Anoctopus

An apt epithet, said Gaius.

You agree you're a fishwit? snapped the octopus.

Not at all, said Gaius. But it is an apt expression for an octopus to use.

You ARE a fishwit, said the octopus.

I'm a natural historian, said Gaius.

Well you should be more careful with your specimens, said the octopus. I assume that's what I am.

Hello octopus, said Lavender. What's your name?

I'm an octopus, said the octopus.

Anoctopus! said Lavender. That's a funny name.

Another fishwit, said Anoctopus.

Pleased to meet you, Anoctopus, said Baby Pierre. Have you been having a nice evening?

I was, said Anoctopus. I've been mating.

That's disgusting, said Lavender.

Life is short, said Anoctopus.

No it's not, said Lavender.

It is for an octopus, said Anoctopus. An octopus dies soon after mating.

Serves it right, said Lavender.

Lavender! said Gaius. That's enough. Tell me Anoctopus, if that is really your name, which I very much doubt, does your short span of life explain your good memory?

I never thought of that, said Anoctopus. I suppose it does. We have to learn fast. And you are right, my name's not Anoctopus. But I like it. You may call me Anoctopus. You see? That's an example of how quickly I make decisions.

Admirable, said Gaius. I imagine you have a great store of knowledge as well.

I do, said Anoctopus. I could tell you a tale or two.

Stay then, said Gaius.

As if I had a choice, said Anoctopus.