It has taken Ageless Lobster more than a week to get here.
I am sorry, beloved, says Ageless Lobster. Delays have beset me.
Delays, mm, says Kobo. Recount them to me.
I shall, my clam-scented beloved, says Ageless Lobster.
Is she still his beloved? he wonders. Perhaps it depends on the quality of his recounting.
Sit, says Kobo.
Ageless begins the long climb. Skitter-skitter-----
Not up here, says Kobo. The floor will do nicely.
Just as well, mutters Ageless.
Can I listen? asks Lavender.
Of course, dear, says Kobo. Ageless, Lavender will be listening!
Thanks for the warning, says Ageless. Are you ready?
Yes, says Kobo.
Yes, says Lavender.
........
Ageless Recounts His Delays:
I received your message. I read it. A bicycle was found in your vicinity. You thought it was mine. I readied myself for a journey.
How? asks Kobo.
I closed my library book, beloved, says Ageless.
What was it? asks Kobo.
Do Dolphins Ever Sleep? replies Ageless.
And do they? asks Kobo.
I may never know, replies Ageless.
Go on, says Kobo.
Yes go on, says Lavender.
I hurried down the staircase, says Ageless, and bumped into The Poet.
THE Poet? says Kobo.
Yes, says Ageless. And as it was his birthday, he was climbing down from his pedestal.
Did you greet him? asks Kobo.
Better than that, beloved, says Ageless. I tripped him. How he cursed. Ye daft piece of shite!
Ye daft piece of shite, whispers Lavender.
Tone down the language, says Kobo. Lavender is listening.
I have toned it down, my creamy beloved, says Ageless. And now you shall learn what happened.
What happened? asks Kobo.
He dropped his wee Scottish parcel, says Ageless. And his airline ticket. He himself was on the ground, struggling. You know how his boots are.
I do not, says Kobo.
Do I? asks Lavender.
You do, says Ageless. 'Tis Rabbie Burns, of the knee high boots and two short legs inside them.
Lavender remembers Rabbie Burns. He took her and Baby Pierre to the beach once.
What was in the parcel? asks Lavender.
All in good time, says Ageless. I picked up the airline ticket and the parcel, caught the J1 bus to the airport and boarded the plane.
Kobo looks sceptical.
You used Rabbie Burns' airline ticket?
Nothing gets past you, my sweetness.
Where to? asks Kobo.
To Sydney, says Ageless. In time for the birthday. Luckily the address was on the birthday card inside the parcel.
You opened it! cries Lavender.
Not exactly, says Ageless.
He squints up at the ladies.
Yes. He has them both hooked now.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Monday, January 23, 2017
From The Space In The Shape
Diego comes round, to return Gaius's bicycle.
Thanks for the loan, says Diego. It's a very cool bicycle.
Snotty gobble, says Gaius. I must write that down. Do you have a pencil?
Yes of course, says Diego.
Aren't some people obliging?
Gaius writes down snotty gobble.
What is snotty gobble? asks Diego.
Cassytha pubescens. A native parasite plant and a good weed controller, says Gaius. I intend to find out if bandicoots eat it.
It sounds delicious, says Diego. Well, I've come to say goodbye. I'm going back to Tenerife in the morning.
Have a safe journey, says Gaius.
Good luck with the spider, says Diego.
Spider? What spider? Asks Gaius.
I heard you found a dead one on Roque Nublo, says Diego. Ying told me.
Saturn's Great Spider Ball Sacs! cries Gaius, mixing his metaphors. I'd completely forgotten!
Do you still have it? asks Diego.
I do, somewhere, says Gaius.
He rummages around in the back pack he hasn't unpacked yet.
Ah yes, the dead spider. He holds it up to the light.
Look at that, will you, says Daniel O'Connell to Dedalus.
I'm looking, says Dedalus. Is it our cousin?
Too many legs, sniffs the Pesquet.
A cruel remark from the Pesquet.
The Pesquet has come to return a borrowed bicycle to Baby Pierre's cousin.
Baby Pierre is not there. And where is the cousin?
On the window sill where Baby Pierre sleeps occasionally, is a whole row of potential cousins, eyeing the Pesquet.
May we help you? asks Kobo.
She isn't a cousin, she is a fossilised clam.
Whose bicycle is this? asks the Pesquet. I'm returning it.
Lavender! calls Kobo. Do you know anything about a borrowed bicycle?
No, nothing. (The voice is coming from somewhere in space. A space in the shape of an auger).
Just leave it here, says Kobo. It'll be someone's.
A thought strikes her. It's not Ageless's, is it?
Diego is examining the dead spider.
Would you like me to take it back with me to La Laguna, and analyse it?
That seems rather a waste of me bringing it back here, says Gaius.
But you had forgotten about it, says Diego.
True, says Gaius. All right then. That is very kind. Let me know what you find out.
Our cousin! cries Dedalus.
Potential cousin, says Daniel O'Connell.
It's GOING, cries Dedalus.
It's DEAD, says Kobo.
Why is she interfering?
She has been reading as usual. This time, 'The Dream of the Celt'.
Now all these interruptions about bicycles, cousins and spiders.
And the Parrot, surely it's something to do with Terence. Kobo can put two and two together as well as the next clam.
And the borrowed bicycle. Too big for a pebble or shell.
The more she thinks about it the more she is sure that the bicycle has been borrowed, perhaps unknowingly, from Ageless Lobster.
Her one time beloved.
That does it. She will write him a note.
She has no need of a pencil.
ageless yes its me dont think i want to be writing to you
oh no i vowed i would never, mmmm, never not after you
but have you noticed a lack of a bicycle
there is one here your size no i am not meaning
o ageless why dont you come over
are you still in the library there
i have been reading the dream of the celt
it is about roger casement
the irish sp... i nearly wrote spider...
ageless come, i have baked you a
ha ha no i havent.... mmm
Seconds later, in the State Library, Ageless Lobster receives the teasing letter......
Thanks for the loan, says Diego. It's a very cool bicycle.
Snotty gobble, says Gaius. I must write that down. Do you have a pencil?
Yes of course, says Diego.
Aren't some people obliging?
Gaius writes down snotty gobble.
What is snotty gobble? asks Diego.
Cassytha pubescens. A native parasite plant and a good weed controller, says Gaius. I intend to find out if bandicoots eat it.
It sounds delicious, says Diego. Well, I've come to say goodbye. I'm going back to Tenerife in the morning.
Have a safe journey, says Gaius.
Good luck with the spider, says Diego.
Spider? What spider? Asks Gaius.
I heard you found a dead one on Roque Nublo, says Diego. Ying told me.
Saturn's Great Spider Ball Sacs! cries Gaius, mixing his metaphors. I'd completely forgotten!
Do you still have it? asks Diego.
I do, somewhere, says Gaius.
He rummages around in the back pack he hasn't unpacked yet.
Ah yes, the dead spider. He holds it up to the light.
Look at that, will you, says Daniel O'Connell to Dedalus.
I'm looking, says Dedalus. Is it our cousin?
Too many legs, sniffs the Pesquet.
A cruel remark from the Pesquet.
The Pesquet has come to return a borrowed bicycle to Baby Pierre's cousin.
Baby Pierre is not there. And where is the cousin?
On the window sill where Baby Pierre sleeps occasionally, is a whole row of potential cousins, eyeing the Pesquet.
May we help you? asks Kobo.
She isn't a cousin, she is a fossilised clam.
Whose bicycle is this? asks the Pesquet. I'm returning it.
Lavender! calls Kobo. Do you know anything about a borrowed bicycle?
No, nothing. (The voice is coming from somewhere in space. A space in the shape of an auger).
Just leave it here, says Kobo. It'll be someone's.
A thought strikes her. It's not Ageless's, is it?
Diego is examining the dead spider.
Would you like me to take it back with me to La Laguna, and analyse it?
That seems rather a waste of me bringing it back here, says Gaius.
But you had forgotten about it, says Diego.
True, says Gaius. All right then. That is very kind. Let me know what you find out.
Our cousin! cries Dedalus.
Potential cousin, says Daniel O'Connell.
It's GOING, cries Dedalus.
It's DEAD, says Kobo.
Why is she interfering?
She has been reading as usual. This time, 'The Dream of the Celt'.
Now all these interruptions about bicycles, cousins and spiders.
And the Parrot, surely it's something to do with Terence. Kobo can put two and two together as well as the next clam.
And the borrowed bicycle. Too big for a pebble or shell.
The more she thinks about it the more she is sure that the bicycle has been borrowed, perhaps unknowingly, from Ageless Lobster.
Her one time beloved.
That does it. She will write him a note.
She has no need of a pencil.
ageless yes its me dont think i want to be writing to you
oh no i vowed i would never, mmmm, never not after you
but have you noticed a lack of a bicycle
there is one here your size no i am not meaning
o ageless why dont you come over
are you still in the library there
i have been reading the dream of the celt
it is about roger casement
the irish sp... i nearly wrote spider...
ageless come, i have baked you a
ha ha no i havent.... mmm
Seconds later, in the State Library, Ageless Lobster receives the teasing letter......
Sunday, January 22, 2017
Stage Six: Adelaide Street Circuit - Lucky
In the morning, before the final street circuit:
I'm disappointed, says Terence. My Parrot Team is rubbish.
Not enough parrots in it, says the Pesquet. And too many spiders.
I WON yesterday, says Dedalus.
He did, says Daniel O'Connell.
But nobody saw me, says Dedalus.
They did not, agrees Daniel O'Connell.
Silence.
If Baby Pierre was here, (but he isn't), he would say:
What Dedalus needs is a bright flag, to signal his presence, but he hasn't got one.
.......
Afternoon.
Adelaide is humming, and buzzing.
Streets are closed, buses diverted.
The 20 lap street race has started.
All Richie Porte has to do is stay on his bike.
Same for the others.
But if Richie does, he'll be the winner. And this will give him a big boost of confidence for the rest of the season.
Richie rides methodically, in amongst his BMC team mates, aware of these things.
Sweezus rides by, with Arthur and Pablo and Diego.
Yo, Richie! says Sweezus.
They look happy, thinks Richie. Even though they've got no chance of winning.
They'll be going surfing, when the Tour Down Under is over,
Richie remembers the time he met Arthur in Beijing, in a backstreet hutong, with Kong, that middle Tang poet.
Yeah. He'd been in some race but DID NOT FINISH.
Gaius was there too, chasing a fossil.
How many circuits have they done now?
Nineteen.
Caleb Ewan looks good. So does Peter Sagan. And Kumpy.
Gaius is pedalling hard. He'll be glad when the race is finished.
Then he'll get on with looking for some sort of native plant weed controller that a bandicoot might find palatable.....yes, roll on the finish.
Vello and David are being held up by Marcel Duchamp, who insists on explaining his kinetic optical device.
It's a globe cut in half with black concentric circles painted on it, says Marcel.
Yes but..., says Vello.
Tell us later, says David. Oi, look out there!
A scooter wheel cuts in front of Duchamp's bike then spins round to whizz under his front wheel.
Marcel wobbles, and rights himself. He's not a bad rider.
Just one of my kinetic works, says Marcel Duchamp. But I've never considered them art.
Did that scooter wheel have a bright flag on it? asks David.
I don't think so, says Vello.
Lucky, says David.
Shortly after, the race ends.
I'm disappointed, says Terence. My Parrot Team is rubbish.
Not enough parrots in it, says the Pesquet. And too many spiders.
I WON yesterday, says Dedalus.
He did, says Daniel O'Connell.
But nobody saw me, says Dedalus.
They did not, agrees Daniel O'Connell.
Silence.
If Baby Pierre was here, (but he isn't), he would say:
What Dedalus needs is a bright flag, to signal his presence, but he hasn't got one.
.......
Afternoon.
Adelaide is humming, and buzzing.
Streets are closed, buses diverted.
The 20 lap street race has started.
All Richie Porte has to do is stay on his bike.
Same for the others.
But if Richie does, he'll be the winner. And this will give him a big boost of confidence for the rest of the season.
Richie rides methodically, in amongst his BMC team mates, aware of these things.
Sweezus rides by, with Arthur and Pablo and Diego.
Yo, Richie! says Sweezus.
They look happy, thinks Richie. Even though they've got no chance of winning.
They'll be going surfing, when the Tour Down Under is over,
Richie remembers the time he met Arthur in Beijing, in a backstreet hutong, with Kong, that middle Tang poet.
Yeah. He'd been in some race but DID NOT FINISH.
Gaius was there too, chasing a fossil.
How many circuits have they done now?
Nineteen.
Caleb Ewan looks good. So does Peter Sagan. And Kumpy.
Gaius is pedalling hard. He'll be glad when the race is finished.
Then he'll get on with looking for some sort of native plant weed controller that a bandicoot might find palatable.....yes, roll on the finish.
Vello and David are being held up by Marcel Duchamp, who insists on explaining his kinetic optical device.
It's a globe cut in half with black concentric circles painted on it, says Marcel.
Yes but..., says Vello.
Tell us later, says David. Oi, look out there!
A scooter wheel cuts in front of Duchamp's bike then spins round to whizz under his front wheel.
Marcel wobbles, and rights himself. He's not a bad rider.
Just one of my kinetic works, says Marcel Duchamp. But I've never considered them art.
Did that scooter wheel have a bright flag on it? asks David.
I don't think so, says Vello.
Lucky, says David.
Shortly after, the race ends.
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Stage Five: McLaren Vale to Willunga Hill - Anything Can Happen
Stage Five is a scenic stage through the vineyards and coastal regions of McLaren Vale, ending on a dastardly hill.
A dastardly hill that must be climbed more than once.
Everyone knows (except Richie) that Richie Porte will smash it.
Richie is cautious. He knows ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.
If only today would be over.
.......
Not everyone is being so cautious.
Baby Pierre is doing spins and wheelies around Nathan Haas.
Piss off! cries Nathan Haas.
Baby Pierre speeds up to annoy Esteban Chaves.
Vete! shouts Esteban Chaves.
Dedalus is powering ahead. He hasn't forgotten that soon he must climb the dastardly Willunga Hill.
To the uneducated eye, he doesn't look like a contender.
......
Sweezus is looking glummer and glummer.
Richie'll get it. Richie'll get it.
What's that? says Arthur.
I said Richie'll get it.
So what, says Arthur. You're the best rider.
Yeah? says Sweezus. You reckon?
Sure, says Arthur. And when it's all over we'll go surfing.
I'll come with you, says Pablo. We can surf and write poetry together. Now are you feeling more cheerful?
I don't write poetry, says Sweezus. I'm more like, creative.
Arthur and Pablo let him get away with that comment.
.......
Willy Hill approaches, says Vello.
That's one way of looking at motion, says Marcel Duchamp.
I'm getting too old for this, says David.
You say that every year, says Vello.
Imagine, says Marcel Duchamp.
Imagine what? asks David.
Imagine you, superimposed on yourself, says Marcel. Over time... distance... motion....
I don't need to imagine, says David.
Look at the crowds! says Vello. Cheering and getting in the way. This is like the Tour de France, without the French people.
Imagine that, says Marcel Duchamp.
With all these imaginings, no wonder Team Philosophe is not winning.
Who is?
Richie. He is way ahead, 48 seconds in fact, still thinking:
ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.
And it does, but no one has noticed.
Dedalus is so tiny.
A dastardly hill that must be climbed more than once.
Everyone knows (except Richie) that Richie Porte will smash it.
Richie is cautious. He knows ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.
If only today would be over.
.......
Not everyone is being so cautious.
Baby Pierre is doing spins and wheelies around Nathan Haas.
Piss off! cries Nathan Haas.
Baby Pierre speeds up to annoy Esteban Chaves.
Vete! shouts Esteban Chaves.
Dedalus is powering ahead. He hasn't forgotten that soon he must climb the dastardly Willunga Hill.
To the uneducated eye, he doesn't look like a contender.
......
Sweezus is looking glummer and glummer.
Richie'll get it. Richie'll get it.
What's that? says Arthur.
I said Richie'll get it.
So what, says Arthur. You're the best rider.
Yeah? says Sweezus. You reckon?
Sure, says Arthur. And when it's all over we'll go surfing.
I'll come with you, says Pablo. We can surf and write poetry together. Now are you feeling more cheerful?
I don't write poetry, says Sweezus. I'm more like, creative.
Arthur and Pablo let him get away with that comment.
.......
Willy Hill approaches, says Vello.
That's one way of looking at motion, says Marcel Duchamp.
I'm getting too old for this, says David.
You say that every year, says Vello.
Imagine, says Marcel Duchamp.
Imagine what? asks David.
Imagine you, superimposed on yourself, says Marcel. Over time... distance... motion....
I don't need to imagine, says David.
Look at the crowds! says Vello. Cheering and getting in the way. This is like the Tour de France, without the French people.
Imagine that, says Marcel Duchamp.
With all these imaginings, no wonder Team Philosophe is not winning.
Who is?
Richie. He is way ahead, 48 seconds in fact, still thinking:
ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.
And it does, but no one has noticed.
Dedalus is so tiny.
Friday, January 20, 2017
Stage Four: Norwood to Campbelltown - Cycling Maths
The road is clogged with non-elite cyclists in non-elite shapes and sizes.
Three-Two-One-Go!
The popular BUPA challenge is off and running, from Norwood.
That's 5718 riders out of the way.
Some hours later, Stage Four of the Tour Down Under gets going.
Phil Liggett: This will be a very good day for the riders.
Paul Sherwen: Yes, a great day, after last night's freak storm cleared the air.
Phil Liggett: There goes Richie Porte, wearing the ochre jersey. He'll be trying to protect his position.
Paul Sherwen: Indeed. And there goes Caleb Ewan, the pocket rocket. He's already won two stages and looking for a third in Campelltown this afternoon.
Phil Liggett: Speaking of pocket rockets, Paul, everyone's talking about the Parrot Team. It's all over Twitter. But there seems to be a great deal of confusion.
Paul Sherwen: Yes Phil. Are they parrots? Some people have sworn at least two of them are spiders.
Phil Liggett: Perhaps we'll find out today.
Paul Sherwen: Here comes Team Philosophe, riding together.
Phil Liggett: That's nice to see.
.......
Team Philosophe are riding together.
Marcel Duchamp is determined to explain the benefits of the Shockwheel to his fellow team members.
Marcel Duchamp: The bow spokes are positioned in a spiral arrangement, which allows compression in all directions.
Vello: You don't say. I can't quite picture it.
David: Nor can I.
Marcel Duchamp: Imagine a wheel, with four curved spokes coming out from a central hub to the inside of the rim.
Vello: I see. It could look quite attractive.
Gaius: So it doesn't use conventional fork suspension?
Marcel Duchamp ( taken aback at Gaius's technical knowledge): No.
......
Team Parrot is doing better today, now that Baby Pierre has gone independent.
Daniel O'Connell: Look at Baby Pierre!
The Pesquet: What's he doing?
Dedalus: He's doing wheelies.
Daniel O'Connell: No discipline.
The Pesquet: Look. A bridge. I'm tempted....
Daniel O'Connell: Don't YOU start!
The Pesquet: Point taken.
Dedalus: I'm the team leader.
Daniel O'Connell: So what?
Dedalus: I'm the one who should say DON'T YOU START.
Daniel O'Connell: No, that's the opposite of what a team leader should say.
The Pesquet: Ha Ha. That's funny!
Dedalus: Why?
Daniel O'Connell: Just do what you do best, young Dedalus. I think I see Caleb Ewan.
Dedalus: Yeee!
Dedalus speeds off to try and catch up with Caleb Ewan.
......
Cink, Meyer and Bauer have formed a breakaway early.....
....and Cink has got King of the Mountain, on Checker Hill.
They stay out there in front for ages but....
...one by one, they're picked off and absorbed by the peloton.
There is too much head wind and too many people wanting a bunch sprint finish.
In the end it is Caleb Ewan again, pipping Peter Sagan who comes second, and Danny van Poppel, who comes third.
Fantastic.
But Richie Porte still wears the ochre jersey, due to some sort of cycling maths.
Three-Two-One-Go!
The popular BUPA challenge is off and running, from Norwood.
That's 5718 riders out of the way.
Some hours later, Stage Four of the Tour Down Under gets going.
Phil Liggett: This will be a very good day for the riders.
Paul Sherwen: Yes, a great day, after last night's freak storm cleared the air.
Phil Liggett: There goes Richie Porte, wearing the ochre jersey. He'll be trying to protect his position.
Paul Sherwen: Indeed. And there goes Caleb Ewan, the pocket rocket. He's already won two stages and looking for a third in Campelltown this afternoon.
Phil Liggett: Speaking of pocket rockets, Paul, everyone's talking about the Parrot Team. It's all over Twitter. But there seems to be a great deal of confusion.
Paul Sherwen: Yes Phil. Are they parrots? Some people have sworn at least two of them are spiders.
Phil Liggett: Perhaps we'll find out today.
Paul Sherwen: Here comes Team Philosophe, riding together.
Phil Liggett: That's nice to see.
.......
Team Philosophe are riding together.
Marcel Duchamp is determined to explain the benefits of the Shockwheel to his fellow team members.
Marcel Duchamp: The bow spokes are positioned in a spiral arrangement, which allows compression in all directions.
Vello: You don't say. I can't quite picture it.
David: Nor can I.
Marcel Duchamp: Imagine a wheel, with four curved spokes coming out from a central hub to the inside of the rim.
Vello: I see. It could look quite attractive.
Gaius: So it doesn't use conventional fork suspension?
Marcel Duchamp ( taken aback at Gaius's technical knowledge): No.
......
Team Parrot is doing better today, now that Baby Pierre has gone independent.
Daniel O'Connell: Look at Baby Pierre!
The Pesquet: What's he doing?
Dedalus: He's doing wheelies.
Daniel O'Connell: No discipline.
The Pesquet: Look. A bridge. I'm tempted....
Daniel O'Connell: Don't YOU start!
The Pesquet: Point taken.
Dedalus: I'm the team leader.
Daniel O'Connell: So what?
Dedalus: I'm the one who should say DON'T YOU START.
Daniel O'Connell: No, that's the opposite of what a team leader should say.
The Pesquet: Ha Ha. That's funny!
Dedalus: Why?
Daniel O'Connell: Just do what you do best, young Dedalus. I think I see Caleb Ewan.
Dedalus: Yeee!
Dedalus speeds off to try and catch up with Caleb Ewan.
......
Cink, Meyer and Bauer have formed a breakaway early.....
....and Cink has got King of the Mountain, on Checker Hill.
They stay out there in front for ages but....
...one by one, they're picked off and absorbed by the peloton.
There is too much head wind and too many people wanting a bunch sprint finish.
In the end it is Caleb Ewan again, pipping Peter Sagan who comes second, and Danny van Poppel, who comes third.
Fantastic.
But Richie Porte still wears the ochre jersey, due to some sort of cycling maths.
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Stage Three: Glenelg to Victor Harbour - Not Rational
In Glenelg, before the race, Terence is talking.
Terence: This is the plan. Listen.
Baby Pierre: How come?
Terence: I'm the manager.
The Pesquet: He is the manager. What's the plan?
Terence: Keep up with the winner.
Dedalus: That's a good plan. I'm going to keep up with the winner.
Daniel O'Connell. And ride past him.
Dedalus: What?
Daniel O'Connell: Then you'll be the winner.
Baby Pierre: If you want to be the winner.
Terence: Everyone wants to be the winner.
Baby Pierre: Not me. A free thinker doesn't have to be the winner.
Daniel O'Connell: What does he have to be?
Baby Pierre: Whatever he likes.
Terence: That's it. You're out of the team.
The Pesquet: So who's the team leader?
Terence: No one.
Dedalus: I will be!
......
The race starts, in warm and humid conditions.
Marcel Duchamp is in a low mood this morning.
Marcel Duchamp: It's called the Shockwheel.
David: And you didn't invent it?
Marcel Duchamp: Apparently not. Well I did, but independently.
Vello: Have a Power Bar.
Marcel Duchamp (chomps on his Power Bar): Thanks.
David: It must have been part of the zeitgeist.
Vello: The Shockwheel? Must it?
David: Artists are often the first to come up with new concepts.
Marcel Duchamp: That's very true. I came up with the concept of depicting the fourth dimension on canvas.
Vello: Was that your 'Sad Young Man on a Train'?
Marcel Duchamp: It was. Elementary parallelism. Two sorts of movement. The young man is moving within the train and....
Vello; Yes, yes, we get it. Was that before or after Einstein?
Marcel Duchamp: Meaningless question. It was simply a part of the zeitgeist.
David: I already pointed that out.
Vello: Elementary parallelism, my dear Watson.
Marcel Duchamp: Ha ha! You fellows have cheered me up. Would you like me to explain the Shockwheel? It incorporates shock absorbing properties by using bow spokes...
Vello: Not now. It's raining.
Sweezus rides by, led out by Arthur who is doing the right thing by his leader, for a change.
Sweezus: Did you see Izaguirre?
Arthur: Blood all down his back and shoulders.
Sweezus: Yeah. Could've been me. Hey look! A weird scooter wheel! Is that Dedalus?
They climb Sellicks Hill, but Sweezus doesn't get King of the Mountain.
Dedalus might have, had he been larger.
....
Gaius is pedalling mechanically.
He is nearly in Victor Harbour.
His mind is preoccupied with the bandicoot he saw yesterday.
Yes, when this is all over he ought to get onto it.
Blackberries are the problem.....
The bandicoots rely on the blackberry shrub for food and shelter but the blackberries are an invasive species......
At its core the universe is not rational.
Where did that come from?
Schopenhauers's bicycle! Gaius can't help agreeing.
Peter Sagan powers by, chasing Caleb Ewan, followed by Niccolo Bonifazio.
The crowd cheers.
Gaius looks up.
Terence: This is the plan. Listen.
Baby Pierre: How come?
Terence: I'm the manager.
The Pesquet: He is the manager. What's the plan?
Terence: Keep up with the winner.
Dedalus: That's a good plan. I'm going to keep up with the winner.
Daniel O'Connell. And ride past him.
Dedalus: What?
Daniel O'Connell: Then you'll be the winner.
Baby Pierre: If you want to be the winner.
Terence: Everyone wants to be the winner.
Baby Pierre: Not me. A free thinker doesn't have to be the winner.
Daniel O'Connell: What does he have to be?
Baby Pierre: Whatever he likes.
Terence: That's it. You're out of the team.
The Pesquet: So who's the team leader?
Terence: No one.
Dedalus: I will be!
......
The race starts, in warm and humid conditions.
Marcel Duchamp is in a low mood this morning.
Marcel Duchamp: It's called the Shockwheel.
David: And you didn't invent it?
Marcel Duchamp: Apparently not. Well I did, but independently.
Vello: Have a Power Bar.
Marcel Duchamp (chomps on his Power Bar): Thanks.
David: It must have been part of the zeitgeist.
Vello: The Shockwheel? Must it?
David: Artists are often the first to come up with new concepts.
Marcel Duchamp: That's very true. I came up with the concept of depicting the fourth dimension on canvas.
Vello: Was that your 'Sad Young Man on a Train'?
Marcel Duchamp: It was. Elementary parallelism. Two sorts of movement. The young man is moving within the train and....
Vello; Yes, yes, we get it. Was that before or after Einstein?
Marcel Duchamp: Meaningless question. It was simply a part of the zeitgeist.
David: I already pointed that out.
Vello: Elementary parallelism, my dear Watson.
Marcel Duchamp: Ha ha! You fellows have cheered me up. Would you like me to explain the Shockwheel? It incorporates shock absorbing properties by using bow spokes...
Vello: Not now. It's raining.
Sweezus rides by, led out by Arthur who is doing the right thing by his leader, for a change.
Sweezus: Did you see Izaguirre?
Arthur: Blood all down his back and shoulders.
Sweezus: Yeah. Could've been me. Hey look! A weird scooter wheel! Is that Dedalus?
They climb Sellicks Hill, but Sweezus doesn't get King of the Mountain.
Dedalus might have, had he been larger.
....
Gaius is pedalling mechanically.
He is nearly in Victor Harbour.
His mind is preoccupied with the bandicoot he saw yesterday.
Yes, when this is all over he ought to get onto it.
Blackberries are the problem.....
The bandicoots rely on the blackberry shrub for food and shelter but the blackberries are an invasive species......
At its core the universe is not rational.
Where did that come from?
Schopenhauers's bicycle! Gaius can't help agreeing.
Peter Sagan powers by, chasing Caleb Ewan, followed by Niccolo Bonifazio.
The crowd cheers.
Gaius looks up.
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Stage Two: Stirling to Paracombe - Not To Be Happy
A cooler day than yesterday.
In Stirling, the teams gather.
Team Equipo de Loro (Team Parrot) is being given a pep talk.
Not by Terence, but by Baby Pierre.
Baby Pierre: I don't mind what you do.
The Pesquet: I do.
Baby Pierre: You didn't yesterday.
The Pesquet: It's my training. They taught us to ride over tiny
bridges.
Daniel O'Connell: I saw you riding backwards.
The Pesquet: They taught us that too.
Dedalus: That won't help us with winning!
Baby Pierre: Ha ha! Dedalus is focused on winning.
They trundle off, just as Terence approaches.
Terence: Wah!
.......
The race is under way now.
The teams do several circuits through Stirling, then head towards
Paracombe.
Vello: Where exactly is Paracombe? I've never heard of it.
David: We'll follow the others.
Marcel Duchamp: Mind if I stop for a moment?
Vello: Why?
Marcel Duchamp: I've had an idea for a new type of wheel.
Gaius rides up from behind.
Vello: Gaius! Caught up at last. Making hard work of it?
Gaius: The purpose of our existence is not to be happy.
David: Was there some doubt ?
Vello: Perhaps you should ask Schopenhauer. It's a good
question.
David: Glad you approve.
Richie Porte sails by, on an upward trajectory.
Vello: There goes Richie. Wouldn't be surprised if he wins. Good
climbing legs.
Gaius: The reason I was so far behind was....
Marcel Duchamp: I might catch up with Richie. He'll be interested
in my new wheel design.
He speeds up, surprising his fellow Team Philosophe members.
Gaius: A bandicoot.
David: What about it?
Gaius: Thought I saw one. Did you know they were endangered?
David: We are all endangered.
Vello: How true. Where is Belle with our food bags?
Ah. There she is now.
Belle is standing at the side of the road to Norton Summit,
holding out a food bag packed with smoked salmon sandwiches.
Belle: Marcel's got his already! He's level with Richie.
Vello: Is there any water?
........
Ying is waiting with water.
Gorka Iziguirra speeds by.
Then Sweezus and Diego.
Diego is thirsty, having missed the last handout of water.
He reaches out towards Ying.
She hands him the last of the water.
......
Richie has got away from Marcel Duchamp.
Jeez! What a time to start telling a chap about bow spokes.
But that's okay. With his good climbing legs Richie wins the stage
easily.
He reckons he's now in a good place to win the whole Tour.
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