Monkeys That Bite Ladies' Bottoms

The Buddha sees all, but he does not concern himself with the acquisition of property.

He has no interest in the means by which Gaius came by the two pencils.

To ascertain this we must descend from the peace and nothing-happeningness of Nirvana to the rehearsal.

Gaius: Careful with those two pencils!

Ray: But our sword fight must look authentic.

Margaret: Don't be so anal.

Ray: Me, anal?

Margaret: Not you, Ray. Gaius is being anal.

She thrusts the pencil at Ray, who ducks and recovers.

Ray thrusts his pencil at Margaret.

A direct hit! And the tip of the pencil is broken!

Gaius: I warned you!

Rosamunda: But Gaius, there'll be a pencil sharpener somewhere. We're in an office.

Katherine: Don't be too sure. It's paperless.

Margaret: (dying) Arggh! I'm done for!

Ray: Very good Margaret. Excellent acting. Here, Gaius, have back your pencil.

Gaius: And the other one?

Margaret: Here. This one's not broken.

Gaius: I am particularly fond of these pencils.

Katherine: Why?

Gaius: I was given them at the CSIRO in Victoria where I went to examine the so-called prehistoric Frilled Shark caught at Lakes Entrance.

Katherine: You went there?

Gaius: Yes I went there, and wishing to sketch it, I searched in my backpack for a pencil, but I seemed to have forgotten to pack any sketching apparatus, so a scientist offered me a pencil.

Terence (emerging from the sleeve of his costume): What did it look like?

Gaius: An ordinary lead pencil.

Terence: The frilled shark?

Gaius: No no. The Frilled Shark had the face and body of an eel, and three hundred teeth, like sharp needles. And bright red gums, which gave it a terrifying appearance.

Terence: Is that why you needed another pencil?

Gaius: Yes! Very good,Terence. That is why I was given a subsequent pencil. The red one that Margaret has broken.

Margaret: ME?

Rosamunda: Now shall we get on with the rehearsal? Gaius, you play Cacambo. You and Ray escape from Paraguay and come to the land of the Oreillons. There you see two naked ladies being pursued by two monkeys who are biting their bottoms.

Gaius: I remember it well. Ray shoots the monkeys, thinking they are attacking the ladies. I then point out that the monkeys were probably their lovers.

Margaret: Oh, isn't that rather awkward? I mean the concept. These days......

Gaius: Nonsense, Margaret. It's meant to be comic.