Paris Hilton's Bicycle

Paris Hilton on a wooden bicycle! Pliny the Elder looked a little shocked.

Why not? I said. She would be up for it. She was the one who famously said that life is too short to blend in.

Did she indeed? said Pliny. But is she not a very wealthy young lady? And would she not be rather uncomfortable riding on a bicycle from which she might get splinters?

Oh, as to that, there are many different types of wooden bicycles. I replied, And Paris Hilton would probably go for the more expensive sort. These bicycles have a handmade wooden frame and conventional wheels, and are highly sought after by people who want to... ummm... stand out from the crowd.

That is not the sort of bicycle Rousseau was talking about, I am certain of that, said Pliny. He was talking about the wooden bicycles of East Africa and Brazil. These must be more primitive bicycles than any Paris Hilton would wish to own.

Yes, I've seen photographs of them, I said. They look like a cross between a bicycle and a scooter. They're not very streamlined, and most of them don't have pedals, but they are large and look useful for carrying logs from one place to another. You could certainly get a splinter from one of those.

I cannot imagine Rousseau being comfortable on one, said Pliny thoughtfully. I remember he used to wear a caftan because he had a certain embarrassing medical condition.

So he did, I said. I read a book about him just recently. In fact he did strike me as being a bit of a hypocrite. You know he was famous for his ideas on bringing up children?

Yes?

Well did you know he placed all five of his own children in an orphanage, soon after they were born?

I expect he was busy, said Pliny.

Pliny! Is that what you would have done?

Certainly not! I never had any children.

Le Bon David's Wall

Bonjour! Le Bon David here once again! We've had an unprecedented response to Rousseau's somewhat controversial article yesterday! Here are just a few of your comments:

::::::::::::

Bravo Rousseau! I invented a wooden bicycle years ago. I'm still riding it. Leonardo da Vinci.

Outrageous! Rousseau is an out and out hypocrite! He thinks we've forgotten him riding a metal bicycle in the 2009 Tour de France! Shame ! Phil Liggett.

There is no evidence to show that bicycles suffer from being chained to posts or railings for a reasonable amount of time. Dr Benjamin Spock.

It's about time someone came up with a wooden bicycle. Greenpeace.

Does Rousseau realise that wooden bicyles would have to be made from trees? Trees for Life.

What is the reasoning behind Rousseau's claim that a wooden bicycle need not be chained to a post or railing? Does he mean to imply that nobody would bother to steal a wooden bicycle? If so, we may conclude that nobody would want to ride one either. Geoffrey Robertson QC.

I want a wooden bicycle! Where can I buy one? Paris Hilton.