The Best Of Worlds

Ray has gone outside. He looks around cautiously (for Bulgars).

He sits down under a tree.

A young woman hands him a flyer.

She takes a quick glance at his well-thumbed Classic Penguin.

Voltaire's Candide! she says. Awesome.

..........

In the rehearsal room, Sweezus is standing in for Ray.

Okay, says Sweezus. Where are we?

Holland, says Rosamunda. Where you meet up again with Doctor Pangloss.

Cool, says Sweezus. What do I say?

Drat! says Vello. Ray's taken the novel. Just wing it!

Sweezus looks down at the padded costume under which Terence is lurking.

Can this be my beloved master? asks Sweezus.

No reply comes from Doctor Pangloss.

Sweezus nudges the costume.

No! replies the costume. I'm an otter.

You have syphilis, prompts Rosamunda. And you should have come out already.

This isn't working, says David. Shall I go outside and find Ray?

No, keep going, says Vello. I like it.

Have you any news of the Lady Cunégonde? asks Sweezus bending down to the costume.

No, says the costume. Leave me alone. I've got sniffilus.

Cunégonde's dead, says Rosamunda. Disembowelled by Bulgars.

Belle et Bonne, who has been playing Cunégonde, gets up to clear away the remains of the biscuits.

The costume sneezes. (A bad case of sniffilus).

We should start heading to Lisbon, says Sweezus.

Good lad, says Vello. Keep it moving.

Why? asks the costume.

That's where the earthquake, tsunami and fires are, says Sweezus. Cooperate, dipshit!

The costume stops moving.

Terence comes out.

Dipshit! says Terence. Is that IN it?

Yes, says Rosamunda. Now Terence, do you know why I chose you to be Doctor Pangloss?

No, says Terence. Is it because I look like I'm swimming in this costume?

Kind of, says Rosamunda. But mainly it's because you're impervious to pins. There's no time for sewing.

Terence looks deeply unhappy.

I'm the director, says Rosamunda. You're lucky I even do pinning.

Oh classic! says Vello. Well I'm off for the rest of today. I have a Fringe show to review over at Gluttony. Coming David? I've got two tickets.

Wonderful! says David. And there's plenty of time to get dinner.

They exit, leaving Rosamunda, Candide and Doctor Pangloss to justify the grim Lisbon Earthquake.