A Second Law Of Thermodynamics

These Bridge Crossing Noodles are hot! says Margaret.

Qing man yong, says Rosamunda.

Margaret looks sour.

What did she say? says Gaius.

Please eat slowly, says Arthur, remembering.

Most gratifying, says Doctor Zhu Min. Apart from our honoured guest Gaius, you all understand Mandarin.

Intriguing name, says Gaius. Bridge Crossing Noodles.

Allow me to explain, says Sikong Shu. A long time ago, on an island, a scholar was studying for his Imperial exams. Every day his wife crossed the bridge with his dinner. But it was a long way, and dinner would always be cold. So she came up with a clever solution.

Running? says Gaius.

No, says Sikong Shu. That is an unworthy remark. She placed broth in an earthenware pot and covered the broth with hot oil, before sealing the pot. She placed the noodles, vegetables and meat in another container. Then when she arrived on the island she added the food to the broth. And her husband enjoyed a hot dinner.

Hmmm, says Margaret. So much for the Second Law of Thermodynamics.

It's merely a legend, says Doctor Zhu Min. Now Arthur, I trust you will be ready to leave for Beijing in the morning?

I'm ready now, says Arthur. Everything I have's in my pockets.

Phone? says Rosamunda. You haven't ditched it?

No, says Arthur. Not yet.

Good, says Gaius. I shall be wanting to keep in touch.

You can keep in touch with me, says Doctor Zhu Min. It's not as though I am the enemy.

Indeed, says Gaius. But you must admit you have been uninformative and unhelpful.

We no longer re-educate people, says Doctor Zhu Min. They must come to the proper conclusions on their own.

About WHAT? explodes Gaius.

Think back, says Doctor Zhu Min. Meanwhile Sikong Shu will conduct you around a few more of the Qijong tourist attractions. The Fairy Caves for example, are nice.

All I want, says Gaius, is to visit the Kuanti Formation!

Sikong Shu kicks him under the table.

Gaius subsides, and sucks on a less than hot noodle.

Farewell Arthur, says Sikong Shu, rubbing the scab on his elbow. Destiny is a boat on the waves.

And also the waves, says Arthur.

Everyone thinks about that for a moment, including Arthur.

It's really quite good.

Sikong Shu takes out a notebook, and writes it down.

Bridge-Crossing Noodles.

On the bus back to Qujing, whispered conversations....

Sikong Shu: Do you think this is wise? To split up the party?

Doctor Zhu Min: Science must take priority. Lavender must go to Beijing.

Sikong Shu: But do you really want to take Arthur? He strikes me as dangerous.

Doctor Zhu Min: I suppose you would know.

.........

Gaius: But Margaret, you must see that some subtlety is required.

Margaret: Don't make me laugh.

Gaius: The thing is, I don't mind staying, if I can see the Kuanti Formation.

Margaret: Capitulation. And you're calling it subtlety.

Gaius: I see I shall not convince you. But there is a more pressing problem.

Margaret: What is it?

Gaius: Arthur has the scraper.

Margaret: Gaius, I have a scraper.

Gaius: Margaret. I could hug you.

Margaret: But  you won't.

.........

Rosamunda: It sucks, Arthur. You get to go to Beijing and you don't even want to. I'd love to go but I can't.

Arthur: I never do anything I don't want to.

Rosamunda: What about Sikong Shu?

Arthur: Neither does he.

.........

Ouvert: You're going to prison.

Lavender : I'm not going to prison. I'm going to Beijing.

Ouvert: Prison. For lying.

Lavender: The Institute. For being a wonder of science, and knowing the Entelog-thingummy.

Ouvert: You never DID.

Lavender: And for being spiritual. Like Arthur.

Ouvert: Arthur! Spiritual!  I could tell you.....

Lavender: La la la....

........

The bus arrives in Qujing.

It is time for dinner.

Doctor Zhu Min takes them out to a restaurant, for Steamed Pot Chicken, and Bridge-Crossing Noodles.

Cutworm Festival Followed By Bombshell

Arthur and Sikong Shu emerge from the forest, bleeding in various places.

What have you two been up to? says Doctor Zhu Min. Sikong Shu, you have neglected your duty. The rest of the party are missing.

Do you have any bandages? says Sikong Shu. I'm bleeding.

No, says Doctor Zhu Min.

I have, says Arthur, drawing bandages out of his pocket.

Clang! the cake server drops out.

What is that? asks Doctor Zhu Min.

Our scraper, says Arthur. The best I could do at short notice.

Call yourselves paleontologists! says Doctor Zhu Min. That's a cake server!

Arthur shrugs. He still thinks it will do.

.......


Gaius, Margaret and Rosamunda have met another group of tourists. They are Buyi, an ethnic minority.

The Buyi wear short buttoned-up jackets, trousers, and bright coloured scarves on their heads

The Buyi are giggling at Rosamunda, who has told them her hovercraft is full of eels.

Hee hee hee, laugh the Buyi.

Doctor Zhu Min rushes over, followed by Sikong Shu and Arthur.

What's this? says Doctor Zhu Min. Subversive laughter?

Not at all, says Gaius. Rosamunda was making a joke. But Margaret has been conversing with these people.

Yes, yes, says Doctor Zhu Min. They are Buyi. No doubt they have told you about their famous Cutworm Festival.

Have they? says Arthur.

Yes, says Rosamunda. On the third day of the third lunar month they remember the cutworms by spreading fried corn in the fields. Then they sing and blow leaves to make music. They walk in the river splashing each other with water. After that they hook up with someone congenial and disappear into the forest for adventures.

Sikong Shu looks up at the sky.

We must go, says Doctor Zhu Min. Please say your farewells to the Buyi.

What's next on the itinerary? says Gaius.

I must leave you, says Doctor Zhu Min. I'm taking Lavender back to Beijing. As she won't come without Arthur, he may come too. The rest of you must remain with Sikong Shu in Yunnan Province, until ...well... until you are sent for. Don't worry. It won't be too long.

He walks off in the direction of the bus stop.

Gaius! says Margaret. You're not going to put up with that?

Who Can Fathom The Depths Of Their Hearts?

Doctor Zhu Min thinks he knows how to deal with fossils.

You don't need to talk to me now, he tells Lavender. Let me show you the colourful sand sculptures.

He carries Lavender around in his hand, from sculpture to sculpture. Giant heads rising out of the landscape, with black beards, exotic hats. Reclining lovers, a snake.

What do you think? says Doctor Zhu Min.

I feel sorry for them, says Lavender.

Sorry? says Doctor Zhu Min. Because they're a tourist attraction?

No, says Lavender. It's more existential than that. I feel sorry for them because they've  been sculpted. I would hate to be sculpted.

Pardon? says Doctor Zhu Min.

Look at me, says Lavender. I'm a space.

You mean.... says Doctor Zhu Min.

Yes, says Lavender. You are wasting your time with Ouvert. He's just a pebble.

Ah, says Doctor Zhu Min. I understand. You are more spiritual.

Am I? says Lavender.

Certainly, says Doctor Zhu Min. And I should like to discuss these things with you further. Will you come back with me to Beijing?

If it's just me, says Lavender.

It is, says Doctor Zhu Min.

And Arthur, says Lavender quickly.

Yes, and Arthur, says Doctor Zhu Min.

............

Arthur is still in the forest with Sikong Shu. They have looked at the  Prospering Mushroom.

They have eaten all of the snacks.

Now they are playfully fighting with kebab sticks.

Soon they will snap the kebab sticks and go looking look for sticks that are longer and sharper.

The fight will turn deadly.

When they return to the others, Arthur's knees will be bleeding, and Sikong Shu will be scratched on the elbows.

Poets! Who can fathom the depths of their hearts?

Prospering Mushroom

ON THE BUS TO LULIANG:

Gaius: I wish you would tell me what it is I'm supposed to have said.

Doctor Zhu Min: All right. You said the Chinese were above average height, had golden hair, blue eyes and harsh voices.

Gaius: Is that all? I think you'll find that I was quoting someone else.

Doctor Zhu Min: And that makes it excusable?

Gaius: Not for them. However, it was a long time ago. I may write a sequel.

Doctor Zhu Min: There are other objections...

Gaius: Other misunderstandings.

Doctor Zhu Min: Perhaps.

........

WALKING THE TRAIL TO THE COLOURFUL SANDS FOREST:

Rosamunda: I hope this'll be worth it.

Arthur: I hope someone brought snacks.

Sikong Shu: I have brought snacks.

Margaret: Ooh! What have you brought?

Sikong Shu: Deep fried flour cakes, cloud ham, cow liver mushrooms, rice sausage with pig blood.

Lavender: Yerk!

Margaret: Lavender! Where did you pop up from?

Lavender: I was hiding from Doctor Zhu Min.

........

IN THE HEART OF THE COLOURFUL SANDS FOREST:

Gaius: Astonishing! What colours! When were they formed?

Doctor Zhu Min: In the Cenozoic Era, a result of the  tectonic movement of the Himalayas three hundred and forty million years ago. The mounds, pillars, caves,  peaks and beaches you see were formed from red, yellow, white, gray, indigo, blue and black layers of sand.

Margaret: And what wonderful sculptures! Look at that one! What is it?

Doctor Zhu Min: That one is 'Student Observing Imperial Scroll'.

Sikonhg Shu: My favourite sculpture is elsewhere.

Arthur: What is it?

Siking Shu: 'Prospering Mushroom'. Come with me. I'll show you.

Arthur and Sikong Shu disappear into the forest.

Ouvert ( in Arthur's pocket, and also disappearing ): Weee! Haha!

Lavender: Get lost Ouvert, and stay lost!

Doctor Zhu Min: You must be Lavender. Pleased to meet you.

Lavender:  Oops! Not pleased to meet you.

Gaius: Lavender has something to tell you, about the Entelognathus. She claims to have known him.

Doctor Zhu Min: You don't say?

Lavender: I do say. I might say. But not here.

You Are Under A Cloud

I hope I may visit the Kuanti formation, says Gaius. That is, if it is still here.

Of course it's still here, says Doctor Zhu Min. But there's no hurry. You promised to show me your pebbles.

Pardon? says Gaius. My pebbles ...oh, you mean Ouvert and Lavender? I don't think I know where they are.

Arthur takes Ouvert out of his pocket.

Poo! says Ouvert. It was getting too crowded in there!

 Doctor Zhu Min examines Ouvert from different angles.

Two mouths, says Doctor Zhu Min. One gaping, one grinning. That is highly significant. Were any teeth noted?

Teeth! squeaks Ouvert. Yes! Teeth noted!

He bites Doctor Zhu Min on the finger.

Doctor Zhu Min drops him onto the restaurant table.

Entelognathus had a lower jaw formed of multiple bones, but no teeth, observes Doctor Zhu Min.

Fascinating, says Gaius. I can't wait to see it. Though it seems that I must.

I apologise, says Doctor Zhu Min. May I speak frankly? You are under a cloud.

A cloud? says Gaius. What is it?

Some pronouncements in your Natural Histories were unfavourable to China, says Doctor Zhu Min. We need to be sure that you will not repeat them, before you arrive in Beijing.

I wrote my Natural Histories a long time ago, says Gaius. What is the problem exactly?

I think we'll leave it there for the time being, says Doctor Zhu Min. This afternoon Sikong Shu and I will take you to visit the Luliang Colourful Sands Forest, an AAAA tourist attraction.

Wonderful, says Margaret. I should love to go there. I do know something about it.......

Me too, says Rosamunda.

Tell us, Rosamunda, says Margaret.

It's a whole forest made of colourful sands, says Rosamunda. It's in Luliang. It's an AAAA tourist attraction....

Margaret can't believe Rosamunda will get away with this bit of rehashed information.

But Doctor Zhu Min and Sikong Shu nod approvingly, while Gaius looks proud of his young protegée.

And Arthur seems to think it is funny.

A Warning Given Late Is No Warning

There is no one to meet them at the station.

I understood Dr Zhu Min would be waiting, says Gaius.

It's too late, says Sikong Shu. He will see you in the morning. We must find your hotel.

That should be easy, says Gaius. It's the Tongyue Garden Hotel. Pink.

Sikong Shu calls a taxi. Soon they are at the hotel.

I'll call for you early in the morning, says Sikong Shu.

Wait, says Arthur. What was the warning?

A warning given late is no warning, says Sikong Shu, retreating into the night.

.............

The next morning Sikong Shu arrives bright and early.

Now to meet Dr Zhu Min, says Gaius.

Yes, says Sikong Shu. Later. First let me show you the town.

He takes them through the wide streets of the town beside the river. There are shops selling fresh fruit and vegetables. People in exotic costumes with donkeys. People in ordinary clothes carrying sun shades. Golden  marigolds and pink azaleas in pots.

What do you think, Gaius Secundus? says Sikong Shu. Now that you have seen the real China. Has your view changed at all?

No, says Gaius. I have always had a high opinion of China.

Sikong Shu nods his head but looks doubtful.

Rosamunda nudges Arthur.

Gaius may be in trouble, says Rosamunda.

Yes, says Arthur. Lucky he brought us along.

.......

At last they arrive at the restaurant where they are to meet Doctor Zhu Min.

Welcome to Qujing, Gaius Secundus, says Doctor Zhu Min. And welcome to your associates. I see you have brought one more than we agreed, but no matter.

Three more, says Sikong Shu. He has also brought two talking pebbles. A Fish Mouth and a Lavender.

A Fish Mouth! says Doctor Zhu Min. How appropriate. You must show him to me after lunch. I hope you all like yak kebabs. It is a local specialty.

Margaret's eyes light up. Yak kebabs. This is more like it.

They all sit down to eat.

Lunch takes quite a long time.

The yak kebabs are tender and tasty, threaded on sharp bamboo sticks.

Arthur puts two in his pocket.

Now it is time to drink beer.

Gaius is becoming impatient.

Well now, says Gaius Shall we get on? I should like to examine the entelognathus in this lifetime rather than the next.

Time enough for that, says Doctor Zhu Min. When we go to Beijing. If we go.

What do you mean! says Gaius. Are you telling me the fossil is not here, but three thousand miles away?

You didn't know? says Doctor Zhu Min. That is regrettable.