A Stern No

Why are we going this way? asks David.

I want to stop off at Bunnings, says Vello.

For a spade? asks David.

Spades, says Vello.

They arrive. He marches up to the counter, followed by David.

Arthur and the Velogram wait outside, near the sausage sizzle.

Good day! says Vello to the person at the first counter. I'm putting on a play in the Botanic Gardens and find myself in need of one hundred spades.

A hundred? says David.

Yes, a hundred, says Vello. We need to dig this thing in a hurry.

Spades are over there, says the person at the counter.

No need to see them, says Vello. We know what spades look like. This will be wonderful advertising for Bunnings.

Why do you say that? asks the person.

Because I prefer not to pay for them, says Vello.

Would we get them back? asks the person.

Probably most of them, says Vello.

No deal, says the person. Bunnings doesn't operate like that.

Vello is not used to refusals. Perhaps this young woman doesn't know who he is. Well. He is not going to tell her.

Arthur comes in with two sausages wrapped in white bread.

He has not paid for them because the sausage attendant, who watches Gardening Australia, thinks Arthur is Costa.

The Velogram, who looks like Vello, did not get a sausage.

He has stayed outside, examining the parsley and basil.

Thanks, says Vello, taking a sausage from Arthur.

What's up? says Arthur. Trouble about the spades?

They won't give us any, says Vello.

Not even for Gardening Australia? asks Arthur.

Tomato sauce drips onto his dirt engrained trousers.

The counter person looks at the trousers. The pink crumpled shirt. The black curly beard and whiskers.

And goes to ask the manager about the loan of one hundred spades.

....

In the far corner of the Rose Garden, twenty minutes later.

Jack, a trainee gardener, shows them the extent of the venue.

Here to here, says Jack. Sorry about the bush in the middle.

Thundering conkers! says Vello. Can we remove it?

I don't think so, says Jack.

Well, go and find out, snaps Vello.

Jack goes off to ask someone. He is not optimistic.

Let us assume we can dig up this bush, says Vello.

It's dead anyway, says David.

It does look quite brown.

What do you want me to measure? asks Arthur.

I don't know, says Vello. I'm going off the whole enterprise.

Nonsense, says David. Let's be practical. If the bush goes, there's our sink hole.

David, says Vello. You're a genius. Yes!

I can be, on occasion, says David. Okay, let's think logistics. Where will the audience sit?

Along the fence line, says Vello. And we'll keep the dead bush. We'll use it as a curtain.

Jack comes back with Adam, a senior gardener.

Adam had been going to say a stern no to the removal of a bush from the corner of the rose garden, for the convenience of a temporary dramatic production.

But then he sees Costa.