Next day, Ying calls Gaius.
Money's coming in already, says Ying. This is going to be huge.
Pardon? says Gaius. Oh, money......
Yes, money for Daniel O'Connell, says Ying. Our video's going viral in China. They just love his Red Spider Dance. I'll let you know when we reach the target. Bye now.
Would you believe it? says Gaius. Money's rolling in. The video's going viral.
Very good, says Kong Fu-Zi. Modern technology has its advantages. Where is our hero?
Good question, says Gaius. We must tell him the news.
He looks around the kitchen, but he can't see Daniel O'Connell.
Never mind, says Gaius. He'll turn up. Meanwhile shall we try and have a look at this video?
It takes Gaius ages to find it. First he has to sign up to Weibo.
At last, Red Spider Dancing comes up on his screen.
Kong Fu-Zi's introduction and offer (courtesy of Li Feng).
Baby Pierre's intervention and empty promise of spider eggs (ditto).
Daniel O'Connell dancing in front of the red Rooibos tea box, offering post cards (recorded by Ying).
Chinese subtitles.
Music by Cui Jian. "Nothing To My Name."
A slick production, says Kong Fu-Zi.
.......
Daniel O'Connell is out in the garden, talking to Ageless and Baby Pierre.
I'm hopeful, says Daniel O'Connell.
So am I, says Baby Pierre.
Stupid video, says Ageless. Full of errors and irrelevant dancing.
You don't understand ANYTHING, says Baby Pierre. People will like it. Kong Fu-Zi is famous.
Is that why? asks Daniel O'Connell.
It's one reason, says Baby Pierre. That's why it's on Weibo.
Where's the money going? says Ageless. Have you whippersnappers asked that. Who gets it?
I get it, says Daniel O'Connell.
Oh yes? Do you have a bank account? asks Ageless.
(He's in a foul mood today).
.........
Kobo is on the windowsill dreaming of Ying.
If the video is successful, and the target is reached, it will be thanks to Ying.
Kobo wonders if Ying has a boyfriend.
She is so pretty.......
.......
Ying is at home, working on an essay.
She is finishing her Master of Environmental Management and Sustainability essay, last of many.
Her attention keeps wandering.
Twofold.
The random meeting with Gaius has reminded her of the time in Tasmania, when she was at Cradle Coast Campus, visiting Dismal Swamp with Gaius and his team. Including Arthur, that nice looking poet, who hardly noticed her, but may have stolen her wallet......
She keeps checking Kickstarter.
Unbelievable. Fifty thousand dollars already!
Saturday, October 8, 2016
Friday, October 7, 2016
Red Spider Dancing On Weibo
Daniel O'Connell stays frozen for quite some time.
He has no idea what free gift to offer.
Li Feng stops recording the video.
Do you need a minute? asks Li Feng.
No he doesn't, says Baby Pierre. It's not his turn yet. It's my turn.
Li Feng resumes recording.
Kong Fu-Zi will have to do his bit again, says Baby Pierre. Because he just introduced Daniel O'Connell. And it isn't Daniel O'Connell. It's me.
Just talk, says Li Feng.
Okay, says Baby Pierre. It's me Baby Pierre. In a minute you'll see Daniel O'Connell. If you sponsor him to go to the Canaries, and he gets enough money, he'll give every sponsor a free spider egg which will hatch into a new baby Daniel O'Connell.....
Daniel O'Connell unfreezes.
Not likely! cries Daniel O'Connell, leaping in front of the iphone. Change of plan! Stop recording!
Li Feng stops recording.
This is a schemozzle, says Gaius.
It is, agrees Kong Fu-Zi. What a pity. I was quite proud of my contribution. Did you like the way I stressed the non-frivolous dancing?
I did, says Gaius. But I think you went too far when you promised free gifts. How is Daniel supposed to produce them?
I think you'll find spider eggs were not my suggestion, says Kong. I was thinking more of signed post cards.
Signed post cards! says Daniel O'Connell. Just what I was thinking! Roll the camera.
Let me, says Ying.
Yes, you do it, says Li Feng. You have an eye for it.
I do have an eye for it, says Ying.
She takes out her iphone.
She makes Daniel O'Connell stand in front of a box.
Which box? The box of Rooibos tea. A red box. It will show Daniel O'Connell to best advantage.
Now, go for it! says Ying.
Daniel O'Connell stands in front of the red box.
My proposal, says Daniel O'Connell, is to go to the Canaries and from there send everyone postcards. To do this I shall need extra stamps. Therefore, I propose to entertain you with a long-legged dance that I intend to teach to my relatives, the Black Jumping Spiders. Here I go now.
Daniel O'Connell surprises everyone with his Spider Dance. It is based on the one made famous by James Joyce. Well, not all that famous.
Bravo! cries Baby Pierre. That was funny! Now what?
Each person adds on the cost of a stamp to their donation, says Daniel O'Connell. Then off we go to the Canaries!
That's a wrap, says Ying, turning off her iphone.
Wait, I have to do my part again, says Kong.
No, never mind, says Ying. I'll edit it. Don't worry. It'll be fine.
She presses some buttons.
This is going to be good, says Kobo.
She knows this because Ying is doing it, and she admires Ying.
Ying, who found a fossilised peach stone in Tasmania.
Beloved, says Ageless, it may not be so good. There are discontinuities.
But Ying will edit them, says Kobo. Watch her, she is doing it now.
Okay! says Ying. Kickstarter? Everyone happy with that? And I'll start up a website on Weibo. I'll call it Red Spider Dancing and link it to the crowdfunding platform.
Wow! How to get money.
Ying. Handy person to know.
He has no idea what free gift to offer.
Li Feng stops recording the video.
Do you need a minute? asks Li Feng.
No he doesn't, says Baby Pierre. It's not his turn yet. It's my turn.
Li Feng resumes recording.
Kong Fu-Zi will have to do his bit again, says Baby Pierre. Because he just introduced Daniel O'Connell. And it isn't Daniel O'Connell. It's me.
Just talk, says Li Feng.
Okay, says Baby Pierre. It's me Baby Pierre. In a minute you'll see Daniel O'Connell. If you sponsor him to go to the Canaries, and he gets enough money, he'll give every sponsor a free spider egg which will hatch into a new baby Daniel O'Connell.....
Daniel O'Connell unfreezes.
Not likely! cries Daniel O'Connell, leaping in front of the iphone. Change of plan! Stop recording!
Li Feng stops recording.
This is a schemozzle, says Gaius.
It is, agrees Kong Fu-Zi. What a pity. I was quite proud of my contribution. Did you like the way I stressed the non-frivolous dancing?
I did, says Gaius. But I think you went too far when you promised free gifts. How is Daniel supposed to produce them?
I think you'll find spider eggs were not my suggestion, says Kong. I was thinking more of signed post cards.
Signed post cards! says Daniel O'Connell. Just what I was thinking! Roll the camera.
Let me, says Ying.
Yes, you do it, says Li Feng. You have an eye for it.
I do have an eye for it, says Ying.
She takes out her iphone.
She makes Daniel O'Connell stand in front of a box.
Which box? The box of Rooibos tea. A red box. It will show Daniel O'Connell to best advantage.
Now, go for it! says Ying.
Daniel O'Connell stands in front of the red box.
My proposal, says Daniel O'Connell, is to go to the Canaries and from there send everyone postcards. To do this I shall need extra stamps. Therefore, I propose to entertain you with a long-legged dance that I intend to teach to my relatives, the Black Jumping Spiders. Here I go now.
Daniel O'Connell surprises everyone with his Spider Dance. It is based on the one made famous by James Joyce. Well, not all that famous.
Bravo! cries Baby Pierre. That was funny! Now what?
Each person adds on the cost of a stamp to their donation, says Daniel O'Connell. Then off we go to the Canaries!
That's a wrap, says Ying, turning off her iphone.
Wait, I have to do my part again, says Kong.
No, never mind, says Ying. I'll edit it. Don't worry. It'll be fine.
She presses some buttons.
This is going to be good, says Kobo.
She knows this because Ying is doing it, and she admires Ying.
Ying, who found a fossilised peach stone in Tasmania.
Beloved, says Ageless, it may not be so good. There are discontinuities.
But Ying will edit them, says Kobo. Watch her, she is doing it now.
Okay! says Ying. Kickstarter? Everyone happy with that? And I'll start up a website on Weibo. I'll call it Red Spider Dancing and link it to the crowdfunding platform.
Wow! How to get money.
Ying. Handy person to know.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Spirit Of Harmonious Society
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell come in.
Excellent! says Gaius. All three of the lost are accounted for.
We weren't lost, says Baby Pierre. We were with Tullio.
They are now in the kitchen.
Ageless looks up from where he has been skulking,
Any luck with the funding? asks Ageless.
To be sure, says Daniel O'Connell. We're doing crowdfunding. We're asking ten thousand.
Dollars? asks Ying. That's a lot of money! What's your project?
A big one, says Baby Pierre. Going to the Canaries, and then, dancing with spiders.
He makes it sound frivolous, says Daniel O'Connell. But I assure you, it isn't.
I don't know that I approve of crowdfunding, says Gaius. What do you think, Kong?
Kong Fu-Zi considers.
It is good if the intention is noble, says Kong Fu-Zi. But I do not think dancing with spiders is noble.
It is harmonious, says Li Feng.
It is, agrees Ying. And therefore desirable.
You disagree with me, says Kong Fu-Zi. That is good. I like a good argument.
Perhaps you should introduce yourself first, says Gaius.
I should, says Kong Fu-Zi. I am Kong Fu-Zi known in the West as Confucius, here on a visit.
Ha ha, laughs Ying. I don't believe you.
He speaks the truth, says Gaius. He is dressed that way because he is modern, and drinks Rooibos tea.
It's the worst tea I ever tasted, says Li Feng.
Yes, tastes like dirt, says Ying.
Correction, it tastes earthy, says Kong Fu-Zi, and it contains zero caffeine.
That's good, I guess, zero caffeine, says Li Feng.
What about our crowdfunding? says Baby Pierre.
What about it? says Gaius. How far down the track are you?
Nowhere, says Daniel O'Connell. We need someone to make us a video. With me in it, asking for money.
You're very tiny, says Ying. And almost transparent. You won't show up well.
So what? says Daniel O'Connell. For a long time I lived in total darkness. Showing up was not something I needed to know how to do.
He's cute, says Li Feng. Let's help him make a video. Everyone can be in it.
She takes out her iphone.
Ready? Who's going first?
I will, as the Laudably Declarable Model Teacher of Ten Thousand Ages, says Kong Fu-Zi.
He winks at Gaius.
Ew, okay, says Li Feng.
Kong Fu-Zi stands erect in his Hawaiian shirt and drop crotch trousers. He looks imposing.
He takes a harmonious breath.
Eeh-haaaah!
He speaks:
In the spirit of Harmonious Society, in response to increasing social injustice,and inequality, as a result of unchecked economic growth, leading to social conflict, etcetera, we beg your small donation of five or ten dollars towards sending this well-intentioned but penniless spider to the Canaries to teach disadvantaged Black Jumping Spiders non-frivolous dancing. If the target is met, every contributor will receive a free gift, to be revealed in a moment. Now let me introduce.... DANIEL O'CONNELL!
Ee-heh! A free gift! Daniel freezes.
Excellent! says Gaius. All three of the lost are accounted for.
We weren't lost, says Baby Pierre. We were with Tullio.
They are now in the kitchen.
Ageless looks up from where he has been skulking,
Any luck with the funding? asks Ageless.
To be sure, says Daniel O'Connell. We're doing crowdfunding. We're asking ten thousand.
Dollars? asks Ying. That's a lot of money! What's your project?
A big one, says Baby Pierre. Going to the Canaries, and then, dancing with spiders.
He makes it sound frivolous, says Daniel O'Connell. But I assure you, it isn't.
I don't know that I approve of crowdfunding, says Gaius. What do you think, Kong?
Kong Fu-Zi considers.
It is good if the intention is noble, says Kong Fu-Zi. But I do not think dancing with spiders is noble.
It is harmonious, says Li Feng.
It is, agrees Ying. And therefore desirable.
You disagree with me, says Kong Fu-Zi. That is good. I like a good argument.
Perhaps you should introduce yourself first, says Gaius.
I should, says Kong Fu-Zi. I am Kong Fu-Zi known in the West as Confucius, here on a visit.
Ha ha, laughs Ying. I don't believe you.
He speaks the truth, says Gaius. He is dressed that way because he is modern, and drinks Rooibos tea.
It's the worst tea I ever tasted, says Li Feng.
Yes, tastes like dirt, says Ying.
Correction, it tastes earthy, says Kong Fu-Zi, and it contains zero caffeine.
That's good, I guess, zero caffeine, says Li Feng.
What about our crowdfunding? says Baby Pierre.
What about it? says Gaius. How far down the track are you?
Nowhere, says Daniel O'Connell. We need someone to make us a video. With me in it, asking for money.
You're very tiny, says Ying. And almost transparent. You won't show up well.
So what? says Daniel O'Connell. For a long time I lived in total darkness. Showing up was not something I needed to know how to do.
He's cute, says Li Feng. Let's help him make a video. Everyone can be in it.
She takes out her iphone.
Ready? Who's going first?
I will, as the Laudably Declarable Model Teacher of Ten Thousand Ages, says Kong Fu-Zi.
He winks at Gaius.
Ew, okay, says Li Feng.
Kong Fu-Zi stands erect in his Hawaiian shirt and drop crotch trousers. He looks imposing.
He takes a harmonious breath.
Eeh-haaaah!
He speaks:
In the spirit of Harmonious Society, in response to increasing social injustice,and inequality, as a result of unchecked economic growth, leading to social conflict, etcetera, we beg your small donation of five or ten dollars towards sending this well-intentioned but penniless spider to the Canaries to teach disadvantaged Black Jumping Spiders non-frivolous dancing. If the target is met, every contributor will receive a free gift, to be revealed in a moment. Now let me introduce.... DANIEL O'CONNELL!
Ee-heh! A free gift! Daniel freezes.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Wilderness Peach Stones and Dancing
It is not always possible to avert a coincidence.
Sometimes it is merely postponed.
So when Ying and Li Feng reach Gaius's house late in the evening, and ring his front door bell, in order to deliver Kobo safely home.......
Ding dong!
Gaius: Coming! (opens the door). Good evening, young ladies. Not Mormons, I trust at this hour?
Ying (giggling): No we're not Mormons. We're bringing Kobo home....but, you look ....
Li Feng: Hee hee.
Ying: Shut up Li Feng. What?
Li Feng (whispers ): It's him. The famous natural historian, Bliny the Elder.
Ying: Li Feng!
Lui Feng: Sorry. Did I get his name wrong?
Gaius; Ladies ladies, the night is drawing on. Where is Kobo?
Ying: Here she is.
Kobo: Hello, Gaius. I fear this is somewhat embarrassing.
Gaius: Not at all, Kobo. Ageless has been beside himself. Will you ladies come in?
Ying: Do you remember me?
Gaius (looking closely): Ying! We met in Tasmania! You had just completed your first year of Natural Environment and Wilderness Studies. You accompanied us to Dismal Swamp. You found a fossilised peach stone. You see, I do remember. Come in, both of you.
Ying: It's a bit late but....
Li Feng: Not that late.
They go in.
Kong Fu-Zi is at the kitchen table, with Ageless.
Imagine the reunion.
Kong puts on the kettle. Makes everyone Rooibos tea.
Ageless eyes Kobo.
Will she say it?
You NUDGED me! You made me fall into a handbag. I detest you.
But no. She doesn't say it. Her eyes, which he cannot see, are shining.
She is enchanted by Ying.
Ying, who once found a fossilised peach stone, in Tasmania.
Such a beautiful story.
She has forgotten all else, including Baby Pierre.
.......
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell are on their way home to Gaius's, on the bus.
Daniel O'Connell is excited.
Crowdfunding, says Daniel O'Connell. What a lovely idea that is. Money for the asking.
Sure, says Baby Pierre. It sounds easy.
It does indeed, says Daniel O'Connell. How much do you think I should ask for?
A lot, says Baby Pierre. Because your expenses won't stop when you reach the Canaries.
I see that, says Daniel O'Connell. I'll be schmoozing with the Black Jumping Spiders.
They might like to go dancing, says Baby Pierre.
Oh yes, says Daniel O'Connell. They might like to go dancing.
Sure, says Baby Pierre. So how much will you ask for? Ten thousand?
Yes, says Daniel O'Connell. Ten thousand should do it.
The bus stops at Stop Nine. They get off the bus and walk round the corner.
Ding dong!
Gaius: Now who could that be at this hour? Coming!
Sometimes it is merely postponed.
So when Ying and Li Feng reach Gaius's house late in the evening, and ring his front door bell, in order to deliver Kobo safely home.......
Ding dong!
Gaius: Coming! (opens the door). Good evening, young ladies. Not Mormons, I trust at this hour?
Ying (giggling): No we're not Mormons. We're bringing Kobo home....but, you look ....
Li Feng: Hee hee.
Ying: Shut up Li Feng. What?
Li Feng (whispers ): It's him. The famous natural historian, Bliny the Elder.
Ying: Li Feng!
Lui Feng: Sorry. Did I get his name wrong?
Gaius; Ladies ladies, the night is drawing on. Where is Kobo?
Ying: Here she is.
Kobo: Hello, Gaius. I fear this is somewhat embarrassing.
Gaius: Not at all, Kobo. Ageless has been beside himself. Will you ladies come in?
Ying: Do you remember me?
Gaius (looking closely): Ying! We met in Tasmania! You had just completed your first year of Natural Environment and Wilderness Studies. You accompanied us to Dismal Swamp. You found a fossilised peach stone. You see, I do remember. Come in, both of you.
Ying: It's a bit late but....
Li Feng: Not that late.
They go in.
Kong Fu-Zi is at the kitchen table, with Ageless.
Imagine the reunion.
Kong puts on the kettle. Makes everyone Rooibos tea.
Ageless eyes Kobo.
Will she say it?
You NUDGED me! You made me fall into a handbag. I detest you.
But no. She doesn't say it. Her eyes, which he cannot see, are shining.
She is enchanted by Ying.
Ying, who once found a fossilised peach stone, in Tasmania.
Such a beautiful story.
She has forgotten all else, including Baby Pierre.
.......
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell are on their way home to Gaius's, on the bus.
Daniel O'Connell is excited.
Crowdfunding, says Daniel O'Connell. What a lovely idea that is. Money for the asking.
Sure, says Baby Pierre. It sounds easy.
It does indeed, says Daniel O'Connell. How much do you think I should ask for?
A lot, says Baby Pierre. Because your expenses won't stop when you reach the Canaries.
I see that, says Daniel O'Connell. I'll be schmoozing with the Black Jumping Spiders.
They might like to go dancing, says Baby Pierre.
Oh yes, says Daniel O'Connell. They might like to go dancing.
Sure, says Baby Pierre. So how much will you ask for? Ten thousand?
Yes, says Daniel O'Connell. Ten thousand should do it.
The bus stops at Stop Nine. They get off the bus and walk round the corner.
Ding dong!
Gaius: Now who could that be at this hour? Coming!
A Coincidence Averted
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell are both silent, thinking about male redback spiders mating with immature females.
It makes sense, evolution-wise, says Tullio.
Because redback spiders are BAD! says Baby Pierre.
No, that's not why, says Tullio. The immature females haven't yet learned cannibalistic behaviour.
Let me understand this, says Daniel O'Connell. The male spiders don't get eaten. Okay. And they get to have .... (he looks at baby Pierre)....
Sex, says Baby Pierre. No need to pussy foot. I am a free thinker.
Okay, says Daniel O'Connell. And they get to have sex, but those females can't have any babies.
They do, later, says Tullio. The immature female redback spiders store the sperm in their sperm storage organs. The trick for the male spiders is to know how to pick the right window.
A window! says Baby Pierre. Woohoo!
Not that kind of window, says Daniel O'Connell. A window of opportunity.
So where is it? says Baby Pierre. I'm lost.
The window, says Tullio, is between the time the immature female develops genitalia, and the time she learns how to eat her ....
Boyfriend! says Baby Pierre. It's disgusting! Daniel doesn't want it.
Hang on, says Daniel O'Connell. Doesn't want what?
Research funding, says Baby Pierre. Daniel O'Connell is the Liberator!
True, says Daniel O'Connell. I am. Although..... I believe that the countryside teems with my natural children.
Perhaps you ought to try crowdfunding, says Tullio.
........
Kobo has been found. This is the way that it happened.
Ying reaches into her handbag, to search for her phone.
Her fingers close around something clam-shaped.
A dropped dumpling? No, it's too hard.
Oow! says Kobo as she is lifted out of the handbag and placed on the table, next to a dish of spicy chickens' feet.
Oh! says Ying. You were at the show, sitting next to me! Did you fall into my handbag?
Yes, says Kobo. I thought I had fallen into Margaret's, which is why I remained silent, till now.
A talking clam! says Li Feng. It's the first time I've seen one.
I don't get out much, says Kobo.
Hee hee, laughs Li Feng. She doesn't get out much.
To Kobo, it's not all that funny.
What did you think of Two Dogs? asks Ying.
Absurd yet thought provoking, says Kobo. It challenged the lifestyles and idealistic views of modern China. And of course, it was utterly hilarious.
I thought so too, says Ying.
Me too, says Li Feng, remembering the rude bits.
How will you get home? asks Ying.
I cannot, says Kobo.
May I offer you a lift? asks Ying. I have a bicycle.
It's dark, says Li Feng. I'll come with you. On my bicycle.
So kind of you, says Kobo. I do need to get home. My young nephew....
The young nephew is Baby Pierre.
(not her real nephew)
If Kobo had mentioned the name of her nephew, it would have meant nothing to Ying, but had Kobo mentioned the name of Gaius Plinius Secundus (at whose house she resides) Ying might have remembered that she met Gaius once, in Tasmania, when she was a student....
A coincidence has been averted.
It makes sense, evolution-wise, says Tullio.
Because redback spiders are BAD! says Baby Pierre.
No, that's not why, says Tullio. The immature females haven't yet learned cannibalistic behaviour.
Let me understand this, says Daniel O'Connell. The male spiders don't get eaten. Okay. And they get to have .... (he looks at baby Pierre)....
Sex, says Baby Pierre. No need to pussy foot. I am a free thinker.
Okay, says Daniel O'Connell. And they get to have sex, but those females can't have any babies.
They do, later, says Tullio. The immature female redback spiders store the sperm in their sperm storage organs. The trick for the male spiders is to know how to pick the right window.
A window! says Baby Pierre. Woohoo!
Not that kind of window, says Daniel O'Connell. A window of opportunity.
So where is it? says Baby Pierre. I'm lost.
The window, says Tullio, is between the time the immature female develops genitalia, and the time she learns how to eat her ....
Boyfriend! says Baby Pierre. It's disgusting! Daniel doesn't want it.
Hang on, says Daniel O'Connell. Doesn't want what?
Research funding, says Baby Pierre. Daniel O'Connell is the Liberator!
True, says Daniel O'Connell. I am. Although..... I believe that the countryside teems with my natural children.
Perhaps you ought to try crowdfunding, says Tullio.
........
Kobo has been found. This is the way that it happened.
Ying reaches into her handbag, to search for her phone.
Her fingers close around something clam-shaped.
A dropped dumpling? No, it's too hard.
Oow! says Kobo as she is lifted out of the handbag and placed on the table, next to a dish of spicy chickens' feet.
Oh! says Ying. You were at the show, sitting next to me! Did you fall into my handbag?
Yes, says Kobo. I thought I had fallen into Margaret's, which is why I remained silent, till now.
A talking clam! says Li Feng. It's the first time I've seen one.
I don't get out much, says Kobo.
Hee hee, laughs Li Feng. She doesn't get out much.
To Kobo, it's not all that funny.
What did you think of Two Dogs? asks Ying.
Absurd yet thought provoking, says Kobo. It challenged the lifestyles and idealistic views of modern China. And of course, it was utterly hilarious.
I thought so too, says Ying.
Me too, says Li Feng, remembering the rude bits.
How will you get home? asks Ying.
I cannot, says Kobo.
May I offer you a lift? asks Ying. I have a bicycle.
It's dark, says Li Feng. I'll come with you. On my bicycle.
So kind of you, says Kobo. I do need to get home. My young nephew....
The young nephew is Baby Pierre.
(not her real nephew)
If Kobo had mentioned the name of her nephew, it would have meant nothing to Ying, but had Kobo mentioned the name of Gaius Plinius Secundus (at whose house she resides) Ying might have remembered that she met Gaius once, in Tasmania, when she was a student....
A coincidence has been averted.
Sunday, October 2, 2016
How Far A Spider Will Go
Ying is having dinner at Ding Hao with her friend Li Feng.
They order a bowl of steamed dumplings, as a starter.
She does not yet know she has a fossilised clam in her handbag.
......
Ageless is travelling home on the bus, with Margaret.
I'm sure she'll turn up, says Margaret.
That's what I'm afraid of, says Ageless.
He imagines the scene.
Kobo: Ageless, you bully, you NUDGED me!
Himself: I...clik....urg....rrr.
Kobo: I shall not speak to you again, for...mmmnnnn...... AGES!
Himself: But beloved, I did not mean to, it was because I could not follow the improv!
Kobo (frowning): ............!
The bus stops. Ageless skitters off the bus.
Margaret continues to her stop, which is further.
......
Ageless arrives at Gaius's door.
How was it? asks Gaius. You look grim. Where is Kobo?
Grr.....chh! Lost! grumbles Ageless.
What has happened? asks Kong.
Kobo is lost, says Gaius. That makes three of them.
Who else is lost? asks Ageless lobster.
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell, says Gaius. They failed to return from the boating party.
Ageless is stopped in his tracks.
He turns pale, and unwraps his long scarf with tassels.
His eye stalks wave wildly.
Cup of tea? asks Kong Fu-Zi. Rooibos?
I can recommend it, says Gaius.
Cliiiiik, says Ageless. No tea thanks. Lost! Baby Pierre and Kobo ! My child and my beloved! I blame this on Daniel O'Connell!
.......
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell are with Tullio, in his apartment.
Tullio is giving them tips on How to Apply for Research Funding.
First, says Tullio, decide what you need money for.
That is easy, says Daniel O'Connell. I need money for tickets.
No good, says Tullio. You must explain the research you will be doing and its impact.
That is harder, says Daniel O'Connell.
Not harder, says Baby Pierre. It requires more thinking.
Correct! says Tullio.
Daniel O'Connell is cross. Why does Baby Pierre get the credit?
Next he will be coming up with a proposal.
Daniel O'Connell thinks fast.
My research, says Daniel O'Connell, will be an investigation, into the Black Jumping Spiders of the Canaries.
Into them? says Tullio. That doesn't sound very specific.
Into their biting, says Baby Pierre.
For what purpose? asks Tullio.
To see if they do, says Baby Pierre.
I think that is known already, says Tullio. The ARC will not be interested in that. Let me tell you the sort of thing that gets spider research funding.
Go ahead, says Daniel O'Connell.
A recent study found that male redback spiders evade being cannibalised by mating with immature females, says Tullio.
Who would believe it?
Daniel O'Connell can't believe it. Neither can Baby Pierre.
They order a bowl of steamed dumplings, as a starter.
She does not yet know she has a fossilised clam in her handbag.
......
Ageless is travelling home on the bus, with Margaret.
I'm sure she'll turn up, says Margaret.
That's what I'm afraid of, says Ageless.
He imagines the scene.
Kobo: Ageless, you bully, you NUDGED me!
Himself: I...clik....urg....rrr.
Kobo: I shall not speak to you again, for...mmmnnnn...... AGES!
Himself: But beloved, I did not mean to, it was because I could not follow the improv!
Kobo (frowning): ............!
The bus stops. Ageless skitters off the bus.
Margaret continues to her stop, which is further.
......
Ageless arrives at Gaius's door.
How was it? asks Gaius. You look grim. Where is Kobo?
Grr.....chh! Lost! grumbles Ageless.
What has happened? asks Kong.
Kobo is lost, says Gaius. That makes three of them.
Who else is lost? asks Ageless lobster.
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell, says Gaius. They failed to return from the boating party.
Ageless is stopped in his tracks.
He turns pale, and unwraps his long scarf with tassels.
His eye stalks wave wildly.
Cup of tea? asks Kong Fu-Zi. Rooibos?
I can recommend it, says Gaius.
Cliiiiik, says Ageless. No tea thanks. Lost! Baby Pierre and Kobo ! My child and my beloved! I blame this on Daniel O'Connell!
.......
Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell are with Tullio, in his apartment.
Tullio is giving them tips on How to Apply for Research Funding.
First, says Tullio, decide what you need money for.
That is easy, says Daniel O'Connell. I need money for tickets.
No good, says Tullio. You must explain the research you will be doing and its impact.
That is harder, says Daniel O'Connell.
Not harder, says Baby Pierre. It requires more thinking.
Correct! says Tullio.
Daniel O'Connell is cross. Why does Baby Pierre get the credit?
Next he will be coming up with a proposal.
Daniel O'Connell thinks fast.
My research, says Daniel O'Connell, will be an investigation, into the Black Jumping Spiders of the Canaries.
Into them? says Tullio. That doesn't sound very specific.
Into their biting, says Baby Pierre.
For what purpose? asks Tullio.
To see if they do, says Baby Pierre.
I think that is known already, says Tullio. The ARC will not be interested in that. Let me tell you the sort of thing that gets spider research funding.
Go ahead, says Daniel O'Connell.
A recent study found that male redback spiders evade being cannibalised by mating with immature females, says Tullio.
Who would believe it?
Daniel O'Connell can't believe it. Neither can Baby Pierre.
Saturday, October 1, 2016
Comical And Minimally Subversive
Next day, Margaret calls Gaius.
Tonight's show has been cancelled, says Margaret. Would you tell Ageless I'm sorry.
You may tell him yourself, says Gaius. He'll be disappointed. He's busy arranging his scarf.
Ageless scrapes his way to the landline, successfully avoiding his tassels.
Whaa? Clik... rrr. No! Something else then? Clik.... Two Dogs? In Mandarin? I'll ask my beloved. O yes, she is coming....was coming.... unless....hold the line will you, grk.
Ageless calls to his beloved, without moving: Kobo my crumb! Change of plan! Not the Shakespeare. No. Two Dogs! In Mandarin language. Will you go?
Kobo: Of course dear. I speak fluent....
Ageless (to Margaret): She will go. She speaks fluent.
Margaret: I only have two tickets.
Ageless: Kobo will sit in your.... shh....handbag.
Kobo: I HEARD THAT! A handbag won't do.
.....
Later, at Her Majesty's Theatre.
Margaret has seats in the front row.
Beside her, Ageless shares a seat with Kobo, who has refused to get into the handbag.
Ageless takes his scarf off, because it is warm.
The young woman on Ageless's left realises she is next to a lobster, and is nonplussed for a moment.
Aiye!
But then, this is an absurdist comedy, from mainland China, and this is the front row. It is only what you might expect. Ying relaxes, and takes her phone out of her handbag.
The show starts with a loud electronic twanging.
The Two Dogs come on, to tell their comical and minimally subversive story.
They dream of blue sky, green earth, they dream of a better life in the city .....they improvise.
There are no subtitles during the improvisation.
The improvisation is long.
Ageless can tell it is funny because Kobo is laughing.
He nudges Kobo. Too hard. She rolls forward and falls into a handbag.
Ageless is stricken. His beloved has fallen into a handbag.
And now what is this? The Two Dogs are coming down from the stage and collecting the handbags.
The audience laughs. Margaret's handbag, and Ying's handbag, are taken, and placed on the stage.
There is a long row of handbags.
The Two Dogs become security guards, and start singing.
Later, one Dog pretends to kill himself. Ka-choong! Ahh!
One of the handbags moves, ever so slightly.
Ageless cringes.
When Two Dogs is over, there will be hell to pay.
......
That was nice, says Margaret. I enjoyed watching that with all the Chinese people laughing, even when I couldn't understand what the actors were saying. How did you like it, Ageless?
Grrr... says Ageless. I feared for my Kobo when she fell into a handbag.
My lord! Did she? says Margaret. Was it my handbag? Is she still there?
Margaret opens her handbag, which was returned at the end of the show.
She looks inside it, but she doesn't see Kobo.
Wouldn't it be funny if Kobo had fallen into Ying's handbag.
That could have happened.
It's a comedy. You never know.
Tonight's show has been cancelled, says Margaret. Would you tell Ageless I'm sorry.
You may tell him yourself, says Gaius. He'll be disappointed. He's busy arranging his scarf.
Ageless scrapes his way to the landline, successfully avoiding his tassels.
Whaa? Clik... rrr. No! Something else then? Clik.... Two Dogs? In Mandarin? I'll ask my beloved. O yes, she is coming....was coming.... unless....hold the line will you, grk.
Ageless calls to his beloved, without moving: Kobo my crumb! Change of plan! Not the Shakespeare. No. Two Dogs! In Mandarin language. Will you go?
Kobo: Of course dear. I speak fluent....
Ageless (to Margaret): She will go. She speaks fluent.
Margaret: I only have two tickets.
Ageless: Kobo will sit in your.... shh....handbag.
Kobo: I HEARD THAT! A handbag won't do.
.....
Later, at Her Majesty's Theatre.
Margaret has seats in the front row.
Beside her, Ageless shares a seat with Kobo, who has refused to get into the handbag.
Ageless takes his scarf off, because it is warm.
The young woman on Ageless's left realises she is next to a lobster, and is nonplussed for a moment.
Aiye!
But then, this is an absurdist comedy, from mainland China, and this is the front row. It is only what you might expect. Ying relaxes, and takes her phone out of her handbag.
The show starts with a loud electronic twanging.
The Two Dogs come on, to tell their comical and minimally subversive story.
They dream of blue sky, green earth, they dream of a better life in the city .....they improvise.
There are no subtitles during the improvisation.
The improvisation is long.
Ageless can tell it is funny because Kobo is laughing.
He nudges Kobo. Too hard. She rolls forward and falls into a handbag.
Ageless is stricken. His beloved has fallen into a handbag.
And now what is this? The Two Dogs are coming down from the stage and collecting the handbags.
The audience laughs. Margaret's handbag, and Ying's handbag, are taken, and placed on the stage.
There is a long row of handbags.
The Two Dogs become security guards, and start singing.
Later, one Dog pretends to kill himself. Ka-choong! Ahh!
One of the handbags moves, ever so slightly.
Ageless cringes.
When Two Dogs is over, there will be hell to pay.
......
That was nice, says Margaret. I enjoyed watching that with all the Chinese people laughing, even when I couldn't understand what the actors were saying. How did you like it, Ageless?
Grrr... says Ageless. I feared for my Kobo when she fell into a handbag.
My lord! Did she? says Margaret. Was it my handbag? Is she still there?
Margaret opens her handbag, which was returned at the end of the show.
She looks inside it, but she doesn't see Kobo.
Wouldn't it be funny if Kobo had fallen into Ying's handbag.
That could have happened.
It's a comedy. You never know.
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