Stage 20: Grenoble to Grenoble

It's the day of the individual time trials and all eyes are on Evans and the Schlecks. The dogs have got together in the dog tent to watch the television coverage. Molly, Jacks, Tour and Frank Scleck's dog Stewie are glued to the screen.

Jacks: I'm really nervous.

Molly: You should be, Jacks. Cadel's done his homework.

Stewie: I'm nervous too.

Tour: Me too. I'm probably more nervous than all of you.

Jacks: You know what, in an ideal world we'd all be hanging out for Farky MacTaggart to win.

Tour: Why? Because he's a dog? That's racist.

Stewie: Worse, it's species-ist.

Molly: Farky MacTaggart. I went out with him once. He's cool. He's into Japanese literature.

Stewie: No kidding! So am I!

Tour: Me too! I love those comics.

Molly: Not the comics, lowbrow!

Tour: Wooo! Lowbrow am I? Who of you has read all of Don Quixote?

Stewie: Donkey who? Is that like Donkey Kong?

Jacks: Shut up everyone, and watch.

Molly: Who's on next? Hey, it's that old guy from Team Bumptious who did so well yesterday.

......

Gaius is getting ready for his time trial. Violetta and Le Bon David are encouraging him while watching him warm up.

Le Bon David: Now Gaius, you did extremely well yesterday. This is your chance to rise in the overall standings.

Gaius: Yes, from nearly bottom.

Violetta: Don't be defeatist. Have a mint.

Le Bon David: Mint? What sort of mint?

Gaius: They're hot mints. They buck you up. Thanks, Violetta.

He takes two.

Le Bon David: Violetta, I hope you are not taking advantage of the innocent nature of Gaius Plinius Secundus.

Violetta: As if!

Gaius: Of course she isn't. And thanks for the reminder David. It's not for nothing that I'm a proud Secundus!

Violetta: You're planning on coming second? You'd better have another mint.

Stage 18: Pinerolo to Galibier Serre-Chevalier

There are three big climbs today in Stage 18 of the Tour from Pinerolo to Galibier. Farky is hanging out with Tour, Alberto Contador's Weimaraner, half an hour before the start of the race.

Farky: Hiya Tour! How's Alberto feeling about today?

Tour: As if I would tell you.

Farky: Come on, you can tell me. I'm a fellow dog.

Tour: You may be a fellow dog, mi amigo, but you're also a rider in the race, and a rival of my Contador.

Farky: Fair enough, buddy, but I'll tell you our race plan if you'll tell me his.

Tour: No way, Farky, everyone knows your team's plan is cactus. But I'll tell you what. I'm friends with Andy Schleck's dog, Jacks. He's the Jack Russell over there. Want me to introduce you?

Farky: Yeah, I do.

......

Later, at the start of the climb up the Col d'Izoard, Farky draws alongside The VeloDrone and Gustave, who look less than confident about their chances of making it to the top.

The VeloDrone: Farky! Did you learn anything from that dog of Contador's?

Farky: You mean Tour?

The VeloDrone: Is that his name? Bizarre!

Gustave: It's not that bizarre. He'll be named after the Tour.

The VeloDrone: Yes, yes, alright. The obvious can still be bizarre. Well, did you learn anything?

Farky: Tour was too cagey, but I made friends with Andy Schleck's dog, Jacks.

Gustave: My giddy aunt! Do all of the riders have dogs?

Farky: Do you have a problem with that?

Gustave: No, it makes sense I suppose.

Farky: What d'you mean?

The VeloDrone: Save it, you two. What did he say?

Farky: Well, Jacks is a talker. He said Andy Schleck is going to make a big move on the Col d'Izoard.

The VeloDrone: Really? Where is he, then?

At this very moment Andy Schleck makes his big move and passes them on his way up the Col d'Izoard.

The VeloDrone: There he goes! Jacks was right. You're a useful fellow, Farky.

Farky: Thanks!

Gustave: What the devil was the use of us knowing that?