Milk

Are you satisfied now? asked Pliny the Elder. And finished with your uneventful walks?

No, I replied heavily. I'm not satisfied with them at all. They were nice walks at the time, but they have come across as boring. Perhaps that style of writing is not for me.

Oh, said Pliny, they were not exactly boring. It was funny when you met the ladies coming up the stairs, and ....

There you see, I said huffily. That was an event.

True, agreed Pliny. Well, now you can switch back to writing about events. No harm is done.

Yes it is, Pliny. I now feel as though I can't tell an event from a non-event.

Nonsense! A walk is a walk. An event is when you meet somebody on the walk or at your destination. Another sort of event is when you get run over by a bicycle. Or someone throws an icecream at you from a moving car. It could even be an event if you have to wait a long time at the traffic lights.

How would that be an event?

Well perhaps that is not one. But cheer up. You went for a walk this morning didn't you? Did anything of interest happen to you on the way?

No.

On the way back?

No.

At your destination?

No. Oh wait a minute! Yes! I was walking to the letterbox. I posted my letters. Then I thought to myself, What a beautiful day it is! It reminds me of my April poem. I don't want to go home yet, I'll go and buy some milk at the Shell petrol station on the corner. So I went down to the corner, crossed the road...

Leave out the directions, said Pliny.

Oh yes, sorry. So I got there, picked up two bottles of milk, and took them over to the counter.
The young man behind the counter said, For you?

Yes, I said.

Nice day! I added.

For you, he said.

Hmm, said Pliny. What did he mean by that?

I'm not sure. Then he asked me if I wanted to buy some mints, and I said, No thankyou. Then he asked me if I liked bread.

This is funny said Pliny. What did you say to that?

I said I liked bread but I didn't need any. I said that as I was walking the two milks would be enough for me to carry.

Walking? he said, looking very impressed. Yes I replied, and paid for the milk and......

Is there an end to this story? asked Pliny.

A Fortunate Life

Have you finished reviewing your life yet ? enquired Pliny the Elder this morning.

Yes, thank you, I have, I replied.

And have you come to any useful conclusions? he asked.

Yes I have come to the useful conclusion that it wasn't very useful. That my life is just a series of events. If anything though, I concluded that I've been very lucky.

Except in the case where all your Christmas fish died, said Pliny.

No, even that was lucky. It meant I wouldn't kill them myself.

Let us hope you remain lucky, said Pliny.

I was lucky this morning, I said. You know that glass Sulphur Crested Cockatoo my sister gave me for my birthday? The one hanging near the back door?

Yes.

And remember what she said about those little copper hooks where the feet should be? That I should get two small branches of gum leaves and twine them together and poke them through the hooks?

Yes.

And remember I couldn't reach any of the branches of the gum tree in front of our house because the tree had grown too tall.

Yes, yes.

So I used a monkeytail that I found at the beach instead and it looked really bizarre and unrealistic?

Yes, yes, yes, I remember.

Well! This morning the rubbish collection truck accidentally knocked a huge branch off the tree when it lifted up the wheelie bin, and when I saw the branch lying in the road I thought, Hey, that's lucky!

Very lucky, said Pliny.