Pliny had enjoyed his first day at the Clipsal. He turned up at the Corporate Box the next morning without any sandwiches, and wearing his red jacket.
Several people were standing at the food table piling up plates of food. One man was standing aside, doing something on his mobile phone.
Hello, said Pliny. Are you a Ford man?
No, said the man. I'm the Premier.
I apologise for not recognising you, said Pliny. And I thought you were wearing a blue jacket. I see now that it is purple. I suppose you mustn't take sides. Do you...
Excuse me for a second, said the Premier. I'm just in the middle of a Tweet.
Goodness, said Pliny. Don't they have a separate room for that?
Ha ha, laughed the Premier. I said a Tweet. Would you like to know what it was?
Yes I suppose so, said Pliny.
I'm Tweeting that last year at the Clipsal they sold 28,800 sausages. That's 7.6 km of sausages, enough to go round the track twice. What do you think of that?
Remarkable, said Pliny. But aren't you the Premier? Don't you have better things to do than Tweet about sausages?
It only takes a few seconds, said the Premier.
Yes, but the maths, said Pliny.
I have people to do the maths, said the Premier, airily. Are you looking forward to the big race Mr, er, Secundus? Who do you think will win?
Whincup, said Pliny. But when is the race? This is the second day now and all I have seen is the inside of this box.
The big race is on Sunday, said the Premier. But the V8 Supercars Championship Practice Four is on right at this moment. Watch the big screen over there. Or look out of the window over Pit Straight.
Pliny looked out of the window. Whizzzzzzz, the Supercars raced by and slowed down. A flag was waved.
Who won? asked Pliny.
Your man, said the Premier. Whincup!
Pliny felt somewhat elated.
Showing posts with label sausages. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sausages. Show all posts
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Search and Rescue or The Noble Claw
oh no kobo i am not laughing!! distraught is what i am,,,, oh kobo,,,, are you rescued yet?
pierre is just a stone what can she do pray? i mean what can she do? pray?,,,,you know what i mean,,,, oh kobo i wish that i could find you i have not given up,,,,,
the creative lobsterian force that made you laugh and fall into the metallic trough so near the horrid hole,,, it might help you,,,,,,,,let me tell you how creative forces work,,,,,,they do a bad thing followed by a good thing,,, unless they forget to do the good thing,,,,but it could be worse,,,, you have not fallen down the hole,,,,,, how lucky!!!! unless oh no !! you have?
are you cheered up kobo,,,,, are you cheered up now???
i will tell you a story in case you are still frightened,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, or was it bored you said you were????,,,,,,,,either way you will like this story,,,,,,,,it is about a search and rescue kobo,,,,,,,,,
i was at the beach at brighton it was a special day,,,,,swimming races for the humans and food and fun,,,,,, there was a stage and loud music in front of the surf life saving club and stalls and young humans in shorts drinking yellow bubbling drinks from plastic cups,,,,, red and yellow flags and sausages,,,,, and rusty metal sculptures,,,,,,,you could walk around and look at them in the sun and wind,,,
one of the sculptures was called search and rescue,,,,,, it was made of two different kinds of metal,,,,, a tall rusty spanner in the middle and shining metal waves curling round the outside,,,,,but you could not be certain,,,,,the rusty spanner might have been a hand and the shining waves tinsnips,,,,,, or the tinsnips a claw and the hand a sinking clam,,,,,,,,,,you see,,,, it moved me kobo,,,,,,
do you like it kobo? if only it were true,,,,,, if only you could be rescued by the noble lobsterian claw of your true and loyal friend (unlike pierre),,,,,,
ageless
pierre is just a stone what can she do pray? i mean what can she do? pray?,,,,you know what i mean,,,, oh kobo i wish that i could find you i have not given up,,,,,
the creative lobsterian force that made you laugh and fall into the metallic trough so near the horrid hole,,, it might help you,,,,,,,,let me tell you how creative forces work,,,,,,they do a bad thing followed by a good thing,,, unless they forget to do the good thing,,,,but it could be worse,,,, you have not fallen down the hole,,,,,, how lucky!!!! unless oh no !! you have?
are you cheered up kobo,,,,, are you cheered up now???
i will tell you a story in case you are still frightened,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, or was it bored you said you were????,,,,,,,,either way you will like this story,,,,,,,,it is about a search and rescue kobo,,,,,,,,,
i was at the beach at brighton it was a special day,,,,,swimming races for the humans and food and fun,,,,,, there was a stage and loud music in front of the surf life saving club and stalls and young humans in shorts drinking yellow bubbling drinks from plastic cups,,,,, red and yellow flags and sausages,,,,, and rusty metal sculptures,,,,,,,you could walk around and look at them in the sun and wind,,,
one of the sculptures was called search and rescue,,,,,, it was made of two different kinds of metal,,,,, a tall rusty spanner in the middle and shining metal waves curling round the outside,,,,,but you could not be certain,,,,,the rusty spanner might have been a hand and the shining waves tinsnips,,,,,, or the tinsnips a claw and the hand a sinking clam,,,,,,,,,,you see,,,, it moved me kobo,,,,,,
do you like it kobo? if only it were true,,,,,, if only you could be rescued by the noble lobsterian claw of your true and loyal friend (unlike pierre),,,,,,
ageless
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Odd Lunch Out
Yesterday I had a strange lunch. I didn't want an egg and bacon roll, or minestrone soup, or a stout and beefsteak pie, or a sausage, or a cheese and tomato toastie. I was looking at the menu of a lunch van on wheels, out of doors.
Why are there no greens? I asked myself. If anything had lettuce in it I would have had that.
It was the Farmers Market. You could obviously go and buy a lettuce, but it wouldn't have been washed, and it would just have been a lettuce.
So I went back to the food hall, and looked again at the stalls. Cheese, honey, chutney, bread, cold pies and tarts, everything was the colour of pastry. and nothing was warmed up. It was a cold day too, I'm telling you, you'll feel sorry for me soon.
The last stall at the northern end sold slices of leek and gruyere tart, cold lentil pie, falafel, vegetable fritters and little pastry triangles the colour of cold feet.
But, at the end of the display, was a row of fluoro yellow pumpkin risotto and sweet chilli muffins with a green swirl through the middle. This was the greenest thing I had seen to eat other than the lettuce, broccoli, chard, cabbage, cauliflower, zucchini and other greens outside. So, tempted by the bright yellow muffin, which was also very cheap, I bought one and took it back to the outside table where my companions were eating.
They were eating egg and bacon rolls and hot minestrone soup. I opened my paper bag. What's that? they asked. Pumpkin risotto and sweet chilli muffin, I replied optimistically.
Now cooked rice loses texture when it's a day old. Pumpkin can be bland. And I never did discover what the green swirl was. It was just a green swirl tasting of nothing in particular, marking the point at which the muffin was to break in half, revealing a blob of cold sweet chilli sauce.
I ate the halves, breaking off each piece as though it would be my last. How was that? asked my companions.
It would have been nicer warm, I said, biting into an unwashed pear.
Why are there no greens? I asked myself. If anything had lettuce in it I would have had that.
It was the Farmers Market. You could obviously go and buy a lettuce, but it wouldn't have been washed, and it would just have been a lettuce.
So I went back to the food hall, and looked again at the stalls. Cheese, honey, chutney, bread, cold pies and tarts, everything was the colour of pastry. and nothing was warmed up. It was a cold day too, I'm telling you, you'll feel sorry for me soon.
The last stall at the northern end sold slices of leek and gruyere tart, cold lentil pie, falafel, vegetable fritters and little pastry triangles the colour of cold feet.
But, at the end of the display, was a row of fluoro yellow pumpkin risotto and sweet chilli muffins with a green swirl through the middle. This was the greenest thing I had seen to eat other than the lettuce, broccoli, chard, cabbage, cauliflower, zucchini and other greens outside. So, tempted by the bright yellow muffin, which was also very cheap, I bought one and took it back to the outside table where my companions were eating.
They were eating egg and bacon rolls and hot minestrone soup. I opened my paper bag. What's that? they asked. Pumpkin risotto and sweet chilli muffin, I replied optimistically.
Now cooked rice loses texture when it's a day old. Pumpkin can be bland. And I never did discover what the green swirl was. It was just a green swirl tasting of nothing in particular, marking the point at which the muffin was to break in half, revealing a blob of cold sweet chilli sauce.
I ate the halves, breaking off each piece as though it would be my last. How was that? asked my companions.
It would have been nicer warm, I said, biting into an unwashed pear.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
London
Pliny and Nostradamus were eating their lunch at a wooden table under the ancient and ragged casuarinas at the grassy end of the carpark next to the Henley Sailing Club.
A soft cool breeze blew over their picnic from the sea. A yacht with white sails moved between the papery tree trunks on a sea of brilliant turquoise green and blue. A vapour trail dissolved in the sky.
They ate cold sausages left over from last night's barbecue, a farewell dinner for their daughter who was going back to London.
They ate potato salad, rocket and tiny red tomatoes from the garden. They dipped into a pot of mustard their daughter had given them for Christmas.
They ate nectarines and grapes, washed down with tapwater from a plastic bottle.
It was too beautiful to go straight home. They walked on the beach for a while, sometimes looking at the colours of the sea and the sand banks and the shallow pools, and sometimes looking up into the sky to see if they could spot the plane their daughter was flying out on.
A soft cool breeze blew over their picnic from the sea. A yacht with white sails moved between the papery tree trunks on a sea of brilliant turquoise green and blue. A vapour trail dissolved in the sky.
They ate cold sausages left over from last night's barbecue, a farewell dinner for their daughter who was going back to London.
They ate potato salad, rocket and tiny red tomatoes from the garden. They dipped into a pot of mustard their daughter had given them for Christmas.
They ate nectarines and grapes, washed down with tapwater from a plastic bottle.
It was too beautiful to go straight home. They walked on the beach for a while, sometimes looking at the colours of the sea and the sand banks and the shallow pools, and sometimes looking up into the sky to see if they could spot the plane their daughter was flying out on.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Wein und Sonnenschein
I have another question, said Pliny the Elder. Why did you caption your photos in bad German?
It wasn't meant to be bad German, I replied. I wanted to use German as a tribute to the German settlers and winemakers of the Barossa. But I admit, I don't know very much German.
So that is why you called the album Wien und Sonnenschein! I thought you were referring to a type of sausage.
You mean Wien? As in Wieners? As in hot dogs? No, I thought I was calling it Wine and Sunshine, but of course it should have been spelled Wein.
That's what can happen when you are pretentious. Did you try any of the local wines, by the way?
We did, and most of them were very good.
Were they indeed? Then the Germans have come a long way since I was in Germania as a commander and tribune during our Germanic campaign. Their wines were very basic then. We had only just introduced the vine into their country. Until then, they had been beer drinkers.
Why did you bother?
We didn't like their beer. And we thought we might be there for a very long time. So we thought we might as well try and produce something drinkable. Something strong, that we could mix with honey, resin, chalk, herbs, or salty water......
Mmm. That does sound nice.
Did you bring any wine home with you, by the way?
We did. But we're saving it for Christmas.
Oh. Well, did you bring home any sausage?
No. I'm very sorry. We didn't bring you anything.
Typisch! Nicht Wein, nicht Wiener, nicht Sonnenschein. Danke schön.
Pliny! What does that mean?
I think you know.
It wasn't meant to be bad German, I replied. I wanted to use German as a tribute to the German settlers and winemakers of the Barossa. But I admit, I don't know very much German.
So that is why you called the album Wien und Sonnenschein! I thought you were referring to a type of sausage.
You mean Wien? As in Wieners? As in hot dogs? No, I thought I was calling it Wine and Sunshine, but of course it should have been spelled Wein.
That's what can happen when you are pretentious. Did you try any of the local wines, by the way?
We did, and most of them were very good.
Were they indeed? Then the Germans have come a long way since I was in Germania as a commander and tribune during our Germanic campaign. Their wines were very basic then. We had only just introduced the vine into their country. Until then, they had been beer drinkers.
Why did you bother?
We didn't like their beer. And we thought we might be there for a very long time. So we thought we might as well try and produce something drinkable. Something strong, that we could mix with honey, resin, chalk, herbs, or salty water......
Mmm. That does sound nice.
Did you bring any wine home with you, by the way?
We did. But we're saving it for Christmas.
Oh. Well, did you bring home any sausage?
No. I'm very sorry. We didn't bring you anything.
Typisch! Nicht Wein, nicht Wiener, nicht Sonnenschein. Danke schön.
Pliny! What does that mean?
I think you know.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
An Ideal Wife
I take it you failed to convert Jesus to Buddhism, said Pliny the Elder.
I wasn't trying to, I replied, I was just trying to clarify a few things.
About mustard seeds, said Pliny, sympathetically. I used to know a thing or two about mustard seeds. I wrote about their medicinal uses at great length. I wonder if I can remember any of it now?
Try, I said.
Easier to Google, he said. Oh yes, look, this is me, on mustard:
Pounded, it is applied with vinegar to the bites of serpents and scorpion stings. It counteracts the poisons of fungi. For phlegm it is kept in the mouth until it melts. For toothache it is chewed. It is very beneficial for all stomach troubles. It clears the senses and, by the sneezing caused by it, the head. It relaxes the bowels and promotes menstruation and urine.
Pliny, I didn't know it was so useful! What about as a condiment? Did you Romans use it much in cooking?
Yes indeed. We used it to enhance the taste of fried doves, boiled duck, crane, and ostrich. And boiled sausages. I was particularly fond of it on my sausages.
Yes, it's good on sausages. Well, that was interesting. Is there anything else?
Yes.... No.
What?
Nothing.
Let me see.
No .
I'm going to look, move out of the way Pliny........ what's this? With a few spoonfuls of mustard a cold and lazy woman can become an ideal wife. PLINY! DID YOU WRITE THAT?
I wasn't trying to, I replied, I was just trying to clarify a few things.
About mustard seeds, said Pliny, sympathetically. I used to know a thing or two about mustard seeds. I wrote about their medicinal uses at great length. I wonder if I can remember any of it now?
Try, I said.
Easier to Google, he said. Oh yes, look, this is me, on mustard:
Pounded, it is applied with vinegar to the bites of serpents and scorpion stings. It counteracts the poisons of fungi. For phlegm it is kept in the mouth until it melts. For toothache it is chewed. It is very beneficial for all stomach troubles. It clears the senses and, by the sneezing caused by it, the head. It relaxes the bowels and promotes menstruation and urine.
Pliny, I didn't know it was so useful! What about as a condiment? Did you Romans use it much in cooking?
Yes indeed. We used it to enhance the taste of fried doves, boiled duck, crane, and ostrich. And boiled sausages. I was particularly fond of it on my sausages.
Yes, it's good on sausages. Well, that was interesting. Is there anything else?
Yes.... No.
What?
Nothing.
Let me see.
No .
I'm going to look, move out of the way Pliny........ what's this? With a few spoonfuls of mustard a cold and lazy woman can become an ideal wife. PLINY! DID YOU WRITE THAT?
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