Not The Leading Man Type

David and Vello finish their burgers and enter the tiny white tent in which Professor Walrus is to perform his show, Tatterdemalion.

Professor Walrus enters from a side flap clutching a teddy. It soon becomes evident that Professor Walrus is unable to speak.

The audience must take over the sound effects.

Oooooh! cries the audience as Professor Walrus opens his travelling trunk.

Eh-uh, as he opens a drawer.

Professor Walrus needs help removing his night clothes. A woman obliges.

And with choosing a shirt. That one! The clean one.

Later the shirt itself performs a heart-rending mime show.

It puts on a tie. It places a rose in a vase on the counter. It turns over a sign.

OPEN.

It waits for customers.

But no customers come.

To change the mood, Professor Walrus pretends he is late for work, catching a tram, with his bag and his newspaper.

Half the audience must get on the tram.

They stand in a row, bobbing, a hand up to hold onto the tram strap, and make tram sounds.

Ka-cha, ka-cha. Until, oh no!  A bomb threat!

It's over. The audience throw roses at Professor Walrus, who has given the roses out earlier.

 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? says Vello when the show is finished, and he and David are outside again.

Time for a beer? says David, hopefully.

Of course, says Vello. But also, that performing shirt got me thinking.

Terence? says David. Under the costume? Exactly. The audience will love him.

.....

Ray has returned to the rehearsal room.

If only to see what is happening.

Sweezus and Rosamunda are looking down at the costume, and munching on Cheezels.

The costume is slowly revolving and twisting up into semi-geological features.

Hello Ray, says Rosamunda. Reconsidered?

Mmnn, says Ray, non-committally. I've read the whole thing now.

Good, says Sweezus, because I'm not the leading man type. You take over.

He grabs a handful of Cheezels and heads off down the stairs.

Terence pops his head through an armhole.

Hello, I'm Doctor Pangloss, says Terence. See me swimming?

Ah, says Ray. You are up to the part where you almost drown in Lisbon? And one of your companions does drown. And you attempt to justify it in terms of the current fad for optimism. Go on then.

Eeee-eee, says Terence, swimming back up the sleeve.