Saturday, August 31, 2019

Bird Brains At High Altitudes

Hong Kong to Adelaide.

Eight hours fifty minutes.

Gaius eats water chestnut patties on jasmine rice.

His neighbour is tackling Chinese sausages.

Is this breakfast or lunch? asks the neighbour. I lose track.

It matters not, at high altitudes, says Gaius.

True, says the neighbour.

Munch, munch.

I see you are a bird man, says the neighbour.

A natural historian, says Gaius. With an interest in birds. The parrots you see here are not mine however. They have their own passports.

Even the toy one? asks the neighbour.

His name is Jinjing, says Gaius. I must say, I had some trouble with his passport, because he didn't match the photo.

I'm surprised he needed one, says the neighbour.

He needed one to get his own seat, says Terence.

Lucky bird, says the neighbour. And good luck to you. My name is Bing, by the way. Bing Barton, bird fancier.

Ah, says Gaius. Hence your interest.

Indeed, says Bing Barton. I've just been reading something in Science Daily, I wonder if you've read it?

Possibly not, says Gaius. I have been engrossed in my notes on the forty spotted pardalote, and the orange bellied parrot.

Two of the so-called difficult birds, says Bing Barton.

We're going to Tasmania to find them, says Terence.

To find them! says Jinjing.

It talks! says Bing Barton.

After a fashion, says Gaius. But do tell me what you were reading.

A fascinating article about bird brains, says Bing. It seems a big brain is not always helpful. A big gut can be far more useful in the higher latitudes, for example.

Can't we have both? asks P. krameri.

This is P. krameri says Gaius. An intelligent bird.

A bird brain, says Terence.

Thank you, Terence, says P. krameri.

Gut tissue and brain tissue are both energetically demanding, says Bing. A bird with a small brain and a large gut may have the advantage in extreme conditions.

What advantage? asks P. krameri.

They can eat anything, says Bing. Pine needles, even twigs if only twigs are on offer.

I must read that, says Gaius.

Do, says Bing. How were the water chestnut patties?

Highly digestible, says Gaius How were the sausages?

A bit spicy, says Bing.


Friday, August 30, 2019

If It Doesn't It Doesn't

They leave Mouldy with Chen and her mother, in Bite and Bite.

Mouldy's future looks rosy, says P. kameri.

Because of the red bike, says Terence.

He may well be spoilt, says Gaius.

Spoilt, says Jinjing.

Try saying something longer, says Terence.

Something longer, says Jinjing.

Never mind, says Gaius. I'm sure he is capable. Remember what he said as we were leaving?

No, says Terence. What did he say?

He said Your burger is ready, says Gaius.

But you didn't have a burger, says Terence.

No, says Gaius. The point is, he changed the determiner.

Jingjing looks confused.

He did not know he had changed the determiner. Is something wrong with his button?

Chen said, My burger is ready, says Gaius. And Jinjing said Your burger is ready.

So whose burger was it? asks Terence.

Gaius rolls his eyes. P. krameri answers.

Hers, says P. krameri. Not his. Therefore Jinjing has demonstrated linguistic intelligence.

Yay! says Terence. I knew I made a good swap.

Of course Mouldy could have said the same thing, and we wouldn't have been surprised, says Gaius.

Why? asks Terence.

Different expectations, says Gaius. My suggestion is, persevere with Jinjing.

Okay, says Terence. Jinjing, whose burger was it?

Was it? says Jinjing.

Yes, says Terence. It was. Your answer shows linguistic intelligence. Would you like your own seat on the plane?

Own seat on the plane, says Jinjing.

I suppose he can have his own seat, says Gaius. We have Mouldy's passport. But first, we should check the photo to see if the two look the same.

He takes out Mouldy's passport.

Holds it up next to Jinjing.

Same, says Terence.

No way, says P. krameri. Mouldy didn't have a button.

That's not in the photo, scoffs Terence.

Jinjing sneaks a sideways look at the passport photo.

He would love his own seat on the plane.

It should do, says Gaius. And if it doesn't it doesn't.

He's not worried, either way.


Thursday, August 29, 2019

Complex Sentiments

Hong Kong Airport.

One hour to stretch our legs, says Gaius. What would you like to look at?

I want to find Chen, says Terence.

Regretting the parrot swap? asks Gaius. It's too late now.

Mouldy needs a bicycle, says Terence. I forgot to tell Chen.

He'll tell her, says P. krameri.

Tell her, says Jinjing.

See, says Terence. Jinjing says tell her.

I have noticed something about your Jinjing, says Gaius.

What? asks Terence.

He does not have his own opinions, says Gaius.

He's a toy parrot, says P. krameri. He has toy opinions.

There she is! cries Terence.

It's Chen, with her mother. They are entering a café, Bite and Bite.

All right, says Gaius. We'll go to that café. I could do with a water.

They enter the cafe.

Chen is standing near the doorway, staring at two giant cut outs of a bear and a chicken.

Terence! says Chen. Guess what?

What? asks Terence.

We had to dismantle Mouldy, says Chen. They wouldn't let him through customs with feathers.

Tch! says Gaius I should have given you his passport.

Too late now, suckers! says Mouldy. I'm my own pebble again. And they bought me a bicycle.

A red one, says Chen. You can get them in any colour. He chose a red one.

Terence is miffed. Mouldy has a new bicycle, and he could have had any colour, and he chose red, Terence's favourite colour.

Does it have fluoroelastane wheels made out of o-rings? asks Terence.

Of course it does, says Mouldy.

Well, good luck, says Gaius. I'm just buying a water, then we'll be off. By the way, is there something wrong with Jinjing?

No, says Chen. Nothing is wrong with Jinjing.

He repeats what is said to him, says Gaius. But not the whole thing. Often only the last word or two.

Give him to me, says Chen. I'll alter his settings.

A clever child. She unzips the back of Jingijing and alters his settings.

Now try, says Chen.

Now try, says Jinjing.

Never mind, says Gaius. Terence will get used to handling Jinjing. I have no doubt that by the time we get back to Adelaide, Jinjing will be expressing more complex sentiments.

Yes, agrees Chen.

Her mother waves and points at the table.

Oh, my burger is ready. Goodbye Jinging, says Chen. Complex sentiments. Remember.

Your burger is ready, says Jinjing.


Wednesday, August 28, 2019

Come And Go Like Water

Which is the best parrot? asks Terence.

Best parrot, says Jinjing, in a parrot voice.

Mouldy, says Chen. Mouldy is the best parrot.

Want to swap parrots? asks Terence.

No, she doesn't, says Mouldy. You forget you don't own me.

Has Terence kidnapped you? asks Chen.

No, says Mouldy. I am independent. I have my own disguise and my own passport. Also my own bicycle. It's in the overhead locker.

Wow! says Chen. How do you ride it?

It's not his, says Terence.

Not his, says Jinjing.

Are YOU independent? asks Mouldy.

Independent, says Jinjing.

He isn't, says Chen. I would swap him for Mouldy, but Mouldy would have to agree, because he's independent.

What's on offer? asks Mouldy.

I live in Hong Kong with my parents, says Chen. It's very dangerous.

So I believe, says Gaius. Although let's hope the danger is temporary.

Mouldy likes danger, says Terence, And your parrot probably doesn't.

I'll answer for myself, says Mouldy. I do like danger. I learned that when I lived underwater.

I thought you learned acceptance, says P. krameri.

That too, says Mouldy. Anyway, what sort of danger?

The streets are full of policemen and umbrellas says Chen. The umbrellas have protesters under them. They come and go just like water.

That sounds like my cup of tea, says Mouldy, I will swap with Jinjing, if Jinjing is willing.

Jinjing is willing, says Jinjing.

Really?

It becomes increasingly obvious that Jingjing is faulty.



Tuesday, August 27, 2019

A Twist Of Brown

Talk! says Terence, poking Jinjing with his sprouting finger.

Press my button, stupid, thinks Jinjing.

Don't use that finger, says P. krameri.

Too late. Terence's sprout has snapped off.

Mind if I eat it? asks P. krameri. I didn't get breakfast.

Terence looks at the sprout which had been growing nicely.

Wah! says Terence.

What is it? asks Gaius. Dear me. Your sprout has snapped off.

Fix it, says Terence.

There's no way I can re-attach it, says Gaius. You may as well let your parakeet eat it.

That's like eating ME, says Terence.

No it isn't, says Gaius. It was a sunflower seed attached to your hand by means of fish glue. To be honest, I'm surprised that it sprouted.

I'm not, says Terence. It burrowed inside. It was taking my goodness.

Imagination, says Gaius. Let me see.

He leans over to take a better look at the snapped off sprouting finger.

No harm done, says Gaius. And who knows, it may sprout again.

So I can eat this bit? asks P. krameri.

He receives no answer, because Chen has returned with a small pot of yogurt, her breakfast.

Have you put anything more on my list? asks Chen.

NO! says Terence. I've had a disaster.

Chen looks at his sunflower seed finger.

The seed is still there. And a fat white stalk, snapped off at one centimetre.

Where's the rest of it? asks Chen.

He's eaten it, says Mouldy, pointing at P. krameri.

It was wilting, says P krameri, by way of explaining.

Can I have Jinjing back? asks Chen.

He can't talk, says Terence. You said he could.

That's because you have to press his button, says Chen.

She shows Terence the button hidden under a wing.

Say something to him and he'll answer, says Chen.

Will my sprout sprout again? asks Terence.

Wait. I wasn't ready, says Chen.

She presses the button.

Will my sprout sprout again? repeats Terence.

Sprout again, answers Jinjing.

Yay! says Terence.

He looks at his snapped off sprout, expecting to see it re-sprouting.

But the end is shrivelling and turning into a twist of brown fibre.


Monday, August 26, 2019

Mr Regretful

Gais is eating his breakfast. Scrambled eggs and a bun.

Chen is sitting in the same seat as Terence, busily writing.

Green body
Red and black neck ring
Red beak
Sad

Is that me? asks P. krameri.

Yes, says Chen. Why are you sad?

Not so much sad, says P. krameri. Regretful.

Chen crosses out sad, and writes regretful.

But why? asks Chen. Don't you like flying?

I hardly notice, says P. krameri.

Do you want to go home?

No he DOESN'T, says Terence. He's got a new life coming.

New life coming, says P. krameri. But lacking tomatoes.

Chen writes tomatoes, then crosses it out.

Exactly, says P. krameri.

Now for the other one, says Chen. Where is it?

Mouldy, says Terence. He's here somewhere.

Mouldy pops out from under the blanket.

Oo! says Chen. This one is cuter!

Excuse me, says Mouldy. Cuter than what?

Mr Regretful, says Chen.

Write him down, says Terence. Wait. You need a new column.

I know, says Chen.

She draws up a new column for Mouldy.

It's thin.

I'll write short things, says Chen.

She examines Mouldy.

Green feathers
Red nails
Fish-smelly
Bare underneath.

Hey! says Mouldy. How do you know I'm bare underneath?

You sit flat, says Chen.

Mouldy is impressed with her observational powers.

Perhaps you should go back to your mother now, says Gaius. Your breakfast will be congealing.

Okay, says Chen. I'll leave my paper with Terence. He can fill in anything else he can think of.

She picks up her toy parrot.

Leave it, says Terence.

She puts the toy parrot down.

She heads up the aisle to eat her breakfast.

Terence now has the paper, with three columns filled in.

I bet you can't write, says P. krameri.

No, I can't READ, says Terence. What does the first column say?

It's about the toy parrot, says P.krameri. It's name is Jinjing.

What did she write about it? asks Terence.

Soft
Red
Green
Talks, says P krameri.

Talks, says Terence. That's impossible.

Maybe she imagines it, says Mouldy.

Jinjing is pained to hear this. But no way is he going to explain to these people that to hear him speak they must press a button.

Sunday, August 25, 2019

Would He Be In Pieces?

The cabin lights are turned on. Snooze time is over.

Gaius is surprised at how well he has slept.

Terence is under the blanket beside him.

How good he has been.

But wait, that is not Terence. It's his parakeet, P. krameri.

Where is Terence? asks Gaius.

No reply.

Gaius pokes P. krameri.

Squawk! P. krameri is startled awake.

Where is Terence?

I don't know, says P. krameri. Is it breakfast time yet?

Patience, says Gaius. When did you last see him?

I had a dream, says P krameri. He was in it.

That is not helpful, says Gaius.

I dreamed I was back in the Jardin des Plantes, says P. krameri. I was raiding the tomatoes. Isidore was flapping his hands, shouting Away Away!

And where was Terence? asks Gaius.

Luring me to a table, says P krameri. The overall tone of my dream was regretful.

Regretful? says Gaius. I will deal with that later. Just now I need to find Terence.

He went that way, says Mouldy.

Thank you, Mouldy, says Gaius. I should have asked you in the first place.

He stands up and heads down the aisle in the direction that Mouldy was pointing.

Four rows down, he spots Terence.

Terence has squeezed into a seat with a very small girl.

She has a toy parrot.

Ah, there you are, Terence! says Gaius.

Terence looks down.

Yes, here he is, it hardly needs saying.

You shouldn't move seats, says Gaius. What if we crashed?

Huh? says Terence.

No one would know who you were, says Gaius. They might think you were this little girl for instance.

Would he be in pieces? asks the very small girl.

Quite possibly, says Gaius. But I haven't come here to alarm you. Breakfast is coming.

I'm busy, says Terence. We both have parrots. We're swapping notes.

Very commendable, says Gaius. What differences have you noted?

The little girl's mother waves a piece of paper at Gaius.

All these, says the mother. Chen is so clever.

Like me, says Terence.

Would Chen like to see Terence's parrot? asks Gaius. It's a real parrot with a parrot passport. And then there is Mouldy. He is a pebble travelling on a parrot passport, I'm sure your daughter would be interested in the comparison.

Would you like to, Chen? asks her mother.

O yes, ma, says Chen.

She picks up her toy parrot and follows Gaius and Terence back to their seats.

Let's hope Chen doesn't miss out on breakfast.