Stage 15: Loudenvielle to Plateau de Beille - Explosive

Today will be a hard one, with five mountains.

Ready, men? asks Vello.

They go up the first one.

And down it. Up another. And so on.

Team Visma is controlling the peloton. 

Baby Pierre does not care to remain in the peloton.

He whizzes past Terence who is at the side of the road telling Sweetpea to watch out for clowns.

What are clowns? asks Sweetpea.

Scary people with red mouths and bright orange hair, says Terence

What do they do? asks Sweetpea,

Stare at you, says Terence. 

I'm used to that, says Sweetpea.

I mean, kidnap you, says Terence. And take you away.

Let's go and stand next to Belle, says Sweetpea.

They go and find Belle who is talking to....a clown!

There you are, kids, says Belle. Look who's here! Marcel, in his new clown suit.

The clown suit is yellow, like a chicken.

Like it? asks Marcel. 

He plucks at the yellow front part with his chicken gloves.

See my big tummy?

That's not funny, says Terence.

Here, Terence, says Belle. Hold these musettes. And these are for you, Sweetpea.

She turns back to Marcel the Chicken.

Keep your eyes peeled, says Belle.

I'm known to be highly observant, says Marcel. But what does she look like?

A small warty brown frog, says Belle. And we don't want to lose her.

Understood, says Marcel the Chicken.

He keeps his eyes peeled.

Sweezus and Arthur ride by.

Terence hands Sweezus a musette.

Thanks, buddy,  says Sweezus. What's in it?

A cold black pork cutlet! shouts Belle. 

 Sweezus does not feel like a cold black pork cutlet. These are the mountains. He needs ice and a gel.

Arthur takes his musette from Sweetpea.

Another cold black pork cutlet.

But in the bottom of the musette are a couple of gels.

Have a gel, says Arthur. 

Bro, you're a life saver, says Sweezus.

The Kroombit tinker zooms past.

Was that your frog? asks Marcel.

Yes, says Belle. Good spotting.

Now what? asks Marcel the Chicken.

At least we know Nicolo hasn't got her, says Belle.

But here he comes now.

Watch this, says Marcel, sticking his chicken foot out.

Don't do that! says Belle.

Nicolo avoids the chicken foot.

But misses out on a cold black pork cutlet.

He won't be much of a contender today.

Meanwhile, up ahead, there are riders who have had everything done for them, by their teams.

They are Tadej Pogacar, and Vingo. They are both 5 kilometres from the Plateau de Beille.

Tadej attacks explosively at this point.

Can Vingegaard go with him?

Not today.

Stage 14: Pau to St-Lary-Soulan - O road!

A mountain stage.

Now for some excitement.

But first, the teams ride through Lourdes.

Make a wish, says Baby Pierre to the Kroombit tinker.

I wish the pobblebonk team was here with us, says the Kroombit tinker.

That's unselfish, says Baby Pierre.

Why, what do you wish? asks the tinker.

Nothing! cries Baby Pierre. I'm an atheist and free thinker.

So you say, says the Kroombit tinker. But has anyone ever told you.....?

Yes, says Baby Pierre. That I can't be both. But I can. I'm also a poet.

Arthur's a poet, says the tinker.

So what? So am I, says Baby Pierre. O road O road O moon O moon.....

What moon? asks the tinker.

It's clear you're no poet, says Baby Pierre. How did you like your prune yesterday?

It made me go faster, says the tinker.

Prunes do that, says Baby Pierre. Unfortunately I can't digest anything.

You should make a wish, says the tinker.

Now they have reached the bottom of the formidable Col du Tourmalet.

Baby Pierre shoots up the steep slopes and winds through the zigzags.

But he can't beat Lazcano, and Gaudu.

Because he has lost focus, trying to remember the rest of his poem.

On the next mountain, it's Gaudu and Lazcano again. In that order.

Baby Pierre is now determined to win on the third mountain, the Saint-Lary.

He zooms past Adam Yates who is leading out Tadej Pogacar, seven k from the finish.

See you, losers! cries Baby Pierre, as he slides off the road and comes a  cropper.

O cruel road.

Pogacar passes Baby Pierre. Does not even see him.

He powers on to the finish, 39 seconds ahead of Vingegaard his rival.

Stage 13: Agen to Pau - Prunes

Can it be another flat stage?

It can.

One hundred and sixty riders pedal out of Agen.

Plus Baby Pierre, and the Kroombit tinker.

Wait till you see what I've got you, says Baby Pierre.

A fat beetle? asks the tinker.

She would love a fat beetle.

No, says Baby Pierre. But it's round.

When can I have it? asks the Kroombit tinker.

At the feeding station, says Baby Pierre.

That's conventional, says the Kroombit tinker.

I can be conventional, says Baby Pierre.

He zooms off to join the large breakaway which has formed.

It is reeled in, but it won't be the last of the breakaways.

Team Philosophe is stuck between echelons.

I blame the cross winds, says Vello. Do we drop back or forge on?

Forge on, says Gaius.

They forge on, and pass several riders who don't look too well.

They catch up with Sweezus and Arthur, who are trying to catch up with Nicolo.

Mind if we slip in behind you? asks Vello.

Slackers, says Sweezus. 

At last the feeding station is in sight.

Belle hands out the musettes, which are loaded with fat juicy ceps.

Mushrooms! says David. He eats several of the soft fat brown fungi.

Delicious! 

These are not ceps! says Vello, pulling a sticky brown prune from his feed bag. These are prunes!

Belle must have thought you needed them, says David.

Gaius wonders what he's been given. Ceps or prunes.

The Kroombit tinker has beaten Baby Pierre to the feeding station. She waits there, for him to turn up with her food.

Will it be a fat beetle?

Here he is now. He pulls a prune out from under his jersey.

A prune! Frogs don't eat prunes! 

Thanks, says the tinker, nibbling the prune anyway.

It's not bad, as prunes go.

Agen is famous for them.

In fact the prune gives her a super boost of energy and at the same time, helps her focus.

She shoots forward, to show Baby Pierre what she's made of.

All the way to almost the finish where, alas! she causes a spill. Six riders come down.

But not Jacob Philipsen, not Wout van Aert, not Pascal Ackerman.

First, second and third in a bunch finish.

No prunes were involved in the victory.

Stage 12: Aurillac to Villeneuve-sur-Lot - Bini!

Another flat stage? 

Yes, but through beautiful landscapes.

(which the riders don't notice)

They juggle for positions.

You much of a sprinter? asks Sweezus.

Not too bad, says Nicolo.

Shall we give it a go? asks Sweezus.

Sure, says Nicolo. 

A breakaway? says Arthur.

Yeah, says Sweezus. A breakaway.

Nicolo speeds forward.

He's still got that trowel, says Sweezus.

Must be stalking the Kroombit tinker, says Arthur.

Gaius'll be livid if Nicolo runs over the tinker, says Sweezus.

True, says Arthur. But she can look after herself.

This is so.

The Kroombit tinker has hooked up with Baby Pierre, who now admires her.

She has ridden all this way on a sliver of pancake!

I sometimes take risks and cause crashes, says Baby Pierre.

On purpose? asks the Kroombit tinker.

Not on purpose, says Baby Pierre. But they ought to watch out.

I agree, says the tinker,.

Let's hope Alex Lutsenko is watching out.

Let's hope that, if he crashes, Primo Roglic will not be involved.

And lose six seconds in the general classification.

Which would be a pity.

But let us go forward to the finish in Villeneuve-sur-Lot.

Nicolo is nowhere to be seen.

Binian Girmay is surging past Wout van Aert, Arnaud Demare and Pascal Ackerman

Yes! It's a third win for Bini!

Stage 11: Evaux-les-bains to Le Lioran - Battle

At last a mountain stage.

Now for a battle.

But this stage is a long one, and the mountains are all at the end.

Never mind. There is plenty to talk about.

Did anyone else find their pancake had been nibbled, yesterday? asks Vello.

No, says Gaius. My pancake was intact.

Mine too, says David. Are you sure it was nibbled?

More like, torn, says Vello.

That's not as bad, says David.

I suppose not, says Vello. But it meant I ingested less calories, all the same.

It didn't appear to affect you, says Gaius.

These things show up later, says Vello. And we're climbing four mountains today.

Did you mention it to Belle? asks David.

I did, says Vello. And she promised today she would give me something substantial. 

But she didn't explain it? says David.

No, says Vello.

They are dropping back in the peloton.

They can't see the front, where the top teams are riding.

Tadej Pogacar is being protected by some of his men.

Jonas Vingegaard is being protected by his.

Will there be a titanic battle?

It's looking that way.

Baby Pierre is streaking backwards and forwards as usual.

Weeee! Urrrrrch! Weeeooo!

A sudden thought strikes him. He has not seen his frog team for ages.

Perhaps they have died. He has not made an effort to feed them.

He stops and watches.

He spots the Kroombit tinker, labouring uphill, and takes off to catch her.

Hello, captain, says the tinker. Where have you been?

Sorry, says Baby Pierre. Have you been eating?

Pancake, yesterday, says the tinker. 

Good, says Baby Pierre.

But I'm the only one left in your frog team, says the Kroombit tinker, pedalling away.

Baby Pierre feels remorseful. But hey!

He zooms away towards the finish, in Le Lioran.

And is there to watch the titanic battle.

Vingegaard has kept up with Tadej.

It's wheel and wheel at the finish....

But Vingo's wheel crosses first.

Stage 10: Orléans to Saint-Amand-Montrond - Pancake

Another flat stage! 

How many more can there be?

The teams ride out of Orléans, where they spent their rest day.

There may be crosswinds, says Vello. Plan to stay near the front of the peloton.

Good forward thinking, says David. 

Indeed, says Gaius.

Sweezus and Nicolo pass them, talking.

Did anyone hear what they were saying? asks Vello.

Not me, says David. 

Nor me, says Gaius.

Probably about those damn frogs, says Vello.

Arthur rolls up and draws level.

Any news of Terence's frog team? asks Vello.

Missing, says Arthur. Except for the tinker.

Thank goodness, says Gaius. The Kroombit tinker goes back to Kroombit Tops at the end of the Tour.

The flat race continues.

No crosswinds of note, yet.

Terence is waiting at the feeding station with Belle and Sweetpea.

The Kroombit tinker zooms by.

Stop! cries Terence.

She stops suddenly, but no other riders are toppled.

She comes back.

Hello dear, says Belle. Have you eaten?

No, says the Kroombit tinker. 

Fancy a tiny piece of pancake? asks Belle.

Um, okay, says the Kroombit tinker. 

Belle rips an edge off the apple-filled pancake in Vello's musette.

He won't mind, surely.

Stop stuffing your face, Kroomy, says Terence.

The Kroombit tinker has been stuffing her face with the pancake.

I've stopped, says the tinker.

Where are Spider-bonk and Worm-bonk? asks Terence. Did Nicolo kill them?

Maybe, says the Kroombit tinker. But he didn't mean to.

He DID mean to, says Terence. 

He only meant to kidnap them, says the Kroombit tinker, but he knocked them senseless, and then he had to pick them up off the road with a trowel. 

Wah! says Terence.

This is bad news.

Sweetpea looks sympathetic.

....

Meanwhile, up the road, in Saint-Amand-Montrond, a bunch sprint is occurring.

Who's in it?

Philipsen, Van der Poel, Girmay, Ackerman...

Van der Poel drops away, leaving an opening for Philipsen, his team mate.

Philipsen takes it! Hooray!

Rest Day: Orléans - Dangerous

A rest day, in Orléans. 

Team Philosophe and Team Condor meet in the Parc Floral de la Source.

Belle has organised a picnic.

She spreads a picnic blanket down on the grass and opens a hamper.

I wonder what delights you have provided, my dear, says Vello.

It's a bit dessert heavy, says Belle. I had to cut short my shopping.

Dessert heavy? says Sweezus. Short on savouries?

Andouillettes, says Belle, and cheese, but the rest is all sweet stuff.

Sounds good to me, says Arthur. What's the sweet stuff?

A beautiful almond cake, says Belle, and a tarte tatin, and some Sologne honey, and Cotingnac d'Orléans quince jelly.

Bread? asks Sweezus.

Lots of baguettes, says Belle. Why don't you start with a sausage?

Are andouillettes the ones made of pigs' intestines and stomachs? asks Sweezus.

Yes they are, says Belle. Have a glass of champagne first.

At last the picnic gets going. After one or two glasses of champagne andouillettes seem less disgusting.

Can Sweetpea and me go to the adventure playground? asks Terence.

No, says Gaius. Stay with us. What happened yesterday to your frog team? I've heard nothing.

We think Nicolo killed them, says Terence.

That sounds bad, says Sweezus. 

Where is Nicolo? asks Belle. He's supposed to be coming.

Shall we start on the tarte tatin? asks Vello. Anyone brought a knife?

I have, says Arthur, producing a knife.

Is it clean? asks Belle.

Reasonably, says Arthur

Nicolo arrives.

Sorry I'm late, says Nicolo. I had something to deal with.

Have a glass of champagne! says Vello. And some of this fine Cotignac d'Orléans jelly on a chunk of baguette.

Thank you, says Nicolo.

How are you finding the Tour? asks Vello.

Yesterday was difficult, says Nicolo. That gravel was artificial and not properly pressed down.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Dangerous. 

Dangerous, says Terence. Like YOU, Nicolo!

Yes dangerous like YOU! says Sweetpea. Why have you got a gardening trowel in your pocket?

To bury dead frogs! says Terence.

Not at all, says Nicolo. I thought being here in the Parc Floral I might dig up a seedling.

Ha ha! laughs David, who has had more champagne than anyone. 

But he is right to laugh. Why would Nicolo want to dig up a seedling?