The Imaginary Fish

We're Fairy Penguins! said Catherine. Let's catch fish!

Alright! said Sweezus, in a penguin voice.

Catherine, Jean and Sweezus waddled into the bathroom.

There's one! said Jean. I caught it!

Let's cook it! said Catherine.

They waddled into a bedroom.

Where's the oven? asked Penguin Sweezus.

Here it is, said Catherine, and shoved the imaginary fish between two pillows.

....

Meanwhile Gaius, Camus and Francine were still sitting at the table.

Your friend is good with children, said Francine. Would you two like to stay with us tonight? We have spare rooms.

Thank you for the offer, said Gaius, but this place is too luxurious. We have booked a cabin at the local caravan park which will be perfectly adequate for our needs.

As you like, said Camus. But will you come with us to Granite Island in the morning? We're going to look for Fairy Penguins.

We would love to, said Gaius. Wouldn't we? he added, seeing Penguin Sweezus who had poked his head around the door to look for sharks.

Ooh! A shark! squeaked Sweezus. Stay inside, you two!

Sea eagles and seals are far more dangerous to penguins, said Gaius. In case you didn't know.

The fish is burning! cried Catherine, from the bedroom.

And they don't cook fish! said Gaius crossly.

Chill out, said Sweezus. It's just a game.

He came back to the table and sat down.

I've been thinking, he said to Camus. What you said about the weather being irrelevant. You wrote The Stranger, right?

Right, said Camus.

About a guy who kills an Arab with a gun, Sweezus continued. And why does he kill the Arab?

He doesn't ever give an explanation, said Camus. Other than being bothered by the heat and glaring sunlight on the beach.

That's weather! said Sweezus. I rest my case.

Ha ha! said Francine. Albert, you've been outsmarted by a penguin!

Francine, don't be absurd, said Camus.

On Lobsters By Pliny and Me

First I'm going to write about the Aging of the Lobster:

They say the lobster shows no sign of aging. It just grows bigger and bigger. It doesn't become weaker and it never becomes infertile. Some people think there must be huge old 400 pound lobsters living at the bottom of the sea. Lobsters have to die of something. What they die of usually is being eaten. The bigger they are the more likely something will spot them and try to make them lunch. And this is called the balance of nature. Even a lobster contains the seeds of its own destruction.



Now Pliny the Elder will write about the Size, Uses and Transformations of the Lobster;

The lobster is a type of crab. Lobsters in the Indian Ocean grow up to six feet long. All fish in the Indian Ocean grow large because of the richness of the water. Whales attain a size of three acres in area, and sharks are often seen to be one hundred and fifty feet long. Eating lobster is a cure for snake bite. When crabs die in the drought-ridden sign of Cancer they are transformed into scorpions.


Next I shall write Some Interesting Facts About Lobsters:

The lobster eats up to one hundred types of animal, and even eats its own new-moulted shell. In captivity a lobster will eat another lobster, if the other lobster doesn't eat it first. A lobster will bury its food and eat it over several days. The lobster uses teeth located in its stomach. If attacked a lobster will shed its appendages and regenerate them later.


Finally Pliny the Elder will address the Decay of Morality Caused by the Produce of the Sea :

But why am I wasting my time on these trivia when Shellfish are the prime cause of the decay of morals and the adoption of an extravagant lifestyle? Indeed in all of Nature the sea is in many ways the most harmful to the stomach with its great variety of dishes and tasty fish! And even this pales into insignificance when we consider purple-fish and purple robes and pearls! As if it were not enough for the produce of the sea to be stuffed down our throats......


Unfortunately I must now cut Pliny off.