The Personal Assistant

Belle et Bonne looked up from reading Einstein's email.

This is funny, she said.

We know, said The VeloDrone, but is it supposed to be? That's what we want you to find out.

Leave it to me, Papa, said Belle et Bonne.

She began to type:

Dear Mr Einstein,
As you are aware, your recent submission to our magazine Velosophy is full of hilarious typos. The editors have not stopped cackling all morning. However, as their Personal Assistant, I am taking it upon myself to check certain matters with you before we go to publication. I ask you therefore to re-read your article and answer the following questions:

1.) Your working formula currently reads BB=PGG=M=0. Is this correct? Did you mean it to read B=PG=M=0 ?
2.) Please confirm the inclusion of the sentence which reads: Of course I do not expect the general community to understaaaand it.
3.) Please confirm the spelling of understaaaand, if the sentence is to be included.
4.) Please confirm the inclusion of the sentence Oh damn!
5.)Please confirm the inclusion of the sentence which reads: Thee bacspac butto is stuc ag!!!! has a min of its own.
6.) Please confirm the spelling of the following words: Thee, backspac, butto, stuc, ag, min, if the sentence is to be included.
7.)Please confirm that you wished to sign the article: AEEEEEEEE

I await your earliest reply,

Yours faithfully,

Belle et Bonne
Personal Assistant to The Editors

There, said Belle et Bonne. That should do it.

Steady on, my dear, said The VeloDrone. It's a bit....direct, isn't it?

Course it is, said Belle et Bonne, pressing the send button.

Belle et Bonne

What we need, said Le Bon David slowly, is a third party to write to him asking if he wants to make any revisions.

Of course! A third party! cried The VeloDrone. Then he won't twig that we don't get it. He'll think it's the third party. And I know exactly who we can ask.

Who? asked Le Bon David. We're the only two people here.

Our new personal assistant, replied The VeloDrone. My adopted daughter Belle et Bonne is back in town. I'll ask her to do it for us.

Belle et Bonne? Le Bon David looked bemused. Why's she called that?

It's just a pet name that she has, because she's beautiful and good.

I didn't even know you had an adopted daughter, continued Le Bon David, wonderingly. You never mentioned her before.

A long story, David. Don't worry, it's all perfectly above board. But never mind that now. I'll just give her a quick call.

Belle at Bonne answered at once.

Who is it?

Me. Your dear papa! Belle et Bonne, can you come to the office immediately. David and I need your assistance with an urgent task. We want you to act as a third party and write a letter to Albert Einstein, on our behalf. Will you do it?

But of course, dear Papa. I'll come right away, even though I am busy writing job applications.

Thank you my dear, you are as good as you are beautiful.

I know, Papa. See you in a few minutes!

A few minutes later there was a knock at the door. Le Bon David was there before The VeloDrone had time to get out of his chair.

My dear! You must be Belle et Bonne! Let me introduce myself. I am your papa's good friend and fellow editor of Velosophy, Le Bon David.

Pleased to meet you, Le Bon David. May I call you David? We seem to have a name in common.

Ah yes! The French! said Le Bon David. They are very quick to recognise a person's better qualities, I find.

They are also masters of irony, snapped The VeloDrone. Though not in your case my dear, he added hastily, to Belle et Bonne.

Hello Papa! Give me a kiss! And another! Now what can I do for you two gentlemen today?