The True Observer

Sweezus was unhappy. He didn't really have a plan to prove that he was tricky enough to be selected for Team Philosophe.

It's not fair, he thought. Farky can't even ride. What can I do to impress The VeloDrone?

Sweezus liked to think he was a methodical thinker. He made a list.

ONE: WRITE A KILLER ARTICLE FOR VELOSOPHY DEMONSTRATING SLIPPERY THINKING

TWO: IMPRESS THE VELODRONE BY RIDING FASTER THAN THE REST OF THE TEAM

THREE: PRETEND I HAVE CONTACTS IN THE TOUR DE FRANCE

Right! His first priority would be the killer article. He sighed. More writing. He sat down at his computer and began:

Concerning man, other animals and bicycles ( a working title )

I used to think that I knew right from wrong. That was until I met a dog called Farquhar. ( Maybe I should give him another name? This might not work in my favour. Oh stuff it.) One day I went to the Zoo with Farquhar.

I spent my time looking at the enclosed animals and trying to imagine what it would be like to be them. I thought it was the proper thing to do. Farquhar simply reacted naturally to what he saw. He was shocked by the skeleton of a former zoo favourite and terrified by the bats.

Imagine our different reactions had we seen a bicycle locked inside a cage. I would have tried to construct a narrative for the bicycle. That it was a monkey's toy, it had been abandoned, it used to belong to the elephant keeper, or something else to that effect.

Farquhar the true observer would have merely said, Meh! A bicycle.

Sheesh! said Sweezus, to himself. That's a bit too slippery. I've got myself into a right hole. Maybe I should go straight to Plan Two.

He stood up, and went outside to inflate the tyres on his road bike.