On Lobsters By Pliny and Me

First I'm going to write about the Aging of the Lobster:

They say the lobster shows no sign of aging. It just grows bigger and bigger. It doesn't become weaker and it never becomes infertile. Some people think there must be huge old 400 pound lobsters living at the bottom of the sea. Lobsters have to die of something. What they die of usually is being eaten. The bigger they are the more likely something will spot them and try to make them lunch. And this is called the balance of nature. Even a lobster contains the seeds of its own destruction.



Now Pliny the Elder will write about the Size, Uses and Transformations of the Lobster;

The lobster is a type of crab. Lobsters in the Indian Ocean grow up to six feet long. All fish in the Indian Ocean grow large because of the richness of the water. Whales attain a size of three acres in area, and sharks are often seen to be one hundred and fifty feet long. Eating lobster is a cure for snake bite. When crabs die in the drought-ridden sign of Cancer they are transformed into scorpions.


Next I shall write Some Interesting Facts About Lobsters:

The lobster eats up to one hundred types of animal, and even eats its own new-moulted shell. In captivity a lobster will eat another lobster, if the other lobster doesn't eat it first. A lobster will bury its food and eat it over several days. The lobster uses teeth located in its stomach. If attacked a lobster will shed its appendages and regenerate them later.


Finally Pliny the Elder will address the Decay of Morality Caused by the Produce of the Sea :

But why am I wasting my time on these trivia when Shellfish are the prime cause of the decay of morals and the adoption of an extravagant lifestyle? Indeed in all of Nature the sea is in many ways the most harmful to the stomach with its great variety of dishes and tasty fish! And even this pales into insignificance when we consider purple-fish and purple robes and pearls! As if it were not enough for the produce of the sea to be stuffed down our throats......


Unfortunately I must now cut Pliny off.