Freakin Weather

It starts raining.

Wittgenstein surfs in.

That was a good one, says Wittgenstein. Did you see it?

No, I missed it, says Gaius. We're going back to the camper.

Did you see the Five Islands? asks Wittgenstein.

I did, says Roo-kai.

I went canoeing, says Terence.

After he fell into the river, says Gaius.

Why are the frogs in those socks? asks Wittgenstein.

They're tied in, says Terence. And we can't untie them.

We need scissors, says Gaius. Or a knife, if there are no scissors.

Sweezus and Arthur arrive, carrying their surfboards.

Hey! says Sweezus. What's with the frogs?

They're trapped! says Terence.

Looks like they shat themselves, says Sweezus.

Those are PEBBLES, says Terence. 

Get us out! says Quiet-Tartus. Everyone's laughing!

No one is laughing, says Gaius.

They are! says Shorty-Tartus.

And they are. The girl team, standing there watching.

Come on, says Gaius. Let's all get out of the rain.

They head back to the camper.

Now to look for the scissors, says Gaius. Arthur?

Here, says Arthur. I'll do it.

He whips a knife out from his boardshorts.

Did you have that all the time we were surfing? asks Sweezus.

Yes, says Arthur.

Lucky it didn't fall out of your pocket, says Sweezus. Why'd you bring it?

Sharks, says Arthur.

Any sign of them? asks Wittgenstein.

Nah, says Sweezus. They buggered off to Mexico to find underwater fossils.

Better there than here, says Wittgenstein.

Sure is. Rain's getting heavier, says Sweezus. Better check the forecast.

Arthur cuts the reeds from the socks with the knife, while Sweezus checks the forecast and Gaius puts the kettle on.

Scheisse! says Sweezus. Take a look at this freakin' weather!

What ill luck! says Gaius. Will this prevent us from driving to Queensland?

Yeah, says Sweezus. Heaps of towns on the way are under water.

Too bad, says Quiet-Tartus.

They hear the female frogs chattering outside.

Let us out, says Quiet-Tartus. We need to tell them we're not going.

Yet, says Terence.

Knots That Would Baffle A Sailor

It has been interesting to talk to you, says Coralie. But we must take our canoe back. 

Indeed, says Gaius. It's getting late. Terence and I must return to Saltwater Beach where our friends have been surfing.

Tilly! calls Coralie. Come back now! Leave the frogs!

Don't leave us! cries Quiet-Tartus.

Not like this! says Shorty-Tartus.

Terence will carry you, says Tilly. 

No way, says Terence. They have to try out the penalty.

We don't want to, says Quiet-Tartus. 

Well, I'm going, says Tilly. See you!

She returns to her mum.

Where are your socks, Tilly? asks Coralie.

They got muddy, says Tilly. I left them with Terence.

Okay, says Coralie. Put your shoes on, and get in the canoe

Gaius pushes them out into the Knappinghat Creek. They paddle away, waving.

Gaius makes his way to where Terence is instructing the frogs.

What on earth is happening? asks Gaius. Why are the frogs wearing socks?

It's a penalty, says Quiet-Tartus. But we don't like it.

It's far too tough a penalty, says Gaius. Can you even move forward?

No, says Shorty-Tartus. Not with these pebbles.

Gaius can see that each sock is weighted with a pebble. The socks are tied round the frogs' middles with reeds. Their back legs are hampered.

Did you come up with this, Terence? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Terence. But they're Tilly's socks, and Roo-kai found the pebbles.

And suggested the reeds, says Roo-kai. Perhaps we got carried away.

Not perhaps, says Gaius. A penalty should not completely disable a player. Untie them, Terence.

But Tilly has tied the reeds using knots that would baffle a sailor.

Terence can't do it. Nor can Gaius.

Pick them up, says Gaius. We'll carry them back to Saltwater. There will be scissors in the camper.

They head back along the Five Islands Walking Trail to the surf beach.

The girl frog team has long ago stopped doing star jumps. 

They are watching Wittgenstein practise his pop-ups.

They laugh loudly when they see Quiet-Tartus and Shorty-Tartus, being carried in socks.

We Need Reeds

Hey, wait! says Quiet-Tartus. This was a only practice!

Yes, says Shorty-Tartus, and those socks are too long!

We need proper frog socks, says Quiet-Tartus.

There's no such thing as proper frog socks, says Terence.

There could be, says Tilly. My mum could knit them.

When? asks Terence.

Not today, says Tilly. So we'll have to make do with my big socks.

Hear that? says Terence. Make do with her big socks.

Can't we just keep on training? asks Quiet-Tartus.

Don't ask him, says Shorty-Tartus. We're not his frogs.

You guys keep training, says Tilly, and I'll fix my socks so that when you've finished training, you can try them on and see what running is like with a penalty.

Yes, says Terence. Keep training. We'll fix it.

The frogs are relieved.

They don't want to waste time trying super long socks on.

They resume doing laps round the pebbles.

Now what? asks Terence.

Get me two pebbles, says Tilly. Not the track markers, or the frogs'll run off the track.

Why would they? asks Terence.

Because of the gap, says Tilly.

Terence imagines a gap. He imagines himself doing frog laps, seeing the gap and running through it. Where would he go? Straight into the Knappinghat Creek! What a disaster!

Good thinking, says Terence.

 He plods through the mud to look for two extra pebbles.

There's a good one, says Roo-kai, from a low branch where he has been watching.

And there's another.

Terence picks up the two pebbles and takes them back to Tilly, who is waiting for the pebbles, contemplating her socks.

After this, they'll be ruined.

She inserts one muddy pebble into each sock and realises she now has a problem.

Need some reeds? asks Roo-kai.

YES! says Tilly. Reeds to tie them onto the frogs' legs.

I was going to say that, says Terence.

Sure you were, says Tilly.

The frogs come back, puffing, just in time to see the tough penalties they'll be facing if they stuff up in Queensland.

Pebble Penalties

Terence and Tilly are setting up a running track.

It is marked out with pebbles.

These pebbles are useful, says Terence.

For weights, and now running track markers, says Quiet-Tartus.

Ready to do some running? asks Tilly. I'll say go.

No cheating, says Terence. 

You're good, says Shorty-Tartus. 

What at? asks Terence.

Being neutral, says Shorty-Tartus. Your parrot was going to give you some lessons.

What's neutral? asks Terence.

Neutral is fair, says Tilly.

This is just training, says Terence.

Yes, but in Queensland, says Quiet-Tartus. The others might cheat.

That's your job, says Shorty-Tartus. 

Saying no cheating? says Terence.

And giving them penalties if they do, says Tilly.

Yes, says Terence. Penalties. Let's pretend you guys are cheating and I'll give you penalties.

Okay, says Shorty-Tartus.

Careful, says Quiet-Tartus. We want to know what the penalties are.

The penalties are, you lose points, says Tilly.

Yes, says Terence, and you have to carry a pebble. No wait, you have to wear a sock with a pebble inside it.

Where? asks Quiet-Tartus.

Anywhere, says Terence. Your choice.

Come on, says Tilly. Ready?

Ready.

Go! says Tilly.

The frogs race along the pebble marked track.

They both remember they're supposed to be cheating.

They each stick out a foot sideways.

They both fall down.

Penalty! calls Terence.

Tilly picks up two pebbles, and takes off her socks.

Zoom! Crack! Yum!

Tilly and Terence drift back to the shore.

Coralie pulls the canoe onto the mud flat.

We saw a brahminy kite and an osprey, says Tilly.

Nice, says Coralie. Did you write that in your notebook?

Yes, says Tilly, climbing out.

Terence follows. 

Lurch. Squelch.

He plods back to where Gaius is sitting.

I never got a horse, says Terence.

You were never going to, says Gaius. 

Or a canoe, says Terence.

Look on the bright side, says Gaius. You had a canoe ride. And I hear you spotted some birds.

Binoculars didn't work, says Terence. I had to do normal looking.

Nothing wrong with normal looking, says Gaius.

Where are my frogs? asks Terence.

Yes, where are they? asks Tilly. What did they do with the pebbles?

Dear me, says Gaius. I don't see them.

We had all better start looking, says Coralie. They can't have got far with those pebbles.

You're right, says Gaius. The pebbles are missing.

I'll find them, says Roo-kai.

See how useful parrots are? says Terence.

If he finds them before we do, says Tilly.

Roo-kai rises and flies to a shady spot.

Quiet-Tartus and Shorty-Tartus are relaxing there, next to their pebbles.

Hello boys! says Roo-kai. Finished your training?

Talking tactics, says Quiet-Tartus.

Very wise, seeing there's only the two of you, says Roo-kai. And who knows how many Slender Bleating Tree Frogs you'll encounter?

There will have to be rules of engagement, says Shorty-Tartus. Two against two, no interference.

You'll need someone to organise that, says Roo-kai. And make sure the rules are not broken.

Gaius, says Quiet-Tartus.

No, says Roo-kai. He will have more important business.

Terence? suggests Shorty-Tartus.

I had been thinking of myself, says Roo-kai. But I might be perceived as a predator. Terence is more likely to be seen to be neutral.

But would he be neutral? asks Quiet-Tartus.

I shall teach him the importance of being neutral, says Roo-kai. Before we get to Queensland. There is plenty of time.

Great, says Quiet-Tartus. Now, could you help us set up a running track?

No, says Roo-kai.

He flies back to Gaius and Terence.

The frogs are over there, in the shade, says Roo-kai. They would like Terence to help them set up a running track.

I'll come and help too, says Tilly.

Now for some me-time, thinks Roo-kai.

He perches on the edge of the canoe, looking for bubbles in the mud, which might indicate the presence of molluscs.

Yes! Zoom! Crack! Yum!

If Your Loved One Loved The Sea

We're not going to hire a canoe, says Gaius. Besides, you're too heavy.

I'll take him out in this one, says Tilly.

Yippee! says Terence.

Is that all right? asks Coralie.

How old is Tilly? asks Gaius.

Ten, says Coralie. And good at canoeing. A keen birdwatcher, like me. 

This'll be fun, says Tilly, getting back into the canoe with Terence. Would you like mum's binoculars?

Here, says Coralie, getting up and handing them over.

Give us a push, says Tilly.

Coralie pushes the canoe out into the water.

They are floating!

I'll keep an eye on them, says Roo-kai.

Excellent. says Gaius.

He continues to explain the difference between Screaming and Slender Bleating Tree Frogs, and why he is going to Queensland, and how he also hopes to visit the Great Barrier Reef and look for gobies.

Coralie tells Gaius that she has recently heard about reef balls.

What are they? asks Gaius.

They are cement balls with holes in them, says Coralie, They are dropped at strategic places on a reef and coral grows on them. 

A fine idea, says Gaius.

Yes, says Coralie. You can even have your loved one's ashes mixed into the cement, as a memorial.

Indeed! says Gaius. Yes, I suppose that is appealing.

If your loved one loved the sea, says Coralie.

Yes, says Gaius. Or was concerned for the coral.

Meanwhile Terence and Tilly have drifted some distance from the shore.

They are both looking up at the sky, through binoculars.

O look! says Tilly, a brahminy kite!

Terence looks through the his binoculars for the brahminy kite.

He can't see it.

Can't you see it? asks Tilly.

No, says Terence. Not through these. Only by looking.

Maybe it's your eyes, says Tilly. Are they cement ones?

Yes, says Terence. I used to live on a palace.

Like a statue? asks Tilly.

Like a prisoner, says Terence. I was glad I fell off.

And you didn't break? asks Tilly.

Someone caught me, says Terence.

Who? asks Tilly. 

Sweezus, says Terence. He's at the beach, surfing.

And is that your oystercatcher, circling up there?

Parrot, says Terence. 

You don't know much about birds, says Tilly.

Only parrots, says Terence.

Tilly laughs.

They are getting on well.

Entanglement

When are we going to Queensland? asks Shorty-Tartus.

Soon, says Gaius. 

Not yet, says Terence, we've got things to do first.

Like what? asks Shorty-Tartus.

See the five islands, says Terence.

I've seen them, says Shorty-Tartus. There are five of them. They get smaller.

You've wrecked it, says Terence. I don't want to go now.

We'll continue walking, says Gaius. Five islands or no.

No, says Terence.

I'll fly ahead, says Roo-kai.

Why? asks Terence.

To see if they get smaller, says Roo-kai. It may be an illusion.

He flies off, over the tranquil estuary, towards the sea.

We need to get on with our training, says Quiet-Tartus.

Okay, says Shorty-Tartus. Hopping, or shall we lift weights?

Quiet-Tartus is pleased with the suggestion.

Lifting weights.

They go down to the river bank, looking for suitable pebbles.

Now what? says Terence.

We wait, I suppose, says Gaius. Let's go down to the riverbank and assist them.

Yay! says Terence. Can I throw pebbles into the water?

Better not, says Gaius. There are people canoeing and kayaking.

It is true. Knappinghat Creek is perfect for such activities.

There goes a canoe now, with two people in it, both with binoculars.

O look, says the small one. An eagle!

It's a white-breasted sea eagle, says the big one. Write that down in your notebook.

The small one writes that.

O look, says the big one. Two frogs lifting up pebbles. There, near the reeds!

They drift closer, and become entangled in reeds, rushes and sedges.

We're stuck! says the big one.

May I help? asks Gaius, appearing.

And me, says Terence.

Yes, please, says the big one. Just give us a push.

But it isn't that easy. Gaius can't reach the canoe. 

Terence leans forward.

His arms are even shorter. Plop! he falls in and sinks to the bottom.

Luckily the bottom is not far from the surface.

Curses! says Gaius.

Don't panic, says the big one. I'll lift him in.

She leans over and grasps an exposed part of Terence.

Oh! she cries.  

For Terence is heavier than she expected.

Gaius wades in. 

Terence is lifted into the canoe, which now sits dangerously low in the water.

The small one clambers out, and wades to the shore, near the frogs with the pebbles.

The big one clambers out too.

Gaius drags the canoe, with Terence inside it, away from the tangled reeds and onto the mud flat.

Get me out! says Terence.

In a minute, says Gaius. 

I'm Coralie, says the big one. Sorry about that

And I'm Tilly, says the small one. Look at these frogs! They've collected a whole heap of pebbles.

Unusual behaviour, says Coralie.

They're going to Queensland! shouts Terence.

For comparative purposes, says Gaius.

Coralie would like to know more.

Gaius is in the middle of explaining when Roo-kai returns with his findings.

He sees Terence, dripping wet, in the canoe.

Well? says Terence.

It's not an illusion, says Roo-kai.

But Terence has forgotten about the five islands. 

Now he wants a canoe. 

Shorty-Tartus Is In

They continue through the rainforest, to the mangroves.

What DID we learn? asks Quiet-Tartus.

Don't be in front, says Terence.

He was at the back, says Quiet-Tartus.

Or the back, says Terence.

What a wonderfully diverse trail, says Gaius. Look, mangroves!

They look at the mangroves.

Auk Auk!

Auk Auk! screams Quiet-Tartus. 

He hops off to the side.

Gaius stops. So does Terence.

Roo-kai hovers above them.

He can see Quiet-Tartus climbing a brown stick of mangrove.

He's found one! says Roo-kai.

Sure enough, two Screaming Tree Frogs emerge from the mangroves, onto the trail.

Meet my new gang member, says Quiet-Tartus.

Not so fast, says the new gang member. I need more details. 

Yay! says Terence. Let me give him the details.

Okay, says Quiet-Tartus. 

Terence did not expect Quiet-Tartus to say that.

Well, says Terence. We are science people, and we found this guy, and he came with us to here and I found another guy but I squeezed him, and then these girl guys came along and wanted to be in the gang but they couldn't because they were girl guys...

Where are they? asks the new gang member.

On the beach, doing star jumps, says Terence. 

Go on, says the new gang member.

So we needed a replacement, says Terence.

Who for? asks the new gang member.

The squeezed guy, says Terence. He wasn't dead, but he was too squeezed to go to Queensland, and then a snake ate him so he couldn't even stay here.

A carpet python, says Gaius. Fear not, it's some distance behind us.

I'm not afraid of carpet pythons, says the new gang member.

That's good, says Terence. So, the details are, you do some training with this guy, and then come to Queensland with us, and fight the tree frog gangs there.

Just the two of us? asks the new gang member. 

You get your own gang name, says Terence. I forgot to say that.

But it can't be Quiet-Tartus, says Quiet-Tartus. That's my name.

Ha ha, laughs the new gang member. As if I would choose Quiet-Tartus!

What's wrong with Quiet-Tartus? asks Quiet-Tartus.

Quiet? says the new gang member. Is that what you are?

That's the point, says Quiet-Tartus. It's like when you're really tall and your nickname is Shorty.

Is it? asks Terence.

Not always, says Gaius.

Okay, my gang name will be Shorty, says the new gang member. That's my condition.

Shorty-Tartus, says Quiet-Tartus. That's MY condition.

The new gang member thinks for a moment. Shorty-Tartus.

It's quite catchy.

Okay, says Shorty-Tartus. I'm in.

The Wriggling Lump

That was brazen, says Gaius.

Needs must, says the carpet python.

Get him out! cries Terence.

No, says Gaius. Nature is taking its course.

But look! shouts Terence. He's still alive in there!

Pardon me, says the carpet python. Frogs take some time to digest.

Terence puts his face near the wriggling lump in the carpet python.

Are you all right in there? asks Terence.

Don't make it harder, says Gaius. 

What if it was me? asks Terence.

That would be different, says Gaius. 

Would you try and get me out? asks Terence.

Yes, I would, says Gaius. The carpet python would not be able to digest you.

Would it die? asks Terence.

Undoubtedly, says Gaius.

May I intervene? says the carpet python.

No, says Terence. You've intervened already.

I would just like to point out that I would never attempt to swallow such an object, says the carpet python.

What object? asks Terence.

You, says the carpet python. You strike me as inedible.

What does that mean? asks Terence.

You're made of rock, says the carpet python. I avoid it.

Cement, says Gaius. But yes, it is wise to avoid it, and only consume living creatures.

I try to be fair, says the carpet python.

How was that FAIR? asks Terence.

It actually was fair, says Quiet-Tartus.

The wriggling lump stops wriggling, in order to listen.

I'm the fit one, says Quiet-Tartus. 

The carpet python looks at Quiet-Tartus.

Quiet-Tartus steps back.

Perhaps he shouldn't have mentioned that he was the fit one.

I won't eat you, says the carpet python. I'm going to lie over there and snooze while I digest this one.

The carpet python slides off the track and curls up under a banksia.

Let us continue our bushwalk, says Gaius.

Did we learn a lesson? asks Terence.

Yes, we learned a lesson, says Gaius.

Quiet-Tartus, hopping beside Terence, wonders what it was.

To The Five Islands

What are we doing here? asks Terence.

Enjoying the rainforest, says Gaius. And looking for another male Screaming Tree Frog.

You said we had enough frogs, says Terence.

This would be a replacement, says Gaius. 

For one of the girl frogs? asks Terence.

No, for the one you damaged, says Gaius.

Two-Tartus? says Terence. He's better.

But not strong, says Gaius. It's a long way to Queensland.

You're mean, says Terence. I'm going to tell him.

He drops back to tell Two-Tartus his fate.

Guess what? says Terence. We're looking for a replacement.

I know, says Two-Tartus. I heard.

Are you sad? asks Terence.

No, says Two-Tartus. I like it here.

So much for our training, says Quiet-Tartus.

You can train, says Two-Tartus. I'll train too, until you find a replacement.

How shall we train? asks Quiet-Tartus.

Hopping is good, says Two-Tartus. 

Wait! says Gaius. Let's stick together. I suggest we take Chelsea's advice and follow the Knappinghat trail.

What a good idea, says Two-Tartus. I'm a local, so I'll be the leader.

We don't need a leader, says Quiet-Tartus.

There might be pythons, says Two-Tartus.

You can lead from behind, says Gaius. Look here's a sign post. The Knappinghat coastal walking trail to the five islands. 

Five islands! says Terence. Let's go!

I'll fly ahead, says Roo-kai. If I see any pythons, I'll signal.

I knew you'd be useful, says Terence.

They start off down the trail. 

Two-Tartus hops to the front.

Quiet-Tartus follows.

Roo-kai wheels in the sky, and signals.

Two-Tartus hops to the back.

Quiet-Tartus follows.

Roo-kai lands in front of Gaius.

A carpet python, says Roo-kai. It slithered off, no need to worry.

Did you see the five islands? asks Terence.

Yes, says Roo-kai. I saw the whole estuarine system. I saw where Knappinghat Creek runs into the sea. 

It opens and closes, says Two-Tartus.

His last words.

A long carpet python slides out from the side of the track.

Its mouth opens and closes, around the hapless Two-Tartus.

Unfroglike Behaviour

Now what? says Terence.

Back to the rain forest, says Gaius. 

Haven't we got enough frogs? asks Terence.

Perhaps too many, says Gaius. Where are those females?

Over there, says Quiet-Tartus. Doing star jumps.

Females! says Two-Tartus. Let's go!

No, says Quiet-Tartus. We need to stay here and practise.

Not on the beach, says Gaius. Your new friend has only just recovered.

Yes! says Terence. You should practise in the shade.

I'll just tell Ludwig where we're going, says Gaius.

He walks over to where Ludwig is being instructed.

Lesson 7: Start out straight.

Got it, says Ludwig. In other words, don't go sideways.

Not at first, says Chelsea. Let the wave take you.

Of course, says Ludwig. Is that the last lesson?

No, says Chelsea. Lesson 8: Learn the rules.

Rules? says Ludwig.

Yes, rules, says Chelsea. The most important one is about right of way.

May I butt in? asks Gaius. Ludwig, we're going back into the rainforest for the rest of the afternoon.

Fine, says Ludwig.

Lovely, says Chelsea. There's a great walking trail to Knappinghat Creek. Watch out for pythons

We'll be looking for frogs, says Gaius.

We just saw a whole bunch of them, says Chelsea. Doing star jumps. So cute. Like they're training for something.

They are, says Gaius. 

Goodbye then, says Ludwig. See you this evening.

He turns to Chelsea, who begins to explain right of way.

(The surfer closest to the high point of the wave has it).

Gaius goes across to the females, who are attracting an audience.

We're going back to the rainforest, says Gaius. Will you come with us?

No thanks! say the sisters. We're just getting started.

Gaius is not sure where his responsibilities lie with these females. Their behaviour is unfroglike.

He goes back to Terence, Quiet-Tartus, Two-Tartus and Roo-kai.

I'll stay and keep an eye on them, if you like, says Roo-kai.

Might be wise, says Gaius.

You're MY parrot, says Terence. 

Okay, says Roo-kai. I'll come with you.

They head for the rainforest.

The female Screaming Tree Frog Team remains on the beach doing star jumps in front of a gathering crowd.

Gang Name

The flat unwell frog is held between Sweezus's thumb and first finger.

Sweezus's hand smells of corn chips and hand sanitiser.

Snurff! 

The frog stirs, coughs, inflates a little.

It's BETTER! cries Terence.

Altitude, says Sweezus. 

Let me see, says Gaius. Yes it does look a bit better. 

Where am I? asks the less flat and unwell frog.

Here, says Terence. I'm the one who found it. Give it to me.

Sure, little buddy, says Sweezus.

Careful! says Gaius. Don't squeeze it.

Terence holds out an open hand.

Sweezus places the frog on it.

The frog hops down onto the sand.

You look better, says Quiet-Tartus. Want to be in my gang?

Who are you? asks the newly well frog.

Quiet-Tartus, says Quiet-Tartus. That's my gang name. 

Do I get a gang name? asks the well frog.

Yes, choose one, says Quiet-Tartus. But I have to approve it.

Loud-Tartus, says the newly well frog.

I don't approve it, says Quiet-Tartus. What about Number-Two?

Ha ha, laughs Terence. That's the name of a poo!

Two-Tartus, says Quiet-Tartus.

Okay, says Two-Tartus. Wait. Does Tartus mean something?

It's short for quiritatus, says Quiet-Tartus. Which means Screaming.

I knew that, says Two-Tartus. So why aren't we called Tatus?

Ask Terence, says Quiet-Tartus.

Two-Tartus looks at Terence.

Potatoes already are, says Terence.

It's as good an answer as any.

Roo-kai returns from the chemist.

No smelling salts, says Roo-kai.

It seems we won't need them, says Gaius. Sweezus has revived him.

Roo-kai can see for himself the flat frog has revived.

He stoops over Two-Tartus. 

Get away! says Two-Tartus.

I won't eat you, says Roo-kai. I just wondered how you recovered without smelling salts. Was it a miracle?

His hands! cries Two-Tartus. A sharp odour awakened my senses!

Sweezus has already headed off with Arthur, to do some more surfing.

The sharp odour will shortly be mingling with the tide. 

Fighting Stance, Don't Look Down

The shark has departed, says Gaius.

A few surfers have already returned to the water.

Here's your surfboard, says Gaius.

Thanks, says Wittgenstein. How did it go?

As surfboards generally go, I imagine, says Gaius.

I meant your confrontation, says Wittgenstein.

Very well, says Gaius. I think I convinced him. Have you seen Arthur?

He and Sweezus went off to buy snacks, says Wittgenstein.

Then I shall return to the frogs, says Gaius.

And I shall continue my lesson, says Wittgenstein.

Great, says Chelsea. Where were we up to?

Lesson 5, says Wittgenstein.

Take up a fighting stance, says Chelsea.

Wittgenstein looks at Gaius.

Go on, don't mind me, says Gaius.

And don't look down, says Chelsea. 

Wittgenstein takes up a fighting stance, while not looking  down.

He is definitely getting a feeling for surfing.

Gaius returns to the frogs.

How is the unwell one? asks Gaius.

Flat, says Terence.

Not dead though, says Roo-kai.

Do you think he'll recover? asks Quiet-Tartus.

Let me see, says Gaius, poking the unwell flat frog.

Buuurp!

That came from somewhere, says Gaius. Where there's gas, there's hope, I always say.

But the gas came out, says Terence.

The Great White Teacher recommended we try smelling salts, says Gaius

A bit old fashioned, says Roo-kai.

True, says Gaius. But often effective. We Romans used to use them.

On frogs? asks Quiet-Tartus.

Well, no, says Gaius.

Would you like me to look for a chemist? asks Roo-kai.

Yes, says Gaius. That would be helpful.

Roo-kai flies off to look for a chemist.

Sweezus and Arthur return to the beach with their snacks.

Wanna corn chip? says Sweezus, offering an open packet.

Thank you, says Gaius. By the way, good news! There's a strong likelihood Great White Teacher will shortly be leaving for Mexico, with his sidekicks.

Awesome, says Sweezus. Hey! What's with the frog?

Out of gas, says Terence. 

Give it here, says Sweezus.

He picks up the frog.

The Ultimate Treasure

Roo-kai has landed at Saltwater Beach.

He is watching Wittgenstein's surfing lesson.

Lesson 3: Start small.

Lesson 4: Paddle like you mean it.

Wittgenstein is taking the lessons on board.

Gaius appears on the beach, followed by Terence, and several frogs.

Hey! says Terence. Look at all these frogs we've collected.

He holds out the dead one, who is not really dead.

Is that a dead one? asks Roo-kai. 

No, says Terence. It's a boy one. It's in Quiet-Tartus's team.

The other ones are more lively, says Roo-kai.

They're girl ones, says Terence. 

We're sisters. We have our own team, says the female Screaming Tree Frog. 

Will you keep an eye on them? asks Gaius. I need to borrow a surf board, and paddle out to meet Great White Teacher.

He's already out there, says Roo-kai. I can see him.

Everyone can. They are leaving the water, paddling like they mean it.

Shark! says Wittgenstein, seeing Gaius.

I know. May I borrow that surfboard? asks Gaius.

What for? asks Wittgenstein.

I promised to speak with the shark, says Gaius.

That seems risky, says Wittgenstein. But take it. Don't let the shark bite it.

Thank you, says Gaius.

He takes off his Crocs, rolls up his shorts, and carries the surfboard to the water.

He jumps on, and paddles out to where Great White Teacher is waiting.

You're late, says Great White Teacher. It's ten past three.

Apologies, says Gaius. I was in the rainforest, looking for Screaming Tree Frogs, and found several at the last minute, one of which was, and remains, at death's door. 

Always the way, says Great White Teacher.

Not always, says Gaius. Often one doesn't find any.

I hear you have a proposition, says Great White Teacher.

I do, says Gaius. It is far removed from commercial enterprise, but has its own merits.

Go on, says Great White Teacher.

Have you heard of the otodus megalodon? asks Gaius. A giant shark that lived between 15 and 3.6 million years ago?

No, says Great White Teacher. 

There is some question as to what it actually looked  like, says Gaius.

Who wants to know? asks Great White Teacher.

Don't you? asks Gaius. Imagine if you could find some preserved megadon fossils.

I'm imagining it, says Great White Teacher. It probably looks just like me.

That's the thing, says Gaius. Megadons are thought to be partially warm blooded, like you. But that does not prove that they looked like you.

Surely, says Great White Teacher, megadon fossils have been found. Otherwise, how is it known that the megadon existed?

You are a natural scientist, says Gaius. But so far, only teeth and vertebrae have been found. Shark cartilage doesn't preserve well.

You're telling me, says Great White Teacher. What's your proposition?

Medadon teeth and bones are frequently found underwater in Mexico, says Gaius. You could take a team there, and do your own research.

Is there money in it? asks Great White Teacher.

Kudos, says Gaius. It would be the ultimate treasure.

Why don't you go? asks Great White Teacher.

Frogs, says Gaius. I can't do every thing I might think of. 

Okay, says Great White Teacher. I'll talk to my men. If they're willing, we'll do it.

Wonderful, says Gaius. Good luck.

And good luck with the dead frog, says Great White Teacher. Have you tried smelling salts?

No, but I will, says Gaius. Thank you.

He paddles back to shore.

Everyone looks thankful.

The Dead One

Gaius is poking under a hairy acronychia.

Terence is examining the rough bark of a tall bunya pine.

Quiet-Tartus has gone off to look for gang members.

The female Screaming Tree Frog appears before him with three of her sisters.

We're coming to Queensland, says the female Screaming Tree Frog.

It's a boy gang, says Quiet-Tartus.

We know, says the female Screaming Tree Frog. We'll be the girl gang.

Go and see Gaius, says Quiet-Tartus.

We can help you find boys, says the female Screaming Tree Frog.

I'll find my own boys, says Quiet-Tartus

You won't find them easily, says one of her sisters.

I'm the leader, says Quiet-Tartus. I'll find them.

He screams loudly.

Auk Auk!

Gaius comes running.

Oh, says Gaius. It's you. But aha! Your lady friend has returned with her sisters.

I am not his lady friend, says the female Screaming Tree Frog.

Nor are we, say the sisters.

We are a girl gang, says the female Screaming Tree Frog. We'd like to go with you to Queensland.

Any particular reason? asks Gaius. 

We want to get to know the Slender Bleating Tree Frogs, says the female Screaming Tree Frog. Maybe set up a network.

Network! says Quiet-Tartus. 

Terence bursts through the undergrowth.

I found one!

He is holding a lemon yellow frog.

A male! says Gaius. Well done, Terence. Put him down, please.

Terence puts the male frog down, on the forest floor detritus.

The female Screaming Tree frogs appraise him.

He doesn't look well.

He doesn't look well, says Gaius. 

Sorry, says Terence. I might have squeezed him.

Gaius looks up at the sky.

Dear me, says Gaius. I can't deal with this now. I have an appointment at three.

Let's go, says Terence.

What about my gang member? asks Quiet-Tartus.

Let him rest, says Gaius. Stay with him. I'll be back later.

Where's your appointment? asks the female Screaming Tree frog.

At Saltwater Beach, says Gaius. A few metres into the water.

Let's all go, say the female Screaming Tree Frog. We can do some team bonding.

Yes, let's, say the sisters.

Fine by me, says Gaius. How will we do this?

We'll hop after you, says the female Screaming Tree Frog. Don't worry about the dead one.

He's not dead, says Quiet-Tartus.

Everyone looks at the dead one.

The dead one blinks weakly.

The leader is right. He's not dead.

Pop-ups And Snakes

Wittgenstein has enrolled in the surf school.

He is on the beach, having lessons from Chelsea.

Lesson one: Watch the waves.

Lesson Two: Practise the Pop-up.

Meanwhile, having paddled out into the ocean, Arthur and Sweezus are waiting for waves.

A large one is building behind them.

Go for it! says Sweezus.

The wave looms.

Out of it swim Great White Teacher's side kicks.

Sweezus pops up. So does Arthur.

The wave carries them forward, alongside the side kicks.

But something's not right here.

The sidekicks are snaking. Good surfers don't do that.

Sweezus takes a tumble.

Arthur keeps going.

Charmed life.

Arthur reaches the shallows and looks back.

Sweezus is bobbing out there near the sharks.

Arthur paddles out again.

When he reaches Sweezus, the side kicks have gone.

Did you tell them? asks Arthur.

Kicked their arses, says Sweezus.

About the meeting, says Arthur.

Shit, no. Forgot, says Sweezus. What's the time?

Arthur looks at the sun's position.

Close to three-ish, says Arthur.

Yeah right, says Sweezus. We'd better head back out there.

Did they say anything? asks Arthur.

Nah! I reckon they were embarrassed, says Sweezus. Snaking past me like that. 

Sweezus and Arthur start paddling. Far out, beyond the waves.

The Great White Teacher surfaces beside them.

Apologies for my men's behaviour, says Great White Teacher.

No worries, says Sweezus. 

About our little arrangement, says Great White Teacher.

Cactus, says Sweezus. But if you come closer in, about three-ish...

When the sun's about there, says Arthur, pointing.

I know when three o'clock is, snaps Great White Teacher.

A friend of ours has a cool proposition, says Sweezus. It'll be, like, related to science

And international travel, says Arthur.

I'm interested, says Great White Teacher. 

Awesome, says Sweezus.

I'll be there, says Great White Teacher, zooming off.

A mega wave begins forming.

Sweezus and Arthur move forward, and catch it.

They swish to the shore, in time to see Wittgenstein on the sand, performing a good practice Pop-up.

Well done, Ludwig! says Chelsea.

Science Boy

Sweezus pulls up in a carpark, overlooking the beach.

The rainforest grows thickly behind it.

This looks promising, says Gaius. There are bound to be frogs here. 

Okay, says Sweezus. We'll head out and catch a few waves. And if the Great White Teacher turns up, or his sidekicks, we'll set up a meeting.

Excellent, says Gaius. I should be available about three-ish.

Three-ish? says Arthur. Sharks don't have watches.

When the sun is....about there in the sky, says Gaius, pointing to where the sun will be, about three-ish.

Cool, says Sweezus. See ya later.

He and Arthur head down to the beach with their surfboards.

Now, says Gaius. Are we all ready?

Roo-kai isn't here yet, says Terence.

He will find us, says Gaius. We must enter the forest. I only have until three-ish.

Let's GO! says Quiet-Tartus.

He hops towards a fishbone fern, crouches beneath it, inflates his vocal sac and starts screaming.

Auk-auk!

A female Screaming Tree Frog awakes from her afternoon slumber. 

She approaches the fern.

It's the wrong time of day, mate!

Madam, you mistake me, says Quiet-Tartus. I am here on a different mission.

Which is? asks the female Screaming Tree Frog.

To find gang members, says Quiet-Tartus. Boy ones.

Of course, says the female Screaming Tree Frog. And what will your gang do?

Fight! cries Terence.

Who are you? asks the female Screaming Tree Frog.

A science boy, says Terence. 

He's with me, says Gaius. 

Shut up! says Quiet-Tartus. She asked ME!

I did, says the female Screaming Tree Frog. What is the gang for?

We will be travelling to Queensland, says Quiet-Tartus. But first we must practise our skills. Were you aware of the existence of the Slender Bleating Tree Frog?

Are they not the same species as us? asks the female Screaming Tree Frog.

No! says Quiet-Tartus. We are now believed not to be the same, but two different species.

I can attest to that, says Gaius.

Queensland! says the female Screaming Tree Frog. But it's summer. And we've just had lots of rain. Me and my sisters don't want a whole gang of chaps legging it to Queensland.

Ah yes, breeding season, says Gaius. A complicating factor.

It's a matter of PRIDE, says Quiet-Tartus. Do you know any fellows who've already mated?

I suppose so, says the female Screaming Tree Frog. But there's no law to say they can't do it again. 

You are not being helpful, says Quiet-Tartus. I will find my own gang members.

Suit yourself, says the female Screaming Tree Frog.

She hops away, to find a few of her sisters.

Pity, says Gaius. 

She'll be back, says Quiet-Tartus. You don't know Screaming Tree Frogs.

Lucky we've got you, says Terence.

Yes, science boy, says Quiet-Tartus.

Nearly As Good As A Parrot

Wittgenstein is about to get back in the Mazda.

But the driver's seat is covered in sand.

He uses his hand as a sweeper.

More sand? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Wittgenstein. Must be from when I went surfing.

How did that go? asks Gaius.

Let's say I had the intention of surfing, says Wittgenstein. But I opted out at the last minute. However I believe there's a Surf School at Saltwater.

You'll be enrolling? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Wittgenstein. I'm going there now. 

He gets back in the Mazda, starts up the engine and goes.

The camper pulls up at the swamp oak.

You guys want a lift? asks Sweezus. 

That would be most welcome, says Gaius. 

He and Terence climb in.

Where's the parrot? asks Sweezus.

He flew ahead to Saltwater, says Gaius.

Where's the frog? asks Arthur.

Here, says Terence. Want to hold him?

No thanks, says Arthur.

He's being quiet, says Terence.

I'm thinking, says Quiet-Tartus. 

I hear you boys are being pursued by sharks, says Gaius. 

Yeah, says Sweezus. Seems like they always know where we are.

What type are they? asks Gaius. 

Great Whites, says Sweezus. Remember when we had all that sea salt? We got it from them.

Yes of course, says Gaius. And red seaweed sushi. 

Both commercial failures, says Sweezus.

You'd think they'd know when to give up, says Gaius. 

Yeah, says Sweezus.

Would you like me to talk to them? asks Gaius. 

What about? asks Sweezus.

Going to Mexico, says Gaius.

Cool! says Sweezus. Wait. You mean them?

I do, says Gaius. Do they show signs of intellectual curiosity?

Dunno, says Sweezus.

Worth a try, says Gaius. When we get to Saltwater, try and set up a meeting. I am willing to paddle out on a surfboard, but only so far.

What if we don't see them? asks Sweezus.

Then you don't have a problem, says Gaius.

Terence has not followed the whole conversation, but he does like the ending.

He pats Gaius's leg.

What's that for? asks Gaius.

You're nearly as good as a parrot, says Terence.

The Persistence Of Sharks

Why the face? says Sweezus. You don't think we've been inventive?

A financial arrangement with sharks? says Wittgenstein. No matter how inventive, there's bound to be a lack of connection. 

There was, says Arthur. 

Yeah there was, says Sweezus. 

And how would you have shared out the profits? asks Wittgenstein.

There were no profits, says Sweezus.

But the sharks continue to pursue you, says Wittgenstein. Is that what you're saying?

Looks like it, says Sweezus. 

You need to come to some agreement, says Wittgenstein.

Another one, says Sweezus.

One that can't fail, says Wittgenstein.

Yeah right, says Sweezus. 

I'd ask Gaius, says Wittgenstein. He must know sharks.

By now they have reached the campsite.

I'll take the Mazda, says Wittgenstein. You are both sandy.

Okay, says Sweezus. If you see Gaius and Terence on the road, tell them we're coming.

Will do, says Wittgenstein.

He drives off.

Five minutes down the road he spots Gaius and Terence, sitting under a swamp oak.

He pulls up beside them. Gets out.

At last! says Terence. We've been sitting here for EVER!

Some of us are not keen on walking, says Gaius.

Surely not you, says Wittgenstein. And not the parrot. That leaves Terence.

And Quiet-Tartus, says Terence. 

Don't blame me, says Quiet-Tartus.

I'm not blaming anyone, says Wittgenstein. Sweezus and Arthur will be along in a minute, in the camper.

Excellent news, says Gaius. Have they got surfing out of their system?

I think not, says Wittgenstein. But they do have a problem which I've suggested you might help them solve.

Spill the beans, says Gaius. 

It concerns sharks, says Wittgenstein. They are being pursued by them.

In the camper? says Gaius. 

In the ocean, says Wittgenstein.

Then I suggest they stay out of the ocean, says Gaius. 

That won't please them, says Wittgenstein. But you, of all people, know sharks. Perhaps you can suggest some way they might come to an amicable arrangement.

A competition! says Terence.

No, says Gaius. Not a competition. What type of sharks are they?

I don't know, says Wittgenstein. Persistent.

Luckily, the camper appears in the distance.

So Gaius can ask them himself.

Dirty Chicken

Sweezus, Arthur and Wittgenstein are having lunch at the Blowfish.

What do you reckon? asks Sweezus.

What are these called again? asks Wittgenstein.

Bro Burgers, says Sweezus.

They're good, says Arthur. I might get another one.

Me too, says Sweezus. You, Ludwig?

I'll pass, says Wittgenstein. Too much mustard, tomato sauce and pickle for my liking.

Good hand made patty, says Sweezus.

A bit yellow, says Wittgenstein. I'll try something else.

Arthur goes off to order two more Bro Burgers.

Wittgenstein leans back in his chair.

I don't think male frogs have punch ups, says Wittgenstein.

Yeah? says Sweezus. What about those novelty pens?

Wittgenstein has never seen one, so cannot answer.

Arthur returns with two Bro Burgers, and a Dirty Chicken Wrap for Wittgenstein.

I trust, says Wittgenstein, that it's not really dirty.

You may as well believe it, says Arthur.

Remember that novelty pen I had? asks Sweezus. The frog one?

Sure, says Arthur. With the boxing gloves. And it threw a punch when you activated the mechanism.

Yeah, says Sweezus. It was cool. 

I doubt novelty pens are based on true animal behaviour, says Wittgenstein.

So where'd they get the idea from? asks Sweezus.

Dirty chicken, says Wittgenstein biting into it gingerly.

Cruunch! Is that sea salt? Or grit?

How's that work? asks Sweezus.

Uh? says Wittgenstein. No, I was changing the subject. I might not finish this.

Let's go then, says Sweezus. Surfing at Saltwater. Hopefully, without the sharks.

Sharks? says Wittgenstein. 

Don't worry, says Sweezus. They're not after you.

They're after us, says Arthur. A financial enterprise that went sour.

You could say, says Sweezus. 

You took part in a financial enterprise with sharks? says Wittgenstein. 

A couple, says Sweezus. Sea salt in recycled ocean plastics, and hairy red sushi with chocolate filling.

You surprise me, says Wittgenstein.

I guess we've been pretty inventive, says Sweezus.

Wittgenstein raises an eyebrow. 

That isn't why.

Shark Grapevine

Out beyond the sand bar is chaos.

Then the chaos dies down.

Sweezus sees his surfboard not far from Arthur who is swimming towards him.

Grab it! shouts Sweezus.

Can't, shouts Arthur. 

He is being pursued.

Sweezus swims towards Arthur, they meet at the surfboard, and climb on.

Sharks! says Arthur.

They draw their feet up.

Two shark heads appear, one one side, one the other.

Hey, says Sweezus. 

Hey-hey, says one shark.

Any news? asks the other.

You guys! says Sweezus.

Ooh-yeah! says the first one. Great White Teacher is losing his patience.

So are we, says Arthur. Tell him his seaweed was inedible. 

Yeah, says Sweezus. 

Okay! says the first shark.

It'll be on your head, says the other.

They turn and shoot out to sea, like two rockets.

Shit, says Sweezus. Those sidekicks turn up everywhere we go.

Maybe they're not the same ones, says Arthur.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Maybe it's like there's a shark grapevine, and all the sharks know we owe Great White Teacher money.. 

Let's head in and grab some lunch, says Arthur.

You lost your board, says Sweezus.

It's there, says Arthur, pointing to his surfboard which has floated gently over the sand bar.

Lucky, says Sweezus. Hey! There's Ludwig!

They paddle towards him.

Hello boys, says Ludwig! I was just coming out for a lesson when I changed my mind.

Cool, says Sweezus. We're just heading in for some lunch.

The others have gone to Saltwater National Park, says Wittgenstein. Walking.

Walking! says Sweezus. 

I thought I'd follow them in the Mazda, says Wittgenstein.

We could all go, says Sweezus. We're done here.

After lunch, says Arthur.

Yeah, after lunch, says Sweezus.

Very good, says Wittgenstein. We can all help Gaius look for frogs.

There's good surfing at Saltwater, says Sweezus. And a Surf School. 

We may not need to look for frogs, says Wittgenstein. 

No, says Arthur. The frog he's already found will attract them.

Only females, says Sweezus.

I hadn't thought of that, says Wittgenstein. I suppose the males might keep their distance.

Or rock up and fight, says Sweezus. There might be a punch up.

Which shows what he knows of frog habits.

Eternal Life Doesn't Last Long

We can't take the Mazda, says Gaius.  

Why not? asks Terence.

Licence, says Gaius. Mine has expired. We'll have to wait until Ludwig comes back from his lesson.

Or until Roo-kai comes back, says Terence. 

Roo-kai can do many things, says Gaius. But he can't drive a vehicle.

He can solve problems, says Terence.

They wait for Roo-kai to come back.

Terence amuses himself by trickling sand onto Quiet-Tartus, as the sun creeps higher.

At sea, Roo-kai has landed on the pointy end of Wittgenstein's surfboard.

The surfboard bobs up and down.

Wittgenstein's eyes open.

Enjoying yourself? asks Roo-kai.

Within the limits of language, says Wittgenstein.

Is that why you've stopped? asks Roo-kai.

It occurred to me, says Wittgenstein, that eternal life belongs to those who live in the present.

Then eternal life doesn't last long, says Roo-kai.

One should never stay on the barren heights of cleverness, says Wittgenstein.

I don't need to, says Roo-kai. 

Have you turned up for a reason? asks Wittgenstein.

Yes, says Roo-kai. Gaius, Terence and the frog want to go to the Saltwater National Park and search for other tree frogs, in the rainforest.

And they want me to come with them, says Wittgenstein.

They did not say so, says Roo-kai.

Are they walking? asks Wittgenstein.

They didn't say, says Roo-kai. But now, when you return to shore after your lesson, you will know where they went.

I won't know if they've got there, says Wittgenstein. 

You could follow them, says Roo-kai. In your car. 

This is true. He could follow them, in the Mazda. But the question is, does he have time for a lesson?

He is not yet at the sand bar.

High waves are breaking beyond it. He can see foam flying, and hear a loud thundering.

He can see horizontal green tunnels, collapsing.

Upturned surfboards.

And fins.

He makes a decision.

As The Fly Flies

Wittgenstein comes back, having hired a surfboard.

Can I go surfing? asks Terence.

No, says Wittgenstein. You would need proper lessons.

Have YOU had proper lessons? asks Terence.

I'm hoping to have proper lessons, says Wittgenstein. From Sweezus and Arthur.

They will have paddled out beyond the Old Bar, says Gaius.

 

Where the sharks are, says Terence.

I hope not, says Gaius.

I'll paddle out there myself, says Wittgenstein. 

It's not fair, says Terence.

If you fell off, says Gaius, you would sink to the bottom, and then what?

He'd feel like me, says Quiet-Tartus. Regretful.

No need to feel regretful, says Gaius. We're doing the best that we can.

I'm in a hole in the sand, says Quiet-Tartus. It's not the future I imagined.

Me either, says Terence. I imagined going surfing.

I imagined meeting other tree frogs, says Quiet-Tartus. Forming a gang. Improving our fitness for the competitions in Queensland.

Woo! says Terence. 

Commendable, says Gaius. That suits me, of course. 

But instead, here we are, says Quiet-Tartus.

Yes, says Terence. 

There you are! says Roo-kai, landing beside them. Good news. The Saltwater National Park is ten minutes away, as the crow flies.

Interesting that you should say as the crow flies, says Gaius.

What about as the fly flies? asks Terence.

I don't know how fast a fly flies, says Roo-kai. Alternatively, one could go in a Mazda.

A Mazda can't FLY, says Terence.

There is a road, says Roo-kai.

Let's hit the road! screams Quiet-Tartus. 

We shall, says Gaius. But the others are out on the ocean. They won't know where we are.

I'll fly out and tell them, says Roo-kai.

Tell them to watch out for sharks, says Terence.

All right, says Roo-kai.

He flies out towards the Old Bar, passing over Ludwig, who has stopped paddling and is lying face down on his surfboard

He is thinking, philosophically, of limits.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

You Could Be Seaweed

Terence is on the beach, digging a hole.

Why are you digging a hole? asks Roo-kai.

I'm not digging a hole, says Terence. I'm making some shade for Quiet-Tartus.

That's thoughtful, says Quiet-Tartus. But I prefer tree shade.

Not many trees here, says Roo-kai. Only low bushes. Want me to fly off and look for some tall ones?

Please do, says Quiet-Tartus. Until you return, I shall stay in this hole.

It's not finished, says Terence.

Is there any shade in it? asks Quiet-Tartus.

At the bottom, says Terence.

Then it's finished, says Quiet-Tartus, hopping in.

Roo-kai flies away, to look for a possible rainforest.

Terence sits down, next to his hole, with Quiet-Tartus at the bottom.

See any other frogs? asks Quiet-Tartus.

I can't even see you, says Terence. Because you're yellow.

What about now? asks Quiet-Tartus, swelling his vocal sac, in preparation for screaming.

You could be seaweed, says Terence. The popping kind.

Quiet-Tartus screams.

A woman, who was walking towards the water, stops in her tracks and comes back.

What was that screaming? Have you buried your friend? You shouldn't do that.

He's not buried, says Terence.

The woman peers into the hole.

A TREE FROG! says the woman. On the beach! How unusual. 

She saw you, says Terence.

That's encouraging, says Quiet-Tartus

It shouldn't be here, says the woman. Take it back to the trees.

We're just waiting for my parrot to come back, says Terence. 

Where are your parents? asks the woman. 

Up there, says Terence, pointing.

The woman takes that to mean they are up at the Blowfish.

Is this them? asks the woman.

No, says Terence. That's Gaius and Ludwig.

Gaius and Ludwig approach, having finished their breakfast.

Ah, there you are, Terence, says Gaius. Where are your frog, and your parrot?

You know about this frog? asks the woman. You see he's been trying to bury it?

I haven't, says Terence. 

I'm sure he hasn't, says Gaius. He is fond of the frog, He has a rapport with it. 

It shouldn't be here on the beach in the hot sun, says the woman.

It isn't, says Ludwig. It's in a hole in the shade.

Screaming, says the woman.

Just to make it show up, says Terence.

The woman makes a sour face, and continues her walk to the water.

Roo-kai's looking for trees, says Terence.

Then we shall wait here until he returns, says Gaius. Ludwig, want to paddle?

I would rather try my hand at surfing, says Wittgenstein.

You go off then, says Gaius. Arthur and Sweezus will instruct you.

Are you sure? asks Wittgenstein.

Yes, yes, says Gaius. 

He sits down on the sand next to Terence, 

Quiet-Tartus remains in his hole.

Hard to say if he's feeling regretful.

Where Does That Leave Me?

They all head off to Old Bar.

Sweezus is driving the camper. 

Arthur is in the passenger seat.

Terence, Roo-kai and the Screaming Tree Frog, Quiet-Tartus, are in the back

We'll get brekky at Old Bar, says Sweezus.

Great, says Arthur.

And we'll look for frogs, says Terence.

Yeah, says Sweezus. There's trees and stuff there. 

I sincerely hope so, says Quiet-Tartus.

He sincerely hopes so, says Terence.

No need to repeat me, says Quiet-Tartus.

No need to repeat him, says Terence.

So why are you doing it? asks Arthur.

Because, what does quiet mean? asks Terence.

Not loud, says Arthur.

That's his name, says Terence. So you might not hear what he's saying.

I heard, says Sweezus. 

So did I, says Arthur. 

It's a NEW name, says Terence.

I'm not changing my modus operandi, says Quiet-Tartus. 

He's not changing... begins Terence. 

But he's forgotten the rest of the sentence.

He doesn't have to change, says Sweezus. 

Where does that leave me? asks Roo-kai.

Still a parrot, says Terence. 

Look out of the window, says Sweezus. You might see the sea.

Terence looks out of the window and sees coastal saltbush. Beyond it, the sea.

Old Bar is a sleepy coastal town, with one or two cafés.

Sweezus pulls up outside the Blowfish.

The Mazda has not arrived yet.

That's because Sweezus and Arthur left it all sandy, The seats were sandy, the floor was sandy and the boot was sandy. The windscreen was encrusted with small splattered insects, and Wittgenstein had to clean it, before they could leave.

By the time he and Gaius arrive at the Blowfish, Sweezus and Arthur have already eaten. 

Terence, Roo-kai and Quiet-Tartus have gone down to the beach.

Unsupervised? says Gaius.

No worries, says Sweezus. I reckon I can see them.

He and Arthur head off to the surf hire shop.

Gaius and Wittgenstein look at the menu.

Smashed Avo, says Gaius. I might have known.

Heaven Waffle, says Wittgenstein. That's different.

They are both hungry. 

For some time, they forget about Terence.

Quiet-Tartus

It's them. And the Mazda.

Sweezus and Arthur get out.

Yo! says Sweezus. We found you. 

We are easily spotted, says Wittgenstein. I'm glad to see that you've brought back the Mazda. 

It's a bit sandy inside, says Sweezus, brushing dried sand from his leg.

No doubt you'll clean it, says Wittgenstein. Come in, we're just enjoying a hot water.

No tea bags? says Arthur.

No tea bags, says Wittgenstein. I don't suppose you have any?

No way, says Sweezus. Didn't Midge leave some?

Not that we know of, says Wittgenstein.

He picks a few gum leaves.

Good one, says Sweezus. 

They enter the camper.

Yay! says Terence. You're back! Come and meet Froggy.

Don't call me Froggy, says the Screaming Tree Frog.

Quiet-Tartus, then, says Terence. That's what Gaius said. And don't complain about that.

You found one already! says Sweezus.

Only one so far, says Gaius. A litoria quiritatus. 

I like Quiet-Tartus, says the Screaming Tree Frog. 

Did you find a good surfing beach? asks Gaius.

Yeah, Old Bar, sixteen ks east of here, says Sweezus.

Well I'm glad you've got that out of your system, says Gaius.

We haven't, says Arthur. We came back to swap the Mazda for the camper.

Yeah, says Sweezus. The camper's much better for surfing.

And for sleeping, says Gaius. What about us? This won't do.

Come with us, says Arthur. There are plenty of frogs at Old Bar.

Are there? asks Gaius. You've heard them?

Arthur nods, although he hasn't.

Yippee! says Terence. We're going to a beach! And you're coming with us, Quiet-Tartus.

The Screaming Tree Frog must now make a decision.

He makes it. 

Okay.

He will come. Meet new Screaming Tree Frogs. Get a team up. And he'll be the leader, Quiet-Tartus.

Two Scales In Play

Wittgenstein awakes to the sound of a boiling kettle, and voices.

Are they back yet, with my Mazda? asks Wittgenstein.

Not yet, says Gaius. I'm just boiling a kettle.

Good, says Wittgenstein, sitting up.

Terence, Roo-kai and the Screaming Tree Frog are looking at a scrap of note paper.

They've made a map, says Gaius. The top dot is Queensland.

Is someone going? asks Wittgenstein.

We are, eventually, says Gaius. But this map is merely to help the Screaming Tree Frog get some idea of the distance.

It doesn't look all that far, says the Screaming Tree Frog.

There are two different scales in play here, says Gaius. The distance between here and your tree is on a different scale from the distance between here and Queensland.

Is it? says Terence.

You've lost me, says the Screaming Tree Frog.

And me, says Wittgenstein. Has that kettle boiled?

Yes, says Gaius. Now, did I bring tea bags?

He searches for tea bags.

Arthur would know where they are.

Drat! says Gaius. What do you say to a mug of hot water?

It's best to pass over the lack of a tea bag in silence, says Wittgenstein.

Does that mean you'll have it? asks Gaius. The hot water?

Wittgenstein indicates that he will.

What I'd like to know, says the Screaming Tree Frog, is how we got mixed up in the first place, if the Slender Bleating Tree Frogs live way up in Queensland?

Your loud calls, says Gaius. 

And that was enough? says the Screaming Tree Frog. What do they look like?

Slender, says Gaius. 

Are you saying I'm fat? asks the Screaming Tree Frog.

A white line down the side, and a black vocal sac, continues Gaius.  

Unbelievable, says the Screaming Tree Frog. 

Indeed. Your vocal sac is bright yellow. Hard to know how the two species were conflated, says Gaius. But the difference has been noted now.

I'd like to meet one, says the Screaming Tree Frog.

Me too, says Terence. You could have a competition.

That's what the Screaming Tree Frog had been thinking.

To see who's the fattest, adds Terence. You'd win.

That would be an unfair competition, says Gaius, sipping his hot water.

This hot water lacks something, says Wittgenstein.

Try adding a few eucalyptus leaves, says Gaius. 

Wittgenstein goes outside, just as a red Mazda pulls up in front of the camper

How The Past Points To The Future

In the morning, the Screaming Tree Frog hops up to the camper.

Terence and Roo-kai are waiting outside.

Terence is drawing a map with Gaius's pencil.

Is that for me? asks the Screaming Tree Frog.

It could be, says Terence. Where are you going?

Starting from here, says the Screaming Tree Frog. 

Then where? asks Terence.

Wherever there's a Slender Bleating Tree Frog, says the Screaming Tree Frog. 

This is a map that Terence is making for Gaius, says Roo-kai. 

But not about that, says Terence. It's about where we were going last night.

I told him it's pointless says Roo-kai.

Why pointless? asks the Screaming Tree Frog.

Morning, says Gaus, sliding open the door of the camper.

Guess what? says Terence. Look who's here!

Me, says the Screaming Tree Frog.

Wondrous! says Gaius. How did you find us?

The flowery camper, with these guys waiting outside.

Sounds like you had an arrangement, says Gaius.

We DID, says Terence. I'm doing a map.

He doesn't seem to need one, says Gaius.

It's for the future, says Terence. This is us. This is the trail we went on last night, this is the tree where we met Froggy.

Don't call me Froggy, says the Tree Frog.

What's your name? asks Terence.

We don't have names, says the Screaming Tree Frog.

Would you like one? asks Gaius. Your Latin name is Litoria quiritatus.

That's Greek to me, says the Screaming Tree Frog.

Ha ha, laughs Gaius. Come inside. I recall that you wanted to ask me a question.

They all go inside.

Wittgenstein is still snoring.

Gaius puts the kettle on, and waits for the question.

Where can I meet a Slender Bleating Tree Frog? asks the Screaming Tree Frog.

Queensland, says Gaius.

I might need more paper, says Terence.

Let me see this map, says Gaius. So, you went out last night by yourself?

With me, says Roo-kai. And this is the map we were going to leave you.

But we hadn't been yet, says Terence. So I'm doing it now.

I thought it was a map for the future, says Gaius.

So did I, says the Screaming Tree Frog.

It is now, says Terence. 

He makes a big dot in the very top corner, with a line going to it.

That will be Queensland.