Shakespeare Dot Com

The play is ended. The crowd pours out of the Bakehouse Theatre into the hot Adelaide night. The philosophers head off for a drink at the edge of town.

Le Bon David: Well!

The VeloDrone: What do you mean, "Well!" ?

Le Bon David: I always found Shakespeare lamentably lacking in taste. But this took the cake! Robots! Computer games! Changing the endings at will!

The VeloDrone: Bollywoodstyle dancing. Everyone talking at once. Indecipherable acronyms. ROFLMAO, I ask you!

Marie: Oh dear, perhaps it's a generational thing. Don't you know what ROFLMAO means?

The VeloDrone: I do now. Rolling on the floor laughing and so on. The rest is rude and barbarous.

Belle et Bonne: Laughing my arse off, papa. But remember, you once accused Shakespeare of being rude and barbarous.

The VeloDrone: But I admitted he was a genius as well. I even adapted some of his plays.

Marie: So you did. You changed them out of all recognition. Hamlet, Macbeth, Julius Caesar. You gave them a rationalist twist.

Le Bon David: So you did, Vello. I remember. Rather like the young cast of Shakespeare Dot Com were trying to do here tonight, wouldn't you say? Give Shakespeare a modern technological twist.

The VeloDrone: Well, they succeeded in that.

Belle et Bonne: But did you enjoy it, papa and Uncle David? I did. The PUC robot reminded me of a friend of mine. And it was fun when the cast called us on our mobile phones.

Le Bon David: Pity I didn't have a mobile phone. But yes, I suppose I did enjoy it.

Marie: I liked it when Juliet died.

Belle et Bonne: And Romeo went internet dating to find a new girlfiend.

Marie: So funny! ROFLMAO!

Chronic Ills

What's the matter? asked Le Bon David, seeing his friend doubled over in pain.

Those damned seats at the Bakehouse Theatre, groaned the VeloDrone. There was a crucial piece missing from mine.

Dear me, said Le Bon David. That must have detracted from the performance. What did you see?

The Chronic Ills of Robert Zimmerman AKA Bob Dylan - A Lie, said The VeloDrone.

Good heavens, what a title! said Le Bon David. And did you manage to enjoy it?

Let me just say that it was undoubtedly brilliant, replied The VeloDrone, and that I nevertheless failed to enjoy it. Would you like to hear my review?

Certainly, said Le Bon David.

The VeloDrone began to read:

This show, presented at the Bakehouse Theatre by the Tamarama Rock Surfers, was a sellout show in Sydney. An absurdo-surrealist rhythmic re-imagining of the life and weird times of folk-rock icon Bob Dylan, it's a not to be missed musical adventure full of legend, myth, bible, ghosts, Koran, chaos, watermelons, everything......

Tell me if I'm wrong, said Le Bon David, but haven't you lifted that directly from the program notes?

What if I have? said The VeloDrone crossly. I know nothing about Bob Dylan, or Robert Zimmerman. My seat was uncomfortable. Furthermore, I was distracted by the woman I was sitting next to. I believe she's been stalking me.

Stalking you! So you'd seen her before?

Yes. Remember me telling you about the Broadway Kiosk yesterday? Those three women?

The three generations? Yes I remember. You said one of them kept looking at you so you hid behind a newspaper. Was it her?

I think so.

Fear not my friend. I've heard it happens all the time in Adelaide.

Stalking?

No, no. Bumping into the same people repeatedly.