it?

Okay, says Arthur. It'll go to Louisa.

Give, says Alfonse.

Arthur sets up for a message to Louisa, and hands Alfonse the phone.

Alfonse writes TERENS GET REDDY FOR ERE COMPETION WATE AT LITEHOUSE ALFONSE,  and presses send.

Louisa, at the Cape du Couedic lighthouse, receives this message from Arthur, and relays it to Terence.

Happy times.

 

Never At Peace

Gaius is pleased with the selfie.

So is Saint Roley.

Is that all? asks the dunnart.

Yes, says Gaius. We'll leave you in peace now.

I am never at peace, says the dunnart.

Is that because I'm here? asks the copperhead.

No, I am haunted by fire dreams, says the dunnart. And the loss of my babies.

Do you think you would benefit from counselling? asks Saint Roley.

No, says the dunnart. I would benefit from having more babies.

We all would, says Gaius.

What does THAT mean? asks the dunnart.

He means no one wants dunnarts to go extinct, says Saint Roley.

Or anyone else, says the copperhead. 

There is no one else, says Saint Roley.

What about me? asks the copperhead. Vulnerable. And it's worse now.

You misunderstand, says Saint Roley. No one wants anyone...  O, never mind.

Will you be going now? asks the dunnart. 

Yes, says Gaius. Thank you for your cooperation, and apologies for waking you. And sorry to hear about your babies.

They weren't real babies, says the dunnart. 

Well, sorry to hear that, says Gaius.

He turns to go. Saint Roley turns with him. The copperhead lingers.

Coming? asks Gaius.

The copperhead indicates that she will be along in a minute.

Gaius walks back down the ravine, past the forty two grass clumps.

Let's see that selfie again, says Saint Roley, hovering overhead.

Gaius calls up the selfie.

Gaius, Saint Roley, the copperhead, and the dunnart in the middle. 

It's good of everyone, says Saint Roley.

Which rarely happens, adds Gaius.

He decides to send it to Arthur. See what he thinks of it.

Arthur is at Remarkable Rocks.

Under the one that looks like a giant proboscis. 

Or a decayed tooth, take your pick. It looks like something. Whatever.

His phone buzzes. Gaius has sent him a photo.

What is it? Gaius and Saint Roley with a sly-looking snake and a marsupial with a slim pointed nose and square ears.

Probably a dunnart. It doesn't look happy.

Ten Babies

The dunnart is asleep in the grass clump.

Every so often she trembles.

She dreams of fires coming closer. She runs over hot ground, followed by her ten babies.

Eeeh!

Each time she looks back, one less baby. 

O dear.

Gaius, Saint Roley and the copperhead are fast approaching. 

They are now at grass clump thirty nine.

Thirty nine, by my reckoning, says Gaius.

Three more to go, says the copperhead.

Four, says Saint Roley.

To forty two? says the copperhead.

It wasn't in clump forty two, but the next one, says Saint Roley. 

My mistake, says the copperhead, slithering ahead.

We'd better keep up, says Gaius.

I agree, says Saint Roley.

The copperhead reaches grass clump forty three. She waits there, politely.

Gaius bends down. He can't see a dunnart.

Are you sure it was this one? asks Gaius.

It's definitely this one, says the copperhead. I can smell it.

It was down in the heart of the clump, says Saint Roley. I only spotted it because I heard an Eeeh! and the grass moved.

All right, says Gaius. Quiet, all.

He parts the grass with his finger.

His finger smells strongly of orange.

The dunnart wakes up, startled, and bites his finger.

Ouch! says Gaius. Easy!

The dunnart collects herself. 

Sorry. What time is it?

Mid morning, says Gaius. I too must apologise. I didn't mean to wake you.

What's that smell? asks the dunnart.

Orange, says Gaius. My breakfast.

I feel sick, says the dunnart.

That's because you're nocturnal, says Gaius. Do please go back to sleep.

As if, says the dunnart. What do you want from me anyway?

Only to count you, says Gaius.

And that takes three of you? says the dunnart. 

I wouldn't have found you, but for Saint Roley, says Gaius. 

What about her? asks the dunnart.

Me? says the copperhead. I just tagged along with Mr Secundus. You know who he is, don't you?

No, says the dunnart.

I'm a natural historian, says Gaius. And I'm delighted to meet you.

Me not so much, says the dunnart. But you do seem innocuous.

How about a photo, with all of us in it? says Saint Roley.

Wonderful, says Gaius. How shall we do it?

You sit down, says Saint Roley. Me on your left, copperhead on the right, dunnart in the middle. Then you take a selfie.

Everyone is happy with this.

Saint Roley has a good sense of composition.

 

Placebo Wizard

 Is it asleep? asks Gaius.

It was when I left, says Saint Roley. I returned here at once.

And you remember where you left it? asks the copperhead.

Of course, says Saint Roley.

I'd like to sight it, says Gaius. 

I sighted it, says Saint Roley. Is that not enough?

Hearsay, says the copperhead. Mr Secundus no longer relies on hearsay, as much.

I gather you've been discussing his early works, says Saint Roley. 

We have, says the copperhead. I've just set him right about snakes.

I was already right about them says Gaius. As I was saying....

His remedy for toothache, says Saint Roley. 

So funny, says the copperhead.

Before you embarrass yourselves further, says Gaius, let me tell you I've had some success with erigeron.

Placebo effect, mouths Saint Roley.

You can't tell what he's mouthing, (it's a beak issue), but the copperhead is thinking the same.

Let's go, says Gaius. Is it far from here?

Not far, says Saint Roley. Just a little way up the ravine, over some boulders and past forty two clumps of grass.

Forty two! Impressive, says Gaius.

Saint Roley looks modest.

Is it all right if I come? asks the copperhead.

Gaius and Saint Roley eye one another.

They both know the copperhead has ambiguous views on the dunnart.

Only to help count the grass clumps, says the copperhead. I'm a wizard at mathematics.

One doesn't need to be a wizard at mathematics to count forty two, says Saint Roley. 

Give her the benefit of the doubt, says Gaius. You won't eat this dunnart, will you?

Of course not, says the copperhead. Not with two witnesses. And if it's asleep, where's the thrill?

Hum. Still ambiguous.

Nonetheless, all three of them go.