Goodbye to the Tour

The Tour Down Under is over for another year, and it's time for everyone to go home.

The VeloDrone: Well, Gym Ten and Angel, that was most enjoyable.

Gym Ten: I'm glad you think so.

Angel: I would have liked to have been King of the Mountain.

Gym Ten: I would have liked the ochre jersey.

The VeloDrone: You would have had it, but for the scruples of Marie.

Marie: Some things are more important than winning.

The VeloDrone: Of course, of course. Tell me again what they are?

Marie: I've just been chatting with the Premier Mike Rann, and the race organiser Mike Turtur. They're going to ask you to be next year's big drawcard. What do you think of that?

The VeloDrone: Me?

Marie: Yes, I told them who you were.

Angel: Why? Who is he?

Marie: He's The VeloDrone, also known as the great philosopher Voltaire. I thought you knew.

Gym Ten: No! We only knew him as The VeloDrone. Well, well! Pleased to meet you, Monsieur Voltaire.

The VeloDrone: Oh, no need to make a fuss.

Mike Rann and Mike Turtur stroll over and join the group.

Mike Rann: Hello Monsieur Voltaire, may I say what a pleasure......

The VeloDrone: Likewise. A pleasure. And what do you want?

Marie: Uncle!

Mike Rann: We want you to consider being our big drawcard for the Tour Down Under next year. As you know, Lance Armstrong won't be here......

Mike Turtur: Wait a minute. Weren't you the chap who was involved in the head butting incident? In fact weren't all of you in it?

The VeloDrone: What if we were?

Mike Turtur: Then we would have to decline your offer.

The VeloDrone: Ridiculous! We haven't applied. Marie! I wish you had not drawn attention to us.

Marie: Well, what about me? I was the one who put a stop to it all. I would make a good drawcard.

Mike Rann ( staring at Marie ): But.... you are a woman.

Mike Turtur ( staring also ): Yes you are.

Marie: Yes, I am.

Angel: Yes, she is.

Gym Ten: Some drawcard she would be.

The VeloDrone: Come, Marie. To our bikes!

They mount, and pedal away.

Luminarium

The Premier Mike Rann is furious when he hears how the Velosophers have been treated. He arranges a meeting with them at once.

The Premier: I'm terribly sorry, gentlemen, that you weren't allotted a suitable tent. It's quite outrageous. I can only say that I'm doing everything in my power to put things right.

Le Bon David: Oh that's perfectly alright, Premier. We are used to young people not knowing who we are.

The VeloDrone: Speak for yourself, David. I am not used to it.

The Premier: Dear me. Young people. But they are wonderful in other ways of course. Now, I'm trying to arrange for you to have free use of the Luminarium in Rymill Park. Otherwise known as the Amococo Tent. There's plenty of room in it for your bicycle tricks and lots of interesting little corners for your knockabout brand of stand-up comedy.

The VeloDrone: I beg your pardon. Did you say knockabout?

The Premier: Why, was that wrong?

The VeloDrone: We don't do knockabout standup. We do philosophy. And impressions.

The Premier: Oh really? I thought..... with the bicycles.... Well, well. And who do you do?

Le Bon David: Abbott and Costello, Laurel and Hardy.

The Premier: Ah! Who's on first?

Le Bon David: Yes. What's on second.

The Premier: And your philosophy?

The VeloDrone: Our philosophy concerns Ethics and Economics. For instance, I believe the general public pay two dollars entry to this Amococo Tent. Where does that leave us? How much........

The Premier: Unfortunately I seem to be late for a meeting. We shall have to continue this interesting discussion another time. Goodbye, gentlemen. Enjoy our fabulous Fringe!