Next evening, at the Festival Centre, outside the Banquet Room.
Gaius and Kong Fu-Zi are waiting for Margaret.
Margaret turns up, in a warm padded jacket.
Kong! says Margaret. I hardly recognised you.
Kong Fu-Zi looks pleased. That was his intention.
Oh look, says Margaret. David and Vello!
David and Vello mooch over.
Hello, Kong. Here for the lecture? asks Vello.
Yes, says Kong Fu-Zi. Terrible weather you're having.
Terrible, says David. Storms and blackouts. Had to ditch three frozen dinners.
Tch, says Kong Fu-Zi. How is your mother?
Katherine? Oh perfectly fine.
The small crowd is allowed into the Banquet Room after a mysterious hold up.
They sit down.
David, Vello, Kong Fu-Zi, Gaius and Margaret sit in the first row.
The speaker is introduced. Born in 1649.... oops, that can't be true!
Ha ha, the tension is broken. The audience laughs. Professor Teng throws his hands up in mock dismay.
Professor Teng, born in 1964, begins his lecture, 'Lost in Translation': Transnational American Rock and its Map of Misreading in China.
But something is wrong with his power point presentation.
Kong Fu-Zi looks out of the window. He sees the smoke rising from the Good Fortune Markets outside.
Margaret also sees it. She hopes that the rain will hold off, so that she and Gaius (and Kong, she supposes) can have some street food dinner....
Professor Teng is on a roll now. His technology is working, although not smoothly.
He speaks about the birth of Chinese Rock, rather late, in the eighties.
The relationship between music, society and government. He mentions Bob Dylan.
He plays a music video. Nothing to My Name, by Cui Jian.
He plays another, by Tang Dynasty. Heavy metal.
Gaius ears prick up. Margaret sees them.
She will question him later.
The lecture ends, and questions are over. Time to file out.
Going to the Good Fortune Markets? asks Vello.
Oh yes, says Margaret.
It's a bit chilly, says David, eyeing Kong, in his Hawaiian get up.
I'm up for it, says Kong.
The virtuous man thinks of dinner, says Gaius.
....
It is bitterly cold.. The riverbank is sloppy.
Flags and paper lanterns flutter spitefully.
Vello and David head straight for the barbecue. The others follow.
Soon they are sitting at a long wooden table, spooning up barbecued pork, rice, chips and soy-soaked chicken.
What did you think, Kong? asks Vello. Learn anything?
I did not know Du Fu had been exiled, says Kong.
He must have been, says Vello.
Why did your ears prick up when Professor Teng mentioned Tang Dynasty? asks Margaret.
It reminded me of a friend of mine, Shu, replies Gaius. He admired Du Fu as a poet.
Who is this Dufu? asks David.
The most famous middle Tang poet, says Gaius. He wrote, among other things, Reply to a Friend's Advice, in the difficult form of a lùshi.
I'm surprised you know that, says Margaret.
Your face has gone bright red, says Gaius.
It's the chilli, says Margaret. I was trying to avoid it.
Well, this has been nice, says Kong, but my toes are beginning to turn blue. Dòng sî le!
David peers under the table, at the blue toes in blue Havaianas.
Friday, September 30, 2016
Thursday, September 29, 2016
Harmonious Rumblings
Hello Gaius?
Who is this?
Kong. I'm in Adelaide. Can I come over?
Certainly. But there's not much to eat in the......hold on Kong, I hear the doorbell.
That will be me.
Sure enough it is Kong at the door, wet and bedraggled.
Come in! says Gaius. Terrible weather we're having. I say, Kong, you look different from last time I saw you.
More modern, would you say? asks Kong.
I suppose so, says Gaius. Not being a judge of modernity, although I do try, I often wear chinos and polo necks and those rubber clog things. So comfy.
Pshaw! says Kong. You mean Crocs?
That's it, says Gaius.
No one wears those any more, says Kong.
Gaius looks at Kong's feet. The Great Sage is wearing blue Havaianas.
Last time I saw you, says Gaius, you were wearing billowing robes and a high pointy hat.
I know, says Kong Fu-Zi. I ditched that look last Wednesday.
Only last Wednesday? says Gaius.
Yes, says Kong Fu-Zi. It was the 2567th anniversary of my birth. I was in Beijing, watching the celebrations. All these chaps in billowing robes and high pointy hats. I went straight to Beijing Friendship Store, where I bought this outfit.
The outfit is a Hawaiian shirt, and drop crotch trousers.
Would you like a cup of tea? asks Gaius. You look like a man who needs warming.
The superior man thinks of virtue, the common man thinks of comfort, says Kong.
My thoughts exactly, says Gaius. And now that I think about it, there's no tea in the cupboard.
Nil desperandum, says Kong. I have brought some. Do you like Rooibos?
I don't know it, says Gaius.
African tea, says Kong. Red tea, very earthy. My new favourite.
African? says Gaius. You surprise me.
Modernity is always surprising, says Kong.
Gaius puts on the kettle.
Kong Fu-Zi opens the red box of Rooibos tea.
Here for the Confucius Institute Lecture? asks Gaius.
Yes, says Kong. I'm not giving it, only attending.
I too am attending, with a lady, says Gaius.
Katherine? asks Kong.
Hope flickers.
Margaret, says Gaius.
Hope dies.
Moments later, the power goes off.
Fwoooz!
Drat, says Gaius. Where are the candles? Sit tight, Kong!
He stumbles around the kitchen feeling for cupboards and drawers.
Aha. A candle. Now where are the matches?
Ageless is heard, scratching his way along the window sill.
Ooh! says Kobo. Ageless! Get off!
A match fizzes. The candle flares and flickers.
Gaius and Kong Fu-Zi sit in the inadequate candlelight drinking lukewarm Rooibos.
The rain pours down. The wind rises and swoops in unexpected directions
The belly of the Great Sage rumbles harmoniously.
Who is this?
Kong. I'm in Adelaide. Can I come over?
Certainly. But there's not much to eat in the......hold on Kong, I hear the doorbell.
That will be me.
Sure enough it is Kong at the door, wet and bedraggled.
Come in! says Gaius. Terrible weather we're having. I say, Kong, you look different from last time I saw you.
More modern, would you say? asks Kong.
I suppose so, says Gaius. Not being a judge of modernity, although I do try, I often wear chinos and polo necks and those rubber clog things. So comfy.
Pshaw! says Kong. You mean Crocs?
That's it, says Gaius.
No one wears those any more, says Kong.
Gaius looks at Kong's feet. The Great Sage is wearing blue Havaianas.
Last time I saw you, says Gaius, you were wearing billowing robes and a high pointy hat.
I know, says Kong Fu-Zi. I ditched that look last Wednesday.
Only last Wednesday? says Gaius.
Yes, says Kong Fu-Zi. It was the 2567th anniversary of my birth. I was in Beijing, watching the celebrations. All these chaps in billowing robes and high pointy hats. I went straight to Beijing Friendship Store, where I bought this outfit.
The outfit is a Hawaiian shirt, and drop crotch trousers.
Would you like a cup of tea? asks Gaius. You look like a man who needs warming.
The superior man thinks of virtue, the common man thinks of comfort, says Kong.
My thoughts exactly, says Gaius. And now that I think about it, there's no tea in the cupboard.
Nil desperandum, says Kong. I have brought some. Do you like Rooibos?
I don't know it, says Gaius.
African tea, says Kong. Red tea, very earthy. My new favourite.
African? says Gaius. You surprise me.
Modernity is always surprising, says Kong.
Gaius puts on the kettle.
Kong Fu-Zi opens the red box of Rooibos tea.
Here for the Confucius Institute Lecture? asks Gaius.
Yes, says Kong. I'm not giving it, only attending.
I too am attending, with a lady, says Gaius.
Katherine? asks Kong.
Hope flickers.
Margaret, says Gaius.
Hope dies.
Moments later, the power goes off.
Fwoooz!
Drat, says Gaius. Where are the candles? Sit tight, Kong!
He stumbles around the kitchen feeling for cupboards and drawers.
Aha. A candle. Now where are the matches?
Ageless is heard, scratching his way along the window sill.
Ooh! says Kobo. Ageless! Get off!
A match fizzes. The candle flares and flickers.
Gaius and Kong Fu-Zi sit in the inadequate candlelight drinking lukewarm Rooibos.
The rain pours down. The wind rises and swoops in unexpected directions
The belly of the Great Sage rumbles harmoniously.
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Confucius Is Coming
Later that day.
Belle returns to the Velosophy office, with Terence in tow.
Hello, Belle, says Vello, without looking up. How was the ocean?
Belle is about to say, wet.
Vello looks up. Something is different.
I know, says Belle. This wasn't a good thing to wear.
She fell in the water, says Terence. And I fell in the water. I was the first one.
Silk, says Belle. It shrinks so easily.
Indeed, says Vello. It does.
David comes in.
Hello Terence. Hello Belle. Dressed for summer?
Belle goes to the cupboard and takes out a jacket she keeps there.
How was it? asks David. Did Gaius get on with Margaret?
Yes, says Belle. He was in a good mood. He agreed to go out with her.
Where to? asks Vello. OzAsia?
Yes, says Belle. The Confucius Institute Lecture.
I might have known, says Vello. I wonder if Kong will be there?
.......
Kong will be.
He does not like to miss the Confucius Institute Lecture.
This year's subject is: Lost In Translation.
He is in Adelaide already, staring out of his city hotel window, at the storm which is gathering.
Just my luck, thinks Kong Fu-Zi. This means they will probably close the Good Fortune Markets.
He decides to get in touch with Gaius.
Perhaps he'll invite him to tea.
.......
Kobo is in the kitchen looking inwards. Outside she hears high winds and rain.
She is thinking of Baby Pierre, the young scallywag. Where is he?
But Ageless is thinking of her. And here he is, standing before her, licking his lips.
Click..click! My dearest beloved!
What now?
Would you do me the honour.....rrr?
It depends, says Kobo. Which honour is it?
The honour of accompaniment, says Ageless. But no....
No?
Not in the sense of a culinary accompaniment, says Ageless. Don't jump to nasty conclusions, my cream puff.
So you've replaced the tickets, says Kobo. Why not just say so?
Only one caveat, says Ageless. We must go with Margaret.
I like Margaret, says Kobo. She is a geologist.
And she has a handbag, says Ageless.
What has that got to do with it? asks Kobo.
The phone rings. Gaius enters the kitchen and answers.
Hello?
Belle returns to the Velosophy office, with Terence in tow.
Hello, Belle, says Vello, without looking up. How was the ocean?
Belle is about to say, wet.
Vello looks up. Something is different.
I know, says Belle. This wasn't a good thing to wear.
She fell in the water, says Terence. And I fell in the water. I was the first one.
Silk, says Belle. It shrinks so easily.
Indeed, says Vello. It does.
David comes in.
Hello Terence. Hello Belle. Dressed for summer?
Belle goes to the cupboard and takes out a jacket she keeps there.
How was it? asks David. Did Gaius get on with Margaret?
Yes, says Belle. He was in a good mood. He agreed to go out with her.
Where to? asks Vello. OzAsia?
Yes, says Belle. The Confucius Institute Lecture.
I might have known, says Vello. I wonder if Kong will be there?
.......
Kong will be.
He does not like to miss the Confucius Institute Lecture.
This year's subject is: Lost In Translation.
He is in Adelaide already, staring out of his city hotel window, at the storm which is gathering.
Just my luck, thinks Kong Fu-Zi. This means they will probably close the Good Fortune Markets.
He decides to get in touch with Gaius.
Perhaps he'll invite him to tea.
.......
Kobo is in the kitchen looking inwards. Outside she hears high winds and rain.
She is thinking of Baby Pierre, the young scallywag. Where is he?
But Ageless is thinking of her. And here he is, standing before her, licking his lips.
Click..click! My dearest beloved!
What now?
Would you do me the honour.....rrr?
It depends, says Kobo. Which honour is it?
The honour of accompaniment, says Ageless. But no....
No?
Not in the sense of a culinary accompaniment, says Ageless. Don't jump to nasty conclusions, my cream puff.
So you've replaced the tickets, says Kobo. Why not just say so?
Only one caveat, says Ageless. We must go with Margaret.
I like Margaret, says Kobo. She is a geologist.
And she has a handbag, says Ageless.
What has that got to do with it? asks Kobo.
The phone rings. Gaius enters the kitchen and answers.
Hello?
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Raspberry Cordial Relations
A stiff wind is blowing.
We'd better get back, says Margaret.
She pulls the cord on her outboard motor.
Veroom....putt putt putt.....
Well, it's been lovely, says Belle. And quite successful.
Successful? says Gaius.
You met Tullio, says Belle. And did some networking. And he rescued us from the water. And you and Margaret are friends again.
Gaius looks benevolently at Belle. She is not yet dry, but even so, she can still see the bright side.
Unlike Margaret.
I don't suppose Gaius sees it that way, says Margaret. DO YOU?
Since you ask, says Gaius, I am quite willing to resume cordial relations.
No, says Terence. I'm having all of it.
He quickly glugs down the remaining raspberry cordial. Glug glug.
Ha ha! laughs Baby Pierre. You don't even know English. He said cordial RELATIONS!
Don't laugh at Terence, says Belle.
Ageless doesn't laugh. He scowls at this resumption of cordial relations.
About these tickets...... says Ageless.
Achuhh! coughs Gaius. (Drat that lobster!).
Oh yes, says Margaret. Gaius, since you are joining the human race again, would you care to come to an OzAsia event? I have tickets.
What is the event? asks Gaius.
Twelfth Night, in Hindi, says Margaret. It's Shakespeare, but not as we know it. Now before you .....
Gaius can't believe it. Of all the things that he would not care to go to....
I LOVE Shakespeare! says Baby Pierre.
Me too! says Terence.
Me too, says Ageless.
But Ageless sounds less convincing.
Perhaps you'd like to take one of these afficionadoes, says Gaius.
Oh, Gaius! says Belle. Don't you like Shakespeare? Twelfth Night is so funny.
In Hindi? says Gaius. To be honest, I prefer something more intellectual.
Well then, says Margaret. I have just the thing. The Confucius Lecture!
Gaius's eyes flicker momentarily.
He would like to attend the Confucius Lecture.
All right, says Gaius. I shall accompany you to the Confucius Lecture, Margaret.
In that case, says Ageless, you won't need your Shakespearean tickets.
I won't need ONE of the tickets, says Margaret. Perhaps, Ageless, you'd care to come with me?
She imagines herself turning up with a lobster.
She regrets the offer.
Too late. Ageless knows one ticket is better than no ticket.
Kobo his creamy....clik.clik....beloved is small enough to fit into Margaret's handbag.
Madam, I thank you, says Ageless, executing a low Shakespearean bow.
Watch out below! says Daniel O'Connell.
I didn't know you were down there, says Ageless.
Neither did I, says Daniel O'Connell. I was composing my funding application.
I don't think you should do it alone, says Belle. You should take up Tullio's offer.
I intend to, says Daniel O'Connell.
Bump. Grate.
The tinny has now reached the shore and the outing is over.
We'd better get back, says Margaret.
She pulls the cord on her outboard motor.
Veroom....putt putt putt.....
Well, it's been lovely, says Belle. And quite successful.
Successful? says Gaius.
You met Tullio, says Belle. And did some networking. And he rescued us from the water. And you and Margaret are friends again.
Gaius looks benevolently at Belle. She is not yet dry, but even so, she can still see the bright side.
Unlike Margaret.
I don't suppose Gaius sees it that way, says Margaret. DO YOU?
Since you ask, says Gaius, I am quite willing to resume cordial relations.
No, says Terence. I'm having all of it.
He quickly glugs down the remaining raspberry cordial. Glug glug.
Ha ha! laughs Baby Pierre. You don't even know English. He said cordial RELATIONS!
Don't laugh at Terence, says Belle.
Ageless doesn't laugh. He scowls at this resumption of cordial relations.
About these tickets...... says Ageless.
Achuhh! coughs Gaius. (Drat that lobster!).
Oh yes, says Margaret. Gaius, since you are joining the human race again, would you care to come to an OzAsia event? I have tickets.
What is the event? asks Gaius.
Twelfth Night, in Hindi, says Margaret. It's Shakespeare, but not as we know it. Now before you .....
Gaius can't believe it. Of all the things that he would not care to go to....
I LOVE Shakespeare! says Baby Pierre.
Me too! says Terence.
Me too, says Ageless.
But Ageless sounds less convincing.
Perhaps you'd like to take one of these afficionadoes, says Gaius.
Oh, Gaius! says Belle. Don't you like Shakespeare? Twelfth Night is so funny.
In Hindi? says Gaius. To be honest, I prefer something more intellectual.
Well then, says Margaret. I have just the thing. The Confucius Lecture!
Gaius's eyes flicker momentarily.
He would like to attend the Confucius Lecture.
All right, says Gaius. I shall accompany you to the Confucius Lecture, Margaret.
In that case, says Ageless, you won't need your Shakespearean tickets.
I won't need ONE of the tickets, says Margaret. Perhaps, Ageless, you'd care to come with me?
She imagines herself turning up with a lobster.
She regrets the offer.
Too late. Ageless knows one ticket is better than no ticket.
Kobo his creamy....clik.clik....beloved is small enough to fit into Margaret's handbag.
Madam, I thank you, says Ageless, executing a low Shakespearean bow.
Watch out below! says Daniel O'Connell.
I didn't know you were down there, says Ageless.
Neither did I, says Daniel O'Connell. I was composing my funding application.
I don't think you should do it alone, says Belle. You should take up Tullio's offer.
I intend to, says Daniel O'Connell.
Bump. Grate.
The tinny has now reached the shore and the outing is over.
No Credit For Sensitivity
The two tinnies are side by side, and conversation is possible.
Gaius is explaining his project to Tullio.
I had great difficulty obtaining cheap equipment, says Gaius. Frankly, the Environment Institute was of little assistance.
Sorry to hear that, says Tullio. We do have a tinny.
I know, says Gaius. And you are in it.
It came in useful, as it happens, says Tullio, eyeing the two dripping ladies.
True, says Gaius. Anyway, Ageless here volunteered to assist me, being sensitive to fish noise, and having, as he does, an excellent memory.
I know Ageless, says Tullio. We cross paths in the library. He usually ignores me.
Preoccupied, probably, says Gaius. He has fossilised clam trouble. But to continue, young Terence has now skewed the results.
Tullio looks properly at Terence, for the first time.
Tullio: I think I've seen you before.
Terence: I used to live in a palace.
Tullio: In it, or on it?
Terence: No. Yes.
So Tullio is put off that line of questioning.
Have you thought of applying for funding? asks Tullio.
Never, says Gaius. I am wary of being beholden.
Understandable, and funding is probably unnecessary for a man of your stature, says Tullio. But the rest of us...... what do you think, Daniel O'Connell?
Me? says Daniel O'Connell. What would I want funding for?
To visit the Canaries, says Tullio. Check out if you're truly related to Black Jumping Spiders.
How do I get it? asks Daniel O'Connell.
See me, says Tullio. I can help you to write an application. I've been successful before.
Meanwhile the wet women are munching on Monkey Bread, and trying to get warm.
What can I have ? asks Terence. I don't want that. It's brown.
Here, says Belle. I brought some raspberry cordial, just for you.
Red cordial is bad for children, says Margaret.
What do you know? says Terence.
What does anyone know? says Baby Pierre.
You think you're smart, says Terence. That's what I know.
Ageless has been sulking, under the cross thwart.
No credit at all, for his sensitivity. No one even asked him. And no tickets.
But he too is interested in funding.
Are they not friends? Do they not see one another in the State Library. Did he not once help Tullio draw snapping shrimps for a graphic video he was producing?
He emerges from under the cross thwart.
Too late. Tullio has pushed off in his tinny.
Hey ho.
He turns his attention once again to obtaining the tickets. Tickets. Yes dear delicious Kobo. I will come to meet you with tickets. So what if I ruined the other ones. These ones are better... these are....
It occurs to him that he doesn't know what show the tickets are for.
Nor has he been offered them. Yet.
Gaius is explaining his project to Tullio.
I had great difficulty obtaining cheap equipment, says Gaius. Frankly, the Environment Institute was of little assistance.
Sorry to hear that, says Tullio. We do have a tinny.
I know, says Gaius. And you are in it.
It came in useful, as it happens, says Tullio, eyeing the two dripping ladies.
True, says Gaius. Anyway, Ageless here volunteered to assist me, being sensitive to fish noise, and having, as he does, an excellent memory.
I know Ageless, says Tullio. We cross paths in the library. He usually ignores me.
Preoccupied, probably, says Gaius. He has fossilised clam trouble. But to continue, young Terence has now skewed the results.
Tullio looks properly at Terence, for the first time.
Tullio: I think I've seen you before.
Terence: I used to live in a palace.
Tullio: In it, or on it?
Terence: No. Yes.
So Tullio is put off that line of questioning.
Have you thought of applying for funding? asks Tullio.
Never, says Gaius. I am wary of being beholden.
Understandable, and funding is probably unnecessary for a man of your stature, says Tullio. But the rest of us...... what do you think, Daniel O'Connell?
Me? says Daniel O'Connell. What would I want funding for?
To visit the Canaries, says Tullio. Check out if you're truly related to Black Jumping Spiders.
How do I get it? asks Daniel O'Connell.
See me, says Tullio. I can help you to write an application. I've been successful before.
Meanwhile the wet women are munching on Monkey Bread, and trying to get warm.
What can I have ? asks Terence. I don't want that. It's brown.
Here, says Belle. I brought some raspberry cordial, just for you.
Red cordial is bad for children, says Margaret.
What do you know? says Terence.
What does anyone know? says Baby Pierre.
You think you're smart, says Terence. That's what I know.
Ageless has been sulking, under the cross thwart.
No credit at all, for his sensitivity. No one even asked him. And no tickets.
But he too is interested in funding.
Are they not friends? Do they not see one another in the State Library. Did he not once help Tullio draw snapping shrimps for a graphic video he was producing?
He emerges from under the cross thwart.
Too late. Tullio has pushed off in his tinny.
Hey ho.
He turns his attention once again to obtaining the tickets. Tickets. Yes dear delicious Kobo. I will come to meet you with tickets. So what if I ruined the other ones. These ones are better... these are....
It occurs to him that he doesn't know what show the tickets are for.
Nor has he been offered them. Yet.
Sunday, September 25, 2016
So Much For Blood Ties
Tullio brings the University tinny up against Margaret's.
Tullio! says Ageless. What are you doing here?
I might ask you the same thing, says Tullio. But first, let me rescue these ladies.
Thank you, says Margaret. Please do.
Tullio helps Margaret first, because she is older.
Heave ho. Margaret is back in the tinny.
Then he helps Belle.
Belle is shivering. Her red skirt sticks to her legs.
Tullio hands her a towel.
By the way, says Margaret. Gaius is still down there.
No I am not, says Gaius, from the water at the side of the tinny. I am just taking a breather.
Have you seen Baby Pierre? asks Ageless. Is he rescuing Terence?
Of course not, snaps Gaius. He is too puny. Margaret, do you have a rope?
Margaret looks about her ill-equipped tinny.
No, says Margaret. No rope.
First rule of the sea, says Tullio. Bring a rope.
Is it? says Belle. Does that mean you have one?
I do, says Tullio. Sit tight, and I'll hand it over.
He locates the rope stowed in the university tinny, and throws it to Gaius, who disappears under the surface, leaving a fine trail of bubbles.
Not only bubbles.
A hat.
And on the hat, is Daniel O'Connell, breathing quickly.
Margaret reaches over the side of the tinny, and lifts up the hat, along with Daniel O'Connell.
A translucent spider! says Tullio. How remarkable. He looks like the sort of spider one might find in an underground cave. Perhaps breathing methane. But of course that's impossible. Come here, little spider.
Daniel remains on the hat. Little spider!
That's Daniel O'Connell, says Belle. He has a proud history.
I do, says Daniel O'Connell. 'Tis true I was born in a cave, and breathed methane, but since then I have adapted to life on the surface, and I might add, I had no trouble at all in the water.
Tullio is astonished. Go on.
I call myself Daniel O'Connell, after the Liberator. You'll have heard of him.
No, says Tullio. I haven't.
Oh, says Daniel O'Connell. Well never mind that. In my short time on the surface I have been apprenticed as a parrot, but I soon found that the role did not suit me. Now I am looking to make my own way to the Canaries, where I have relatives.
Don't tell me, says Tullio. Are they the Black Jumping Spiders? I may be able.....
Swooosh! Splash!
Gaius is back, spraying a fountain of droplets.
He lifts Terence over the side of Margaret's tinny. Belle grabs him.
Yay! says Terence. I'm saved.
So am I, says Baby Pierre. Thanks, Ageless.
Why thank me? asks Ageless I did nothing.
Exactly, says Baby Pierre. So much for blood ties.
There you have me, says Ageless.
Is this a relative? asks Tullio. Is this Baby Pierre?
Yes, says Ageless. It is he. As a matter of fact he was assisting me down there in the sea grasses, where I was measuring fish noise.
What a coincidence! says Tullio. I have recently been involved in a study measuring fish noise.
It is no coincidence, says Gaius, lifting himself into the tinny. Well, it is and it isn't.
Tullio! says Ageless. What are you doing here?
I might ask you the same thing, says Tullio. But first, let me rescue these ladies.
Thank you, says Margaret. Please do.
Tullio helps Margaret first, because she is older.
Heave ho. Margaret is back in the tinny.
Then he helps Belle.
Belle is shivering. Her red skirt sticks to her legs.
Tullio hands her a towel.
By the way, says Margaret. Gaius is still down there.
No I am not, says Gaius, from the water at the side of the tinny. I am just taking a breather.
Have you seen Baby Pierre? asks Ageless. Is he rescuing Terence?
Of course not, snaps Gaius. He is too puny. Margaret, do you have a rope?
Margaret looks about her ill-equipped tinny.
No, says Margaret. No rope.
First rule of the sea, says Tullio. Bring a rope.
Is it? says Belle. Does that mean you have one?
I do, says Tullio. Sit tight, and I'll hand it over.
He locates the rope stowed in the university tinny, and throws it to Gaius, who disappears under the surface, leaving a fine trail of bubbles.
Not only bubbles.
A hat.
And on the hat, is Daniel O'Connell, breathing quickly.
Margaret reaches over the side of the tinny, and lifts up the hat, along with Daniel O'Connell.
A translucent spider! says Tullio. How remarkable. He looks like the sort of spider one might find in an underground cave. Perhaps breathing methane. But of course that's impossible. Come here, little spider.
Daniel remains on the hat. Little spider!
That's Daniel O'Connell, says Belle. He has a proud history.
I do, says Daniel O'Connell. 'Tis true I was born in a cave, and breathed methane, but since then I have adapted to life on the surface, and I might add, I had no trouble at all in the water.
Tullio is astonished. Go on.
I call myself Daniel O'Connell, after the Liberator. You'll have heard of him.
No, says Tullio. I haven't.
Oh, says Daniel O'Connell. Well never mind that. In my short time on the surface I have been apprenticed as a parrot, but I soon found that the role did not suit me. Now I am looking to make my own way to the Canaries, where I have relatives.
Don't tell me, says Tullio. Are they the Black Jumping Spiders? I may be able.....
Swooosh! Splash!
Gaius is back, spraying a fountain of droplets.
He lifts Terence over the side of Margaret's tinny. Belle grabs him.
Yay! says Terence. I'm saved.
So am I, says Baby Pierre. Thanks, Ageless.
Why thank me? asks Ageless I did nothing.
Exactly, says Baby Pierre. So much for blood ties.
There you have me, says Ageless.
Is this a relative? asks Tullio. Is this Baby Pierre?
Yes, says Ageless. It is he. As a matter of fact he was assisting me down there in the sea grasses, where I was measuring fish noise.
What a coincidence! says Tullio. I have recently been involved in a study measuring fish noise.
It is no coincidence, says Gaius, lifting himself into the tinny. Well, it is and it isn't.
Saturday, September 24, 2016
Two Persons Need To Be Rescued
Things happen fast.
Daniel O'Connell rises through the water.
He clambers on board Margaret's tinny.
It seems larger than he remembers. Higher, with a more pronounced curve.
Also, it doesn't feel level.
And now, he spots the reason.
Gaius has gone over the side.
Belle and Margaret are leaning over, peering into the water.
There you are, says Ageless. Just in time for the show.
He is rudely positioned below the two women's bottoms.
And Belle is wearing a dress, a lovely full-skirted red one.
And there is a breeze, which has got up now.
Daniel O'Connell is disgusted.
What happened? asks Daniel O'Connell.
Gaius lost his hat and went in after it, says Ageless. So the ladies have tipped us off kilter. Didn't you see him?
No, says Daniel O'Connell. I had other things on my mind. Terence can't get back up to the surface, and nor can Baby Pierre.
A piece of luck for them, says Ageless.
Drowning? says Daniel O'Connell.
Gaius falling in, says Ageless. He'll save them.
He won't know he has to, says Daniel O'Connell. I'll go back down and find him.
Good man, says Ageless. I'll just stay here, on guard.
So I see, says Daniel O'Connell.
He lowers himself back into the water, where he sees Gaius, peering towards him.
He points downwards, which is hard for a swimming spider to do.
But Gaius is a natural observer. He raises his eyebrows.
Daniel O'Connell lifts six of his legs, leaving two pointing downwards.
By which Gaius understands that two persons need to be rescued.
But he knows he can't do it on one gulp of air.
Therefore Gaius rises again to the side of the tinny.
The side that both Belle and Margaret are on.
As he grabs it, the two women fall into the water.
It was inevitable.
Only Ageless remains on board the tinny, waiting for what happens next.
What happens next is quite lucky.
Tullio Rossi, science communicator, is motoring towards them in the University tinny, having been alerted by the red dress in the water from some distance away.
Ahoy there! says Tullio, when he gets close enough. Need some assistance?
Yes please, say Margaret and Belle.
Daniel O'Connell rises through the water.
He clambers on board Margaret's tinny.
It seems larger than he remembers. Higher, with a more pronounced curve.
Also, it doesn't feel level.
And now, he spots the reason.
Gaius has gone over the side.
Belle and Margaret are leaning over, peering into the water.
There you are, says Ageless. Just in time for the show.
He is rudely positioned below the two women's bottoms.
And Belle is wearing a dress, a lovely full-skirted red one.
And there is a breeze, which has got up now.
Daniel O'Connell is disgusted.
What happened? asks Daniel O'Connell.
Gaius lost his hat and went in after it, says Ageless. So the ladies have tipped us off kilter. Didn't you see him?
No, says Daniel O'Connell. I had other things on my mind. Terence can't get back up to the surface, and nor can Baby Pierre.
A piece of luck for them, says Ageless.
Drowning? says Daniel O'Connell.
Gaius falling in, says Ageless. He'll save them.
He won't know he has to, says Daniel O'Connell. I'll go back down and find him.
Good man, says Ageless. I'll just stay here, on guard.
So I see, says Daniel O'Connell.
He lowers himself back into the water, where he sees Gaius, peering towards him.
He points downwards, which is hard for a swimming spider to do.
But Gaius is a natural observer. He raises his eyebrows.
Daniel O'Connell lifts six of his legs, leaving two pointing downwards.
By which Gaius understands that two persons need to be rescued.
But he knows he can't do it on one gulp of air.
Therefore Gaius rises again to the side of the tinny.
The side that both Belle and Margaret are on.
As he grabs it, the two women fall into the water.
It was inevitable.
Only Ageless remains on board the tinny, waiting for what happens next.
What happens next is quite lucky.
Tullio Rossi, science communicator, is motoring towards them in the University tinny, having been alerted by the red dress in the water from some distance away.
Ahoy there! says Tullio, when he gets close enough. Need some assistance?
Yes please, say Margaret and Belle.
Friday, September 23, 2016
Under an Illusion
In Margaret's tinny, floating above the seagrasses, waiting for something to happen.....
Margaret: Gaius?
Gaius: What is it?
Margaret: You aren't wearing a hat.
Gaius: I brought one.
Margaret: Then you should put it on. The UV rays will burn you.
Gaius (rummaging in his back pack): Here it is.
(Puts his hat on. It appears to be spotted with bird poo)
Belle: Give it to me for a minute.
Gaius: What for?
Belle: It's dirty.
Gaius: Let me see.
He takes it off, sees the bird poo, and dips his hat in the water. He rubs the white spot with his finger.
Belle: YOUR hat's nice, Margaret. Is that a bird badge?
Margaret: Yes. Gaius and I both have a bird badge. Ha ha!
Gaius: Is that a joke Margaret? They are quite dissimilar, a bird badge and bird faeces.
Margaret: Lighten up, Gaius. Do you know what you need?
Gaius: Not more of your monkey bread!
Margaret: No, you need to get out of your comfort zone.
Gaius: I'm out of it now.
Margaret: I have some tickets....
Belle : Oh how lovely! What for?
Ageless chooses this moment to rise to the surface.
Ageless: Tickets?
Gaius: Ageless. What news?
Ageless: I give up. Terence is down there skewing the results and creating extra fish noise.
Gaius: Drat the boy! I suggest you go down and retrieve him.
Ageless: What was that about tickets?
Margaret: Nothing. I was inviting Gaius to a theatrical production.
Ageless: Well, if he doesn't want to go....
Belle: I'm sure he does, don't you Gaius?
Ageless: If he doesn't, I'll take them.
Gaius: We'll talk about it when Terence is brought up from the seabed.
Ageless (climbing onto the gunwale): Baby Pierre will do it.
.......
Down below in the seagrass, Terence has found Daniel O'Connell.
Daniel O'Connell: What did you come down here for?
Terence: To rescue you. What did you come down for?
Daniel O'Connell: To see for myself what was happening.
Baby Pierre (through the waving ribbonweed): You guys mucked us up. You altered the fish noise.
Terence: How do you know?
Baby Pierre: Ageless was recording. You're in big trouble.
Terence: I won't be in trouble. Grandpa will help me.
Baby Pierre: No he won't. Okay, where is he?
Terence: I don't know. In Melbourne.
Daniel O'Connell: Is that near the Canaries?
Micro-organisms: He he he! Nowhere near the Canaries!
Terence: You don't believe in grandpa. But I do.
Baby Pierre: Grandpa Marx? He isn't even your grandpa.
Terence: Wah! He is. He bought me a hat.
Baby Pierre: And anyway, You're under an ILLUSION.
Daniel O'Connell: What illusion is that?
Baby Pierre (whispers to Daniel O'Connell): He's skipped a generation.
Daniel O'Connell (whistles): I never thought of that.
Terence: Can we go up now?
Baby Pierre: Okay. How?
Daniel O'Connell: Wait here. I'll fix it.
The Liberator ascends, with a mission.
Margaret: Gaius?
Gaius: What is it?
Margaret: You aren't wearing a hat.
Gaius: I brought one.
Margaret: Then you should put it on. The UV rays will burn you.
Gaius (rummaging in his back pack): Here it is.
(Puts his hat on. It appears to be spotted with bird poo)
Belle: Give it to me for a minute.
Gaius: What for?
Belle: It's dirty.
Gaius: Let me see.
He takes it off, sees the bird poo, and dips his hat in the water. He rubs the white spot with his finger.
Belle: YOUR hat's nice, Margaret. Is that a bird badge?
Margaret: Yes. Gaius and I both have a bird badge. Ha ha!
Gaius: Is that a joke Margaret? They are quite dissimilar, a bird badge and bird faeces.
Margaret: Lighten up, Gaius. Do you know what you need?
Gaius: Not more of your monkey bread!
Margaret: No, you need to get out of your comfort zone.
Gaius: I'm out of it now.
Margaret: I have some tickets....
Belle : Oh how lovely! What for?
Ageless chooses this moment to rise to the surface.
Ageless: Tickets?
Gaius: Ageless. What news?
Ageless: I give up. Terence is down there skewing the results and creating extra fish noise.
Gaius: Drat the boy! I suggest you go down and retrieve him.
Ageless: What was that about tickets?
Margaret: Nothing. I was inviting Gaius to a theatrical production.
Ageless: Well, if he doesn't want to go....
Belle: I'm sure he does, don't you Gaius?
Ageless: If he doesn't, I'll take them.
Gaius: We'll talk about it when Terence is brought up from the seabed.
Ageless (climbing onto the gunwale): Baby Pierre will do it.
.......
Down below in the seagrass, Terence has found Daniel O'Connell.
Daniel O'Connell: What did you come down here for?
Terence: To rescue you. What did you come down for?
Daniel O'Connell: To see for myself what was happening.
Baby Pierre (through the waving ribbonweed): You guys mucked us up. You altered the fish noise.
Terence: How do you know?
Baby Pierre: Ageless was recording. You're in big trouble.
Terence: I won't be in trouble. Grandpa will help me.
Baby Pierre: No he won't. Okay, where is he?
Terence: I don't know. In Melbourne.
Daniel O'Connell: Is that near the Canaries?
Micro-organisms: He he he! Nowhere near the Canaries!
Terence: You don't believe in grandpa. But I do.
Baby Pierre: Grandpa Marx? He isn't even your grandpa.
Terence: Wah! He is. He bought me a hat.
Baby Pierre: And anyway, You're under an ILLUSION.
Daniel O'Connell: What illusion is that?
Baby Pierre (whispers to Daniel O'Connell): He's skipped a generation.
Daniel O'Connell (whistles): I never thought of that.
Terence: Can we go up now?
Baby Pierre: Okay. How?
Daniel O'Connell: Wait here. I'll fix it.
The Liberator ascends, with a mission.
Thursday, September 22, 2016
Shortsighted Over-Consumption
Plop! Plop!
Baby Pierre and Ageless drop over the side of the tinny, and drift down to the sea bed.
Baby Pierre is lucky, says Terence. He gets to go down.
You're lucky too, says Belle. You have a parrot.
Don't be too sure about that, says Daniel O'Connell.
Whaaa! says Terence. Now what's happening?
I've come a long way recently, says Daniel O'Connell. I don't have to be a parrot.
Okay, says Terence. You can be my spider.
I'll be my own spider, says Daniel O'Connell.
Well said! says Margaret. Monkey bread?
Cheese and apple polenta? asks Belle
No thank you, says Daniel O'Connell.
He crawls along the gunwale to the bow where Gaius is sitting.
Any sign of them? asks Daniel O'Connell.
Not yet, says Gaius. We must be patient.
Daniel O'Connell jumps over the side.
Titan's Trousers! says Gaius. He's hot-headed!
My spider! cries Terence.
Before anyone can stop him, Terence leaps into the water.
That just leaves the adults on board.
This is awkward.
Ought we to do something? asks Margaret.
You're the captain, says Belle.
He'll be all right, says Gaius. It's not the first time he's been in this situation. He once rode a bicycle into the lake at Geneva, and sank to the bottom.
How did he get out? asks Margaret.
Gaius can't exactly remember. Probably Ageless was there.
Meanwhile Terence has landed on a soft bed of seagrass, disturbing epiphytes, epifauna, and several juvenile crustaceans, whiting and flathead.
The fish noise is deafening.
Ageless, nearby, is astonished.
Hear that fish noise, Baby Pierre?
It's Terence, says Baby Pierre. He's come down to help us.
That's not helping, says Ageless. That's skewing the results, that's what that is.
Baby Pierre makes a mental note of the skewing, in case Ageless forgets it.
As for Daniel O'Connell he has landed in the ribbonweed, and is being greeted by the grazing micro-organisms.
He is larger than they are but not ridiculously so.
He seems like a nice friendly fellow.
Hi hi hi, say the micro-organisms (that's how they greet you). Life is good!
Hi hi hi, says Daniel O'Connell. Why is it?
Because of the excessive nutrients about nowadays, say the micro-organisms.
That may lead to the eventual loss of seagrasses says Daniel O'Connell. Trust me I know.
No no no, say the micro-organisms. Never never.
A perfect example of shortsighted over-consumption, thinks Daniel O'Connell.
Baby Pierre and Ageless drop over the side of the tinny, and drift down to the sea bed.
Baby Pierre is lucky, says Terence. He gets to go down.
You're lucky too, says Belle. You have a parrot.
Don't be too sure about that, says Daniel O'Connell.
Whaaa! says Terence. Now what's happening?
I've come a long way recently, says Daniel O'Connell. I don't have to be a parrot.
Okay, says Terence. You can be my spider.
I'll be my own spider, says Daniel O'Connell.
Well said! says Margaret. Monkey bread?
Cheese and apple polenta? asks Belle
No thank you, says Daniel O'Connell.
He crawls along the gunwale to the bow where Gaius is sitting.
Any sign of them? asks Daniel O'Connell.
Not yet, says Gaius. We must be patient.
Daniel O'Connell jumps over the side.
Titan's Trousers! says Gaius. He's hot-headed!
My spider! cries Terence.
Before anyone can stop him, Terence leaps into the water.
That just leaves the adults on board.
This is awkward.
Ought we to do something? asks Margaret.
You're the captain, says Belle.
He'll be all right, says Gaius. It's not the first time he's been in this situation. He once rode a bicycle into the lake at Geneva, and sank to the bottom.
How did he get out? asks Margaret.
Gaius can't exactly remember. Probably Ageless was there.
Meanwhile Terence has landed on a soft bed of seagrass, disturbing epiphytes, epifauna, and several juvenile crustaceans, whiting and flathead.
The fish noise is deafening.
Ageless, nearby, is astonished.
Hear that fish noise, Baby Pierre?
It's Terence, says Baby Pierre. He's come down to help us.
That's not helping, says Ageless. That's skewing the results, that's what that is.
Baby Pierre makes a mental note of the skewing, in case Ageless forgets it.
As for Daniel O'Connell he has landed in the ribbonweed, and is being greeted by the grazing micro-organisms.
He is larger than they are but not ridiculously so.
He seems like a nice friendly fellow.
Hi hi hi, say the micro-organisms (that's how they greet you). Life is good!
Hi hi hi, says Daniel O'Connell. Why is it?
Because of the excessive nutrients about nowadays, say the micro-organisms.
That may lead to the eventual loss of seagrasses says Daniel O'Connell. Trust me I know.
No no no, say the micro-organisms. Never never.
A perfect example of shortsighted over-consumption, thinks Daniel O'Connell.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
Freedom In A Boat
Next morning, at Seacliff. Blue sky and sunny. Moderate waves.
Margaret is launching her tinny.
Ageless is already in it, with Baby Pierre.
Ho ho! says Baby Pierre. I love sailing.
We're motoring, not sailing, says Margaret.
Baby Pierre doesn't believe her.
Gaius is in the car park with Daniel O'Connell, waiting for Belle and Terence.
Belle arrives on a scooter, in a red dress, with Terence behind her.
Gaius! says Belle. You came.
......
Gaius! says Margaret. You came.
Hello, Margaret, says Gaius. This is kind of you.
Oh, come on Gaius, says Margaret. You prickly old toad!
Gaius can't imagine what inspired such an epithet.
How was the poisonous cave? asks Margaret. Did you bring back any samples?
He brought back a new parrot, says Terence.
That's me, says Daniel O'Connell.
Oh! a spider! says Margaret.
Don't fist him! says Baby Pierre.
Shouldn't he be in a bottle? asks Margaret.
Madam, says Daniel O'Connell. I have lived in poisonous cave. Then a bottle. And now I'm enjoying my freedom.
In a boat, says Terence. Freedom in a boat.
Good point Terence, says Belle. It's quite a confined space, when you think about it.
It is, says Margaret. Get in.
........
The tinny bobs up and down on the moderate waves.
Belle is in the middle. Her red dress blows up in the breeze. She pushes it down.
She opens a waterproof zipper bag.
What's for lunch? asks Terence.
Cheese and Apple Polenta, says Belle.
And.....says Margaret......Monkey Bread!
Yay! says Terence. What colour is it?
Brown, says Margaret. I thought Gaius might like it.
Gaius is not listening. He is instructing Ageless what to look for, when he goes down.
Now Ageless, I want you to make a note of any small organisms you see among the seagrasses. That includes epiphytes and epifauna. If possible, make an estimation of their numbers. But your main task will be to listen for fish noise, and compare it to the amount of fish noise you remember, from earlier times.
First, says Ageless, I'll have some of that Monkey Bread.
Monkey what? says Gaius.
Here, says Margaret. Try a piece of this, Gaius.
She holds out a large sticky object, made of brown lumps stuck together, smelling of cinnamon.
Go on, she says. Break a piece off.
He does. It tastes sweetly of caramel, cinnamon and butter.
Mm. It is rather too rich for his liking.
Trust Margaret to take things too far.
He puts the Monkey Bread portion down on the front thwart beside him.
......
Ha ha, laughs Margaret. I can't tell the difference.
She is laughing at Baby Pierre.
She thinks he looks very similar to the chunk of Monkey Bread Gaius rejected.
Baby Pierre is offended.
It's only because you look rather more greasy than the last time I saw you, says Margaret.
That's because he spends too much time indoors, says Belle.
I didn't know I looked greasy, says Baby Pierre. What can I do about it?
Dive down to the seagrass with me, says Ageless. You can be my recorder.
I thought you had an excellent memory, says Gaius.
I do, says Ageless. But Baby Pierre will get clean, as well as absorb information.
Lucky! says Terence. I never get to go anywhere.
This is so patently untrue, (he is out in a tinny!), that it's best to ignore him.
Margaret is launching her tinny.
Ageless is already in it, with Baby Pierre.
Ho ho! says Baby Pierre. I love sailing.
We're motoring, not sailing, says Margaret.
Baby Pierre doesn't believe her.
Gaius is in the car park with Daniel O'Connell, waiting for Belle and Terence.
Belle arrives on a scooter, in a red dress, with Terence behind her.
Gaius! says Belle. You came.
......
Gaius! says Margaret. You came.
Hello, Margaret, says Gaius. This is kind of you.
Oh, come on Gaius, says Margaret. You prickly old toad!
Gaius can't imagine what inspired such an epithet.
How was the poisonous cave? asks Margaret. Did you bring back any samples?
He brought back a new parrot, says Terence.
That's me, says Daniel O'Connell.
Oh! a spider! says Margaret.
Don't fist him! says Baby Pierre.
Shouldn't he be in a bottle? asks Margaret.
Madam, says Daniel O'Connell. I have lived in poisonous cave. Then a bottle. And now I'm enjoying my freedom.
In a boat, says Terence. Freedom in a boat.
Good point Terence, says Belle. It's quite a confined space, when you think about it.
It is, says Margaret. Get in.
........
The tinny bobs up and down on the moderate waves.
Belle is in the middle. Her red dress blows up in the breeze. She pushes it down.
She opens a waterproof zipper bag.
What's for lunch? asks Terence.
Cheese and Apple Polenta, says Belle.
And.....says Margaret......Monkey Bread!
Yay! says Terence. What colour is it?
Brown, says Margaret. I thought Gaius might like it.
Gaius is not listening. He is instructing Ageless what to look for, when he goes down.
Now Ageless, I want you to make a note of any small organisms you see among the seagrasses. That includes epiphytes and epifauna. If possible, make an estimation of their numbers. But your main task will be to listen for fish noise, and compare it to the amount of fish noise you remember, from earlier times.
First, says Ageless, I'll have some of that Monkey Bread.
Monkey what? says Gaius.
Here, says Margaret. Try a piece of this, Gaius.
She holds out a large sticky object, made of brown lumps stuck together, smelling of cinnamon.
Go on, she says. Break a piece off.
He does. It tastes sweetly of caramel, cinnamon and butter.
Mm. It is rather too rich for his liking.
Trust Margaret to take things too far.
He puts the Monkey Bread portion down on the front thwart beside him.
......
Ha ha, laughs Margaret. I can't tell the difference.
She is laughing at Baby Pierre.
She thinks he looks very similar to the chunk of Monkey Bread Gaius rejected.
Baby Pierre is offended.
It's only because you look rather more greasy than the last time I saw you, says Margaret.
That's because he spends too much time indoors, says Belle.
I didn't know I looked greasy, says Baby Pierre. What can I do about it?
Dive down to the seagrass with me, says Ageless. You can be my recorder.
I thought you had an excellent memory, says Gaius.
I do, says Ageless. But Baby Pierre will get clean, as well as absorb information.
Lucky! says Terence. I never get to go anywhere.
This is so patently untrue, (he is out in a tinny!), that it's best to ignore him.
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Fate Conspires With Medusa
Can I come? asks Ageless.
It's not like him to ask.
Of course, says Belle. There's plenty of room in Margaret's tinny.
Gaius comes in.
Ageless! You left rather abruptly, says Gaius.
Not wanted, says Ageless.
On the contrary, says Gaius. I rejected Ivan's offer. I'll need you to make observations.
I'll consider it, says Ageless.
Ivan has lent me his notes on seagrasses, says Gaius. So I know just where they're located in the Gulf of St Vincent. There are fifteen different species, including ribbon weed, wire weed, paddle weed and eel grass, and ... are you listening?
No, says Ageless.
I am, says Terence. We're going on a picnic tomorrow. In a boat. On the water.
A boat? says Gaius. What boat?
Margaret's tinny, says Belle.
Several expressions flit across Gaius's countenance.
Disbelief, acceptance, faint hope and ultimate rejection.
Hum, says Gaius. If it were anyone other than Margaret......
Oh Gaius! says Belle. She's a lovely person!
A Medusa! says Gaius.
Woop! says Baby Pierre. What's a Medusa?
A woman whose gaze will turn you to stone, says Gaius. That may not seem bad to you, being a pebble.
Gaius, says Belle. Chill out. I'm sure Margaret's over you. She'd love you to come out in her tinny. It'll be purely platonic, and Ageless is coming as well. He can do his sensory observations down in the seagrasses. You can make notes in the tinny. You can sit way up the far end, facing outwards. I'm bringing a picnic.....
Gaius sighs, remembering previous unsatisfactory encounters with Margaret.
And now Fate has conspired to bring them together in Margaret's tinny.....
.........
Margaret is at home, choosing a hat for tomorrow.
One that will keep the sun off, but not repel Gaius.
She picks one with a bird badge.
Let him not notice that!
Next she thinks about what kind of food will impress him.
What was that recipe she saw on a website, only last week?
Yes! Skinny Monkey Bread.
Monkey bread, but less calorific.
She gets out a bowl.
It's not like him to ask.
Of course, says Belle. There's plenty of room in Margaret's tinny.
Gaius comes in.
Ageless! You left rather abruptly, says Gaius.
Not wanted, says Ageless.
On the contrary, says Gaius. I rejected Ivan's offer. I'll need you to make observations.
I'll consider it, says Ageless.
Ivan has lent me his notes on seagrasses, says Gaius. So I know just where they're located in the Gulf of St Vincent. There are fifteen different species, including ribbon weed, wire weed, paddle weed and eel grass, and ... are you listening?
No, says Ageless.
I am, says Terence. We're going on a picnic tomorrow. In a boat. On the water.
A boat? says Gaius. What boat?
Margaret's tinny, says Belle.
Several expressions flit across Gaius's countenance.
Disbelief, acceptance, faint hope and ultimate rejection.
Hum, says Gaius. If it were anyone other than Margaret......
Oh Gaius! says Belle. She's a lovely person!
A Medusa! says Gaius.
Woop! says Baby Pierre. What's a Medusa?
A woman whose gaze will turn you to stone, says Gaius. That may not seem bad to you, being a pebble.
Gaius, says Belle. Chill out. I'm sure Margaret's over you. She'd love you to come out in her tinny. It'll be purely platonic, and Ageless is coming as well. He can do his sensory observations down in the seagrasses. You can make notes in the tinny. You can sit way up the far end, facing outwards. I'm bringing a picnic.....
Gaius sighs, remembering previous unsatisfactory encounters with Margaret.
And now Fate has conspired to bring them together in Margaret's tinny.....
.........
Margaret is at home, choosing a hat for tomorrow.
One that will keep the sun off, but not repel Gaius.
She picks one with a bird badge.
Let him not notice that!
Next she thinks about what kind of food will impress him.
What was that recipe she saw on a website, only last week?
Yes! Skinny Monkey Bread.
Monkey bread, but less calorific.
She gets out a bowl.
Monday, September 19, 2016
Above Africa, Can It Be Spain?
Ageless reaches the State Library. He climbs up the stairs.
He is looking for Baby Pierre.
But first he spots Terence.
Terence is standing on a chair.
He is looking at an atlas, which is open at the map of Australia, thanks to the kind lady.
Baby Pierre is sitting on Tasmania.
Daniel O'Connell is tiptoeing over the Indian Ocean.
The kind lady is nowhere in sight.
Hi-ho, says Ageless. Any luck, boys?
Bad luck, says Baby Pierre.
Ditto, says Ageless. What's your problem?
We don't believe in this atlas, says Baby Pierre.
No, we don't, says Daniel O'Connell.
Me either, says Terence.
Why not? asks Ageless.
The world isn't like this, says Baby Pierre. Flat and layered and lined. And only grownups can turn the pages. So we've lost the canaries.
Tell me about it, says Ageless. I've lost my job.
He is about to tell Baby Pierre that Gaius has been offered the use of an H2A-XLR which would make his sensory hairs and excellent memory redundant, when Belle comes in.
Sorry I took so long, says Belle. I met Margaret. We had coffee and cakes in the Art Gallery. It was lovely. Hey, why is everyone looking so glum?
We're in Australia, says Daniel O'Connell. And we can't turn the page.
What page are you wanting? asks Belle.
Canaries, says Daniel O'Connell.
Hop up, says Belle.
Daniel O'Connell dances down to the Great Australian Bight and hops up on Baby Pierre.
He lands on the Mark of the Claw.
A tulip! says Daniel O'Connell. That's girly!
Get off, says Baby Pierre. And it's not a tulip, it's the Mark of the Claw. Ask Ageless.
Yes, says Ageless. I acknowledge Baby Pierre as a relative.
My daddy, whispers Baby Pierre.
Mine too? asks Terence.
Not you, says Baby Pierre. You've got your own daddy.
Who is it?
You know, says Baby Pierre. Saint Joseph. He used to whack you.
Get off the page, says Belle. I'm going to turn it back to Africa.
They get off. Belle turns the page.
After all they are back where they started, looking at Africa.
Then Terence notices something amazing. Above Africa. Can it be SPAIN?
Spain! cries Terence.
How do you know that? says Belle. That's very clever.
It says Spain on it, says Terence. That's where I come from. Where's Barcelona?
There, says Belle. And the Canaries are down there, off the African coast. The Canaries are Spanish. Did you know that?
Problem solved, says Terence.
How? asks Daniel O'Connell. We're never going to get there.
Yes, they're too far away, says Belle. But how would you like to go out in Margaret's tinny tomorrow? She's invited me out for the day.
The wheels in Ageless's head turn, and not slowly.
Aha....aha...crr...ckkk.....yyy!!
He is looking for Baby Pierre.
But first he spots Terence.
Terence is standing on a chair.
He is looking at an atlas, which is open at the map of Australia, thanks to the kind lady.
Baby Pierre is sitting on Tasmania.
Daniel O'Connell is tiptoeing over the Indian Ocean.
The kind lady is nowhere in sight.
Hi-ho, says Ageless. Any luck, boys?
Bad luck, says Baby Pierre.
Ditto, says Ageless. What's your problem?
We don't believe in this atlas, says Baby Pierre.
No, we don't, says Daniel O'Connell.
Me either, says Terence.
Why not? asks Ageless.
The world isn't like this, says Baby Pierre. Flat and layered and lined. And only grownups can turn the pages. So we've lost the canaries.
Tell me about it, says Ageless. I've lost my job.
He is about to tell Baby Pierre that Gaius has been offered the use of an H2A-XLR which would make his sensory hairs and excellent memory redundant, when Belle comes in.
Sorry I took so long, says Belle. I met Margaret. We had coffee and cakes in the Art Gallery. It was lovely. Hey, why is everyone looking so glum?
We're in Australia, says Daniel O'Connell. And we can't turn the page.
What page are you wanting? asks Belle.
Canaries, says Daniel O'Connell.
Hop up, says Belle.
Daniel O'Connell dances down to the Great Australian Bight and hops up on Baby Pierre.
He lands on the Mark of the Claw.
A tulip! says Daniel O'Connell. That's girly!
Get off, says Baby Pierre. And it's not a tulip, it's the Mark of the Claw. Ask Ageless.
Yes, says Ageless. I acknowledge Baby Pierre as a relative.
My daddy, whispers Baby Pierre.
Mine too? asks Terence.
Not you, says Baby Pierre. You've got your own daddy.
Who is it?
You know, says Baby Pierre. Saint Joseph. He used to whack you.
Get off the page, says Belle. I'm going to turn it back to Africa.
They get off. Belle turns the page.
After all they are back where they started, looking at Africa.
Then Terence notices something amazing. Above Africa. Can it be SPAIN?
Spain! cries Terence.
How do you know that? says Belle. That's very clever.
It says Spain on it, says Terence. That's where I come from. Where's Barcelona?
There, says Belle. And the Canaries are down there, off the African coast. The Canaries are Spanish. Did you know that?
Problem solved, says Terence.
How? asks Daniel O'Connell. We're never going to get there.
Yes, they're too far away, says Belle. But how would you like to go out in Margaret's tinny tomorrow? She's invited me out for the day.
The wheels in Ageless's head turn, and not slowly.
Aha....aha...crr...ckkk.....yyy!!
Sunday, September 18, 2016
Renouncing Technology
Two o'clock, at the Environment Institute, University of Adelaide.
Assistant Professor Ivan Nagelkerken meets with Gaius and Ageless.
Wonderful to meet you, Gaius, says Ivan. Come in.
Gaius and Ageless go into the office.
Now, how can I help you? says Ivan.
I am interested in replicating your research into fish noise, says Gaius.
Although it's unnatural, says Ageless.
Unnatural? Why unnatural, says Ivan.
My colleague is referring to your use of the hydrophone, says Gaius. That is, if you did use a hydrophone.
Of course, we recorded the marine soundscape, says Ivan. We studied the kelp forests and seagrass beds in St Vincent's Gulf, and compared audio readings of the polluted waters with audio recordings at naturally high carbon dioxide underwater volcanic vents showing the the acidification predicted for global water conditions by the end of the century. What about that is unnatural?
I apologise if my colleague has offended you, says Gaius. He is keen to assist me.
Is he the expert in underwater audio recording you referred to? asks Ivan.
Don't talk about me as though I'm not in the room, snaps Ageless. I am a lobster, that is the crux of the matter.
The crux being? asks Ivan.
The crux being, says Gaius, that the sensory hairs on his body, indeed those of most marine crustaceans, are stimulated......
....and mine are especially sensitive, says Ageless, ask Kobo.... no, wait... don't ask her....
.....stimulated by water-borne or substrate vibrations, and are most sensitive to water vibration frequencies between 150 and 300hz, says Gaius.
....and even lower, on a good day, says Ageless.
I know that, says Ivan. But lobsters have notoriously faulty memories. That is why we don't generally use them on field trips.
Understandable, says Gaius. However, Ageless boasts an excellent memory. Let me cut to the chase. Do you have an available tinny I could borrow?
Dear me, says Ivan. This is inopportune. My associate Tullio has just taken it out to do a spot of fishing. He won't be back till next Monday.
Never mind, says Ageless. We'll borrow what's-her-name's.
Margaret's says Gaius. No, I don't think so.
There, you see what I mean about memory, says Ivan. A hydrophone is way more reliable. Would you like to borrow my H2A-XLR?
Ageless looks sharply at Gaius. If Gaius says Yes, he will simply walk out of the office.
He will go and look for Baby Pierre in the library.
Let them use a stupid piece of technology to measure their fish noise. What do they want to measure it for anyway?... stupid fish and their fish noise.....let their larvae get lost and not be able to find their way home ....wah-wah-wah-wah.....
See if he cares.
He walks out of the office, just as Gaius is opening his mouth to say:
No, I don't think so.
Assistant Professor Ivan Nagelkerken meets with Gaius and Ageless.
Wonderful to meet you, Gaius, says Ivan. Come in.
Gaius and Ageless go into the office.
Now, how can I help you? says Ivan.
I am interested in replicating your research into fish noise, says Gaius.
Although it's unnatural, says Ageless.
Unnatural? Why unnatural, says Ivan.
My colleague is referring to your use of the hydrophone, says Gaius. That is, if you did use a hydrophone.
Of course, we recorded the marine soundscape, says Ivan. We studied the kelp forests and seagrass beds in St Vincent's Gulf, and compared audio readings of the polluted waters with audio recordings at naturally high carbon dioxide underwater volcanic vents showing the the acidification predicted for global water conditions by the end of the century. What about that is unnatural?
I apologise if my colleague has offended you, says Gaius. He is keen to assist me.
Is he the expert in underwater audio recording you referred to? asks Ivan.
Don't talk about me as though I'm not in the room, snaps Ageless. I am a lobster, that is the crux of the matter.
The crux being? asks Ivan.
The crux being, says Gaius, that the sensory hairs on his body, indeed those of most marine crustaceans, are stimulated......
....and mine are especially sensitive, says Ageless, ask Kobo.... no, wait... don't ask her....
.....stimulated by water-borne or substrate vibrations, and are most sensitive to water vibration frequencies between 150 and 300hz, says Gaius.
....and even lower, on a good day, says Ageless.
I know that, says Ivan. But lobsters have notoriously faulty memories. That is why we don't generally use them on field trips.
Understandable, says Gaius. However, Ageless boasts an excellent memory. Let me cut to the chase. Do you have an available tinny I could borrow?
Dear me, says Ivan. This is inopportune. My associate Tullio has just taken it out to do a spot of fishing. He won't be back till next Monday.
Never mind, says Ageless. We'll borrow what's-her-name's.
Margaret's says Gaius. No, I don't think so.
There, you see what I mean about memory, says Ivan. A hydrophone is way more reliable. Would you like to borrow my H2A-XLR?
Ageless looks sharply at Gaius. If Gaius says Yes, he will simply walk out of the office.
He will go and look for Baby Pierre in the library.
Let them use a stupid piece of technology to measure their fish noise. What do they want to measure it for anyway?... stupid fish and their fish noise.....let their larvae get lost and not be able to find their way home ....wah-wah-wah-wah.....
See if he cares.
He walks out of the office, just as Gaius is opening his mouth to say:
No, I don't think so.
Saturday, September 17, 2016
In And Out Of Africa
At the State Library.
Belle has found them an atlas, and opened it at the right page.
While you guys look at this, says Belle, I'll just pop over to the Art Gallery. There's something I want to see. I'll be back soon. Don't turn any pages.
She goes off down the stairs.
Baby Pierre and Terence look at the big map of Africa.
This is the wrong page, says Terence. This is AFRICA.
No, says Baby Pierre. It's the right page. The Canaries will be in the water.
Daniel O'Connell crawls all over the map, looking for water.
Can I help you? asks a kind lady.
We're looking for the Canaries, says Baby Pierre.
Oh, the islands, says the kind lady. Here they are. Here, and here. Any one in particular?
Tenerife, says Daniel O'Connell.
A spider! cries the kind lady. She brings down a fist on the map.
Daniel O'Connell just escapes it.
I suppose I shouldn't have done that, says the kind lady.
Why not? asks Baby Pierre. Is it because you thought better of killing a spider?
No, says the kind lady. But I was taught never to damage a library book.
Me too, says Terence.
I'll call an attendant, says the kind lady.
No, don't do that, says Baby Pierre. We can take care of the spider.
Parrot, says Terence.
LIBERATOR, says Daniel O'Connell. I'm sick of this being.
Baby Pierre is impressed.
There are days when he too has been sick of this being.
The kind lady herself has had her bad moments.
.........
Meanwhile, Belle is in the Art Gallery looking at the Japanese exhibition.
She sits on a wooden bench in front of Ever Blossoming, watching the tiny pink and white blossoms unfold.
.........
In the State Library, the kind lady has formed a more equal relationship with Daniel O'Connell.
The countryside teems with my natural children, says Daniel O'Connell.
You don't say, says the kind lady. I have six grandchildren, and they are a handful.
It's why I want to visit the Canaries, says Daniel O'Connell. I have relatives there. The Tenerife Black Jumping spiders.
I've heard of them, says the kind lady. But Tenerife is a long way away.
It doesn't look it, says Baby Pierre.
Not from Africa, says the kind lady. But it's along way from here.
Where is here? asks Terence.
The kind lady turns the pages until she comes to the map of Australia.
Hey, says Daniel O'Connell, squeezing out from between the stiff pages. I was in Africa!
........
Belle is having a skinny flat white in the Art Gallery café.
Three women at the next table are laughing.
Ha ha ha.
One of them glances up. They were laughing so loudly. Are people looking?
She sees Belle, at the next table.
Belle, dear! says Margaret. Do join us. We're sharing some cakes.
Margaret, says Belle. I was only talking about you to Gaius this morning.
Really, says Margaret. Is he back from the poisonous cave?
Yes, says Belle. And he's already off on a new tangent.
Oh, and what is it? asks Margaret, in a tone that she hopes does not indicate excessive interest.
Belle has found them an atlas, and opened it at the right page.
While you guys look at this, says Belle, I'll just pop over to the Art Gallery. There's something I want to see. I'll be back soon. Don't turn any pages.
She goes off down the stairs.
Baby Pierre and Terence look at the big map of Africa.
This is the wrong page, says Terence. This is AFRICA.
No, says Baby Pierre. It's the right page. The Canaries will be in the water.
Daniel O'Connell crawls all over the map, looking for water.
Can I help you? asks a kind lady.
We're looking for the Canaries, says Baby Pierre.
Oh, the islands, says the kind lady. Here they are. Here, and here. Any one in particular?
Tenerife, says Daniel O'Connell.
A spider! cries the kind lady. She brings down a fist on the map.
Daniel O'Connell just escapes it.
I suppose I shouldn't have done that, says the kind lady.
Why not? asks Baby Pierre. Is it because you thought better of killing a spider?
No, says the kind lady. But I was taught never to damage a library book.
Me too, says Terence.
I'll call an attendant, says the kind lady.
No, don't do that, says Baby Pierre. We can take care of the spider.
Parrot, says Terence.
LIBERATOR, says Daniel O'Connell. I'm sick of this being.
Baby Pierre is impressed.
There are days when he too has been sick of this being.
The kind lady herself has had her bad moments.
.........
Meanwhile, Belle is in the Art Gallery looking at the Japanese exhibition.
She sits on a wooden bench in front of Ever Blossoming, watching the tiny pink and white blossoms unfold.
.........
In the State Library, the kind lady has formed a more equal relationship with Daniel O'Connell.
The countryside teems with my natural children, says Daniel O'Connell.
You don't say, says the kind lady. I have six grandchildren, and they are a handful.
It's why I want to visit the Canaries, says Daniel O'Connell. I have relatives there. The Tenerife Black Jumping spiders.
I've heard of them, says the kind lady. But Tenerife is a long way away.
It doesn't look it, says Baby Pierre.
Not from Africa, says the kind lady. But it's along way from here.
Where is here? asks Terence.
The kind lady turns the pages until she comes to the map of Australia.
Hey, says Daniel O'Connell, squeezing out from between the stiff pages. I was in Africa!
........
Belle is having a skinny flat white in the Art Gallery café.
Three women at the next table are laughing.
Ha ha ha.
One of them glances up. They were laughing so loudly. Are people looking?
She sees Belle, at the next table.
Belle, dear! says Margaret. Do join us. We're sharing some cakes.
Margaret, says Belle. I was only talking about you to Gaius this morning.
Really, says Margaret. Is he back from the poisonous cave?
Yes, says Belle. And he's already off on a new tangent.
Oh, and what is it? asks Margaret, in a tone that she hopes does not indicate excessive interest.
Friday, September 16, 2016
Unless You Want To Try Flying
Ageless does not have to go far, before he spots them
The traffic is heavy. They haven't yet crossed the road.
Where do you think you're going? asks Ageless.
To the State Library, says Baby Pierre.
To look at the maps, says Terence.
Of the Canaries, says Daniel O'Connell.
Very good, says Ageless. Be careful.
He turns and goes back to the house to tell Gaius and Belle.
Did you find them? asks Belle.
Yes, says Ageless.
Well, where are they? asks Belle.
Crossing the road, says Ageless. They're on their way to the library.
Are they catching a bus? asks Gaius.
I didn't ask them, says Ageless. I suppose so.
You should have brought them back! says Belle. They might get run over! Anything might happen.
You forget, says Ageless, that Baby Pierre bears the Mark Of The Claw.
........
Baby Pierre and Terence have spotted a break in the traffic.
Will it be long enough?
Ready? says Baby Pierre.
Ready, says Terence.
Are we running or walking? asks Daniel O'Connell.
You're in the bottle, says Baby Pierre. You're doing whatever we're doing.
Unless you want to try flying, says Terence.
Not yet, says Daniel O'Connell.
......
A bus appears in the distance.
Go go go! says Baby Pierre.
He rolls into the road and keeps rolling.
Terence follows with Daniel O'Connell.
Stomp stomp. Hurry up Terence!
Brakes screech and someone starts tooting.
......
Belle arrives at the footpath, seconds too late.
She sees Terence on his back in the road just in front of the bus stop.
The B10 is approaching.
Stop! cries Belle.
But she is on the other side of the road and the driver doesn't hear her.
He wouldn't have stopped for her anyway.
But he stops for Baby Pierre.
Baby Pierre has hailed him, in the proper manner.
Hello young man, says the driver. How are we today?
You've run over my best friend says Baby Pierre. He's under your bus right his minute.
Ha ha, says the driver. Want a hand getting on?
NO, says Baby Pierre. Get out and help Terence and Daniel O'Connell!
The driver gets down and looks under his vehicle.
Oh.
Belle has crossed the road, finally.
I told you to stop, she says crossly. Now look.
I didn't see them, says the driver. I'll get back in the bus and reverse,
The other passengers look anxious.
Will they be late for their lectures, and exercise classes?
The driver reverses.
Now Terence is out in the open in front of the bus.
He sits up. Looks around for Daniel O'Connell, his parrot.
Oh no! The bottle is smashed.
But Daniel O'Connell is okay, in the bottom.
Terence, says Belle. Are you all right?
No, says Terence. You didn't look after me.
You didn't look after me, says Daniel O'Connell.
I'm not meant to look after you, says Terence. You're meant to look after me.
Are you getting on this bus or aren't you? asks the driver. I'm way behind schedule.
Yes, says Terence.
Yes, says Daniel O'Connell. But first get met me out of this bottle.
Belle lifts him out of the bottle. She helps Terence onto the bus.
Then she decides that she ought to go with him, in case he has concussion.
She gets on. Luckily she carries a Metrocard.
Ding!
She sits down, next to Baby Pierre and Terence, with Daniel O'Connell in her lap.
He has been in worse places.
Next stop, the State Library.
The traffic is heavy. They haven't yet crossed the road.
Where do you think you're going? asks Ageless.
To the State Library, says Baby Pierre.
To look at the maps, says Terence.
Of the Canaries, says Daniel O'Connell.
Very good, says Ageless. Be careful.
He turns and goes back to the house to tell Gaius and Belle.
Did you find them? asks Belle.
Yes, says Ageless.
Well, where are they? asks Belle.
Crossing the road, says Ageless. They're on their way to the library.
Are they catching a bus? asks Gaius.
I didn't ask them, says Ageless. I suppose so.
You should have brought them back! says Belle. They might get run over! Anything might happen.
You forget, says Ageless, that Baby Pierre bears the Mark Of The Claw.
........
Baby Pierre and Terence have spotted a break in the traffic.
Will it be long enough?
Ready? says Baby Pierre.
Ready, says Terence.
Are we running or walking? asks Daniel O'Connell.
You're in the bottle, says Baby Pierre. You're doing whatever we're doing.
Unless you want to try flying, says Terence.
Not yet, says Daniel O'Connell.
......
A bus appears in the distance.
Go go go! says Baby Pierre.
He rolls into the road and keeps rolling.
Terence follows with Daniel O'Connell.
Stomp stomp. Hurry up Terence!
Brakes screech and someone starts tooting.
......
Belle arrives at the footpath, seconds too late.
She sees Terence on his back in the road just in front of the bus stop.
The B10 is approaching.
Stop! cries Belle.
But she is on the other side of the road and the driver doesn't hear her.
He wouldn't have stopped for her anyway.
But he stops for Baby Pierre.
Baby Pierre has hailed him, in the proper manner.
Hello young man, says the driver. How are we today?
You've run over my best friend says Baby Pierre. He's under your bus right his minute.
Ha ha, says the driver. Want a hand getting on?
NO, says Baby Pierre. Get out and help Terence and Daniel O'Connell!
The driver gets down and looks under his vehicle.
Oh.
Belle has crossed the road, finally.
I told you to stop, she says crossly. Now look.
I didn't see them, says the driver. I'll get back in the bus and reverse,
The other passengers look anxious.
Will they be late for their lectures, and exercise classes?
The driver reverses.
Now Terence is out in the open in front of the bus.
He sits up. Looks around for Daniel O'Connell, his parrot.
Oh no! The bottle is smashed.
But Daniel O'Connell is okay, in the bottom.
Terence, says Belle. Are you all right?
No, says Terence. You didn't look after me.
You didn't look after me, says Daniel O'Connell.
I'm not meant to look after you, says Terence. You're meant to look after me.
Are you getting on this bus or aren't you? asks the driver. I'm way behind schedule.
Yes, says Terence.
Yes, says Daniel O'Connell. But first get met me out of this bottle.
Belle lifts him out of the bottle. She helps Terence onto the bus.
Then she decides that she ought to go with him, in case he has concussion.
She gets on. Luckily she carries a Metrocard.
Ding!
She sits down, next to Baby Pierre and Terence, with Daniel O'Connell in her lap.
He has been in worse places.
Next stop, the State Library.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Paths That Cross And Uncross
If you looked through the back window you would see Terence (cement baby Jesus) and Baby Pierre (atheist and free thinking pebble) sitting on the grass, deep in discussion.
You would not see Daniel O'Connell (a spider, not yet a parrot), because he is small.
They are figuring out how they might get to the Canaries.
But no one is looking through the back window.
Gaius is inside, on the phone.
Environment Institute? says Gaius. Put me through to Associate Professor Ivan Nagelkerken.
I know him, says Ageless.
You do not, says Belle.
Ivan? says Gaius. It's Gaius Plinius Secundus..... yes... do call me Gaius.....I'm interested in your study of fish noise, and I was wondering if I might ..... oh..... yes..... very kind..... and may I bring a colleague of mine who has underwater audio recording skills? .......this afternoon, two o'clock, fine.
Ageless knows the professor, says Belle.
Correction, I know of him, says Ageless. I know his associate, Tullio Rossi. A marine biologist and science communicator. Our paths sometimes cross in the library.
Why didn't you say so? says Gaius. This will smooth the way.
To what? asks Belle.
To assistance with a further study, says Gaius. Presumably, these people have access to some sort of tinny.
Belle looks sceptical.
Good luck with that, she says. But don't forget, Margaret has a tinny.
Let's hope it won't come to THAT, says Gaius.
Well, I'll be off, says Belle. Where is Terence?
At last she looks out of the window.
But no one is there, and the side gate is open.
Oh no! says Belle.
Don't panic. I'll find them, says Ageless.
You would not see Daniel O'Connell (a spider, not yet a parrot), because he is small.
They are figuring out how they might get to the Canaries.
But no one is looking through the back window.
Gaius is inside, on the phone.
Environment Institute? says Gaius. Put me through to Associate Professor Ivan Nagelkerken.
I know him, says Ageless.
You do not, says Belle.
Ivan? says Gaius. It's Gaius Plinius Secundus..... yes... do call me Gaius.....I'm interested in your study of fish noise, and I was wondering if I might ..... oh..... yes..... very kind..... and may I bring a colleague of mine who has underwater audio recording skills? .......this afternoon, two o'clock, fine.
Ageless knows the professor, says Belle.
Correction, I know of him, says Ageless. I know his associate, Tullio Rossi. A marine biologist and science communicator. Our paths sometimes cross in the library.
Why didn't you say so? says Gaius. This will smooth the way.
To what? asks Belle.
To assistance with a further study, says Gaius. Presumably, these people have access to some sort of tinny.
Belle looks sceptical.
Good luck with that, she says. But don't forget, Margaret has a tinny.
Let's hope it won't come to THAT, says Gaius.
Well, I'll be off, says Belle. Where is Terence?
At last she looks out of the window.
But no one is there, and the side gate is open.
Oh no! says Belle.
Don't panic. I'll find them, says Ageless.
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Fish Make Fish Noise
So, Gaius, why record fish noise? asks Belle.
For comparative purposes, says Gaius. A study has shown that fish noise is silenced by nutrient pollution.
How will you record it? asks Belle.
That's the difficulty, says Gaius. A hydrophone is expensive.
Technology always is, says Belle. Have you thought of trying a simpler method?
No, I haven't, says Gaius. What sort of simpler method?
Such as, says Belle, a recording device in a waterproof coating.
That is what a hydrophone is, says Gaius.
A sound of scraping comes from the sink.
What's that noise? asks Belle.
That will be Ageless, says Gaius. He's here to see Kobo. She's bought tickets.
Ageless lobster drops to the floor.
Leaving? asks Gaius.
Leaving, says Ageless. I've ruined the tickets.
You'd know about fish noise, says Belle.
I know ALL about fish noise, says Ageless. Ask me a question.
Why is it silenced by nutrient pollution? asks Belle.
Ask me another, says Ageless. Ask me who makes it?
We know who makes it, says Belle. Fish make it.
Shows how much YOU know, says Ageless. When I'm in the ocean, which is seldom, the sound is deafening, and it's not just the fish, it's the shrimps and sea urchins, rasping and snapping.
And how do you detect it? asks Gaius
With the sensory hairs on my legs, says Ageless.
Of course! says Gaius. And how is your memory?
Excellent. Just ask Kobo, says Ageless.
Should we? You ruined her tickets, says Belle.
True, says Ageless. I had forgotten. Don't ask her. Ask Baby Pierre.
But Baby Pierre has slipped through the back door with Terence and Daniel O'Connell.
Flooo! Birds fly up from the apricot blossom, scattering petals and raindrops.
'Tis not as far as I thought to the Canaries, says Daniel O'Connell.
Shoosh! says Baby Pierre. These are not the canaries.
Those are parrots, says Terence.
Daniel O'Connell tries to recall what they looked like, because they have gone.
Red, green and flighty.
Excuse me, says Daniel O'Connell.
That's all right, says Terence. You're new at being a parrot.
Ha ha, laughs Baby Pierre. He's so new he looks like a spider.
Sometimes you don't know why people are laughing.
Sometimes you do.
For comparative purposes, says Gaius. A study has shown that fish noise is silenced by nutrient pollution.
How will you record it? asks Belle.
That's the difficulty, says Gaius. A hydrophone is expensive.
Technology always is, says Belle. Have you thought of trying a simpler method?
No, I haven't, says Gaius. What sort of simpler method?
Such as, says Belle, a recording device in a waterproof coating.
That is what a hydrophone is, says Gaius.
A sound of scraping comes from the sink.
What's that noise? asks Belle.
That will be Ageless, says Gaius. He's here to see Kobo. She's bought tickets.
Ageless lobster drops to the floor.
Leaving? asks Gaius.
Leaving, says Ageless. I've ruined the tickets.
You'd know about fish noise, says Belle.
I know ALL about fish noise, says Ageless. Ask me a question.
Why is it silenced by nutrient pollution? asks Belle.
Ask me another, says Ageless. Ask me who makes it?
We know who makes it, says Belle. Fish make it.
Shows how much YOU know, says Ageless. When I'm in the ocean, which is seldom, the sound is deafening, and it's not just the fish, it's the shrimps and sea urchins, rasping and snapping.
And how do you detect it? asks Gaius
With the sensory hairs on my legs, says Ageless.
Of course! says Gaius. And how is your memory?
Excellent. Just ask Kobo, says Ageless.
Should we? You ruined her tickets, says Belle.
True, says Ageless. I had forgotten. Don't ask her. Ask Baby Pierre.
But Baby Pierre has slipped through the back door with Terence and Daniel O'Connell.
Flooo! Birds fly up from the apricot blossom, scattering petals and raindrops.
'Tis not as far as I thought to the Canaries, says Daniel O'Connell.
Shoosh! says Baby Pierre. These are not the canaries.
Those are parrots, says Terence.
Daniel O'Connell tries to recall what they looked like, because they have gone.
Red, green and flighty.
Excuse me, says Daniel O'Connell.
That's all right, says Terence. You're new at being a parrot.
Ha ha, laughs Baby Pierre. He's so new he looks like a spider.
Sometimes you don't know why people are laughing.
Sometimes you do.
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
One Raspy, One Creamy, One Childish
Gaius is glad to be home.
He drops his back pack, and the bottle containing Daniel O'Connell, on the kitchen table.
Daniel O'Connell hears voices, coming from somewhere near the window.
Sorry, my love!
What have you done to the tickets?
I did not know they were tickets.
He wet them!
Three voices. One raspy, one creamy, one childish. Daniel O'Connell wonders what sort of tickets they were and who they belonged to, and whether they might still be usable. If not, that seems a shame.
But the travelling has sapped him of energy, and he does nothing to find out the answer.
Gaius is busy on the phone.
Yes, something for underwater audio recordings. HOW much! Great Jupiter's balls!
Slam.
He goes into the bathroom.
The doorbell rings. Ding dong!
Gaius comes out of the bathroom, and opens the door.
It's Belle, with Terence.
Hello, Gaius, says Terence. Did you bring me a present?
Terence! says Belle. Hi, Gaius. Sweezie said you were back. How was the poisonous cave?
Fascinating, says Gaius. The bacteria down there oxidise methane and carbon dioxide, the two biggest culprits of global warming.
Really? says Belle. I suppose they might come in useful.
Exactly, says Gaius. Hello, Terence. No present, but I have something you might like to see.
Ooh, Terence! says Belle. Gaius has something you might like to see.
But Terence has already run into the kitchen, and seen the bottle.
This must be it. He reaches up, grabs it.
Yippee! There's a spider inside. But it's not moving.
He peers into the bottle. Shakes it, until Daniel O'Connell wakes up.
Wah!
Hello spider! says Terence. I'm Terence. I used to live in a palace. I had a parrot, and then another parrot, and then another one that popped, and now I've got a real parrot. But I lost it.
I used to live in a cave, says Daniel O'Connell. I had nothing, not even this bottle. But, on the plus side, I have relatives in the Canaries.
In the canaries? says Terence. Does that mean they ate them?
Who? asks Daniel O'Connell.
The canaries, says Terence. Does that mean the canaries ate your relatives?
No, it means IN the Canaries, says Daniel O'Connell. Like I'm in this bottle.The bottle didn't eat me.
Ha ha, laughs Terence. You're funny. What are you here for?
Scientific purposes, says Daniel O'Connell. Gaius is going to do some underwater recordings of fish noise. He reads Science Daily.
But YOU, says Terence. What are you here for? You can't do underwater recordings.
It's true. Daniel O'Connell wouldn't have the first idea how to do underwater recordings.
Don't be sad, says Terence. You can be my new parrot. And we'll go and see the canaries.
Terence runs across to the window.
Who wants to come? We're going to look for canaries!
I'm coming. I know where some are, says Baby Pierre.
Lucky no adults are listening.
Gaius is explaining the importance of recording underwater fish noise to Belle, who always asks intelligent questions.
And Ageless and Kobo are on the window sill, trying to dry out the tickets
He drops his back pack, and the bottle containing Daniel O'Connell, on the kitchen table.
Daniel O'Connell hears voices, coming from somewhere near the window.
Sorry, my love!
What have you done to the tickets?
I did not know they were tickets.
He wet them!
Three voices. One raspy, one creamy, one childish. Daniel O'Connell wonders what sort of tickets they were and who they belonged to, and whether they might still be usable. If not, that seems a shame.
But the travelling has sapped him of energy, and he does nothing to find out the answer.
Gaius is busy on the phone.
Yes, something for underwater audio recordings. HOW much! Great Jupiter's balls!
Slam.
He goes into the bathroom.
The doorbell rings. Ding dong!
Gaius comes out of the bathroom, and opens the door.
It's Belle, with Terence.
Hello, Gaius, says Terence. Did you bring me a present?
Terence! says Belle. Hi, Gaius. Sweezie said you were back. How was the poisonous cave?
Fascinating, says Gaius. The bacteria down there oxidise methane and carbon dioxide, the two biggest culprits of global warming.
Really? says Belle. I suppose they might come in useful.
Exactly, says Gaius. Hello, Terence. No present, but I have something you might like to see.
Ooh, Terence! says Belle. Gaius has something you might like to see.
But Terence has already run into the kitchen, and seen the bottle.
This must be it. He reaches up, grabs it.
Yippee! There's a spider inside. But it's not moving.
He peers into the bottle. Shakes it, until Daniel O'Connell wakes up.
Wah!
Hello spider! says Terence. I'm Terence. I used to live in a palace. I had a parrot, and then another parrot, and then another one that popped, and now I've got a real parrot. But I lost it.
I used to live in a cave, says Daniel O'Connell. I had nothing, not even this bottle. But, on the plus side, I have relatives in the Canaries.
In the canaries? says Terence. Does that mean they ate them?
Who? asks Daniel O'Connell.
The canaries, says Terence. Does that mean the canaries ate your relatives?
No, it means IN the Canaries, says Daniel O'Connell. Like I'm in this bottle.The bottle didn't eat me.
Ha ha, laughs Terence. You're funny. What are you here for?
Scientific purposes, says Daniel O'Connell. Gaius is going to do some underwater recordings of fish noise. He reads Science Daily.
But YOU, says Terence. What are you here for? You can't do underwater recordings.
It's true. Daniel O'Connell wouldn't have the first idea how to do underwater recordings.
Don't be sad, says Terence. You can be my new parrot. And we'll go and see the canaries.
Terence runs across to the window.
Who wants to come? We're going to look for canaries!
I'm coming. I know where some are, says Baby Pierre.
Lucky no adults are listening.
Gaius is explaining the importance of recording underwater fish noise to Belle, who always asks intelligent questions.
And Ageless and Kobo are on the window sill, trying to dry out the tickets
Monday, September 12, 2016
What Was And What Was Not
So, says Sweezus. How'd it go in the poisonous cave in Romania?
Nightmarish, says Arthur.
Good then? says Sweezus. I suppose you wrote heaps?
The Poem of the Cave, says Arthur. Infused with shattered glass. Devouring the something... I've forgotten the middle .....a pale piece of flotsam, a rabid drowned figure sinks....
Awesome! says Sweezus. Was that him, the drowned figure?
Him who? asks Arthur.
Proust, you dill, says Sweezus.
It was me, says Arthur. Proust came in but he had to go out again. He and Albertine started coughing.
Albertine! says Sweezus. What did she look like?
Boyish. His type, says Arthur.
Coolio, says Sweezus. Now, tell me every thing he said.
He hardly said anything, says Arthur. He's more into thinking.
Come ON! says Sweezus. You were with him for freakin' ages. He must've said something.
When the spider came out of his nose, on the flight back to Paris, says Arthur. He said something then.
Spit it out, says Sweezus. No wait, I'll just grab a pen.
He grabs a pen, and a notebook.
Arthur tries to remember what Proust had said when Daniel O'Connell made his dramatic reappearance.
He sneezed, says Arthur. And then he woke up. And then I told him something had come out of his nose.
A spider, says Sweezus, scribbling.
Not at that stage, says Arthur. I wanted to break it to him gently. Because the spider was known to us.
Far out! says Sweezus. Known to you? Was it Gaius's?
Yes, says Arthur. It was from the poisonous lake. Gaius caught it and kept it in a bottle. Turns out it has relatives in the Canaries.
Sweezus stops writing.
Seriously?
Yes, says Arthur. And it's name is Daniel O'Connell. Named after Daniel O'Connell the Liberator.
This means nothing to Sweezus, who missed out on 19th century Irish history at school, due to an extended family holiday.
He pauses.
Okay, says Sweezus. So what did Proust say when the spider came out of his nose and you finally told him it was Daniel O'Connell and not just a snot ball?
This, says Arthur:
I am relieved to know that it is not a snot ball, for if I had been asleep on a plane and something, which I was later to be assured was not a snot ball, by someone who had observed it during its emergence, tickled my nose, I should certainly have preferred it to be something out of the ordinary, and upon discovering that it had been a spider, and a spider that was known to me, and was a major player in the history of my unproductive affair with Albertine ......
Does this sentence end any time soon? asks Sweezus.
No, says Arthur. And now I've lost the flow of the clauses.
Sorry, says Sweezus, Go on. Hey, wait. He had an unproductive affair with her?
Don't ask me, says Arthur.
Shit, man, you were supposed to be observing.
Do you want to hear the end of the sentence or not?
Yep! I do.
Right. So...
...an affair about which Arthur knew nothing...
You added that in!
No I didn't!
Go on.
...knew nothing, I should have been in a state resembling happiness until at a certain point the physicality of the event would have forced its way to the fore, and I should have become aghast at the thought that my nostril had been violated by a creature which only the day before had been dangling above a lake of chemosynthetic bacteria, eating smaller creatures that lived in it, but that was not...
Was snot? says Sweezus.
...was not..., says Arthur. Let me finish...
....but that was not the end of my troublesome imaginings for I then began to frighten myself with the idea that the spider had penetrated my innermost private sanctum and was therefore in some way party to my thoughts and would thereafter understand me better than I understood myself, and would know, even before I knew it, that it was...
What?
....good that it wasn't a snot ball.
The spider would have known that anyway, says Sweezus.
True, says Arthur. So, what do you think?
It's gold! says Sweezus. Come on, I'll shout you a burger.
Nightmarish, says Arthur.
Good then? says Sweezus. I suppose you wrote heaps?
The Poem of the Cave, says Arthur. Infused with shattered glass. Devouring the something... I've forgotten the middle .....a pale piece of flotsam, a rabid drowned figure sinks....
Awesome! says Sweezus. Was that him, the drowned figure?
Him who? asks Arthur.
Proust, you dill, says Sweezus.
It was me, says Arthur. Proust came in but he had to go out again. He and Albertine started coughing.
Albertine! says Sweezus. What did she look like?
Boyish. His type, says Arthur.
Coolio, says Sweezus. Now, tell me every thing he said.
He hardly said anything, says Arthur. He's more into thinking.
Come ON! says Sweezus. You were with him for freakin' ages. He must've said something.
When the spider came out of his nose, on the flight back to Paris, says Arthur. He said something then.
Spit it out, says Sweezus. No wait, I'll just grab a pen.
He grabs a pen, and a notebook.
Arthur tries to remember what Proust had said when Daniel O'Connell made his dramatic reappearance.
He sneezed, says Arthur. And then he woke up. And then I told him something had come out of his nose.
A spider, says Sweezus, scribbling.
Not at that stage, says Arthur. I wanted to break it to him gently. Because the spider was known to us.
Far out! says Sweezus. Known to you? Was it Gaius's?
Yes, says Arthur. It was from the poisonous lake. Gaius caught it and kept it in a bottle. Turns out it has relatives in the Canaries.
Sweezus stops writing.
Seriously?
Yes, says Arthur. And it's name is Daniel O'Connell. Named after Daniel O'Connell the Liberator.
This means nothing to Sweezus, who missed out on 19th century Irish history at school, due to an extended family holiday.
He pauses.
Okay, says Sweezus. So what did Proust say when the spider came out of his nose and you finally told him it was Daniel O'Connell and not just a snot ball?
This, says Arthur:
I am relieved to know that it is not a snot ball, for if I had been asleep on a plane and something, which I was later to be assured was not a snot ball, by someone who had observed it during its emergence, tickled my nose, I should certainly have preferred it to be something out of the ordinary, and upon discovering that it had been a spider, and a spider that was known to me, and was a major player in the history of my unproductive affair with Albertine ......
Does this sentence end any time soon? asks Sweezus.
No, says Arthur. And now I've lost the flow of the clauses.
Sorry, says Sweezus, Go on. Hey, wait. He had an unproductive affair with her?
Don't ask me, says Arthur.
Shit, man, you were supposed to be observing.
Do you want to hear the end of the sentence or not?
Yep! I do.
Right. So...
...an affair about which Arthur knew nothing...
You added that in!
No I didn't!
Go on.
...knew nothing, I should have been in a state resembling happiness until at a certain point the physicality of the event would have forced its way to the fore, and I should have become aghast at the thought that my nostril had been violated by a creature which only the day before had been dangling above a lake of chemosynthetic bacteria, eating smaller creatures that lived in it, but that was not...
Was snot? says Sweezus.
...was not..., says Arthur. Let me finish...
....but that was not the end of my troublesome imaginings for I then began to frighten myself with the idea that the spider had penetrated my innermost private sanctum and was therefore in some way party to my thoughts and would thereafter understand me better than I understood myself, and would know, even before I knew it, that it was...
What?
....good that it wasn't a snot ball.
The spider would have known that anyway, says Sweezus.
True, says Arthur. So, what do you think?
It's gold! says Sweezus. Come on, I'll shout you a burger.
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
I'm Reliant On Others For My Movements
Gaius, Arthur, Proust and Daniel O'Connell are on board the Wizz Air flight from Constanta to Paris.
Gaius is reading Science Daily. A story about marine ecosystems being degraded by eutrophication.
Arthur is thinking about the future. Specifically, his meeting with Sweezus, when he gets home.
He has promised Sweezus a report on the sayings of Proust, during their underground cave adventure. And he can't recall anything worth reporting.
Proust is asleep.
The kiss curl on his forehead moves up and down with his breathing. His eggshell eyelids are almost transparent.
Arthur stares at Proust's forehead. Inside it are memories.
What is it that Proust will remember?
The uncomfortable bicycle saddle? The Camel Balls? The fact that he thought they might wrap around his appendix? The Nâsal cheese? The methane? The rescue of Daniel O'Connell? The Irish countess? Albertine?
As he gazes at the sleeping face he sees something move over the moustache.
It's Daniel O'Connell.
Finally! says Daniel O'Connell. I've had no end of trouble to get here
Why did you bother? asks Arthur.
To ask you this, says Daniel O'Connell. What's going to happen?
We'll all die, says Arthur.
But before that, says Daniel O'Connell.
Gaius will take you to his house, says Arthur. And you'll meet Ageless, if he's about, and not at the library. And you should get on well with Terence.
Who's Terence? asks Daniel O'Connell.
A cement statue of baby Jesus, says Arthur. He loves parrots, but he might take to a spider. Especially one who has relatives in the Canaries.
Don't remind me, says Daniel O'Connell. My chances of seeing them get slimmer.
If I want to do something I do it, says Arthur.
But that's you, says Daniel O'Connell. I'm more reliant on others for my movements.
A-huch! splutters Proust, sucking in a big breath. His moustache is tickling.
Daniel O'Connell disappears up his left nostril.
Arthur doesn't know whether to tell him, or wait and see what happens.
Gaius is reading Science Daily. A story about marine ecosystems being degraded by eutrophication.
Arthur is thinking about the future. Specifically, his meeting with Sweezus, when he gets home.
He has promised Sweezus a report on the sayings of Proust, during their underground cave adventure. And he can't recall anything worth reporting.
Proust is asleep.
The kiss curl on his forehead moves up and down with his breathing. His eggshell eyelids are almost transparent.
Arthur stares at Proust's forehead. Inside it are memories.
What is it that Proust will remember?
The uncomfortable bicycle saddle? The Camel Balls? The fact that he thought they might wrap around his appendix? The Nâsal cheese? The methane? The rescue of Daniel O'Connell? The Irish countess? Albertine?
As he gazes at the sleeping face he sees something move over the moustache.
It's Daniel O'Connell.
Finally! says Daniel O'Connell. I've had no end of trouble to get here
Why did you bother? asks Arthur.
To ask you this, says Daniel O'Connell. What's going to happen?
We'll all die, says Arthur.
But before that, says Daniel O'Connell.
Gaius will take you to his house, says Arthur. And you'll meet Ageless, if he's about, and not at the library. And you should get on well with Terence.
Who's Terence? asks Daniel O'Connell.
A cement statue of baby Jesus, says Arthur. He loves parrots, but he might take to a spider. Especially one who has relatives in the Canaries.
Don't remind me, says Daniel O'Connell. My chances of seeing them get slimmer.
If I want to do something I do it, says Arthur.
But that's you, says Daniel O'Connell. I'm more reliant on others for my movements.
A-huch! splutters Proust, sucking in a big breath. His moustache is tickling.
Daniel O'Connell disappears up his left nostril.
Arthur doesn't know whether to tell him, or wait and see what happens.
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
In Favour Of The Passionate Existence
Albertine grabs Gilberte's towel.
My turn, says Albertine.
She starts drying her legs with the towel, and rubbing the damp patch at the back of her skirt.
Would you like an ice cream? asks Proust.
That would be lovely, says Albertine. Coming Gilberte?
Yes, Gilberte is coming.
Proust is now obliged to get up off the lounge chair and walk over the road with Albertine and Gilberte to look for the Betty Ice.
He didn't invite you, says Constance.
He knows me, says Arthur. He knows if I wanted an ice cream I'd get one.
Like me, says Constance.
I can attest to that, says Gaius. She wanted one, and she got one, without even moving.
And I got one, says Daniel O'Connell. But I had to crawl out of the bottle.
So Arthur, your'e a poet, says Constance. I knew Yeats, as a girl. Do you know him?
Arthur doesn't answer. He is picking his knee scabs, which have softened since he went in the water.
Perhaps he doesn't, says Gaius.
W B Yeats? says Constance. Wild Swans At Coole?
Arthur places a scab on his tongue. It tastes salty.
Let me try, says Daniel O'Connell. Arthur?
What? says Arthur.
Yeats makes 'drop' rhyme with 'up', says Daniel O'Connell.
Ah! says Gaius. So he does.Where does that come from?
It comes from A Dialogue of Self and Soul, says Constance.
Now she has Arthur's attention. He swallows the scab, although he hadn't meant to.
It goes like this, says Constance:
A living man is blind and drinks his drop
What matter if the ditches are impure?
What matter if I live it all once more?
Endure that toil of growing up...?
Did you catch that? says Daniel O'Connell. If you say 'up' as 'op', 'drop' rhymes with it. We Irish know that sort of thing, so we do.
Self or Soul? asks Arthur.
Self, replies Constance. I think Yeats was rejecting his higher self in favour of a passionate existence, even if it meant making mistakes.
So it goes on, says Arthur.
Yes, it's quite a bit longer, says Constance.
We must be thinking of going, says Gaius.
Must you? says Constance. Where are you off to?
Tenerife, says Daniel O'Connell.
Adelaide, says Gaius. But first we must return to Constanta, and hand in these bicycles.
Not necessarily, says Arthur.
Of course we must, says Gaius.
Only the first two hours were free, says Arthur.
Dear me, says Gaius. We are probably up for a hefty bill. How annoying!
Good reason not to return them, says Constance. I'm with Arthur, and the passionate existence!
Arthur thinks she must have a dull life if failing to return a hired bicycle is a mark of a passionate existence.
Proust meanwhile has bought both Albertine and Gilberte mint ice creams.
They are crossing the road. Proust is propositioning Albertine.
Proust: Will you write to me when I go back to Paris?
Gilberte: No, she won't.
Albertine: I might.
Proust: I require a promise.
Albertine: All right. I promise.
Gilberte: What about Daniel?
Albertine: Shut UP, Gilberte.
Proust: A dagger has gone through my heart. I'd forgotten about Daniel.
Albertine: So had I.
Proust: If you're so forgetful, how can I expect you to remember your promise?
Gilberte: If you really want to keep her, why not put her in a novel?
Proust: Perfect. I'll put you both in!
My turn, says Albertine.
She starts drying her legs with the towel, and rubbing the damp patch at the back of her skirt.
Would you like an ice cream? asks Proust.
That would be lovely, says Albertine. Coming Gilberte?
Yes, Gilberte is coming.
Proust is now obliged to get up off the lounge chair and walk over the road with Albertine and Gilberte to look for the Betty Ice.
He didn't invite you, says Constance.
He knows me, says Arthur. He knows if I wanted an ice cream I'd get one.
Like me, says Constance.
I can attest to that, says Gaius. She wanted one, and she got one, without even moving.
And I got one, says Daniel O'Connell. But I had to crawl out of the bottle.
So Arthur, your'e a poet, says Constance. I knew Yeats, as a girl. Do you know him?
Arthur doesn't answer. He is picking his knee scabs, which have softened since he went in the water.
Perhaps he doesn't, says Gaius.
W B Yeats? says Constance. Wild Swans At Coole?
Arthur places a scab on his tongue. It tastes salty.
Let me try, says Daniel O'Connell. Arthur?
What? says Arthur.
Yeats makes 'drop' rhyme with 'up', says Daniel O'Connell.
Ah! says Gaius. So he does.Where does that come from?
It comes from A Dialogue of Self and Soul, says Constance.
Now she has Arthur's attention. He swallows the scab, although he hadn't meant to.
It goes like this, says Constance:
A living man is blind and drinks his drop
What matter if the ditches are impure?
What matter if I live it all once more?
Endure that toil of growing up...?
Did you catch that? says Daniel O'Connell. If you say 'up' as 'op', 'drop' rhymes with it. We Irish know that sort of thing, so we do.
Self or Soul? asks Arthur.
Self, replies Constance. I think Yeats was rejecting his higher self in favour of a passionate existence, even if it meant making mistakes.
So it goes on, says Arthur.
Yes, it's quite a bit longer, says Constance.
We must be thinking of going, says Gaius.
Must you? says Constance. Where are you off to?
Tenerife, says Daniel O'Connell.
Adelaide, says Gaius. But first we must return to Constanta, and hand in these bicycles.
Not necessarily, says Arthur.
Of course we must, says Gaius.
Only the first two hours were free, says Arthur.
Dear me, says Gaius. We are probably up for a hefty bill. How annoying!
Good reason not to return them, says Constance. I'm with Arthur, and the passionate existence!
Arthur thinks she must have a dull life if failing to return a hired bicycle is a mark of a passionate existence.
Proust meanwhile has bought both Albertine and Gilberte mint ice creams.
They are crossing the road. Proust is propositioning Albertine.
Proust: Will you write to me when I go back to Paris?
Gilberte: No, she won't.
Albertine: I might.
Proust: I require a promise.
Albertine: All right. I promise.
Gilberte: What about Daniel?
Albertine: Shut UP, Gilberte.
Proust: A dagger has gone through my heart. I'd forgotten about Daniel.
Albertine: So had I.
Proust: If you're so forgetful, how can I expect you to remember your promise?
Gilberte: If you really want to keep her, why not put her in a novel?
Proust: Perfect. I'll put you both in!
Monday, September 5, 2016
Angels Are Supposed To Be Sexless
In the distance they look like three stick figures, surfing.
Proust squints, with the object of seeing them better.
It's not possible to see what Albertine is wearing. One thing is certain, she will have taken her sensible skirt off. And then.... all she had underneath was her knickers. Although he has never seen them they have conflated in his imagination with the colourful scarf she had tucked inside them and become like a rainbow filament floating about her like the phylacteries of angels in medieval paintings, covering who knows what since angels were always supposed to be sexless, whereas Albertine.... an unpleasant thought strikes him.....
He hears Constance say: Here, take this one.
And Gaius walks off down the beach with a towel.
Where's he going? asks Proust.
He's taking a towel to the girls. Weren't you listening?
No, I was thinking about Albertine.
But not in a practical way, I imagine, says Constance. Gaius thought a towel might be handy. Especially if the girls have gone in in their underwear. It can become quite transparent when one has been bathing.
Only one towel, did you say? asks Proust.
I only had one, replies Constance. Honestly. I must do some washing.
Are you staying in Neptun long? asks Proust.
Leaving tomorrow, says Constance. How about you?
I suppose I must go back to Paris, says Proust. I have had too much excitement.
So have I, says Daniel O'Connell. Too much excitement and not enough information.
Constance turns to look at Daniel O'Connell, who has just finished his ice cream.
Oh yes, I promised to tell you more about Daniel O'Connell, says Constance.
The Liberator, says Daniel O'Connell.
That's the one, says Constance. He was a campaigner for civil rights and economic betterment for the Irish majority. In 1829 he achieved Catholic Emancipation, so that Catholics could sit in the Parliament.
What did they sit in before? asks Daniel O'Connell.
Nothing, says Constance. They weren't allowed to.
Well that doesn't seem too bad to Daniel O'Connell. When does a spider sit down?
And what was he like as a person? asks Daniel O'Connell.
Well, says Constance. You might like to know he had quite a reputation. He was fearless in court, resourceful, ingenious, verbally witty, and the countryside teemed with his natural children.
Daniel O'Connell had not imagined such greatness!
He is so overwhelmed he sits down in the sticky patch.
Careful, says Constance.
Proust has been scanning the beach for approaching wet maidens.
He thinks he can see Arthur, yes it is Arthur, in his faded purple board shorts, followed by Gilberte in a towel, and then yes... he can see Gaius, walking behind Gilberte, looking as though he is shielding someone, and ......behind Gaius, it can only be....yes, it is Albertine.
She is wearing her sensible skirt, water still dripping from under it, down her smooth suntanned legs to her sandy ankles.
Hi, says Albertine. That was the best! You should have come with us.
I had nothing to swim in, says Proust.
Proust squints, with the object of seeing them better.
It's not possible to see what Albertine is wearing. One thing is certain, she will have taken her sensible skirt off. And then.... all she had underneath was her knickers. Although he has never seen them they have conflated in his imagination with the colourful scarf she had tucked inside them and become like a rainbow filament floating about her like the phylacteries of angels in medieval paintings, covering who knows what since angels were always supposed to be sexless, whereas Albertine.... an unpleasant thought strikes him.....
He hears Constance say: Here, take this one.
And Gaius walks off down the beach with a towel.
Where's he going? asks Proust.
He's taking a towel to the girls. Weren't you listening?
No, I was thinking about Albertine.
But not in a practical way, I imagine, says Constance. Gaius thought a towel might be handy. Especially if the girls have gone in in their underwear. It can become quite transparent when one has been bathing.
Only one towel, did you say? asks Proust.
I only had one, replies Constance. Honestly. I must do some washing.
Are you staying in Neptun long? asks Proust.
Leaving tomorrow, says Constance. How about you?
I suppose I must go back to Paris, says Proust. I have had too much excitement.
So have I, says Daniel O'Connell. Too much excitement and not enough information.
Constance turns to look at Daniel O'Connell, who has just finished his ice cream.
Oh yes, I promised to tell you more about Daniel O'Connell, says Constance.
The Liberator, says Daniel O'Connell.
That's the one, says Constance. He was a campaigner for civil rights and economic betterment for the Irish majority. In 1829 he achieved Catholic Emancipation, so that Catholics could sit in the Parliament.
What did they sit in before? asks Daniel O'Connell.
Nothing, says Constance. They weren't allowed to.
Well that doesn't seem too bad to Daniel O'Connell. When does a spider sit down?
And what was he like as a person? asks Daniel O'Connell.
Well, says Constance. You might like to know he had quite a reputation. He was fearless in court, resourceful, ingenious, verbally witty, and the countryside teemed with his natural children.
Daniel O'Connell had not imagined such greatness!
He is so overwhelmed he sits down in the sticky patch.
Careful, says Constance.
Proust has been scanning the beach for approaching wet maidens.
He thinks he can see Arthur, yes it is Arthur, in his faded purple board shorts, followed by Gilberte in a towel, and then yes... he can see Gaius, walking behind Gilberte, looking as though he is shielding someone, and ......behind Gaius, it can only be....yes, it is Albertine.
She is wearing her sensible skirt, water still dripping from under it, down her smooth suntanned legs to her sandy ankles.
Hi, says Albertine. That was the best! You should have come with us.
I had nothing to swim in, says Proust.
Sunday, September 4, 2016
Both Beautiful, One A Gazelle
Constance can't find the sketch in her bum bag.
Never mind, says Gaius.
Why not describe it, says Proust.
Constance settles back into the puddle of melted ice cream on her lounge chair.
Buggeration! says Constance. My last clean pair of knee shorts!
I was eating that, says Daniel O'Connell.
Constance ignores him, and tries to conjure the sketch in her head and find words to describe it.
Well..... says Constance. It's me as a young woman. With a hat on, and my black hair fixed up underneath it, but spilling from under the hat to frame the top half of my face. I had a sweet face then. The rest of me is all scribbly, but gives an impression of a coat with big sleeves and a collar. I am leaning forward and looking up to the right, with large eyes, full of provocation. Underneath it is inscribed, Madame Markiewicz.
I thought you said you were a countess, says Proust.
My husband claimed he was a count, says Constance. A Polish one. You know how they are. Dear Casimir. After we married he went back to Poland. Not immediately of course....
No of course not, says Proust. And what did Yeats call you?
Con, says Constance. He always called me Con.
And I'll be betting he wrote a fine poem about Con, says Daniel O'Connell. Did it go like this now:
O how I love Con
For leading me on.
No, says Constance, It was far more lovely and sad, and my dear sister Eva was in it.
Can you recall it? asks Proust. I should like to hear it.
If it isn't too long, says Gaius.
I'll just do the first part, says Constance.
She closes her eyes and recites:
Light of evening, Lissadell,
Great windows open to the south,
Two girls in silk kimonos, both
beautiful, one a gazelle.
And which one was the gazelle? asks Proust.
I was, says Constance.
Congratulations, says Gaius. It's a fine conceit, but his rhyme and metre are atrocious.
Philistine! says Daniel O'Connell. Can't you see that 'both' falls in the third line, and rhymes with 'south'! Am I not right there, Mrs Con?
I'm not sure it helps, says Constance. He was always tricky with the rhyme and metre.
You said it was sad, says Proust. What happens in it?
We grow old, says Constance. Withered old and skeleton gaunt. But hey! That was a long time ago. Here I am at Neptun in the sunshine sitting in a sticky patch of blueberry ice cream, and watching the young people in the water. Look at them out there. I wonder what Albertine and Gilberte are doing for swim suits?
There's a question neither Gaius nor Proust had thought of.
But they are both thinking of it now.
Never mind, says Gaius.
Why not describe it, says Proust.
Constance settles back into the puddle of melted ice cream on her lounge chair.
Buggeration! says Constance. My last clean pair of knee shorts!
I was eating that, says Daniel O'Connell.
Constance ignores him, and tries to conjure the sketch in her head and find words to describe it.
Well..... says Constance. It's me as a young woman. With a hat on, and my black hair fixed up underneath it, but spilling from under the hat to frame the top half of my face. I had a sweet face then. The rest of me is all scribbly, but gives an impression of a coat with big sleeves and a collar. I am leaning forward and looking up to the right, with large eyes, full of provocation. Underneath it is inscribed, Madame Markiewicz.
I thought you said you were a countess, says Proust.
My husband claimed he was a count, says Constance. A Polish one. You know how they are. Dear Casimir. After we married he went back to Poland. Not immediately of course....
No of course not, says Proust. And what did Yeats call you?
Con, says Constance. He always called me Con.
And I'll be betting he wrote a fine poem about Con, says Daniel O'Connell. Did it go like this now:
O how I love Con
For leading me on.
No, says Constance, It was far more lovely and sad, and my dear sister Eva was in it.
Can you recall it? asks Proust. I should like to hear it.
If it isn't too long, says Gaius.
I'll just do the first part, says Constance.
She closes her eyes and recites:
Light of evening, Lissadell,
Great windows open to the south,
Two girls in silk kimonos, both
beautiful, one a gazelle.
And which one was the gazelle? asks Proust.
I was, says Constance.
Congratulations, says Gaius. It's a fine conceit, but his rhyme and metre are atrocious.
Philistine! says Daniel O'Connell. Can't you see that 'both' falls in the third line, and rhymes with 'south'! Am I not right there, Mrs Con?
I'm not sure it helps, says Constance. He was always tricky with the rhyme and metre.
You said it was sad, says Proust. What happens in it?
We grow old, says Constance. Withered old and skeleton gaunt. But hey! That was a long time ago. Here I am at Neptun in the sunshine sitting in a sticky patch of blueberry ice cream, and watching the young people in the water. Look at them out there. I wonder what Albertine and Gilberte are doing for swim suits?
There's a question neither Gaius nor Proust had thought of.
But they are both thinking of it now.
Saturday, September 3, 2016
In Search Of Lost Ice Cream
Blueberry, murmurs Proust as he watches the countess eat her ice cream.
He remembers the first blueberry he ever tasted, as a child in Combray. It had been a disappointment, as he had always imagined a blueberry would taste sweet and tangy, like a mulberry but richer, whereas his first blueberry had tasted bland and oily ......
Are you wishing you had one? asks the countess. Gaius could always go back.
No, thank you, countess, says Proust.
Do call me Constance, says the countess.
I would NOT have gone back, says Gaius. The idea! There's nothing wrong with Proust's legs.
Apologies, says Constance. I forget myself sometimes. Do you know, when I went to my first revolutionary meeting I wore a satin ball gown and a tiara. Imagine how well that went down with the Daughters of Ireland!
Proust tries to imagine himself as a Daughter of Ireland, and Constance in a satin ball gown and tiara, and how he would view her, but as she is wearing khaki knee shorts and a red tee shirt spotted with blueberry ice cream, he is unsuccessful.
Gaius does not even attempt it.
Daniel O'Connell has been trying to eat the ice cream which Gaius wedged in the top of his bottle, after Daniel crawled out.
The shade has shifted, and the sun is melting the ice cream, which drips down the side of the bottle.
The first drip reaches Daniel O'Connell.
Slurp. He licks it.
Not bad at all, says Daniel O'Connell. 'Tis like the birds' milk, but more bland and more oily.
It's dribbling all over my shorts, says Constance, shifting away from the bottle. Could you eat it faster?
No, I could not, says Daniel O'Connell. 'Tis the slow savouring that makes it so fine to be eating.
He sounds comically Irish, says Constance. Strange to think he has relatives in the Canaries.
Indeed so, says Gaius. I have gone into the matter. I believe he may be related to the Tenerife Black Jumping Spider.
Do you now? says Daniel O'Connell. That rings a bell. Oh, I have a hankering to go there!
It's a long way away, says Constance. I have friends who went there on holiday. I recall they complained of being bitten by Black Jumping Spiders. Quite a problem, apparently.
Not for me, says Daniel O'Connell.
There is some debate on the subject, says Gaius. Are they poisonous, or aren't they?
They aren't, says Daniel O'Connell. They aren't, they can't, they shan't.
A poet now, says Proust.
A competent rhyme, says Constance. But I would hardly call it poetry.
I agree with you, says Gaius. Arthur is a poet, and he never bothers with rhyming.
He's not Irish, says Daniel O'Connell. Show me an Irish poet and I'll show you a rhymester.
You are not wrong there, Daniel O'Connell, says Constance. I was friendly with W B Yeats in my girlhood. He was a rhymer. Although I must say, some of his rhymes were quite borderline. 'Drop' with 'up' for example.
Drop with up, says Gaius. No wonder I've never heard of him.
Come on! says Constance. He's extremely famous. He wrote a poem about me and my sister. He drew a sketch of me too. I might have a copy of it here in my bum bag.
She turns and leans over the side of her lounge chair, to rummage about in her bum bag.
Daniel's ice cream oozes stickily towards the warm patch in which she was sitting.
He remembers the first blueberry he ever tasted, as a child in Combray. It had been a disappointment, as he had always imagined a blueberry would taste sweet and tangy, like a mulberry but richer, whereas his first blueberry had tasted bland and oily ......
Are you wishing you had one? asks the countess. Gaius could always go back.
No, thank you, countess, says Proust.
Do call me Constance, says the countess.
I would NOT have gone back, says Gaius. The idea! There's nothing wrong with Proust's legs.
Apologies, says Constance. I forget myself sometimes. Do you know, when I went to my first revolutionary meeting I wore a satin ball gown and a tiara. Imagine how well that went down with the Daughters of Ireland!
Proust tries to imagine himself as a Daughter of Ireland, and Constance in a satin ball gown and tiara, and how he would view her, but as she is wearing khaki knee shorts and a red tee shirt spotted with blueberry ice cream, he is unsuccessful.
Gaius does not even attempt it.
Daniel O'Connell has been trying to eat the ice cream which Gaius wedged in the top of his bottle, after Daniel crawled out.
The shade has shifted, and the sun is melting the ice cream, which drips down the side of the bottle.
The first drip reaches Daniel O'Connell.
Slurp. He licks it.
Not bad at all, says Daniel O'Connell. 'Tis like the birds' milk, but more bland and more oily.
It's dribbling all over my shorts, says Constance, shifting away from the bottle. Could you eat it faster?
No, I could not, says Daniel O'Connell. 'Tis the slow savouring that makes it so fine to be eating.
He sounds comically Irish, says Constance. Strange to think he has relatives in the Canaries.
Indeed so, says Gaius. I have gone into the matter. I believe he may be related to the Tenerife Black Jumping Spider.
Do you now? says Daniel O'Connell. That rings a bell. Oh, I have a hankering to go there!
It's a long way away, says Constance. I have friends who went there on holiday. I recall they complained of being bitten by Black Jumping Spiders. Quite a problem, apparently.
Not for me, says Daniel O'Connell.
There is some debate on the subject, says Gaius. Are they poisonous, or aren't they?
They aren't, says Daniel O'Connell. They aren't, they can't, they shan't.
A poet now, says Proust.
A competent rhyme, says Constance. But I would hardly call it poetry.
I agree with you, says Gaius. Arthur is a poet, and he never bothers with rhyming.
He's not Irish, says Daniel O'Connell. Show me an Irish poet and I'll show you a rhymester.
You are not wrong there, Daniel O'Connell, says Constance. I was friendly with W B Yeats in my girlhood. He was a rhymer. Although I must say, some of his rhymes were quite borderline. 'Drop' with 'up' for example.
Drop with up, says Gaius. No wonder I've never heard of him.
Come on! says Constance. He's extremely famous. He wrote a poem about me and my sister. He drew a sketch of me too. I might have a copy of it here in my bum bag.
She turns and leans over the side of her lounge chair, to rummage about in her bum bag.
Daniel's ice cream oozes stickily towards the warm patch in which she was sitting.
Friday, September 2, 2016
Surfing Short Waves
Arthur spots a few people surfing, on very short waves.
He decides he would like to go surfing.
Where are you off to? asks Albertine.
Surfing, says Arthur.
Can we come? asks Gilberte.
Sure, says Arthur.
Coming, Marcel? asks Albertine.
No, thank you, says Proust.
That will teach her a lesson.
Arthur, Albertine and Gilberte head off to hire surf boards.
Anyone feel like an ice cream? asks the countess.
I do, says Daniel O'Connell.
Anyone else? asks the countess.
Neither Proust nor Gaius feel like one.
I can hardly send the spider, says the countess.
The penny drops.
I'll go, says Gaius. What kind would you like?
Blueberry, says the countess. Go to the Betty Ice.
I'll have the same, says Daniel O'Connell.
Gaius goes off to look for the Betty Ice.
That leaves Proust and the countess, and Daniel O'Connell.
Proust screws his eyes up and looks into the distance.
He can see Arthur, Albertine and Gilberte, paddling out to sea on hired surfboards.
You should have gone with them, says the countess. You're young enough.
I'm an observer, says Proust. I've learned that much.
I'm a doer, says the countess.
Proust thinks she doesn't seem much of a doer. Can't even get her own ice cream.
I was a suffragette, as well as a revolutionary nationalist and Sinn Féin politician, says the countess. I've lost count of how many times I've been to prison.
I've been in this bottle for ages, says Daniel O'Connell. Before that I lived in an underground cavern, with a poisonous atmosphere. Funny that. Look at me now.
You look chipper, says the countess.
I have relatives in the Canaries, says Daniel O'Connell.
Good heavens! How do you know that? asks the countess.
He doesn't, says Proust. He overheard it from one of the microbiologists. It may not be true.
Oh? And are you a microbiologist? asks the countess.
I like to think so... says Proust. But, no, not qualified. However I have trained as a clown.
Odd sort of thing to have trained as, says the countess. As a young woman, I trained as an artist.
I have a strong interest in art, says Proust.
So do I, says Daniel O'Connell.
Gaius returns with two Betty Ices, both blueberry.
Thank you, says the countess. What do I owe you?
Nothing, says Gaius.
How kind, says the countess, licking her ice cream.
How do I eat this? asks Daniel O'Connell.
I'm not your nursemaid, says Gaius. Come out of the bottle.
The spider crawls out of the bottle, to eat his ice cream
He decides he would like to go surfing.
Where are you off to? asks Albertine.
Surfing, says Arthur.
Can we come? asks Gilberte.
Sure, says Arthur.
Coming, Marcel? asks Albertine.
No, thank you, says Proust.
That will teach her a lesson.
Arthur, Albertine and Gilberte head off to hire surf boards.
Anyone feel like an ice cream? asks the countess.
I do, says Daniel O'Connell.
Anyone else? asks the countess.
Neither Proust nor Gaius feel like one.
I can hardly send the spider, says the countess.
The penny drops.
I'll go, says Gaius. What kind would you like?
Blueberry, says the countess. Go to the Betty Ice.
I'll have the same, says Daniel O'Connell.
Gaius goes off to look for the Betty Ice.
That leaves Proust and the countess, and Daniel O'Connell.
Proust screws his eyes up and looks into the distance.
He can see Arthur, Albertine and Gilberte, paddling out to sea on hired surfboards.
You should have gone with them, says the countess. You're young enough.
I'm an observer, says Proust. I've learned that much.
I'm a doer, says the countess.
Proust thinks she doesn't seem much of a doer. Can't even get her own ice cream.
I was a suffragette, as well as a revolutionary nationalist and Sinn Féin politician, says the countess. I've lost count of how many times I've been to prison.
I've been in this bottle for ages, says Daniel O'Connell. Before that I lived in an underground cavern, with a poisonous atmosphere. Funny that. Look at me now.
You look chipper, says the countess.
I have relatives in the Canaries, says Daniel O'Connell.
Good heavens! How do you know that? asks the countess.
He doesn't, says Proust. He overheard it from one of the microbiologists. It may not be true.
Oh? And are you a microbiologist? asks the countess.
I like to think so... says Proust. But, no, not qualified. However I have trained as a clown.
Odd sort of thing to have trained as, says the countess. As a young woman, I trained as an artist.
I have a strong interest in art, says Proust.
So do I, says Daniel O'Connell.
Gaius returns with two Betty Ices, both blueberry.
Thank you, says the countess. What do I owe you?
Nothing, says Gaius.
How kind, says the countess, licking her ice cream.
How do I eat this? asks Daniel O'Connell.
I'm not your nursemaid, says Gaius. Come out of the bottle.
The spider crawls out of the bottle, to eat his ice cream
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Fine Sweet Words Like The Scent Of Apples
A lovely morning in Neptun. Eleven o'clock. Now there are crowds on the beach.
Albertine has revealed that her aunt Daniel is really her cousin, Gilberte.
They are sharing a white plastic lounge and umbrella, next to the duchess, who is reading.
Gilberte: I couldn't keep it up any longer.
Albertine: Never mind. It's okay.
Proust: No, it isn't.
Albertine: Why not? It was funny. Look, Arthur thinks it was funny.
Arthur: I'm not laughing. I'm grimacing.
Gilberte: Are you in pain?
Arthur: I think there's still glass in my knees.
Proust: Why is it that every time I try to explain why I am not satisfied with an explanation everyone at once turns their attention to Arthur, who never requires the least explanation for anything.
Arthur: I usually know why things happen.
Duchess (to herself): Sharp boy.
Albertine: Marcel, what is the trouble?
Proust: There remains an unresolved issue. Who is the original Daniel?
Duchess (mutters): A solver of riddles, if I remember my Old Testament.
Albertine: Why do you even think there was one?
Gilberte: I know why.
Albertine: Shut UP, Gilberte.
Arthur: Was he your boyfriend?
Gilberte : There were two of them They were both our boyfriend.
Proust: I hope your syntax is at fault, and not your morality.
Gilberte : Hoo! Listen to him!
Duchess: I'm trying to READ, here, young people.
Albertine: Sorry.
Duchess: Why don't you all go for a swim.
Arthur: We're waiting for our aunt, the duchess, to pay the five euros.
Duchess: Haven't you paid for your seat?
Arthur: We haven't brought any money.
Duchess: I couldn't help overhearing that you have glass in your knees. Would you like me to take a look? I was a revolutionary and Sinn Féin politician, so I know about glass in the knees and anywhere else you might care to mention.
Arthur: Or, you could pay the five euros.
Duchess: There is something about you, young man. Are you a poet? All right. Here is five euros.
Proust: Here we go.....watch it go straight in his pocket.
Duchess: You are a rude sort of person.
Proust: And you are strange sort of duchess.
Duchess: True, that is only what the ticket man calls me. My name is Countess Constance Markiewicz. I am a countess.
Gilberte: Are you Polish?
Albertine: She was in Sinn Féin. She must be Irish.
Constance: Well yes, in a manner of speaking. By the way, is that gentleman known to you? He is gesticulating.
Arthur: It's Gaius.
( Gaius wheels his bike over).
Gaius: I imagine you're surprised to see me. For that you can blame the spider.
Daniel O'Connell: Blame the Liberator!
Constance: Who said that?
Daniel O'Connell: Me!
Constance: Oh my lord, a spider! Why isn't there a lid on its bottle?
Albertine: Are you afraid of spiders?
Constance: Of course not!
Gaius: You must be Albertine's aunt. Pleased to meet you. Daniel O'Connell, my spider, has many questions to ask you, concerning his name sake.
Constance: I'm not this young woman's aunt.
Proust: She is an imposter, and not even a duchess.
Constance: What have I done? You are the mad ones. But I do know something of Daniel O'Connell, the Liberator. How could I not?
Daniel O'Connell: Was he a great man?
Constance: He was indeed. It was said that what he achieved was 'not with guns but with fine sweet words, like the scent of apples'.
Daniel O'Connell: So, by using his mouth. I thought so.
Albertine has revealed that her aunt Daniel is really her cousin, Gilberte.
They are sharing a white plastic lounge and umbrella, next to the duchess, who is reading.
Gilberte: I couldn't keep it up any longer.
Albertine: Never mind. It's okay.
Proust: No, it isn't.
Albertine: Why not? It was funny. Look, Arthur thinks it was funny.
Arthur: I'm not laughing. I'm grimacing.
Gilberte: Are you in pain?
Arthur: I think there's still glass in my knees.
Proust: Why is it that every time I try to explain why I am not satisfied with an explanation everyone at once turns their attention to Arthur, who never requires the least explanation for anything.
Arthur: I usually know why things happen.
Duchess (to herself): Sharp boy.
Albertine: Marcel, what is the trouble?
Proust: There remains an unresolved issue. Who is the original Daniel?
Duchess (mutters): A solver of riddles, if I remember my Old Testament.
Albertine: Why do you even think there was one?
Gilberte: I know why.
Albertine: Shut UP, Gilberte.
Arthur: Was he your boyfriend?
Gilberte : There were two of them They were both our boyfriend.
Proust: I hope your syntax is at fault, and not your morality.
Gilberte : Hoo! Listen to him!
Duchess: I'm trying to READ, here, young people.
Albertine: Sorry.
Duchess: Why don't you all go for a swim.
Arthur: We're waiting for our aunt, the duchess, to pay the five euros.
Duchess: Haven't you paid for your seat?
Arthur: We haven't brought any money.
Duchess: I couldn't help overhearing that you have glass in your knees. Would you like me to take a look? I was a revolutionary and Sinn Féin politician, so I know about glass in the knees and anywhere else you might care to mention.
Arthur: Or, you could pay the five euros.
Duchess: There is something about you, young man. Are you a poet? All right. Here is five euros.
Proust: Here we go.....watch it go straight in his pocket.
Duchess: You are a rude sort of person.
Proust: And you are strange sort of duchess.
Duchess: True, that is only what the ticket man calls me. My name is Countess Constance Markiewicz. I am a countess.
Gilberte: Are you Polish?
Albertine: She was in Sinn Féin. She must be Irish.
Constance: Well yes, in a manner of speaking. By the way, is that gentleman known to you? He is gesticulating.
Arthur: It's Gaius.
( Gaius wheels his bike over).
Gaius: I imagine you're surprised to see me. For that you can blame the spider.
Daniel O'Connell: Blame the Liberator!
Constance: Who said that?
Daniel O'Connell: Me!
Constance: Oh my lord, a spider! Why isn't there a lid on its bottle?
Albertine: Are you afraid of spiders?
Constance: Of course not!
Gaius: You must be Albertine's aunt. Pleased to meet you. Daniel O'Connell, my spider, has many questions to ask you, concerning his name sake.
Constance: I'm not this young woman's aunt.
Proust: She is an imposter, and not even a duchess.
Constance: What have I done? You are the mad ones. But I do know something of Daniel O'Connell, the Liberator. How could I not?
Daniel O'Connell: Was he a great man?
Constance: He was indeed. It was said that what he achieved was 'not with guns but with fine sweet words, like the scent of apples'.
Daniel O'Connell: So, by using his mouth. I thought so.
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