Caramelised Reassurance

Arthur is thinking: I'll buy a postcard.

He is falling asleep.

Not BUY, exactly, but acquire one....

He is hearing white noise.

Ying has all the money.......

Ying looks at Arthur, who has fallen asleep.

A blob of Caramelised Plum on his mouth in the corner.

This annoys her.

Should she wipe it off?

She decides to attempt it.

She leans across Arthur and wipes off the Caramelised Plum, with the corner of her white cotton hankie.

He straightens, but does not wake up.

However, the red box containing Daniel O'Connell, Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut is pushed further under the seat, by Arthur's feet, as he extends them.

A little girl, not asleep yet, sees a red box emerge under her seat.

She unbuckles her seat belt and picks up the red cardboard box.

Toys!

And Eek! a Horrible Spider!

She picks up Geoff Darwin and pushes him hard against Daniel O'Connell, hoping to kill him.

Daniel O'Connell, who had been thinking of Baby Pierre, is startled into thinking about his own survival.

He squeezes out from behind Geoff Darwin.

Well done! says Geoff Darwin. But I wouldn't have killed you.

The little girl is getting into trouble from her mother.

Celia! says her mother. Where did that box come from?

Under there! wails Celia.

Her mother, realising what has happened, returns the red box.

Ying accepts it.

Thank you. My friend here must have kicked it under.

It has a spider in it, says mother.

I know, says Ying. It's a specimen. On its way to the Canaries, for science.

She has decided to say this rather than: He is going to the Canaries to teach Black Jumping Spiders non-frivolous dancing.

Which would sound somewhat improbable.

But now Daniel O'Connell is thinking about what he was thinking before.

BABY PIERRE.

He hits himself on the head in frustration.

How did he forget him?

Baby Pierre had been so helpful. And so anxious that there should be room for him in the red box.

And here was he, Daniel O'Connell, with Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut, who were only there for their outfits.

Outfits not even needed by Daniel O'Connell, (being too large, with not enough leg holes)

Seeing his look of consternation, Ying says, to Daniel O'Connell:

It's been a long day, would you like to sleep wrapped in my hankie?

He is grateful, and accepts her kind offer.

All night he smells second hand Caramelised Plum, which is reassuringly restful.......

The Logistics Of Ten Thousand Postcards

Next morning. Arthur and Ying meet at the airport.

Arthur has the red box, shoved in his shorts pocket.

You travel light, says Ying. Is that your one pair of shorts?

Yes, says Arthur. And they're not dry yet.

You washed them! says Ying. That's so sweet.

I didn't, says Arthur. Sweezus was washing his, so I dropped mine in.

How damp are they? asks Ying.

She touches them gingerly, on the frayed purple edge of the pocket.

I'll take the box, says Ying. It's cardboard. It'll go soggy.

Too late. The red box containing Daniel O'Connell, Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut has already gone soggy.

They pass through security.

Security scans the soggy red box.

Nothing unusual there.

Just toys, says Ying, smiling at the scanning officer.

This arouses suspicion, and Ying is frisked with a wand for traces of explosives.

Of which, luckily, no traces are found.

Arthur and Ying board the Emirates flight to Dubai.

It's a long flight, says Ying. We'll be great friends by the end. Here, hold the box for a second.

She wriggles in her seat, adjusting the seat belt.

Arthur's thumb goes straight through the box.

Soft cheers are heard through the thumb hole.

Arthur lifts the lid. It's the first time he's looked into the Rooibos tea box since yesterday.

About time! says Geoff Darwin.

I should say so, says Cedric Walnut. Call an ambulance!

Can't says Arthur. We're on a plane.

Get Daniel O'Connell out then, says Geoff Darwin. He's not breathing.

He doesn't, says Arthur. Not like you or me. Or just me, depending...

What are you talking about Arthur? asks Ying.

Daniel O'Connell's stopped breathing, says Arthur.

Ai! says Ying. Is he dead or something? This is no good! Get him out, let's have a look.

Arthur lifts Daniel O'Connell out of the red box, by one of his tiny thin legs.

Sets him down on his damp purple shorts, horizontal.

Daniel O'Connell opens his eyes to see a SKULL staring back at him.

'Tis the grim reaper! cries Daniel O'Connell.

But 'tis not the grim reaper. 'Tis the newly washed pattern on Arthur's Brave Soul Paisley Skull shorts.

A lesson, not to do washing too often.

.......

Several hours into the flight, Ying and Arthur have exhausted the niceties

How is Stew? Still in Tassie. I never see him. How was the Tour De France? Good. I was the captain. We met Proust. How amazing! Did he speak in long sentences? Not always. He was there as a clown. Excuse me, I need to go to the toilet. Okay. Oops sorry. More champagne?

And now it is dinner time.

Daniel O'Connell is back in the box, under the seat in front of Arthur.

Ying has folded the lid back, so the inmates can see.

All they can see is the flat bottom of a seat, a slit of light, and all they can smell is:

Lamb Brochette with Arabic spices.
Grilled Chicken Breast with Caramelised Plums.

To take their mind off their hunger they speak of their families.

Geoff Darwin: I didn't realise we were going on such a long journey.

Cedric Walnut: Neither did I. My wife will be beside herself

Geoff Darwin: So will mine

Daniel O'Connell (morosely): I don't have anyone beside herself.

Geoff Darwin: A free man eh? What about relatives?

Daniel O'Connell: Only the Black Jumping Spiders. And they don't know me.

Cedric Walnut: Aye. We family men don't always realise....

Geoff Darwin: ......how lucky we are.

........

Arthur is beginning to think that Ying is not going to mention the wallet.

After all, it was two years ago.

He closes his eyes, after adjusting his seat to a reclining position.

Arthur, says Ying.

What? says Arthur.

We need to talk about something.

What is it?

The ten thousand postcards. The logistics. How will you...?

All under control, mumbles Arthur.

And The Darkness Grows Redder

Okay, says Ying. I'll organise tickets. So, it's Gaius and Kong, Arthur and Sweezus, and me. That's five adults. And then Terence...

You forgot someone, says Daniel O'Connell.

You won't need a ticket, says Ying.

This is news to Daniel O'Connell.

No, says Ying. You can go in the box.

She leaves, in order to organise tickets.

Daniel sits down on the table, deflated.

Belle is dressing Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut.

I guess you won't be needing these guys, says Belle. What'll I do with them?

They might as well go in the box, says Daniel O'Connell. At least I'll have someone to talk to.

Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut are dropped in the box.

Daniel O'Connell climbs in.

He sits down heavily, in a red corner.

A monkey and a squirrel, says Daniel O'Connell, in deep gloom.

Cheer up, says Geoff Darwin, the monkey. We'll just make the best of it.

Are you okay? asks Cedric Walnut, the squirrel. Can we help you? You look thin and pale, and your breathing is funny.

There is nothing worse than being told that you look thin and pale and your breathing is funny.

Daniel O'Connell feels faint and disorientated.

Terence peers into the box.

He sees Daniel O'Connell looking pale in the corner.

We're quite concerned about your spider, says Geoff Darwin loudly, upwards.

That's because he's SAD, says Terence. And I know why. I get a ticket, and he doesn't.

Ouch! The truth hurts. A blow for Daniel O'Connell.

Terence closes the lid of the red cardboard Rooibos tea box.

And the darkness grows redder.

......

Time passes.

......

Ying has the tickets.

Just one little hitch, says Ying, but it won't be a problem.

.......

Turns out she can't get enough tickets for everyone to fly to Barcelona together.

So two adults must fly out first. And three adults and Terence, two days later.

The box won't be a problem.

And how has Ying divided the party?

Fuck, says Sweezus. She's split us. I knew it....

She has unfinished business with me, says Arthur. Remember her car, and the wallet?

But you bought her lunch heaps of times, says Sweezus.

With her money, says Arthur.

Women, says Sweezus.

Pause.

Not all women, adds Sweezus.

What a philosopher.

....

So what's happening is this. Ying and Arthur fly out tomorrow, with Daniel O'Connell.

Two days later, Gaius, Kong and Sweezus, with Terence.

And they all meet in Barcelona, next Tuesday, outside the Sagrada Familia.

There, Terence will reunite briefly with his family (except for Saint Joseph).

Then, the whole party will fly out to Tenerife, where Daniel O'Connell....

(who is in a bad place at the moment)

(what if he doesn't make it?)

But we won't get ahead of ourselves.

Dance Of Freedom

Daniel O'Connell is drowning in two pairs of trousers.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Each has a tail hole. That makes two leg holes, one tail hole, and a waist hole in each pair of trousers.

According to Ying, who is good at maths (according to Arthur), that makes eight holes altogether.

And you have eight legs, says Belle, to Daniel O'Connell.

He knows that.

I'll get some pins, says Belle. We'll have you dressed in a jiffy. Gaius, have you got any pins?

Gaius has, from a period when he caught and pinned butterflies, before they became scarce.

Like the best pins, they have different coloured tops, and are remarkably pointy.

Ouch! Ouch! cries Daniel O'Connell.

And then he is silent.

Eight leg holes is all very well, but what about:

A HOLE FOR HIS HEAD!

Belle is realising this also.

Meanwhile Terence has come in.

Oh shit, says Sweezus.

Penalty! says Terence.

Only YOU get a penalty for swearing, says Sweezus.

I know what you're thinking, says Belle, with her mouth full of pins. You're thinking you'll have to take Terence with you to the Canaries.

Not another one! says Ying. There won't be enough room on the plane.

Can't he stay here? asks Sweezus.

No, says Belle. I'll be in charge of the office. He'll be going. Anyway, he'll love it. You fly via Dubai, and Barcelona.

Barcelona! cries Terence! That's where I came from!

Aren't you lucky, says Belle. You can visit The Virgin, and Saint Joseph, your beautiful family.

Not Saint Joseph, says Terence. I might visit the parrots.

You can visit your replacement, says Arthur.

Do I have a replacement? asks Terence.

(He must have forgotten).

Astro Boy, says Arthur. That is, if he's still there.

Boo hoo, says Terence. Astro Boy. My poor replacement.

It's hard to know what he is thinking.

Daniel O'Connell's head pokes out of Monkey Daddy's tail hole.

Cch-chah!

He is choking, and one leg is trapped.

Get me out! says Daniel O'Connell. I've changed my mind about holiday outfits.

Now you tell me , says Belle. After all that pinning.

Daniel O'Connell struggles out of his outfits, and performs a Red Spider Dance of Freedom.

Geoff Darwin and Cedric Walnut applaud.

Now they should get their clothes back.

A Little On The Big Side

Belle is on her way back to Gaius's house.

She carries a red cardboard box.

Inside the box are :

1. Daniel O'Connell.

2. His holiday outfits.

3. A monkey and a squirrel (Sylvanian daddies, wearing the outfits).

Daniel O'Connell is pointedly ignoring the daddies.

They are forced to converse with themselves.

I don't believe we've met, says Monkey Daddy.

Cedric Walnut, says the Squirrel. Carpenter.

Geoff Darwin, says Monkey. Botanist.

Nice outfit, observes Cedric Walnut.

So is yours, says Geoff Darwin. I believe our outfits are the reason we were selected.

Ha ha. Selected, says Cedric. Good one, Darwin. Any idea what for?

You've got me there, says Geoff Darwin. I hope it's a short term thing. I've got to get back to my family.

Me too, says Cedric Walnut.

Clunk.

The box is clunked down on a table, and opened.

Daniel O'Connell is lifted out.

The daddies hear various voices.

Belle's voice: Well, that was reasonably successful.

Sweezus's voice: What'd you get?

Daniel O'Connell's voice: Two outfits, a little on the big side.

Gaius: I hope they have enough leg holes.

Daniel O'Connell: Holy shit! Leg holes!

Belle: That's something we didn't think of.

Ying: Two outfits. Twice the holes.

Arthur: You're good at maths.

Ying: Thank you, Arthur.

Daniel O'Connell: Ying. How goes the crowd funding?

Ying: Exceedingly well. You have over one hundred thousand dollars.

Daniel O'Connell: And where is it?

Ying: In an account. I'm the administrator. And by the way. I've finished my Masters, so I'll be able to come to the Canaries with you. How good is that?

Daniel O'Connell: Hm. Who else thinks they're coming?

Sweezus: Us. Me and Arthur.

Gaius: And I. It's an excellent opportunity....

Kong Fu-Zi: And I have been invited along as the official recorder.

(We know this is not true exactly)

Daniel O'Connell: That will cost a lot of money.

Ying: Don't worry. You have plenty.

Belle: You'll be glad to know I'm not going. Someone has to stay back in the office.

Kong Fu-Zi: Let's see these outfits. Are they Hawaiian?

At last, someone looks into the box.

Gaius looks too.

Belle lifts the daddies out, and starts stripping their clothes off.

It's a fiddly job.

While she does it, the daddies stand stiffly.

The Cautious Seldom Err

Belle has dragged Daniel O'Connell to men's clothes shops all over the city.

No one has had anything small enough for Daniel O'Connell.

Right, says Belle. I'm sorry. Last chance. We're going to Toy World.

Toy World, grumbles Daniel O'Connell. Am I a toy now?

Of course not, says Belle. It's a special shop for Toys AND World Travellers. Toy/World.

They go up in a lift to the Toy/World.

I'm looking for small items of clothing, suitable for a spider going on holiday, says Belle.

Hmm, says the assistant (Julie). That'll be difficult.

He's going to the Canaries, says Belle. So, summery clothes would be best....

I'm thinking.... Sylvanian Families, says Julie. But even then, your spider is awfully small. Come over here. I'll show you our range.

Toy/World has a whole shelf Sylvanian characters. Belle lifts Daniel O'Connell up to look.

He inspects the Rabbit Family, the Squirrel Family, the Hamster Family, the Hedgehog Family and the Monkey Family.

The Monkey Family is new, says Julie.

Do you like any of their clothes? asks Belle.

Yes, says Daniel O'Connell. I like Daddy Monkey's trousers.

Daddy Monkey is wearing red trousers, a yellow shirt and an orange and black check waistcoat with green buttons

Way too big, says Julie. What about one of the babies' outfits? They're cute. Baby Hedgehog has  blue dungarees, with a sweet white lace collar.

Ahem, coughs Belle. I don't think so.

I should certainly not think so, shouts Daniel O'Connell. Can't you see I am in the full flower of my maturity! The countryside teems with my........

Shoosh, says Belle. No need to boast about it. Do you like Daddy Squirrel's check khaki trousers and yellow waistcoat?

Yes, mutters Daniel O'Connell. I like them well enough. I'll have both outfits. Let's be going.

You have to buy the whole family, says Julie.

We just want the daddies, says Belle.

Can't do it, says Julie.

Belle pays Julie for the Monkey and Squirrel Sylvanian Families, opens the boxes and takes out the daddies.

Do what you like with the mummies and children, says Belle.

Okay, shrugs Julie.

It seems cruel.

Belle and Daniel O'Connell leave Toy/World, only part-satisfied with their shopping.

As for the daddies, they have no idea what's in store.

........

Back at Gaius's house, a discussion:

Gaius: I suppose you boys have heard about the crowdfunding.

Sweezus: Yeah.

Gaius: And you've come to offer your services.

Arthur: Not necessarily.

Kong Fu-Zi: The cautious seldom err.

Sweezus: That's a good one.

Gaius: I've decided to accompany Daniel O'Connell to the Canaries. I'm responsible for him. And I should like to take the opportunity to make a study of the Scarlet Darter, and the Robber Fly.

Kong Fu-Zi: Do you need a recorder?

Gaius: You mean you?

Kong Fu-Zi: To go beyond is as wrong as to fall short.

Gaius What the dickens does that mean?

Kong Fu-Zi: It means yes, I accept.

Ding Dong!

It's Ying.

Ying: Hello everyone. Good news. The total has now reached one hundred thousand. Oh! Arthur!

Arthur: Ying.

Ying: How lovely to see you again. Do you remember...?

Arthur: Err. Yes.

Ying: The bad news is that it's a hell of a lot of postcards.

Sweezus: Postcards?

Gaius: A free gift of a postcard was promised to every sponsor.

Sweezus: Coolio! How many are there?

Ying: One hundred thousand divided by ten.

That can be our job, says Arthur.

A Vague Map Forms Of An Island

Check this out! says Sweezus.

Arthur looks at the video on Sweezus's phone.

That's Daniel O'Connell, says Arthur.

Yeah, I know, says Sweezus. He's gone viral in China. And made mega-bucks on Kickstarter.

So he'll be going to the Canaries, says Arthur. With money.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Canaries... where are the Canaries?

Off Africa, says Arthur. But they belong to Spain.

How come? says Sweezus.

Ask Spain, says Arthur. Anyway, I like Spain.

Me too, says Sweezus. So, are they near Spain?

Kind of, says Arthur. In a southerly direction. Somewhere in the ocean.

In Sweezus's head a vague map forms, of an island south of Spain, ringed by palm trees and lapped by a tropical ocean, with cool bars and large jugs of sangria.......

In Arthur's head, a spider he knows has some money, in need of spending......

Maybe we should pay Gaius a visit, says Sweezus.

Maybe we should, agrees Arthur.

They gulp down the dregs of their artisan cold drip coffees and head for their bicycles.

.......

Daniel O'Connell looks up from his packing.

What should I take?

The red box, suggests Baby Pierre. You look good in it.

It looked good behind me, says Daniel O'Connell.

It looks good anywhere, says Baby Pierre. And we'll both fit in it.

There won't be room for my clothes, says Daniel O'Connell.

Have you got clothes? asks Baby Pierre.

Not yet, says Daniel O'Connell. Belle's taking me shopping.

Don't buy too many, says Baby Pierre. It'll be hot there.

He doesn't know if it'll be hot there. He's worried about lack of SPACE.

........

Ding dong! It's Belle at the door, with Terence.

Come in Belle, says Gaius. And you, Terence.

Terence rushes in.

He is looking for Daniel O'Connell.

There he is on the table, near a red box, and Baby Pierre.

Guess what? says Terence. You're going shopping! And then guess what?

What? asks Daniel O'Connell. I mean, then what?

You're going to the Canaries, says Terence. And you might need a ... a... person who knows about parrots.

I've BEEN a parrot, says Daniel O'Connell. That is, you attempted to turn me into a parrot.

You were no good, says Terence.

Why do I need someone who knows about parrots? asks Daniel O'Connell.

Yes, why? says Baby Pierre. He doesn't. He needs someone who knows about .....about...

Postcards, says Daniel O'Connell.

This is perfectly true. Well done, Daniel O'Connell.

Ready? says Belle. Let's go shopping. Goodness, how small you are, Daniel O'Connell. We might have to go to a toy shop.

Oh no, says Daniel O'Connell. I'm not shopping for clothes in a toy shop.

We'll see, says Belle.

She scoops up Daniel O'Connell, drops him in the red box, and heads for the door.

At the door, about to ring the doorbell, are Sweezus and Arthur.

Hi guys, says Belle. Go in. I'm just taking Daniel O'Connell out shopping.

But we came to see him, says Sweezus.

We won't be long, says Belle. You guys wait here with Gaius and Kong. Ying's coming over.

Ying? says Sweezus. Is she the one who...?

Yes, says Belle. And she remembers you from Tasmania. You, and Arthur.

It was ages ago. Arthur has almost forgotten her, and the peach stone, the keys and the car, and the wallet.....