Arthur Rimbaud Does Banksy

Violetta goes home to work on a Giant Australian Cuttlefish stencil, and choose appropriate paint.

Arthur retires to the back room to work on the Banksy project.

Gaius and Bunny are left with the logistics.

How do we get to Wallaroo? says Bunny.

Copper Coast Passenger Service, says Gaius. You organise it, Bunny, I must sort out my notes.

But Arthur sorted out your notes, says Bunny. So you should organise the tickets.

Oh very well, says Gaius, immediately forgetting what he has agreed to. He has other things to think of.

Should he get in touch with the Mayor of Wallaroo and offer to give a public lecture on the Great Australian Cuttlefish, for the edification of the locals?

Five minutes later, Arthur comes out of the back room, with a piece of paper.

Done, says Arthur. Here's your Banksy project.

Bunny grabs the paper and reads:

Thanks for asking me about my bicycle philosophy. I don't have a lot of time time for riding bicycles. I tend to do a lot of running and climbing and jumping and I sometimes wear a mask. You try that riding a bicycle. Also a bicycle tends to identify you. Having said that I would be happier to be identified by a bicycle than a policeman. Cheers Banksy. Disclaimer: The above was not written by Banksy, but by Arthur Rimbaud, poet, who once dreamed of riding a bicycle in a mask, while brandishing a paintbrush.

Wow, Arthur! says Bunny. That's just brilliant. You're a genius.

I know, says Arthur. Maybe I shouldn't have given up so soon.

Having It All

It's Baby Pierre, Ouvert and Lavender. They are excited to see Arthur, who they believed was still in Alice Springs.

No, I'm back, says Arthur. A lot's happened to me since then. I've been surfing and performed a miracle with a frog cake and almost turned into a cockroach and had to have an exorcism. Then I got nits.

Wow, says Ouvert. Nits!

We haven't done ANYTHING, says Lavender. We look out of the window or we do the washing up.

We don't do the washing up, says Baby Pierre. Don't  lie, Lavender.

I said we didn't do anything, says Lavender.

It was still a lie, says Baby Pierre.

No it wasn't, says Lavender. You don't see things like I do, that's all.

See what I have to put up with, says Baby Pierre.

You should get out more, says Arthur. Gaius is off to Wallaroo, or Turkey. I might go too.

Oh you might, might you? says Bunny, who has been listening. What about me, what about the Banksy project?

Banksy project? says Violetta, who has been listening. What Banksy project?

I meant to tell you about the Banksy project, says Gaius, who up to now has not been listening, but tossing up in his mind between Turkey and Wallaroo.

What is it? says Violetta. I know Banksy.

It's MY project, says Bunny. I'm trying to get him to write an article for Velosophy, but he won't reply.

That's Banksy for you, says Violetta. Want some advice? Write the article yourself, and say he wrote it. Banksy won't give a shit, and if he does it'll serve him right.

I do admire the camaraderie of street artists, says Gaius.

Thanks, Violetta, says Bunny. Arthur, want to write it?

Only if I can put my name to it, says Arthur.

You write it, says Bunny. I'll fix it.

I like you, Bunny, says Violetta. Contradictions do not trouble you. Are you coming to Wallaroo with me and Gaius?

Wait, says Gaius. I haven't decided I'm going. I see the Gate of Hell disappearing as an option.

If I want to go somewhere I go, says Arthur.

This strikes everyone as eminently sensible.

Why not go to Turkey, via Wallaroo?

Violetta's Bossy Way With Cucumbers

Gaius calls Violetta on the phone. Ring Ring.

Splosh! says Violetta, picking up.

Violetta! says Gaius. I haven't seen you since....I don't know.... the Ides of March! How about coming to lunch?

The Ides of March! says Violetta. What year was that? And who is this anyway?

Me, Gaius! says Gaius. So, are you coming?

Alright, says Violetta. Can I bring anything?

A chicken would be nice, says Gaius. And a bottle of something.  See you soon, then, Violetta.

So she's coming, says Bunny.

Yes, says Gaius. She'll be here shortly.

Good! says Arthur. We don't have to have cucumbers.

Violetta arrives twenty minutes later with a chicken and two bottles of  white wine.

Hello all! says Violetta. Gaius you idiot! Why didn't you tell me there were four of us? I'd have brought two chickens and four bottles.

No need, says Gaius. I have an excess of cucumbers. Unfortunately these young people do not like them. But you and I....

Gaius! says Violetta. I am the cucumber queen! Just let me at 'em.

Soon Violetta has taken over the kitchen. She whips up Cucumber and Yogurt Salad, Ginger Cucumber Salad, Cucumber and Mint Sandwiches, and finally, a hot dish of Cucumber and Braised Baby Onions.

Everyone sits down to eat. Mmmmmm. The chicken is nice.

After lunch and several glasses of wine the conversation turns to saving the Great Australian Cuttlefish.

We thought you might ....says Gaius.

Say no more, says Violetta. I can do cuttlefish. I'll splash 'em all over town. Everyone'll know about it. And we'll take a trip up the gulf and put a bomb under everyone up there.....

Err.... actually I'm saving for a trip to Turkey, says Gaius..

Turkey, what the fuck for? says Violetta.

He wants to see the Gate of Hell, says Bunny. And throw a sparrow in it.

Puh! spits Violetta. Make up your mind, Gaius Plinius Secundus. Wallaroo with me or Turkey with a sparrow?

Arthur wanders off. He doesn't like Violetta's way of taking over. And he doesn't like her bossy way with cucumbers.

He stares out of the kitchen window. Suddenly he hears the squeak of three familiar voices.

Arthur! squeak the voices, from the window sill.

 

Cuttlefish Propaganda

Alphabetical or date, says Gaius. It doesn't matter. Order is the thing.

Arthur sits down at the kitchen table to put the notes in order. It should be easy. Everything starts with C.

Cuttlefish.

He makes three piles, and arranges them in date order.

There, says Arthur. Done. Did you attend the Cuttlefish Protection Celebration?

No! says Gaius. Have I missed it?

Looks like it, says Arthur. It was on the 28th of March at the Saracens Head.

You see! says Gaius. This is an example of how much I need you. I was going to go to that.

What were they celebrating? asks Arthur.

A No Take Area in the Spencer Gulf, north of Wallaroo, says Gaius. A wonderful development for the Giant Australian Cuttlefish, which uniquely breeds there. But there is still much to be done. A desalination plant is being proposed at Port Lowly. The extra salt produced will kill the cuttlefish and squid eggs. We must fight on.

Wow! says Bunny. You're an activist! Like Banksy.

Banksy's not an activist, says Gaius. He's a street artist, who makes political statements through his art.

That makes him an activist, says Bunny. Why don't we get your friend Splosh! on board to save the cuttlefish.

What a clever child you are, says Gaius. Putting two and two together like that. I shall call Violetta immediately. She will splosh cuttlefish propaganda all over town. Then we'll have some lunch. Do you both like cucumbers?

No, says Arthur. I don't.

Nor do I, says Bunny.

What a pity, says Gaius. Because I grow them, and right now I have a glut.

Cuttlefish, Banksy And The Gate To Hell.

Knock knock.

Gaius opens the door.

Arthur! Just the man I want to see. Bunny! How nice to see you. Do come in, says Gaius.

They go into the kitchen where Gaius has been spreading out his notes.

You're a writer too! says Bunny. What are you writing?

I have many projects, says Gaius. Endangered cuttlefish for one...... But you have caught me at a most exciting moment. I have just heard that a certain Professor D'Andria has discovered the Gate to Hell at Pamukkala, somewhere in Turkey!

The Gate to Hell! says Bunny. Dad would like that! What is it?

An opening to the underworld, says Gaius, from whence emerged mephitic vapours that killed every animal that passed inside, according to the Greek geographer Strabo.

How did he know? says Arthur.

He threw in sparrows, says Gaius, whereupon they breathed their last.

Wow, says Bunny. That's cruelty.

No, says Gaius, that's science. I should very much like to see this Gate to Hell.

Are you going? says Arthur. Because we need somewhere to stay.

I am thinking of it, says Gaius. I just need the funds.....Now what was that? You need somewhere to stay? Why didn't you say so? You must both stay and help me sort out my papers.

We'll be busy, says Arthur. We're doing a Banksy project for Velosophy.

Bunny looks surprised. Since when was Arthur doing the Banksy project?

Banksy! says Gaius. There's someone I admire.

Bunny looks more surprised.

How come you even heard of Banksy? asks Bunny.

I am a friend of Splosh! says Gaius. She keeps me up to speed.

Splosh! Would she know Banksy? says Bunny.

They all know one another, says Gaius airily. Faile, Swoon, Micallef, Choe, Insect......

Brilliant, says Bunny. Because we haven't got too far with Banksy. He's so elusive.

Just you make yourselves at home, says Gaius, I'll get on to Violetta. That's her real name. Or so she has led me to believe. Now Arthur, here are my notes on cuttlefish, will you kindly put them in some kind of order.

Cuttlefish, says Arthur. Easy. Alphabetical or date?

Slowly Getting Screwed

It is still the Easter picnic. Bunny is sitting next to Mrs Hume. They are discussing books.

Bunny is leafing through her new book from Shakespeare and Company, a paperback copy of Lourdes, by Emile Zola.

I see why Marie and Belle et Bonne gave me this, says Bunny. It's about miracles and stuff. What did they give you?

Funnily enough, says Mrs Hume, they've given me the same book. Lourdes.

You probably won't like it, says Bunny. I bet you don't believe in miracles at all.

It's possible that Zola doesn't either, says Mrs Hume. Have you thought of that?

If he doesn't, says Bunny, why doesn't he say so at the beginning?

He wants us to read the book, says Mrs Hume. Let us do so. Then we can have a book club when we're done.

Alright, says Bunny, but that will be a while off. I'm heaps busy.

Why, surely it doesn't take long to read a book, says Mrs Hume. And you may not be so busy now Marie and Belle are back. Have you decided when you'll be moving out?

What? says Bunny. I'm not moving out.

I thought you were just living in their house while they were in Paris, says Mrs Hume.

I was, says Bunny. But I haven't anywhere to go.

You can always move in with me, says Mrs Hume. I'd like a young companion.

Well, maybe, if they kick me out, says Bunny.

Belle et Bonne has been listening.

Of course we won't kick you out, Bunny, says Belle et Bonne. You can move into the spare room if you like. And you can keep working on the Banksy project too, until it's finished.

Then what? says Bunny. Oh I get it! I'm slowly getting screwed.

She stands up and flounces off to talk to Arthur.

Arthur, says Bunny, where do you live, when you're in town?

Nowhere, come to think of it, says Arthur. I might look up Gaius. Do you want to come?

Yes, says Bunny. No one likes me here.

She walks back to the table, picks up Lourdes, and leaves with Arthur, who looks nice again, now that his nits are gone.

The Best Of Friends Discussing Creativity

It doesn't matter that it's raining. They have the Easter picnic at Mrs Hume's.

All the food is in plastic containers. All they need to do is remove the lids.

The free range chicken is all the more delicious for having been allowed to roam freely in a farmyard while it was living, and Mrs Hume's fizzy bean salad is a subject of much mystery and mirth.

Belle et Bonne is sitting next to Sweezus.

Thank you for rescuing Arthur, says Belle et Bonne.

He didn't need rescuing, says Sweezus. He says he knew where Ray Moon kept his knives.

Oh dear, says Belle et Bonne. Then it was definitely better that you went there. One or another of them might easily have been killed.

I nearly picked up a snake, says Sweezus. I thought it was a hose. I never like the country.

Poor Sweezie, says Belle et Bonne. But I suppose it took your mind off the unpleasant side of Easter.

Yeah, says Sweezus, but on the way home Arthur said I'm not creative.

Is that why you look glum? says Belle et Bonne. But dear, you ARE creative.

Not like Arthur is creative, mutters Sweezus. He writes awesome poetry, and steals things, and fights with knives...

He SAYS he does, says Belle et Bonne. But what has Arthur written lately? Whereas you......I saw that thing you did on Richard the Third. I thought it was quite lovely. It made me cry.

Did it? says Sweezus, brightening up a little.

Oh yes, says Belle et Bonne. You should have put your name to it, not given all the credit to Beyoncé.

Yep, says Sweezus I didn't think it through. That's me all over.

Never mind, says Belle et Bonne, We knew that it was you. And remember that assignment you did last year you got top marks for? The one about the monkeys in the zoo? It was so clever the way you wrote it from their point of view. Papa swore it had been written by a monkey.

Belle, you always cheer me up, says Sweezus. I love you.