A Locomotion Headache

Where is she? asks the maratus.

Good question. Baby Pierre doesn't know.

But we know. Lavender is at the edge of Lake Jasper with the two Dirties.

Gaius squelches through the swamp grass.

He comes to a halt.

Ah! says Gaius. There you are Lavender. I was told you were here by a boy whose father I spoke to.

That boy, says Lavender.

He tells me he saved two of your team members, says Gaius.

Phfrrrt! says Lavender. He threw First Dirty into Lake Jasper in the first place. And then Second Dirty jumped in after him. So it was all that boy's fault.

Be that as it may, says Gaius....

It is, says Lavender. I just told you.

I haven't finished, says Gaius. Be that as it may, it's thanks to the boy that I've found you. Have you had any luck spotting spiders?

Not yet, says Lavender.

And where is Baby Pierre? asks Gaius. Perhaps he's been more successful.

I'm about to be successful, says Lavender.

Of course, says Gaius, But where is he?

I know! says Second Dirty. I was with him when we spotted a spider. I was supposed to fetch you while he stood guard.

Excellent, says Gaius. Lead on, Second Dirty.

Second Dirty tries to remember which way he came here.

He followed a canoe trail. But only half way. Before that he was following his own and Baby Pierre's tracks.

This should be easy.

Follow the canoe trail, says Second Dirty.

That's what I was going to say, says Lavender.

The canoe trail will lead back to the boy's father at the camp site, says Gaius. I followed it myself.

Not all the way, says Second Dirty. Half way, we make a divergence.

THAT'S what I was going to say, says Lavender.

Heh-heh, laughs First Dirty.

You shut up, says Lavender. You've been nothing but a hindrance.

First Dirty makes himself a secret promise, and shuts up.

Gaius picks up Lavender, First and Second Dirty and follows the canoe trail until he meets a divergence, at which point he follows the trail left by Baby Pierre and his team mate.

Gaius is a competent follower of trails. He soon arrives at the reed hole.

But where are Baby Pierre and the maratus cristatus?

They have already set off for the camp site, but they have not got far.

Baby Pierre is having difficulty with his usual mode of locomotion, which is rolling.

This is due to the added complication of trying not to crush the maratus cristatus, who is perched on his head.

So it is slow going, and Gaius soon catches up.

There they are! cries Lavender. I knew I'd be successful.

Gaius kneels down to see the maratus cristatus on Baby Pierre's head better.

Baby Pierre says nothing for the moment. He has a headache.

White Stripes Under

Baby Pierre has been guarding the reed hole for longer than he expected.

The spider, a maratus cristatus, has not come back out.

And Gaius has not arrived to observe it.

Perhaps something has happened to Second Dirty.

Baby Pierre has a fine sense of direction.

Perhaps Second Dirty has not.

But hey-ho. He can afford to wait longer.

He approaches the reed hole.

What is a reed hole?

Is it a reed hole?

What else would you call it?

He is thinking out loud.

The maratus cristatus can hear him.

It peeks out through its round spider eyes.

It's a hole where a reed was, says the maratus cristatus.

So it is a reed hole, says Baby Pierre.

He says it as though they are having a normal conversation.

Although they are not.

What are you here for? asks the maratus cristatus.

Baby Pierre does not feel he should say exactly.

It might frighten the maratus back into its reed hole, before Gaius arrives.

Instead, he answers the larger existential question.

What am I here for? says Baby Pierre. To extend my horizons. To give my own life some meaning.

The maratus cristatus wants a more specific answer.

I mean why are you standing outside my reed hole?

Baby Pierre decides after all to be honest.

Because you're inside it, says Baby Pierre.

Half inside it, says the maratus cristatus.

Would you like to come right out? asks Baby Pierre. Then I could examine your pattern.

Pattern? What's my pattern? asks the maratus cristatus.

Come out. I'll describe it to you, says Baby Pierre.

The maratus cristatus comes out. It's the colourful union jack pattern.

You have red and blue stripes on your abdomen at the head end, and white stripes at the back end, says Baby Pierre.

Sounds cheerful, says the maratus cristatus. Anything else you can tell me?

A red zigzag pattern on your head, says Baby Pierre.

Like you! says the maratus cristatus. Perhaps we are brothers.

My pattern's black, says Baby Pierre. And it's a one-off. Yours probably isn't.

Black, red, one-off, two-off, says the maratus cristatus. All the same to me, brother.

Baby Pierre is about to dispute this when he has a flash of intuition.

Brother, says Baby Pierre. How would you like to meet one of our cousins?

No, thank you, says the maratus. I have many cousins.

Not like this one, says Baby Pierre. She doesn't have legs, but she has white stripes underneath and she says she knows the future.

Three intriguing attributes. He must meet this cousin!

S IF YO

The boy has rescued both Dirties.

He drags the canoe up, and drops First Dirty and Second Dirty onto a dry patch where Lavender is waiting.

Thank you, boy.

I'd better take the canoe back, says the boy. Dad doesn't know I've got it.

Okay, says Lavender. We'll stay here and keep looking.

We already found one spider, says Second Dirty. Baby Pierre's guarding it now. I have to find Gaius.

Go on then, says Lavender.

Which way do I go? asks First Dirty.

If you don't know, says Lavender, you'll have to join my team.

That's that then. He doesn't know. He will have to join her team.

First Dirty and I are exploring the edge of Lake Jasper, says Lavender.

And underwater, says First Dirty. I explored there too.

So did I , says Second Dirty.

I was there longer, says First Dirty. I saw a Western Minnow.

Did you ask it about spiders? asks Lavender.

No, says First Dirty. The subject didn't come up.

What did you talk about? asks Lavender.

The enigmatic Salamander, says First Dirty. And the Nightfish.

So you only talked about fish, says Lavender. You're useless.

I would have talked about spiders, says Second Dirty. I would have casually brought up that I'd seen one. But I didn't see any fish.

Lavender sighs. Why did Baby Pierre recruit losers?

Perhaps Mouldy was smarter.

No, he couldn't have been.

.......

Meanwhile Elodie has returned to the campsite.

Where's the Hilux?

Arthur and Sprocket have gone into Pemberton, says Gaius. They'll be back soon, with water and supplies.

That's good, says Elodie. And guess what? I met up with some people working on Project Maratus.

Excellent, says Gaius. Are they camping nearby?

Just over there, says Elodie, pointing.

Gaius stands up and heads off in that direction.

Elodie sits down next to David.

Enjoying it so far?

Yes, says David, but I fear I may have acted precipitately in choosing that van.

What's wrong with it? asks Elodie.

It only sleeps two. And there are three of us. Me, Arthur and Shu.

And three of us in the HiLux, says Elodie. That's even worse. But chill out. We'll sort it.

She stands up and walks over to the camper.

She slides open the door.

Shu is inside, sizing up sleeping arrangements.

This could easily sleep four, says Elodie. Just not longways. Can you sleep with your knees up?

No need, says Shu. I have just found a folded up rooftop tent, with an extendable ladder.

Awesome, says Elodie. I'll help you set it up.

They set it up together, smudging Sprocket's not quite dry paint in the process, revealing three more letters so that now it reads

S IF YO

Which is not in itself offensive.

Canoe-Prints

Baby Pierre and Second Dirty have gone off in the other direction.

Away from Lake Jasper.

Don't worry, says Baby Pierre. It's a better direction.

Why? asks Second Dirty.

Because spiders don't live under water, says Baby Pierre.

Good thinking, says Second Dirty.

Keep your eyes peeled, says Baby Pierre.

I am, says Second Dirty. What do I do if I see one?

Tell me, says Baby Pierre.

What will you do? asks Second Dirty.

Catch it, says Baby Pierre.

A boy comes towards them, dragging a canoe through the shrub swamp, towards Lake Jasper.

It's the same boy. With the same dad's canoe.

The boy goes straight past them.

What do they look like? asks Second Dirty.

All different, says Baby Pierre. One might have a white crown. One might have red lines. One might have a union jack pattern. And they're all the size of a rice grain.

Second Dirty looks harder. They will be hard to spot if they're the size of a rice grain.

Baby Pierre thinks he sees one.

Look! Look over there!

He rolls over to the spot where the tiny maratus cristatus spider is hunting.

Hah! says Baby Pierre.

This frightens the spider, and it runs away into a reed hole.

Sheesh! says Baby Pierre. It ran into a reed hole.

I'll stand guard, says Second Dirty. You go and get Gaius.

No, I'll stand guard, says Baby Pierre. And you go and get Gaius.

Okay, says Second Dirty.

If only Baby Pierre could see the future.

Second Dirty sets off on his mission. But he has forgotten the way.

That's okay, he will follow their track-prints.

But hey.

The track-prints dissolve into a canoe-prints.

He has no choice now.

I have no choice, thinks Second Dirty. I must follow something.

He follows the canoe-prints, and who should be at the end of the canoe-prints but Lavender?

Lavender! says Second Dirty.

Team leader to you, says Lavender.

Not to me, says Second Dirty. Baby Pierre is my leader. And we've found a spider.

We've had an accident, says Lavender. First Dirty is drowned.

Second Dirty believes her.

His best friend has drowned! Only hours after losing their best friend Mouldy.

Second Dirty does not hesitate.

 He jumps into Lake Jasper.

Hey! says Lavender.

Not to Second Dirty, but to the boy who is returning with First Dirty, in his dad's canoe.

Would you mind going out again? asks Lavender.

Wait In White Water

Maybe we should stick together, says First Dirty.

We are sticking together, says Lavender.

They are making their way to the edge of Lake Jasper.

The ground becomes soft.

I meant all of us, says First Dirty.

No, says Lavender. Then Baby Pierre would think he was the leader.

Maybe he should be the leader, says First Dirty.

No way, says Lavender. He's always the leader. He's got a big head.

We all have, says First Dirty. But he's got the biggest, and he's got that tulip.

Ha ha, laughs Lavender. It isn't a tulip. It's a boring old claw.

The ground is getting even more squelchy.

No time to be thinking of claws.

A boy sploshes past them, leaving deep watery footprints.

Watch out, says Lavender.

I don't care, says the boy. This is the worst holiday ever.

I meant watch out for US, says Lavender. We're on an important mission.

The boy looks down, to see who is talking.

Here we are, says Lavender. Have you seen any colourful spiders?

NO! says the boy.

He is more angry than you would expect, at being asked an innocuous question.

Okay, says Lavender. We'll just keep looking.

Look in there! says the boy, picking up First Dirty, and skimming him into Lake Jasper.

Boing-boing-boing-plop.

What was that for? asks Lavender.

Just because, says the boy. It's only a pebble.

He was my runner, says Lavender. Now it's just me. If I see a spider I'll have to go back and report it and it might get away.

Sorry, says the boy. I saw where your runner landed. Want me to wade in and get him?

Yes, says Lavender. Don't worry, you won't drown. I know the future.

Wait, says the boy. Did you know I was going to throw your runner into Lake Jasper?

Of course not, says Lavender.

Unreliable, thinks the boy.

Wait here, he says. I'll go and get dad's canoe to go out in.

Lavender has to wait there, at the edge of Lake Jasper, while the boy goes to fetch dad's canoe.

Poor First Dirty. He has to wait too.

And he doesn't know dad's canoe is coming.

He lies supine on the floor of Lake Jasper.

One good thing. It's a white water lake, due to a lack of tannic acid, and there is good light dispersion.

This means he is easily visible, and that he can see fish.

The Pendulous Paintbrush

Shu sits down and helps himself to the Gouda.

I thought you were fetching the tin, says David.

So I was, says Shu, but I saw Sprocket and Arthur painting the back of the camper. Is that allowed?

Yes, says David. They are covering a rude message.

But we don't own the van, says Shu.

Too bad, says David. The message must go.

Indeed it must, says Gaius. I'll go and see how they're doing. And look for the missing page one in the van while I'm there.

I don't think we brought it, says Shu. It was too bloody.

There were other papers in Arthur's back pack, says Gaius. I remain hopeful.

He gets up and goes across to the van.

Sprocket is painting over the offensive letters with a pendulous paintbrush.

That looks more difficult than it need be, says Gaius. What are you using for a paintbrush?

Some of that stuff, says Sprocket, waving towards a wide clump of sedge.

I see, says Gaius. Sedge. And how is it going?

Slow, says Sprocket. But I've nearly finished. Arthur reckons I should leave one word showing.

Interesting, says Gaius Which word is it?

IF, says Sprocket.

Arthur is a genius, says Gaius.  IF, with gold paint surrounds. Perhaps you could also add a spider.

This paintbrush wouldn't stretch to a spider, says Sprocket.

I suppose not, says Gaius. Pity.

He goes round to the side of the van, where Arthur is taking out his back pack.

I don't suppose you've found that page one? says Gaius.

Arthur pulls out a few more sheets of paper.

These are all yours.

Gaius looks through them. One is a photograph of Daniel O'Connell, the famous transparent spider he discovered in the sulphurous underground cave in Romania.

Sprocket! says Gaius. Come here!

Sprocket comes round to the side of the van. Gaius shows him the photo.

Perhaps you can make use of this in your artwork.

No worries, says Sprocket. He takes the photo and goes back to the rear of the van to finish his painting.

Get us OUT! shouts Lavender, from the tin. We want to get started!

Of course you do, says Gaius, lifting the tin.

We've already got a team leader, says Lavender.

Two team leaders, says Baby Pierre.

All right, two team leaders, says Lavender.

I like your keen attitude, says Gaius.

So put us DOWN, says Lavender. We want to start looking.

Gaius has now reached the poncho. He puts the tin down.

He lifts out Lavender, Baby Pierre, First Dirty and Second Dirty.

Right, says Lavender. First Dirty comes with me. We'll go that way. Second Dirty goes with Baby Pierre. They can go the other way.

But says Second Dirty, there are more than two ways. What if....?

No, says Lavender. You don't know anything. We'll do two ways at a time, with two in each team, one to lead and one to run back and report if we find a maratus.

Come on, says Baby Pierre to Second Dirty.

He doesn't like this. One leader is better than two leaders. And why does SHE get First Dirty?

I Shall Not Repeat It.

What's that for? asks Sprocket, eyeing the knife.

Cutting the cheese, says Arthur.

Phew, says Sprocket. And I thought you were going to kill me.

Why would I? asks Arthur.

Evidence, says Sprocket. Want me to delete it?

No, says Arthur. You recorded the death of a spider. Let's see.

Sprocket shows Arthur the video he made of Arthur dismembering the spider.

First there is the spider. A colourful little fellow. It's not in a hurry. Perhaps it smells cheese.

Then there is Arthur's hand brushing the spider away from the poncho, before sitting down.

Then there is the spider again, in three parts.

A telling sequence.

Thing is, says Sprocket, we're here to look for spiders , and you've just squished one.

What's this? asks Gaius. Has someone found a spider?

Yes, Arthur has, says David. He appears to have squished it.

Never mind, says Gaius. Let's see the damage.

He looks at the three spider parts.

Notes? says Gaius.

In the camper, says Arthur.

Gaius heads for the camper.

It's the first time he's paid it attention.

A Wicked Camper, with a misogynistic message.

I shall not repeat it.

I say, David, says Gaius. Did you choose this particular camper?

No, why? asks David.

Do you know what it says on the back?

No, what?

Gaius gives him the gist.

How embarrassing, says David.

You're in luck, says Gaius. Sprocket has a tin of gold paint.

Yeah, cool, says Sprocket. I'll paint over it.

I'll help you, says Arthur.

They head for the camper.

Gaius looks at the notes which he found in Arthur's back pack, from which page one is missing.

Notes and drawings of maratus aquilus, maratus felinus and maratus combustus. Notes and drawings of maratus unicup and maratus tortus.

He compares them with the three parts of the spider whose life Arthur interrupted.

Not a maratus? asks David.

No, says Gaius. As we see from these drawings. Not a maratus.

Nevertheless, an entity.... says David (the philosopher).

Indeed, an arachnoid entity.... says Gaius (the natural historian).

He picks up the knife Arthur left on the poncho, and cuts two large slices of Gouda.

They eat them companionably..

A slight breeze blows the spider parts away.