Sisyphus on a Scooter

Oh look! Professor Healey's sent us another one! said Belle et Bonne. He must be on a roll.

What's this one called, asked The VeloDrone. King Keret on a Kawasaki?

How funny you are papa! Perhaps you should write one yourself. No, this one's called Sisyphus on a Scooter.

I should have known, said The VeloDrone. Read it to me, my dear.

She began:

Sisyphus on a Scooter

Sisyphus was the son of King Aeolus, of Thessaly. He was greedy and deceitful and had been known to kill his guests. He had seduced his niece and stolen his brother's scooter......

Scooter? interjected The VeloDrone. Did they have scooters in those days?

Papa! scolded Belle et Bonne. Remember the title!

.....so Zeus became angry and ordered Death to chain him up in Tartarus. As Death was fixing up the chains, Sisyphus asked him to show him how they worked, and so it was that Death fell for the oldest trick in the book. Now Death was in chains and Sisyphus was free. The trouble was that now no one could die.

This annoyed the God of War no end. Eventually he intervened, freed Death and Sisyphus was sent back to Tartarus.

Sisyphus' punishment was to roll a huge rock up a steep hill, and just before he reached the top, the rock would roll down to the bottom again, obliging him to keep on doing it for ever.

Even with the scooter, this was tough.

Well, said Belle et Bonne, what did you think of that, papa?

That was silly, said The VeloDrone. Where would he have got the petrol? I'm really going to have to insist that our contributors stick to bicycles.

Rousseau's Modest Proposal

Hello fellow Velocipedallers! Le Bon David here ! I have a treat for you today, a special article by our old friend Jean-Jacques Rousseau. He seems to have got a new bee in his bonnet about the treatment of bicycles. I hope you enjoy it.

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Citizens, you thought you had heard the last of Jean-Jacques Rousseau! But no! I am here to tell you what is wrong with the bicycle riders of today !

Recently I was in Paris. I looked around me. Everywhere I saw the most shameful sights. Bicycles, beautiful bicycles, chained up to posts and railings, and left to fend for themselves! The owners were goodness knows where, in cafes perhaps, at school, in the shops, who can say? The bicycles were left entirely without direction. They lolled, they turned their handlebars inwards, they drooped. In short, they were neglected.

Everything degenerates in the hands of man. And the same is true of our friend the bicycle! It is time for a radical change. Modern bicycles being made of metal, their owners think they can stand up for themselves. This is what leads to the most extreme neglect. I propose that henceforth all bicycles should be made of WOOD.

Do not laugh, citizens! The people of Brazil and East Africa already use wooden bicycles. And never do they chain them up to posts and railings. There is no need! If the bicycles are a little heavier and travel more slowly, who will argue that is a bad thing? I challenge you all to make the move to wooden wheels today. Let us see no more metal bicycles in degrading chains!