What Would Sweezus Do?

Whenever Sweezus was faced with a moral dilemma, he asked himself what Farky would do.

What would Farky do, provided he wasn't having knee reconstructions? That was easy. Farky would run.

And then Sweezus would ask himself what Frog would do, assuming he hadn't been tragically squashed. That was easy too. Frog would stand his ground.

Sweezus had just decided to take the Farky option when Belle et Bonne saw him and waved.

Come over here, Sweezie! she cried.

He was obliged to join her in the bakery queue.

Hey! she said. Nice shorts!

I borrowed them, said Sweezus. Where are mine?

Oh, Victor's got them, said Belle et Bonne. He's looking after your bike as well.

Seized it, more like, said Sweezus glumly. I suppose I'm under arrest,

No I don't think so, said Belle et Bonne. Gaius will have sorted it out. Don't worry. We're all going to have something to eat. This bakery's meant to be amazing!

Hello young Sweezus, said The VeloDrone, turning around. Nice shorts! And how were the whales?

Whoa! said Sweezus. Talk about WISE!

That's hard to believe! said Le Bon David.

No, really, said Sweezus. They were baleen whales. They don't beach themselves, because they don't have any teeth.

Lucky them, said Le Bon David. Nice shorts! Where did you get them?

Borrowed them, said Sweezus. Where's Victor? And Gaius?

Oh, somewhere around, said Belle et Bonne vaguely.

The Camus family sauntered over.

Hello! said Camus. We've come to try the famous bakery. What a queue!

Uncle Sweezus! cried the twins. Let's play penguins!

Hello Sweezus. Nice shorts! said Francine.

Sweezus sighed.

The Greek Philosopher Whales

Of course I've heard of beaching, said Sweezus. But I didn't know you whales were nihilists.

We're not, said the first whale. We baleen whales don't tend to believe in it. You'll find it's mainly toothed whales that go in for beaching.

That's interesting, said Sweezus. I've often thought that teeth can act as triggers for depair.

I don't believe it's quite that simple, said the second whale. But there may be something in it. When you don't have teeth you can't know such things.

The ancient Greek whales had many debates on the subject, said the first whale. Gorgias was of the opinion that nothing really exists, while Pyrrho held that everything in nature was equally indifferent. The debate centred around whether one ought to go on living, if that was the case.

And what do you think? asked Sweezus.

We believe that death comes to us all, without us having to go out and seek it, said the second whale. We may as well enjoy life while we can.

Yes, life is good, said the first whale.

But not that good, added the second.

Sweezus was impressed with the wisdom of the whales. But his feet and hands were wrinkling and he knew it was time to go.

Well, he said it's been awesome talking to you, and heaps informative. I never knew that Gorgias and Pyrrho were Greek whales. But I've got to go. I can't see my friends. I think they might've left without me.

There's always someone up there on those cliffs, said the first whale. Surfers,or whale-watchers. You can ask them where your friends have gone.

Yeah, thanks, said Sweezus. And he turned to swim back to the shore.