Ivory Shoulder, Golden Dog

Professor Healey's story arrived in the editors' office later that afternoon. Belle et Bonne read it aloud to The VeloDrone:

Tantalus on a Tricycle

Tantalus, ruler of an ancient Anatolian city, was riding his tricycle to a special meeting with the gods on Mount Olympus. On the back of the tricycle was his son Pelops, cut up and stewed in a pot.

But the gods didn't want to eat his son, for some reason. Only Demeter inadvertently took a bite of Pelops' shoulder, before she realised what it was, and spat it out.

Tantalus freewheeled his tricycle back down Mount Olympus, feeling glum. It wasn't just his son not being eaten, it was the tricycle. It wasn't kingly. Why couldn't Hephaestus have made a proper bicycle?

Some time later, one of the Fates brought Pelops back to life. He had a new shoulder made of ivory, fashioned for him by Hephaestus.

But Tantalus was soon in trouble again. His friend Pandareus had stolen a golden dog made for Zeus by Hephaestus. Pandareus had given the dog to Tantalus, who had then denied he had the golden dog.

In short, Zeus didn't think too much of Tantalus, and decided to punish him, in a most unpleasant way.

So now, here is Tantalus, standing in a pool of water under a fruit tree. He is hungry. But every time he reaches up to get a piece of fruit, the branches rise up in the air. He is thirsty too. But every time he bends down to get a drink, the water recedes. To make matters worse, a large stone is poised dangerously above his head.

It is now that he wishes he still had that tricycle.

Is that the end? asked The VeloDrone.

Yes, that's it, said Belle et Bonne. It isn't very philosophical. And the tricycle seems out of place.

The VeloDrone thought for a while.

I suppose the moral is you should be happy with what you have, he said.

The two professors came up with pretty similar stories, said Belle et Bonne.

Two professors! You mean there are two of them? cried The VeloDrone.

Oh yes papa, I was meaning to tell you.

I don't believe it, said her papa.

Tantalus on a Tricycle

I like it, said The VeloDrone. "It's nice not being a god". Obviously a man after my own heart.

Papa! said Belle et Bonne, how do you know what it's like being a god?

Of course, my dear, I don't know. But who has not, in his idler moments, considered what it it might be like to be a god?

Me, papa. I'm sure I never have.

Well, well, said The VeloDrone fondly, we are all different I suppose. Now, who is this Professor Healy and why has he written his article on a subject which he claims to know nothing about? He's written a little note here with words to that effect.

I don't know papa, I'm sure.

Very odd, said The VeloDrone. But we'll publish it, I think it's quite amusing. What have you there, my dear?

It's something that's just arrived, papa, from Professor Healey.

Ah! The same chap! What is this about? Let me see! He's very disappointed ....what?

He's very disappointed that he's had to write his article on Classics, when it's not his field. But that he's trying, and he thinks he's coming up with something interesting.

What's the matter with him? cried The VeloDrone. He can write whatever he likes as long as there's a bicycle.

Yes, papa, and look, he's given us the title.

Where, where? What's this? "Tantalus on a Tricycle"! I see a theme developing!

But that's impossible! cried Belle et Bonne.

Impossible, my dear? Oh yes, I see what you mean. A tricycle is not exactly a bicycle. But I think just this once we can let it go through.