You Can't Be Mister Little Lord Jesus

On the way:

It's a very hot evening. Ray wants a drink.

Ray and Terence go into the Royal Croquet Club, in Victoria Square.

Ray orders a lemonade. Terence gets nothing.

They sit down on a cement step while Ray drinks his lemonade.

It's hot on the step.

It's hot, says Terence, bouncing up and down on his bottom.

A passing lady frowns at Ray.

That child should have a hat on, says the lady.

And special pants, says Terence. For my sliced-off bottom.

The lady walks away quickly.

........

At Manga, the Show:

Ray and Terence sit on the front row, so Terence can see properly.

The Show starts. A headless man sits on a chair, holding a framed picture.

Three more characters come on.

Gold Suit Guy, Well-Padded Lady, Skinny Guy.

The headless man is offered a cigarette. He takes it, and lifts it to his invisible lips.

Inhales, exhales, but not really. Smoke pours from the mouth of ....the Skinny Guy!

The Headless Man goes to the back of the stage. A tube is lowered over his body.

He wriggles inside it. Will he disappear entirely?

NO! He has turned into: The Cutest Girl Ever!

Terence loves the Cutest Girl Ever.

She wears a short shiny bouncy red skirt, green and purple striped socks, a red and pink spotted top and grey and violet flounced knickers. Her wig is yellow, brown, short, curly.

Now there are four characters. Gold Suit Guy, Well-Padded Lady, Skinny Guy and Cutest Girl Ever.

They perform funny sketches.

Musical Chairs. When you lose you get pinned to the wall by your nose.

Dolphins. If you stuff up the actions you get whacked on the head by Gold Suit Guy. Unless you are Cute Girl.

Fancy Journey. Cute Girl rides on a boat, a car, a swing, an aeroplane, all made from a piece of red string.

Someone from the audience is going to be invited onto the stage, to throw rings at Skinny Guy.

Me, me! says Terence. .

Skinny Guy looks at Terence, judges him too small, and .........picks Ray.

......

I surprised myself, says Ray, as they walk back to Sweezus's.

You took three goes, says Terence.

It wasn't easy, says Ray. Lucky I'm a seasoned performer.

I'm a seasoned performer, says Terence.

You're a fake! says Ray. Admit that you're Spanish!

I'm not Spanish! cries Terence.

Barcelona, says Ray. The Sagrada Famiglia. You're Spanish. Therefore you can't be Mister-Little- Lord-Jesus.

Wait till I tell grandpa! says Terence.

Humph! says Ray. Tell away. Who's your grandpa? Some high-falutin' architect?

Grandpa Marx is my grandpa! cries Terence. He knows everything. And you are an idiot.

Oh am I? says Ray, enraged. Why, pray?

Because, stupid, says Terence, you don't know the difference between being made in Spain and being Spanish. And you don't understand iconography.

Ray is silent, thinking of a suitable riposte. He doesn't like to be bested. And he does understand iconography.