Shape Shifting

It's now just a short drive to Adelaide.

Arthur drops Gaius at home, and follows Sweezus to Katherine's.

Sweezus parks the car in the driveway, and knocks on Katherine's door.

Hi Katherine. Brought your car back.

Thank you, dear, says Katherine. How is Gaius?

Okay. Why wouldn't he be? asks Sweezus.

I left him rather abruptly, says Katherine, and then Margaret had that little mishap.

He's moving on, says Sweezus. Going to Ecuador.

Newcastle, says Katherine.

Not according to the Sea Salt, says Sweezus.

Sea Salt? says Katherine.

From the sea, says Sweezus.

Obviously, says Katherine, but how can it have an opinion?

Would you like to try some? asks Sweezus. It's new. Not even on the market. We have to get bags printed and stuff.

I'll try it, says Katherine. Although I don't normally use it.

You sprinkle it and see what letter it forms, says Sweezus.

What fun, says Katherine. I remember doing that with the peel of an apple. You peeled the apple, then threw the peel over your shoulder and the apple peel gave you the first letter of the name of the person you would marry. It was always a C. No wait, an S, a J sometimes. But it was certainly limited.....

This is salt, says Sweezus. It can do any letter. Or the shape of a country.

How exciting, says Katherine. I shall have some. How much are you asking for a sprinkle?

Sweezus hesitates. It's not in a hessian bag yet. It's in a old plastic bag from the sea.

For you.... says Sweezus, still hesitating.

Be bold! says Katherine. How much?

Arthur is sick of waiting for Sweezus. He comes up.

Fifty dollars, says Arthur.

That's a bit excessive, says Katherine.

We brought your car back, says Arthur.

Good heavens, says Katherine. What have I been thinking? Have a hundred. Did you have to buy petrol?

Yes, says Arthur.

And another fifty, says Katherine. Wait here and I'll get it, and something to put the salt in.

She goes inside, and comes back with the money and an egg cup.

Sweezus takes the cash and pours a tiny amount of Prognosticating Sea Salt into the egg cup.

She takes a pinch, and sprinkles it onto the back of her hand. It forms a salt heap.

She shakes it onto the floor.

The salt is uncooperative.

She moves it aside with her shoe.

That's a J, says Arthur.

Katherine looks down. The sweep of her foot has rearranged the salt into the shape of a J, the first initial of Joseph Hume, her dead husband.

Joseph! says Katherine. Or Italy.

Or a fish hook.

Done Is Done

Back in Steamers Café, Arthur and Sweezus are discussing marketing ideas.

Hessian bags, says Sweezus. Tied up with seaweed.

Hand printed, says Arthur. The bags, not the sea weed.

Yeah, says Sweezus. PROGNOSTICATING SEA SALT.

How about SEE SALT? says Gaius. With a double-E.

Not classy, says Sweezus.

Arthur agrees.

Only trying to be helpful, says Gaius.

You could think up some examples, says Sweezus. Like, how it works.

We were doing that in the car, says Arthur. The Growling Grass Frog scattered salt on Gaius's chinos and the salt formed an E.

Meaning? says Sweezus.

We're going to Ecuador, says Gaius. I wasn't going to tell you until it was confirmed.

Ecuador? How come? says Sweezus. If that's true, this Sea Salt's freakin' freak-balls!

It doesn't have to work, says Arthur.

I beg to differ, says Gaius. You should only market it if it works.

Exactly, says Arthur. We're selling a dream. But it's also real sea salt.

I get you, says Sweezus. It works.

It is at this point that Saint Roley and the Growling Grass Frog appear with the three Chocolate Tool Boxes.

Gifts from the chocolate shop, says the Growling Grass Frog. One for each human.

What is this? says Gaius, picking one up. Chocolate shaped as tools. Who dreamed that up?

The chocolate shop man, says the Growling Grass Frog. He wants you to spread the word about his chocolate.

I think I already did, says Arthur. A few years ago. Does he make that Vegemite Fudge?

I don't know, says the Growling Grass Frog, I only tried his new Easter egg. But it wasn't for frogs.

I didn't try it, says Saint Roley. I became despondent.

What about? asks Gaius.

Death and renewal, says Saint Roley.

Precious little of that in a chocolate shop, surely, says Gaius.

But...out at sea, says Saint Roley. My poor brother.

What's done is done, says the Growling Grass Frog. Look at these tools. A saw, pliers, hammer, spanner and a screwdriver.

Your general knowledge is remarkable, says Gaius.

I was born in the Coorong, says the Growling Grass Frog. Test me on weapons.

Everyone laughs, even though weapons aren't funny.

But it's true, what's done is done.

Even if it's your brother.

Saint Roley cheers up.

Death And The Tool Box

Murray Bridge. Arthur pulls up outside Steamers Café.

Sweezus pulls up behind him.

Coffee break, says Arthur.

Cool, says Sweezus.

They all go inside.

Arthur and Sweezus order cold drip coffees and a flat white for Gaius.

Saint Roley edges up to the Growling Grass Frog, under the table.

You look happy, says Saint Roley.

 I am happy, says the Growling Grass Frog.

It suits you, says Saint Roley. Makes you plump and juicy.

I know you're hungry, says the Growling Grass Frog. What say we go exploring?

Okay, says Saint Roley.

They hop out of Steamers together.

Know much about Easter? asks Saint Roley.

Pfft! Hee-hee! laughs the Growling Grass Frog.

Why are you laughing? asks Saint Roley.

Saints should know about Easter, says the Growling Grass Frog. You're a saint. And that means...

What? asks Saint Roley.

They walk past a chocolate shop.

Chocolate, says the Growling Grass Frog.

Saint Roley is puzzled. Sweezus said fish and eggs but not chocolate.

Let's go in, says Saint Roley.

Welcome to my chocolate shop, says Ian Pithers. Are you with a human?

Not at the moment, says Saint Roley. I'm just here with him.

I was going to say the same thing, says the Growling Grass Frog.

Ian Pithers is charmed by their honesty. Would they care to sample a chocolate?

We don't know, says Saint Roley. 

I've been experimenting with a new chocolate egg, for Easter, says Ian Pithers.

Easter? says Saint Roley.

Easter and Egg, says the Growling Grass Frog. I've had luck with E-words this morning. I'll try one.

Ian Pithers brings out a tray of waxy brown half-eggs, striped with gold and silver.

Before I try one, says Saint Roley, may I ask a question?

Go ahead, says Ian Pithers.

What is Easter? asks Saint Roley.

A reconciliation of opposites, says Ian Pithers. Fasting and chocolate. Profit and loss. Spring and autumn. The life cycle. Death and renewal.

A thoughtful and wide-ranging answer

But Saint Roley is saddened, thinking of his drowned brother. What if he had a renewal that nobody noticed?

He heads for the door.

I'll try one, says the Growling Grass Frog. He tries one.

Urk! It's the worst thing he's tasted since he ate that black jelly, that time.

You don't like it, says Ian Pithers. Don't tell anyone.

I should be honest, says the Growling Grass Frog.

It's really for humans, says Ian Pithers. Are you travelling with humans?

Yes, all the way to Riobamba, says the Growling Grass Frog.

You don't say? says Ian Pithers. Tell you what, I'll give you some free samples to give to your humans. Perhaps they'll spread the word about my chocolates. Are they men, your companions?

Yes, says the Growling Grass Frog. I suppose so.

The Chocolate Tool Box, says Ian Pithers. Men love them.

He brings out three Chocolate Tool Boxes.

The Growling Grass Frog feels that life is becoming richer by the moment.

Balancing the three Chocolate Tool Boxes, he hurries after Saint Roley.

A Tabula Rasa

But, says Arthur reasonably, it's an E, not an R for Riobamba.

I was about to explain, says Gaius.

E for Endangered, says the Growling Grass Frog.

Good guess, says Gaius. But E is also for Ecuador, in which country lies Riobamba, home of the Riobamba marsupial frog.

Also endangered, says Arthur.

Arthur, you surprise me, says Gaius. Have you engaged in your own amphibian research?

No, says Arthur. I meant E is for Endangered as well as for Ecuador. And for any number of E-words.

Further proof, if it were needed, says Gaius.

What of? asks Arthur.

The empty promise of your prognosticating salt business, says Gaius.

Enterprise, says Arthur.

All right, enterprise, says Gaius. I see where you're going.

Ecuador? says Arthur.

Here is a good test, says Gaius. Will we or will we not be invited to Ecuador?

Arthur looks vacant.

The Growling Grass Frog takes out more salt.

He really wants to be invited to Ecuador.

Can he influence the fall of the salt?

I'll scatter it on this brown paper bag, says the Growling Grass Frog.

No, don't, says Gaius. I was planning to transfer my filamentous green algae to that.

Use mine, says Arthur. He chucks his empty vanilla slice bag over his shoulder.

It lands delicately on the back seat, a tabula rasa.

The Growling Grass Frog prays a silent prayer to the map gods.

He hopes there are map gods.

If there are they must know the shape of the country of Ecuador.

If they wish to prove their existence, (and of course, they may not) they will influence the fall of the salt into the shape of the country of Ecuador.

The map gods (putative) have an idea in their heads of all the world's borders.

It's one thing to know it.

It's another thing to draw it in salt.

There are two map gods (that we know of), Map and Gog.

One does the borders, one does the cities.

Map spreads the salt roughly in the shape of a biscuit.

Gog sticks his gog-pointer smack in the middle.

That's Riobamba.

They withdraw. It's now up to the readers.

Done, says the Growling Grass Frog.

Gaius turns and looks over his shoulder.

Jumping Jupiter!

Even he cannot deny that the salt has formed a perfect picture of Ecuador, with Riobamba in the middle.

It looks as though, when he gets to Newcastle University, his hopes will come to fruition.

Their research team will invite him to travel to Ecuador and participate in the habitat translocation of the Riobamba marsupial frog.

Arthur will crow, if he tells him.

Let Arthur find out soon enough.

The Future Is E

Sorry, says Saint Roley, hopping back again.

Yeah okay, says Sweezus. It's the feathers.

I try to keep them clean, says Saint Roley.

 It's not that, says Sweezus. It's more the ugh factor.

Ugh factor? says Saint Roley.

Shouldn't've said that, says Sweezus. Bad mood.

Want some more cake? asks Saint Roley?

Is there any more? asks Sweezus.

No, says Saint Roley.

They drive on in silence.

Until.

Easter, says Sweezus. That's why the bad mood.

What is Easter? asks Saint Roley.

An extra long weekend, says Sweezus.

What for? asks Saint Roley.

Nothing, says Sweezus.

Is there food? asks Saint Roley.

Sweezus doesn't want to think about it in that sort of detail, but he owes it to Saint Roley.

Fish, says Sweezus.

Can't be too bad, says Saint Roley.

Eggs, adds Sweezus.

When is it? asks Saint Roley.

Dunno. Soon. It's always different, says Sweezus.

Saint Roley resolves to find out more about Easter.

But not from him.

.........

There's a better mood in the other vehicle. (Katherine's)

Gaius is explaining the Newcastle research to Arthur in detail.

I assume you'll be coming, says Gaius.

Sure, says Arthur. Are we driving?

No, says Gaius. We'll fly. Then hire bicycles.

One for me? asks the Growling Grass Frog.

Here's one for you, says Gaius.

Huh? says the Growling Grass Frog.

Take some more salt out.

The Growling Grass Frog takes out a handful of salt.

Scatter it, says Gaius.

Where? asks the Growling Grass Frog.

Good question, says Gaius. That shows you are an intelligent pupil. Hop into the front with it.

It's difficult to do, holding salt, but the Growling Grass Frog does it.

Scatter it over my chinos, says Gaius. The right one, so Arthur can see it.

Scatter.

Now let us look at the picture, says Gaius.

The prognosticating sea salt has formed an E on the right leg of Gaius's chinos.

E, says Gaius. Can you all see that?

Arthur glances down. Yes. The Frog, too, can see it.

I was hoping for an R, says Gaius. But an E will do nicely. Arthur you can have a degree of faith in your sea salt.

R? says Arthur.

For Riobamba, says Gaius.

This means nothing to Arthur.

The sea salt says nothing, being sea salt.

But the Growling Grass Frog is excited. The Riobamba are his endangered cousins.

Endangered cousins.

That starts with E.

Millennial Nonsense

Katherine's car.

Arthur is driving, with Gaius in the passenger seat.

They are both eating vanilla slices.

In the back, the Growling Grass Frog sits on the Sea Salt.

Is it wise to eat while you're driving? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Arthur. It promotes clear thinking. Chew, think, chew, bingo.

Is this some new kind of millennial nonsense? asks Gaius. Like prognosticating Sea Salt?

Could make a fortune, says Arthur.

You would need to include a set of instructions, says Gaius. How best to scatter the salt, and on what type of surface. And then how to interpret the fall.

You'd know, being an old Roman, says Arthur. The Romans were expert interpreters.

Gaius can't help feeling flattered.

Frog! says Gaius.

Me? asks the Growling Grass Frog. 

Yes, you, says Gaius. Must I keep calling you Growling Grass Frog?

I prefer it, says the Growling Grass Frog. 

All right, says Gaius. Now here is a task for you. Let's see if you're up to it.

Anyone told you about sharing? asks the Growling Grass Frog.

What's this? asks Gaius.

He wants some cake, says Arthur.

How remiss of me, says Gaius. There is cake for you, at the end of it, Growling Grass Frog. 

The Growling Grass Frog is pleased that his ploy worked.

What is my task?

Open the bag of Sea Salt, take some and scatter it on the seat. Not too much.

The Growling Grass Frog scatters some salt on the seat.

Describe what you see, says Gaius.

I see a bird feeding cake to a man, and a man feeding cake to a bird, says the Growling Grass Frog.

Would that man by any chance be Sweezus? asks Gaius. And would the bird be Saint Roley?

Yes, says the Growling Grass Frog. 

That's pretty impressive, says Arthur.

Wishful thinking, says Gaius.

.......

Margaret's car.

Sweezus is driving.

Saint Roley is in the back, breaking the vanilla slice into segments.

He prongs a segment with his beak and leans forward for Sweezus to grab it.

Thanks, says Sweezus. Have some yourself.

Don't like it, says Saint Roley. 

He sighs.

What's up? asks Sweezus, his mouth full of icing, flaky pastry and custard.

What I really feel like eating is... uh.... never mind, says Saint Roley.

Spit it out, says Sweezus.

The Growling Grass Frog, says Saint Roley. 

Thought so, says Sweezus. That why you volunteered to come with me?

Yes, says Saint Roley.

Sensing sympathy, he hops up onto Sweezus's shoulder.

Bad idea. Sweezus freezes.

Prognosticating Sea Salt

Arthur! Sweezus! says Gaius. I assume you have transport.

Nice to see you too, says Sweezus.

Yes of course, nice to see you, says Gaius. I assume you have already retrieved Margaret's car.

No, says Arthur. We're driving Katherine's. We stopped at the Granites.

Whatever for? says Gaius. Time is of the essence. Do you have a plastic bag for the algae? What's that you've got there?

Nothing, says Sweezus.

Looks like common sea salt, says Gaius. Tip it out will you. The plastic bag will do nicely

No way, says Sweezus. This is my new business venture.

Our new business venture, says Arthur.

Okay, our business venture, says Sweezus. But that means you have to come up with ideas.

I already have one, says Arthur. Call it Prognosticating Sea Salt. You scatter it and read the future in the random arrangement of particles.

Awesome, bro! says Sweezus.

Prognostications are generally inaccurate when made by an untrained person, says Gaius. You would need to give detailed instructions.

Too easy, says Sweezus.

Saint Roley alights on the beach towel.

Good, says Gaius. Now we can go. Where is ...?

Cravaaark! says the Growling Grass Frog.

They load Gaius's things into Katherine's boot and head off towards Adelaide.

They have not gone far when.....

Stop! says Gaius. We've forgotten about Margaret's car.

Screeeee. Arthur performs a screeching u-turn and they head back to Kingston.

Margaret's car is still parked outside the bakery.

A country bakery. Why not buy buns?

Sweezus goes in with some money. He assesses the buns.

Vanilla slices, kitchener buns, finger buns, chocolate eclairs, iced donuts, fruit scones, chocolate chip scones, anzacs, funny face biscuits....

He buys three vanilla slices.

In the one bag, okay? asks the woman behind the counter.

No, one in one and two in another, says Sweezus. We're picking up someone's car.

The one who was involved in the fight the other day? asks the woman. Is she okay?

Good as, says Sweezus.

He goes out with the vanilla slices.

He gets back into Katherine's car.

Here you are Gaius, says Sweezus. Vanilla slice in a separate paper bag.

And Margaret's car keys, says Arthur.

What's this? asks Gaius. You do know I don't have a licence.

Bugger.

Who could predict that?

That means Sweezus has to drive Margaret's car back to Adelaide.

He and Gaius swap paper bags.