It must be remembered that these events happened some days ago.
That's why the weather is still fine, and the twins still on holiday.
Today they would be labouring in the classroom, under Mrs Bottle, and it would be raining.
But it is the nature of time that some days stretch out to infinity.
I only mention it, because Ageless and the Catcher have moulted so fast.
Here they are now at the feet of Nietzsche, who had remained on the upper deck, pondering Chance. A dance floor for divine accidents. Hmm. That's a good one. Must write it down.
And Emma has just brought his lunch up.
What's in it?
Cold meat and salad, and a hard yellow roll with black spots.
Thank you, Emma, says Nietzsche.
He prises the lid off. Bites into the roll. Ach! It's worse than a pebble.
Emma has spotted the new Ageless and the new Catcher, beaming and gleaming.
That was FAST! says Emma. (You see, she has noticed it too).
How do I look? enquires Ageless.
You've got a new rostrum, says Emma, and a new antennule.
I expected that, says Ageless. Are they bigger?
No, about the same.
What about my new swimming leg? says the Catcher, holding his leg up.
I didn't expect this, says Nietzsche.
Nor did I, says the Catcher.
Corn? says Nietzsche.
Oops, says Emma, you must've got Dad's one.
Too bad, I've eaten it now, says Nietzsche. I have very good teeth, it won't hurt me.
But dad will get wind, says Emma. He's got yours.
Ageless sniffs the wind.
Yes, his antennule is working.
The Catcher does a turn of the upper deck on his new swimming leg.
Brilliant, says the Catcher.
Don't forget, says Ageless, that the deck is circular.
But the Catcher does not register the importance of the deck being circular.
Are you coming on the guided tour? asks Emma. Now that you're better?
What's on offer? asks Ageless.
A commentary, says Emma.
I like a good commentary, says Ageless.
Dune flora and fauna, bird spotting, says Emma. Mum says we might see some rare ones. Are you coming, Mr Nitcher?
Nietzsche is unsure. He would really like to look into the back pack to determine the source of the drumming.
But Emma picks it up. Looks like she's going to take it.
That determines his course of action.
I must go. I am going.
The Will is complex. It unpacks into parts. Commanding and obeying.
He has always known this.
But he should write it down.
Monday, May 9, 2016
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Fighting The Giant Chance
Nietzsche is pleased to have beaten Mrs Bottle, one-nil.
And it's close to lunch time.
Captain Bain has already announced it.
Crackle....(this is Captain Bain) I hope you're all enjoying the magnificent sights and (ahem) smells of the Coorong. Shortly we shall be stopping for a healthy lunch. Those of you who have ordered gluten free or have other dietary requirements will be.........
Shall we go down? says Edith.
Yes, says Reg. Did you remember to tell them?
Of course I did, dear, says Edith.
Coming, Friedrich? asks Lauren.
Nietzsche stands up, knocking over the Hello Kitty back pack.
Look out! says Irma. You stepped on my back pack.
A sharp groan is heard from the depths of the back pack. Followed by a drumming.
Open it, quick! says Emma.
Irma opens the back pack.
SHUT IT! snaps Ageless from the depths. We're .... just SHUT IT!
Hells bells! says Irma. Sorr-eee!
What's up? says Emma.
They're moulting heaps quickly, says Irma. Half in and half out, both of them.
What was the drumming? asks Nietzsche.
Don't know, says Irma. I've not heard it before.
She stands the back pack upright and wedges it under a seat.
The drumming continues.
Nietzsche's rash starts to tingle.
On second thoughts, I'll stay up here, says Nietzsche. Will one of you bring my lunch up?
Sure, I will, says Emma.
Nietzsche sits with his legs apart, listening to the drumming.
Captain Bain is crackling again.
In ten minutes time (crackles Captain Bain) we will disembark for a guided walk through the dunes of the Younghusband Peninsula to the white sandy beaches of the Great Southern Ocean. Please make sure you all have sunscreen on, and hats, and proper footwear, and those of you who are bird spotters will be.... blah blah crackle.
Nietzsche wonders what exactly will be in his lunch box. What do the cruise organisers think of as healthy? Will he be obliged to disembark? Sigh. How did he get here? He is still fighting step by step the giant Chance. It seems the senseless, the meaningless, still rules over mankind.....
Crarrrk! The back pack at his feet splits asunder!
A new Ageless lobster and a new Catcher burst out, just as Emma brings his lunch up.
And it's close to lunch time.
Captain Bain has already announced it.
Crackle....(this is Captain Bain) I hope you're all enjoying the magnificent sights and (ahem) smells of the Coorong. Shortly we shall be stopping for a healthy lunch. Those of you who have ordered gluten free or have other dietary requirements will be.........
Shall we go down? says Edith.
Yes, says Reg. Did you remember to tell them?
Of course I did, dear, says Edith.
Coming, Friedrich? asks Lauren.
Nietzsche stands up, knocking over the Hello Kitty back pack.
Look out! says Irma. You stepped on my back pack.
A sharp groan is heard from the depths of the back pack. Followed by a drumming.
Open it, quick! says Emma.
Irma opens the back pack.
SHUT IT! snaps Ageless from the depths. We're .... just SHUT IT!
Hells bells! says Irma. Sorr-eee!
What's up? says Emma.
They're moulting heaps quickly, says Irma. Half in and half out, both of them.
What was the drumming? asks Nietzsche.
Don't know, says Irma. I've not heard it before.
She stands the back pack upright and wedges it under a seat.
The drumming continues.
Nietzsche's rash starts to tingle.
On second thoughts, I'll stay up here, says Nietzsche. Will one of you bring my lunch up?
Sure, I will, says Emma.
Nietzsche sits with his legs apart, listening to the drumming.
Captain Bain is crackling again.
In ten minutes time (crackles Captain Bain) we will disembark for a guided walk through the dunes of the Younghusband Peninsula to the white sandy beaches of the Great Southern Ocean. Please make sure you all have sunscreen on, and hats, and proper footwear, and those of you who are bird spotters will be.... blah blah crackle.
Nietzsche wonders what exactly will be in his lunch box. What do the cruise organisers think of as healthy? Will he be obliged to disembark? Sigh. How did he get here? He is still fighting step by step the giant Chance. It seems the senseless, the meaningless, still rules over mankind.....
Crarrrk! The back pack at his feet splits asunder!
A new Ageless lobster and a new Catcher burst out, just as Emma brings his lunch up.
Friday, May 6, 2016
Ha Ha! The Bid To Increase His Own Power
Irma shares out the sultanas.
Nietzsche takes one. Rolls it around in his fingers. Picks it open. Squeezes out the inside.
Don't you like sultanas? asks Irma.
Nietzsche pretends to examine the contents of the sultana.
He doesn't, says Emma. Don't give him another one.
I'll have some, Irma, says Reg.
He takes a big handful and eats them.
That's the end of the short sultana story.
We're now entering the pristine waters of the Coorong National Park, crackles the voice of Captain Bain. We'll be passing spectacular white sand dunes and magnificent bird life. Those of you who have binoculars....
Edith and Lauren come up the steps.
Binoculars anyone? asks Edith.
She has a pair of binoculars, but no takers.
Well all right then, says Edith, I'll use them myself.
Through the binoculars she sees the second pelican of the afternoon. (Nietzsche saw the first one).
Irma, Edith, Reg and Nietzsche can see it as well. But Edith's pelican is bigger.
On the other hand, her pelican shimmers with rainbow edges and is spatially unstable.
This is always the trouble with binoculars.
Emma turns to Nietzsche who is thoughtfully licking his fingers.
What's the best bit of philosophy you ever thought of? asks Emma.
What a good question, says Nietzsche. Probably it would have to be: All human action is motivated by the desire for power.
Even squeezing a sultana? says Emma.
Maybe not that, says Nietzsche.
Mrs Bottle says..... begins Emma.
Nietzsche has no wish to hear another of the gender based critcisms of Mrs Bottle.
He starts humming. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Diddly-hmm.
Emma continues.
Mrs Bottle says if you want to understand a philosopher, first find out what he's afraid of.
What HE'S afraid of! snorts Nietzsche.
What are you afraid of? asks Emma.
What does the redoubtable Mrs Bottle think I'm afraid of? asks Nietzsche.
At least this conversation is better than listening to Captain Bain.
Captain Bain is now crackling on about the early cockling industry. Lord save us.
She says you're afraid of looking weak, says Emma. She says you're scared of women. And you can't make friends easily so you.....
That's enough, says Nietzsche. Your Mrs Bottle has just affirmed my best bit of philosophy.
How? says Emma.
By trying to undermine me in a bid to increase her own power, says Nietzsche.
Ha ha, laughs Edith who has put down her binoculars and is gazing at a less shimmery pelican (or wait, is it an ibis?).
Ha ha! One, Nitcher; nil, Mrs Bottle.
Nietzsche takes one. Rolls it around in his fingers. Picks it open. Squeezes out the inside.
Don't you like sultanas? asks Irma.
Nietzsche pretends to examine the contents of the sultana.
He doesn't, says Emma. Don't give him another one.
I'll have some, Irma, says Reg.
He takes a big handful and eats them.
That's the end of the short sultana story.
We're now entering the pristine waters of the Coorong National Park, crackles the voice of Captain Bain. We'll be passing spectacular white sand dunes and magnificent bird life. Those of you who have binoculars....
Edith and Lauren come up the steps.
Binoculars anyone? asks Edith.
She has a pair of binoculars, but no takers.
Well all right then, says Edith, I'll use them myself.
Through the binoculars she sees the second pelican of the afternoon. (Nietzsche saw the first one).
Irma, Edith, Reg and Nietzsche can see it as well. But Edith's pelican is bigger.
On the other hand, her pelican shimmers with rainbow edges and is spatially unstable.
This is always the trouble with binoculars.
Emma turns to Nietzsche who is thoughtfully licking his fingers.
What's the best bit of philosophy you ever thought of? asks Emma.
What a good question, says Nietzsche. Probably it would have to be: All human action is motivated by the desire for power.
Even squeezing a sultana? says Emma.
Maybe not that, says Nietzsche.
Mrs Bottle says..... begins Emma.
Nietzsche has no wish to hear another of the gender based critcisms of Mrs Bottle.
He starts humming. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Diddly-hmm.
Emma continues.
Mrs Bottle says if you want to understand a philosopher, first find out what he's afraid of.
What HE'S afraid of! snorts Nietzsche.
What are you afraid of? asks Emma.
What does the redoubtable Mrs Bottle think I'm afraid of? asks Nietzsche.
At least this conversation is better than listening to Captain Bain.
Captain Bain is now crackling on about the early cockling industry. Lord save us.
She says you're afraid of looking weak, says Emma. She says you're scared of women. And you can't make friends easily so you.....
That's enough, says Nietzsche. Your Mrs Bottle has just affirmed my best bit of philosophy.
How? says Emma.
By trying to undermine me in a bid to increase her own power, says Nietzsche.
Ha ha, laughs Edith who has put down her binoculars and is gazing at a less shimmery pelican (or wait, is it an ibis?).
Ha ha! One, Nitcher; nil, Mrs Bottle.
Thursday, May 5, 2016
The Message Of The Drums
Some time elapses before Ageless thinks to ask the faint outline of Hello Kitty what her real name is.
What is your real name? asks Ageless.
Faint Outline, replies the faint outline.
Hardly worth asking, observes the Catcher.
But you did ask, says Faint Outline.
We're at the Barrage, says the Catcher. Can you see anything?
No, says Faint Outline. Would you like to know why?
We're not busy, says Ageless.
Because I face inwards, says Faint Outline. You may think I'm just a faint outline of Hello Kitty....
Hence your name, says the Catcher.
But I'm independent, says Faint Outline.
You look alike, says Ageless.
True, says Faint Outline. Her height is five apples. So is mine. Her weight is three apples.
So is yours, says the Catcher.
No, it isn't, says Faint Outline. And I'm not bright and kind hearted, and I don't like apple pie. Nor do I like to collect things.
What do you like? asks Ageless.
Yes, what do you like? asks the Catcher.
Drums, says Faint Outline.
What made her say that?
Perhaps the faint drumming on the outside of the Hello Kitty back pack.
It's Nietzsche's foot. He is becoming impatient. It's taking a long time to pass through the Barrage.
Toot! At last. The Spirit of the Coorong passes through the lock and makes its way to the Mouth of the Murray.
Nietzsche's tummy is grumbling.
Reg hears it.
I wonder when lunch is? says Reg.
Probably when we get to the Coorong, says Irma. That's ages. I've got some snacks in my back pack.
You've got Ageless and the Catcher in your back pack, says Emma. And they smell bad.
Irma opens the back pack.
A crustaceous smell wafts out.
She reaches into the bottom of the back pack.
Yes. A Tupperware container. She draws it out.
Opens the Tupperware container.
Inside are sultanas, which don't smell the least bit crustaceous, because Tupperware is reliable.
What is your real name? asks Ageless.
Faint Outline, replies the faint outline.
Hardly worth asking, observes the Catcher.
But you did ask, says Faint Outline.
We're at the Barrage, says the Catcher. Can you see anything?
No, says Faint Outline. Would you like to know why?
We're not busy, says Ageless.
Because I face inwards, says Faint Outline. You may think I'm just a faint outline of Hello Kitty....
Hence your name, says the Catcher.
But I'm independent, says Faint Outline.
You look alike, says Ageless.
True, says Faint Outline. Her height is five apples. So is mine. Her weight is three apples.
So is yours, says the Catcher.
No, it isn't, says Faint Outline. And I'm not bright and kind hearted, and I don't like apple pie. Nor do I like to collect things.
What do you like? asks Ageless.
Yes, what do you like? asks the Catcher.
Drums, says Faint Outline.
What made her say that?
Perhaps the faint drumming on the outside of the Hello Kitty back pack.
It's Nietzsche's foot. He is becoming impatient. It's taking a long time to pass through the Barrage.
Toot! At last. The Spirit of the Coorong passes through the lock and makes its way to the Mouth of the Murray.
Nietzsche's tummy is grumbling.
Reg hears it.
I wonder when lunch is? says Reg.
Probably when we get to the Coorong, says Irma. That's ages. I've got some snacks in my back pack.
You've got Ageless and the Catcher in your back pack, says Emma. And they smell bad.
Irma opens the back pack.
A crustaceous smell wafts out.
She reaches into the bottom of the back pack.
Yes. A Tupperware container. She draws it out.
Opens the Tupperware container.
Inside are sultanas, which don't smell the least bit crustaceous, because Tupperware is reliable.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
You Will Get A New Eye
On the open air upper deck of the Spirit of the Coorong, not everyone has a good view.
Inside Irma's Hello Kitty back pack, which has been dumped on the floor beside Nietzsche, Ageless lobster and the Catcher are feeling unwell.
Ageless: Ooeughghhh!
The Catcher: Shut up!
Ageless: I'm trying.
The Catcher: Try harder. I'm listening.
Ageless: Ooeugh-heh! Moult! Moult-faster! Unch!
The Catcher: That never works. Ayew! But I feel a tingling.
Ageless: Good for you.
The Catcher: Where are we?
Ageless: Inside a back pack with the faint outline of a kitten.
The Catcher: She's waving.
Ageless: Not at us.
The Catcher: I meant the bigger picture.
Ageless: So did I.
The Catcher: Stop talking. Listen. We might get a clue.
The Intercom: The Barrage is six hundred and thirty two metres long.......
The Catcher: We're at the Barrage!
Ageless: What use is that?
The Intercom: Constructed in 1934 to maintain the freshness of the River Murray as far as Wellington, and prevent the ingress of saltwater during periods of low river.......
The Catcher: Prevent ingress of salt water. Did you ever?
Ageless: I wonder.....
The Catcher: What?
Ageless: If I'll ever get my sight back in this eye. The one that you injured.
The Catcher: I'll get a new swimming leg, but it'll be smaller.
Ageless: Is that your answer?
The Catcher: Take from it what you will. If it's a metaphor, you'll get a new eye but it'll be smaller.
Ageless: I don't think that's a proper use of a metaphor.
The Catcher: What would you know?
Ageless: I know Kobo. She knows all there is to know about metaphors
The Catcher: Ah. The delectable Kobo. Cause of our squabbles.
Ageless: Don't START, brother! Calm. Calm. Look at the kitten.
The Catcher: Me?
Ageless: No me.
The Catcher: It's a Hello Kitty kitten. Japanese. Designed to be loved by pre-adolescent girls.
Ageless: What's it called?
The Catcher: Hello Kitty,
Faint outline of Hello Kitty: Oh no, boys. That's not my real name.
Inside Irma's Hello Kitty back pack, which has been dumped on the floor beside Nietzsche, Ageless lobster and the Catcher are feeling unwell.
Ageless: Ooeughghhh!
The Catcher: Shut up!
Ageless: I'm trying.
The Catcher: Try harder. I'm listening.
Ageless: Ooeugh-heh! Moult! Moult-faster! Unch!
The Catcher: That never works. Ayew! But I feel a tingling.
Ageless: Good for you.
The Catcher: Where are we?
Ageless: Inside a back pack with the faint outline of a kitten.
The Catcher: She's waving.
Ageless: Not at us.
The Catcher: I meant the bigger picture.
Ageless: So did I.
The Catcher: Stop talking. Listen. We might get a clue.
The Intercom: The Barrage is six hundred and thirty two metres long.......
The Catcher: We're at the Barrage!
Ageless: What use is that?
The Intercom: Constructed in 1934 to maintain the freshness of the River Murray as far as Wellington, and prevent the ingress of saltwater during periods of low river.......
The Catcher: Prevent ingress of salt water. Did you ever?
Ageless: I wonder.....
The Catcher: What?
Ageless: If I'll ever get my sight back in this eye. The one that you injured.
The Catcher: I'll get a new swimming leg, but it'll be smaller.
Ageless: Is that your answer?
The Catcher: Take from it what you will. If it's a metaphor, you'll get a new eye but it'll be smaller.
Ageless: I don't think that's a proper use of a metaphor.
The Catcher: What would you know?
Ageless: I know Kobo. She knows all there is to know about metaphors
The Catcher: Ah. The delectable Kobo. Cause of our squabbles.
Ageless: Don't START, brother! Calm. Calm. Look at the kitten.
The Catcher: Me?
Ageless: No me.
The Catcher: It's a Hello Kitty kitten. Japanese. Designed to be loved by pre-adolescent girls.
Ageless: What's it called?
The Catcher: Hello Kitty,
Faint outline of Hello Kitty: Oh no, boys. That's not my real name.
A Sexist Nonsensical World
Nietzsche has found himself a place on the open air upper deck, hoping to avoid any commentary and banter.
The twins have sat down just behind him.
Reg, Edith and Lauren have found seats downstairs inside.
Toot! The Spirit of the Coorong draws away from the wharf and heads for the Barrage.
A stiff breeze is blowing.
Nietzsche takes some healthful deep breaths and takes in the scenery.
Riverbank, water, island, a few poky yachts, a pelican.
Can we come and sit next to you? asks Irma.
Nietzsche doesn't appear to have heard her.
His moustache is blocking his ears, says Emma, quite loudly.
I heard you, says Nietzsche. Come on then. Sit by me. You can both tell me what you learned about me in school.
Emma and Irma come forward and sit next to Nietzsche, one each side of him.
Irma dumps her Hello Kitty back pack on Nietzsche's foot.
Ach! Huh! Nietzsche makes a big deal of moving his foot.
Sorry, says Irma.
I should think so, says Nietzsche.
It was only because of the way you were sitting, says Emma. With your legs wide apart, like dad does.
I have a surf rash, says Nietzsche.
The twins take in the import of that.
Yuck! He has a rash so he has to sit with his legs apart. So disgusting!!
Who is your philosophy teacher? asks Nietzsche.
Mrs Bottle, says Irma.
Mrs Bottle, says Nietzsche. What does she say about me?
Mrs Bottle says you have four useful things to teach us, says Emma.
Only four, says Nietzsche. May I ask what they are?
Don't drink alcohol, says Irma. Don't be a Christian. God is dead. Don't drink alcohol.
You said that last one twice, says Emma.
What was the other one? says Irma.
Don't be a woman, says Emma.
What? says Nietzsche. I have never taught that! I never wrote that anywhere....
Mrs Bottle's meant you were sexist, says Irma. She says you were writing for men. She says you said a wife makes the world nonsensical.
I did say that, admits Nietzsche.
Just then Reg comes up to get some air on the upper deck and look out for the Barrage.
But mainly to get away from Edith and Lauren, who had been having the following conversation:
Edith: Your friend Nitcher seems nice.
Lauren: He is nice. Courageous too. He paddled out alone to rescue the Catcher.
Edith: That crab in Irma's back pack?
Lauren: Yes he admires it. He says it's halfway to being a super crab.
Edith: Ha ha. It doesn't look like half way to being super anything.
Lauren: Yes, well, he rescued it, but he got a concussion. I had to do Reiki on him.
Edith: You still do Reiki?
Lauren: I'm level two now. I do distance Reiki.
Edith: I never quite understood how that works.
Lauren: To be honest, it wasn't working at all until I opened his root chakra. That made a HUGE difference.
Edith: Ooh, Lauren.
Lauren; Ha ha. I KNOW.
Edith: Ha ha. Perhaps I should learn how to open Reg's root chakra
Reg: Nonsense, Edith! Well, I might go up top now, to get some fresh air.
The twins have sat down just behind him.
Reg, Edith and Lauren have found seats downstairs inside.
Toot! The Spirit of the Coorong draws away from the wharf and heads for the Barrage.
A stiff breeze is blowing.
Nietzsche takes some healthful deep breaths and takes in the scenery.
Riverbank, water, island, a few poky yachts, a pelican.
Can we come and sit next to you? asks Irma.
Nietzsche doesn't appear to have heard her.
His moustache is blocking his ears, says Emma, quite loudly.
I heard you, says Nietzsche. Come on then. Sit by me. You can both tell me what you learned about me in school.
Emma and Irma come forward and sit next to Nietzsche, one each side of him.
Irma dumps her Hello Kitty back pack on Nietzsche's foot.
Ach! Huh! Nietzsche makes a big deal of moving his foot.
Sorry, says Irma.
I should think so, says Nietzsche.
It was only because of the way you were sitting, says Emma. With your legs wide apart, like dad does.
I have a surf rash, says Nietzsche.
The twins take in the import of that.
Yuck! He has a rash so he has to sit with his legs apart. So disgusting!!
Who is your philosophy teacher? asks Nietzsche.
Mrs Bottle, says Irma.
Mrs Bottle, says Nietzsche. What does she say about me?
Mrs Bottle says you have four useful things to teach us, says Emma.
Only four, says Nietzsche. May I ask what they are?
Don't drink alcohol, says Irma. Don't be a Christian. God is dead. Don't drink alcohol.
You said that last one twice, says Emma.
What was the other one? says Irma.
Don't be a woman, says Emma.
What? says Nietzsche. I have never taught that! I never wrote that anywhere....
Mrs Bottle's meant you were sexist, says Irma. She says you were writing for men. She says you said a wife makes the world nonsensical.
I did say that, admits Nietzsche.
Just then Reg comes up to get some air on the upper deck and look out for the Barrage.
But mainly to get away from Edith and Lauren, who had been having the following conversation:
Edith: Your friend Nitcher seems nice.
Lauren: He is nice. Courageous too. He paddled out alone to rescue the Catcher.
Edith: That crab in Irma's back pack?
Lauren: Yes he admires it. He says it's halfway to being a super crab.
Edith: Ha ha. It doesn't look like half way to being super anything.
Lauren: Yes, well, he rescued it, but he got a concussion. I had to do Reiki on him.
Edith: You still do Reiki?
Lauren: I'm level two now. I do distance Reiki.
Edith: I never quite understood how that works.
Lauren: To be honest, it wasn't working at all until I opened his root chakra. That made a HUGE difference.
Edith: Ooh, Lauren.
Lauren; Ha ha. I KNOW.
Edith: Ha ha. Perhaps I should learn how to open Reg's root chakra
Reg: Nonsense, Edith! Well, I might go up top now, to get some fresh air.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
The Voice In Your Head Has A Point
Lauren races back to the surf van, followed by Nietzsche.
Get in, Friedrich, says Lauren.
Where are we going? asks Nietzsche.
He hopes the Platonic Ideal will be safe. Did he put the lock on?
Goolwa Wharf, says Lauren. I think the cruise leaves at one. If we hurry, we'll catch them!
Nietzsche tries to keep calm. What about Sweezus? Was he cramping? What about Surfing-With-Whales? It's his van. All his equipment.... Shouldn't we......
NO. THIS IS BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL. TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE, FRIEDY!
(the voice in his head has a point there)
They arrive at the Wharf. Yes! A long queue of people wearing hats and sunnies, carrying bags and binoculars, cameras, extra jumpers, waiting to board the Spirit of the Coorong.
Lauren marches up to the head of the queue.
Good afternoon, madam, says Captain Bain. May I ask why you're jumping the queue?
A woman's voice calls out behind her.
Lauren Swales! What are you doing here? Are you cruising?
Mrs Whales! chorus twin voices.
(Ahem. Warning. A coincidence is about to happen).
It's Emma and Irma, the twins, with their mum and dad, Reg and Edith, going on the Coorong Discovery Cruise, one last treat before the school holidays are over.
Oh Edith, hello! says Lauren. How lovely to see you. No, we're not booked on the cruise. This is Friedrich Nietzsche. He's writing a new thing about.....what is it Friedrich?... ha ha, yes.....good and evil.
Beyond good and evil, says Nietzsche.
Nitcher! says Irma. We did you in school!
Don't say 'we did you', Irma, says Edith. Sorry about that, Mr Nitcher.
It's quite all right, says Nietzsche.
Would you mind moving out of the way, says Captain Bain. We're about to begin embarkation. Unless of course, you're planning on coming. We have a few places available...
No, we're not coming, says Lauren. We've lost Ageless lobster and a crab called the Catcher.
We have them! says Emma. They wanted to come. The Catcher's heaps funny. He's the world's biggest bullshitter. He reckons....
Emma! says Edith. Bullshitter?
.....he once caught a whale, finishes Emma.
Where is he? asks Lauren.
In there with Ageless, says Irma, pointing to her Hello Kitty backpack. They're both moulting. They stink. I'm going to need a new backpack before I go back to school, aren't I mum?
Yes dear, says Edith. Lauren, why don't you and Mr Nitcher join us? Have you visited the Coorong before, Mr Nitcher?
No, I haven't, says Nietzsche.
Well then? says Edith.
Well then, says Captain Bain. That's ninety five dollars each, unless he's a senior.
Humph! Nietzsche is in his late forties. He is no senior. He will pay the full price, thank you.
A healthy lunch is included, says Captain Bain, pocketing the money. Plus afternoon tea, and a guided tour with informative commentary and the usual banter.
The usual banter. Nietzsche does not enjoy banter. But it's probably too late now to ask for his money back.
He walks up the gangplank, carefully, like a man on a tightrope.
Get in, Friedrich, says Lauren.
Where are we going? asks Nietzsche.
He hopes the Platonic Ideal will be safe. Did he put the lock on?
Goolwa Wharf, says Lauren. I think the cruise leaves at one. If we hurry, we'll catch them!
Nietzsche tries to keep calm. What about Sweezus? Was he cramping? What about Surfing-With-Whales? It's his van. All his equipment.... Shouldn't we......
NO. THIS IS BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL. TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE, FRIEDY!
(the voice in his head has a point there)
They arrive at the Wharf. Yes! A long queue of people wearing hats and sunnies, carrying bags and binoculars, cameras, extra jumpers, waiting to board the Spirit of the Coorong.
Lauren marches up to the head of the queue.
Good afternoon, madam, says Captain Bain. May I ask why you're jumping the queue?
A woman's voice calls out behind her.
Lauren Swales! What are you doing here? Are you cruising?
Mrs Whales! chorus twin voices.
(Ahem. Warning. A coincidence is about to happen).
It's Emma and Irma, the twins, with their mum and dad, Reg and Edith, going on the Coorong Discovery Cruise, one last treat before the school holidays are over.
Oh Edith, hello! says Lauren. How lovely to see you. No, we're not booked on the cruise. This is Friedrich Nietzsche. He's writing a new thing about.....what is it Friedrich?... ha ha, yes.....good and evil.
Beyond good and evil, says Nietzsche.
Nitcher! says Irma. We did you in school!
Don't say 'we did you', Irma, says Edith. Sorry about that, Mr Nitcher.
It's quite all right, says Nietzsche.
Would you mind moving out of the way, says Captain Bain. We're about to begin embarkation. Unless of course, you're planning on coming. We have a few places available...
No, we're not coming, says Lauren. We've lost Ageless lobster and a crab called the Catcher.
We have them! says Emma. They wanted to come. The Catcher's heaps funny. He's the world's biggest bullshitter. He reckons....
Emma! says Edith. Bullshitter?
.....he once caught a whale, finishes Emma.
Where is he? asks Lauren.
In there with Ageless, says Irma, pointing to her Hello Kitty backpack. They're both moulting. They stink. I'm going to need a new backpack before I go back to school, aren't I mum?
Yes dear, says Edith. Lauren, why don't you and Mr Nitcher join us? Have you visited the Coorong before, Mr Nitcher?
No, I haven't, says Nietzsche.
Well then? says Edith.
Well then, says Captain Bain. That's ninety five dollars each, unless he's a senior.
Humph! Nietzsche is in his late forties. He is no senior. He will pay the full price, thank you.
A healthy lunch is included, says Captain Bain, pocketing the money. Plus afternoon tea, and a guided tour with informative commentary and the usual banter.
The usual banter. Nietzsche does not enjoy banter. But it's probably too late now to ask for his money back.
He walks up the gangplank, carefully, like a man on a tightrope.
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