Advantages

You do have a choice, said Gaius.

I'm in a bucket, said Anoctopus.

You could get out, said Gaius. I know how mobile you are.

You're right, said Anoctopus. I could get out if I wanted to. Do you know why my species is so agile?

No bones, said Baby Pierre. I bet that's the reason.

Have you heard of dopamine? asked Anoctopus. Well, we invertebrates have something called octopamine.

Octopamine! giggled Lavender.

I'm not making it up, said Anoctopus. It's a neurotransmitter. It makes our muscles work better, and it helps us with memory and learning.

I didn't know that, said Gaius. How fascinating you invertebrates are.

As to that, said Anoctopus, I bet you didn't know this. We octopi are so advanced in intelligence that we are classified as honorary vertebrates in the United Kingdom.

Are you indeed? said Gaius. Does that bestow any advantages?

You could say it does and you could say it doesn't, said Anoctopus. It means they have to give us an anaesthetic before they experiment on us.

Phttt! said Lavender. Are you an activist or something?

No, said Anoctopus. I'm just saying.

I thought you were going to tell us some tales, said Lavender.

They were tales, said Anoctopus.

They weren't what I call tales, said Lavender. Tell us a STORY.

Alright, said Anoctopus. I'll tell you the story of The Woman and the Octopus.