The women of Roman Britain used a foundation made of animal fat, starch and tin oxide, said Pliny the Elder, this morning.
Well, I said. How come you didn't know that yesterday?
I did, said Pliny. I forgot.
That happens, I agreed. Foundation, you say? So it wasn't a lipstick.
No, said Pliny. It was a face whitener.
Then what's it doing in my shimmering brown Dangerous Diva?
Shimmering, said Pliny.
Was it poisonous? I asked.
I don't know, said Pliny, But I believe it used to set quite stiffly on their faces.
That would have been the starch. How is it we know what the ingredients were?
A little pot of grayish cream was dug up in south London, said Pliny. It had fingermarks on the lid, and in the cream. It dated back to the second century AD.
How did they know what it was for?
At first they thought it might be toothpaste, but....
But?
They analysed the ingredients and decided it must have been a facial cream. Either that or...
Yes?
A cream for smearing on to sacrificial goats.
Showing posts with label lipstick. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lipstick. Show all posts
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Dangerous Diva
Pliny the Elder disagreed with me about crinolines being worn by fashionable ladies in pre-revolutionary France.
I believe you are wrong, he said.
Oh? I said. Why is that?
Because, he replied, crinolines were not invented until the 1830s. The skirts worn by ladies in pre-revolutionary France were padded out on the sides with panniers. I'm surprised you did not know that.
I did know that, I just forgot, I said. I'm surprised that you knew it, though.
You forget, said Pliny, that I take an interest in everything.
I do forget that, sometimes, I agreed. But since you do take an interest in everything, what do you know of the ingredients used in ladies' lipsticks?
Do you have a particular reason for asking? asked Pliny.
I do, I said. I am wondering whether tin oxide is a proper ingredient in a lipstick.
Offhand, said Pliny, I do not know, but it sounds quite a dangerous substance to be painting on one's lips .
That's what I thought, I said, when I read the ingredients of my new lipstick this morning. The last ingredient was tin oxide.
Let us try and find out more, said Pliny, helpfully. Now, I believe ladies' lipsticks have names. What is the name of yours?
Dangerous Diva, I replied.
Pliny seemed about to say something, but, uncharacteristically, held it back.
I believe you are wrong, he said.
Oh? I said. Why is that?
Because, he replied, crinolines were not invented until the 1830s. The skirts worn by ladies in pre-revolutionary France were padded out on the sides with panniers. I'm surprised you did not know that.
I did know that, I just forgot, I said. I'm surprised that you knew it, though.
You forget, said Pliny, that I take an interest in everything.
I do forget that, sometimes, I agreed. But since you do take an interest in everything, what do you know of the ingredients used in ladies' lipsticks?
Do you have a particular reason for asking? asked Pliny.
I do, I said. I am wondering whether tin oxide is a proper ingredient in a lipstick.
Offhand, said Pliny, I do not know, but it sounds quite a dangerous substance to be painting on one's lips .
That's what I thought, I said, when I read the ingredients of my new lipstick this morning. The last ingredient was tin oxide.
Let us try and find out more, said Pliny, helpfully. Now, I believe ladies' lipsticks have names. What is the name of yours?
Dangerous Diva, I replied.
Pliny seemed about to say something, but, uncharacteristically, held it back.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Reversals
Pretending to be Brahms! said Pliny the Elder. Whatever next?
That was a device I said, following him pretending to be me.
I'm quite sure he wasn't pretending to be you, said Pliny. He had no idea that some time in the future you would have mislaid something in your handbag at the very time you were listening to his composition. What was it anyway?
It was a comb, I said, and a lipstick. In the circumstances it's not surprising I began to identify with him. I must have looked a little unkempt.
I'm sure you looked exactly the same as usual, said Pliny kindly. By the way, did you see the photograph of the elephants painted to look like pandas in the newspaper yesterday?
No, I said, but I wonder what's reminded you of that?
Nothing, said Pliny. But it was very amusing. Some Thai zookeepers have painted three elephants with white and black paint to remind the people of Thailand not to forget their elephants now that they have a new giant panda.
I hope they don't do that to our elephants when we get our two new giant pandas, I said. That's if we have any elephants, of course. I don't think it's all that funny.
Yes, people laugh at different things, aid Pliny. I recall that yesterday you were laughing at a chicken shop being called Botanic Chickens. Why did you think that was funny?
Pliny, I said, that is intrinsically funny. It was right across the road from the Botanic Park.
No, I still don't get it, said Pliny.
That was a device I said, following him pretending to be me.
I'm quite sure he wasn't pretending to be you, said Pliny. He had no idea that some time in the future you would have mislaid something in your handbag at the very time you were listening to his composition. What was it anyway?
It was a comb, I said, and a lipstick. In the circumstances it's not surprising I began to identify with him. I must have looked a little unkempt.
I'm sure you looked exactly the same as usual, said Pliny kindly. By the way, did you see the photograph of the elephants painted to look like pandas in the newspaper yesterday?
No, I said, but I wonder what's reminded you of that?
Nothing, said Pliny. But it was very amusing. Some Thai zookeepers have painted three elephants with white and black paint to remind the people of Thailand not to forget their elephants now that they have a new giant panda.
I hope they don't do that to our elephants when we get our two new giant pandas, I said. That's if we have any elephants, of course. I don't think it's all that funny.
Yes, people laugh at different things, aid Pliny. I recall that yesterday you were laughing at a chicken shop being called Botanic Chickens. Why did you think that was funny?
Pliny, I said, that is intrinsically funny. It was right across the road from the Botanic Park.
No, I still don't get it, said Pliny.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Guano
I'm busy today, so Pliny the Elder has graciously agreed to write a blog for me :
Greetings !
After our discussion on bird droppings yesterday, I decided to conduct some research into the modern day uses of the substance which is nowadays more politely known as guano. This term includes the droppings of bats, birds and seals. This I learned from Wikipedia, an excellent source of knowledge.
Guano has many uses today, not least as a fertiliser in the garden, but there are other uses which are more interesting. Indeed, some have generated great amazement in me, used as I am to discovering marvels.
For example guano is used as an ingredient in lipstick and mascara that women use to beautify their faces. Why they feel it necessary to do this must be a matter for discussion on another day. I have discovered that Victoria Beckham, a person of great fame, to name but one, uses a cream made from the excrement of nightingales to rid her skin of pimples. I have this on the authority of Insider.
Next we find that guano is essential to the growing of peppercorns from which we get black pepper. This I learned on a site known as Askville. I must confess this information makes me more reluctant than ever to approach the pepper pot.
Furthermore, guano is an important ingredient in gunpowder, and has also been used in explosive charges to deploy antennas in the Mercury and Gemini capsules. There can be no doubt as to the truth of this, for guano is known to contain a substance called saltpetre.
Lastly, I have seen a claim that guano, cooked with rice and celery, tastes a lot like chicken. This too I discovered on Askville. However, I would not be altogether surprised if the respondent was answering the question in a spirit of jocularity. I have included it here, as I would not wish it to be thought that I lack a sense of humour.
Greetings !
After our discussion on bird droppings yesterday, I decided to conduct some research into the modern day uses of the substance which is nowadays more politely known as guano. This term includes the droppings of bats, birds and seals. This I learned from Wikipedia, an excellent source of knowledge.
Guano has many uses today, not least as a fertiliser in the garden, but there are other uses which are more interesting. Indeed, some have generated great amazement in me, used as I am to discovering marvels.
For example guano is used as an ingredient in lipstick and mascara that women use to beautify their faces. Why they feel it necessary to do this must be a matter for discussion on another day. I have discovered that Victoria Beckham, a person of great fame, to name but one, uses a cream made from the excrement of nightingales to rid her skin of pimples. I have this on the authority of Insider.
Next we find that guano is essential to the growing of peppercorns from which we get black pepper. This I learned on a site known as Askville. I must confess this information makes me more reluctant than ever to approach the pepper pot.
Furthermore, guano is an important ingredient in gunpowder, and has also been used in explosive charges to deploy antennas in the Mercury and Gemini capsules. There can be no doubt as to the truth of this, for guano is known to contain a substance called saltpetre.
Lastly, I have seen a claim that guano, cooked with rice and celery, tastes a lot like chicken. This too I discovered on Askville. However, I would not be altogether surprised if the respondent was answering the question in a spirit of jocularity. I have included it here, as I would not wish it to be thought that I lack a sense of humour.
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