The Bad Nihilist

No, Sweezus hasn't lost the plot, but his characters have taken on a life of their own:

Mephisto rode doggedly on, towards Mount Compass. A nihilist, he was examining his philosphical position. He had offered to take the blame for Nunghausen's crime, or misdemeanour. Then, having been apprehended, with Nunghausen, he had brazenly escaped, without Nunghausen. Was that consistent behaviour? No, it was not. Perhaps he should go back.

Yes, he would go back. He turned around.

Soon he was in the main street of Victor Harbor. There was the Camus family promenading on the foreshore.

Hey! called out Mephisto. Have you guys seen Nunghausen?

Who's Nunghausen? asked Camus.

You know, said Mephisto. Our friend. He was apprehended for eating a penguin pie on Granite Island.

Oh, NUNGhausen, said Camus, always quick on the uptake. I believe he's in the lockup, where he should be.

Steady on, said Mephisto. He hasn't done anything wrong and you know it.

We heard you escaped, said Francine. How come you came back?

I came back to rescue my friend, said Mephisto.

Some nihilist you turned out to be, said Camus, with a sniff.

Absurdism and the Weather

Later that evening, over Kentucky Fried Chicken in the Camus family apartment, they quizzed Camus on his philosophy.

What did you mean by life's absurdities? asked Sweezus.

I used the term quite loosely, said Camus, taking another helping of mashed potato and gravy from a cardboard bowl. I say this really is disgusting.

Have some chips then, Albert, said Francine. If you don't mind that the twins have covered them in sauce.

Thanks, said Camus. Now where was I? Yes, I am a proponent of Absurdism. By that I mean to say that life itself is meaningless. Or rather that the human mind cannot comprehend it.

Awesome, said Sweezus. I sometimes think that too, when the weather's bad.

Absurdism has nothing to do with the weather, said Camus.

I think you'll find it does, said Sweezus. What do you think Gaius?

The weather? said Gaius. What on earth are you talking about? And what is Absurdism but a load of modern nonsense? My philosophy is a simple one, but indisputable. All excess is bad. For example, having chips AND mashed potato at dinner.

That was unavoidable, said Francine. The cardboard mashed potato comes free with the Kentucky Fried Chicken.

That's no excuse, said Gaius. Why then did you order chips?

It really isn't your affair, said Francine. But the children like them.

Just then the children came running up to Sweezus.

Come and play Fairy Penguins, Uncle Sweezus! cried Catherine.

Yes, come and play! said Jean.

Alright, said Sweezus, standing up and waddling off behind them.

Camus/Camoo

The following day, Gaius and Sweezus cycled down to Victor Harbor.

Tell me what you know about Camus, said Gaius. It may help us to find him.

Yeah, said Sweezus. It might. Umm, well, I only met him a couple of times, in the office with the girls. He seemed kind of.... you know....

No I don't know, said Gaius. That isn't very helpful. Would you say he was the sort of person who would stay in a cabin?

He came from a poor family in Algeria, said Sweezus. But rose to become an influential philosopher and intellectual giant.

Then obviously, said Gaius, he wouldn't choose to slum it in a cabin. I say we go and look for him at McCracken.

McCracken? said Sweezus. The resort? Oh okay, if you say so. I always wanted to see what it was like.

They arrived at McCracken late in the afternoon, and enquired at reception if Camus was staying there.

We don't give out that sort of information, said the receptionist.

Fortunately at that moment Camus walked by on his way to the swimming pool.

Camoo! shouted Sweezus. You're here!

That depends, said Camus, on what you mean by here.

See, said Sweezus, I told you he was smart.

Indeed, said Gaius. Hello Mr Camoo.

Please, said Camus. Call me Camus.

I thought I was, said Gaius. Does it not sound the same?

Not to me, said Camus, I am sensitive to such things. And who are you?

Gaius Plinius Secundus, said Gaius. Also known as Pliny the Elder, at your service. We have been sent to find you.

I am not missing, said Camus, but welcome, anyway.

Hooking Up With Camus

I'm all ears, said Sweezus, swigging on his Diet Coke and crunching up three macarons in quick succession. What's your brilliant idea?

It's this, said Marie. You know how you've been mooning around the office for ages, and you still haven't written anything of note...

What about my moon tweets? said Sweezus, looking offended.

Admirable, said Marie, but what we want's an article on bicycle philosophy. Now, our friend Camus has told us that he needs a bit of help finishing his own contribution, which is due at the end of the week. How about you two hooking up with him? You might get some inspiration, Sweezus, and you, Gaius....

Me, said Gaius. What have I to do with this? I have no need of inspiration. You never even waited to hear what I was planning to write.

Sorry Gaius dear, said Belle et Bonne. What was it?

As a matter of fact, said Gaius, I came here in such a hurry after I remembered my promise that I have only a very vague idea.

Exactly, said Marie. I thought as much. Working with Camus will help you crystallise your own idea. Camus is a very clever chap, he won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1957.

Humph, said Gaius.

But there's another more important reason why we need you, Gaius, said Belle et Bonne quickly. We know that you are very good at solving mysteries.

I am? said Gaius. Oh yes, the bicycle mystery. But what mystery do you need solving now?

Unfortunately, Camus has gone missing, said Belle et Bonne.

Sweezus whistled.

And you want us to find him!

Yes, said Marie. But we only have one clue. We know he's somewhere down at Victor Harbor looking for fairy penguins, but we don't know where he's staying.

So Often True

The next morning Belle et Bonne received an email.

Bugger! she said. It's from Gaius. He thinks he's promised us an article.

Crumbs! said Marie. I was hoping he'd forgotten.

At least Gustave and Violetta seem to have forgotten, said Belle et Bonne. One out of three isn't bad. I'll ask him to come in and discuss it, shall I?

Okay, said Marie.

.......

Later that afternoon Gaius entered the Velosophy office, to find Belle et Bonne, Marie and a plate of macarons.

Good afternoon young ladies, said Gaius. Better late than never.

Oh Gaius, said Belle et Bonne, that is so often true. Do sit down and have a macaron. Would you like a cup of tea?

Thank you, Belle et Bonne, said Gaius. I do hope my tardiness has not put your magazine to any inconvenience.

As a matter of fact it hasn't , said Marie. We have been extremely busy with our other contributors, one of whom is the famous French philosopher and novelist Albert Camus.

My goodness, said Gaius. Perhaps you do not need my humble contribution.

Oh no, said Belle et Bonne. We do. Have you any idea what the subject of your article is likely to be? I remember your last contribution was a mystery thriller.

I am flattered you remember, said Gaius.

Who could forget? said Marie. You tried to solve the mystery of two disappearing bicycles, and ended up at the local Korean church being mistaken for Jesus.

Just then Sweezus put his head around the door.

Tell me about it, said Sweezus. That happens to me all the time.

But you are Jesus, said Belle et Bonne. Silly boy.

That doesn't make it any less annoying, said Sweezus. Hey! Are those macarons? Awesome! Can I have one?

You may have as many as you like, Sweezie dear, said Belle et Bonne. And would you like a cup of tea?

No thanks, said Sweezus. Have you got a Diet Coke?

Here you are, said Marie, handing him a Diet Coke. Now let's get to work. I've just had a brilliant idea!