Thirty-six Stratagems

Saturday morning. Tour Village.

Sweezus and Arthur rock up.

Richie Porte has been waiting.

Guys! says Richie. Where've you been?

Gold Coast, says Sweezus. Bit light on the training. How's the bones?

All good, says Richie.

I like your blue collar, says Arthur.

Yeah, it's cool, says Sweezus.

Sophos, reads Arthur.

New sponsor, says Richie. Sophos means wisdom.

Like we wouldn't know that, says Sweezus.

Where's Pablo? asks Richie. I've got a new poem.

Dunno. Somewhere, says Sweezus. Snap, though.

YOU got one? says Richie.

Kind of, says Sweezus looking sideways at Arthur.

It's called The Fig Tree, says Arthur. What's yours?

Thirty-six Stratagems, says Richie.

Epic! says Sweezus.

Yeah, well gotta go, says Richie. Team Presentation. Catch you guys later.

Thirty-six Stratagems, says Sweezus. Bugger.

And that's only the title, says Arthur.

......

Later, at the Team Presentation.

Phil Liggett: And now....

Team Philosophe is the last men's team to be presented.

This is tedious, says Vello.

David sighs. It's just part of the show.

Gaius is chatting sub voce to Wittgenstein.

Yes, the Far Eastern Curlew, says Gaius. We had limited success.

Is that one of them? asks Wittgenstein, pointing at Saint Roley.

Oystercatcher, says Gaius. But well-spotted.

TEAM PHILOSOPHE! announces Phil Liggett. First up, we have Vello, the great philospher, aka François-Marie Arouet, aka Voltaire. I'm sure he needs no introduction.

Cheers. Applause.

Vello strides onto the stage, and bows. He is followed by David.

And David Hume! The great empiricist!

Cheers! David bows too.

Ludwig Wittgenstein! A newcomer to Team Philosophe. Let's wish him success in his  very first Tour Down Under.

Wittgenstein stands stiffly, trying to look like a fact.

Limited applause.

Lastly, Gaius Plinius Secundus, the team backbone. A superb natural historian and polymath.

Gaius looks modest.

Walks on.

Modest clapping.

Now for the Concert! says Phil Liggett. I know you're all fans of Guy Sebastian!

Guy Sebastian? Oh yes, him......he was in ....what was it.... Eurovision?

Yeah. He wore that cool hat.