Millions Of Gods

I'll drop you off at Central Backpackers, says Mayor Clements. It's where your colleague Gaius is staying.

Free of charge? enquires Vello.

Naturally, says Mayor Clements. And it's where you'll be staying as well.

All four of us? asks Vello.

Yes I suppose so, says Mayor Clements, gloomily totting up four extra lots of seventy five dollars over three nights in his head.

Too kind, says Vello. See you at the Town Hall on Friday evening.

If not before, says Mayor Clements to himself, as he drives away.

Gaius's head appears, framed in a cabin window.

Where is Arthur? Did he come back with you?

Yes, yes, we're all here, says Vello. Don't fuss. Arthur's just over there with Sweezus, getting his knee looked at.

Terence's head appears in the window, wearing a head band, sporting three peacock feathers.

Terence's head disappears.

Come in, says Gaius. I'll show you my notes and drawings from the Emu Bay Shale, showing faunal elements in common with other Burgess-Shale type assemblages including the Chengjiang Biota. And you must meet Dr Yu Liu, who is kindly assisting me to understand the techniques of immuno-histo-chemistry and confocal laser scanning microscopy, in which he is an expert.....

For goodness sake! explodes Vello. Do you think Shu and I are interested in such small talk? Is there any breakfast?

Of course! says Gaius. Come in. I have tea bags, hot water, and spiced dried peas. At least I think so. Let me...

As Shu and Vello step through the doorway, they bump into Terence, running towards them.

Terence! says Vello. How are you enjoying ...?

I'm running, says Terence. Don't stop me.

Terence runs outside. He runs straight up to Sweezus and Arthur.

Hello, says Sweezus. Nice headband.

Terence feels one of his feathers tipping sideways.

It keeps happening. Peacock feathers are long.

I've got a new parrot, says Terence. Want to see her?

Later, says Sweezus. How about you just tell me about her.

Okay, says Terence. She's a Hindu. And now I'm a Hindu.

I don't know that much about Hinduism, says Sweezus.

I do, says Arthur. They have millions of gods.

No we don't, says Terence. That's called Smartism. We have the Brahmin.

Cool, says Sweezus. What's he like?

Beyond all descriptions, says Terence.

That's mental, says Sweezus.

Ask my parrot, says Terence. She has a no-thinking collar.

A choker? asks Arthur.

A tracker, says Terence. So everyone knows where we are.

Hang on, says Sweezus. If she's wearing a tracker, she can't be doomed.

What's doomed? says Terence. Why can't she be doomed?

Like, they must want to know where she goes, says Sweezus, so they wouldn't be likely to stop her from going wherever......

..... by killing her, says Arthur. Is it still beeping?

Beeping? wails Terence. I don't knoooooooow!

Flashing? asks Sweezus.

It's not helping.

Terence has run back inside.

Dings Chips And Cracks

Next morning Mayor Clements turns up early.

He parks his Ford Escape SUV beside Cabin Six.

Sweezus is on the verandah, checking for dings, chips and cracks in his surfboard.

Cousteau and Suzuki about? asks Mayor Clements. I promised them a lift back to Kingscote.

Yeah, go in, says Sweezus.

Mayor Clements goes in.

Vello and Ssü-K'ung Shu are drinking black coffee. Arthur is asleep on the hard off-white vinyl settee.

How was your stay? asks Mayor Clements. Did you do the Nocturnal?

Yes, we did, says Vello. Very nice. Caught an echidna for supper.

Mayor Clements looks alarmed.

Joking, says Vello. There was no food in the cabin. Luckily we had some dried eels. No doubt you can smell them. We boiled them with lemon myrtle, which Su-Zu-Ki got into trouble for picking. No permit. Also wild bush tomatoes and bush peas which he obtained clandestinely. And an onion, from our neighbour Irene. The boys stayed out too long surfing and Arthur was bitten by a shark and Sweezus had a highly disturbing premonition.

Irene! says Mayor Clements. Is she here?

He rushes out of Cabin Six and across to Cabin Five next door.

That was not the response I was expecting, says Vello.

He's coming back, says Ssü-K'ung Shu.

Wrong Irene, says Mayor Clements, upon re-entering. Now what were you saying? Never mind. Are you both ready to go?

May I ask a favour? says Vello.

Certainly, says Mayor Clements.

......

Soon the Ford Escape SUV is on the road back to Kingscote, with Vello, Shu, Sweezus and Arthur inside. Bikes in the back, surfboards on the top rack. No problems.

Sweezus is deep in thought, Arthur is dozing.

So, says Mayor Clements, have you gentlemen given any thought to your talks at the town hall on Friday?

I thought I might talk about the poetry of the Middle Tang period, says Shu.

As related to what? asks Mayor Clements.

Loss and displacement, says Shu. The transience of modes of existence.

That will be interesting, says Mayor Clements. What about you, Jacques?

Ah, says Vello. Something about the....errm.....rapidly disappearing ocean.

Disappearing? says Mayor Clements. I didn't realise. Where is it going?

As we know it, says Vello. Full of plastic, coffee cups, and pests.

Oh yes, pests, says Mayor Clements. We have a Coast and Marine Program here on K I. you know. Workshops for boat owners. Training in identification of pests such as European Fan Worms and Sea Squirts, not to mention the Asian Date Mussel....

Arthur groans faintly.

Yes I am aware of the Asian Date Mussel, says Vello. Very commendable. I mean your program, not the Asian Date Mussel. Yes, pests are the subject du jour. Sweezus is returning to confront one.

Two, says Sweezus.

So Like A Flute It's Not Funny

The eel stew tastes okay, except for the eels, which are rubbery.

Well done Shu, says Vello. Very tasty.

It was the onion, says Shu.

And a certain metallic piquancy, says Vello.

Arthur thinks so as well.

What does Sweezus think?

He is chewing methodically. He looks like his head's in the clouds.

What's up? says Arthur.

I think I've got a sixth sense, says Sweezus.

Spit it out, says Vello.

Sweezus stops chewing.

Yeah but.... what's it telling me? says Sweezus.

If you have to ask that, you haven't got a sixth sense, observes Ssü-K'ung Shu.

No, I've got SOMETHING, says Sweezus. It's an image.

From beyond, says Arthur. What's the message?

Krishna as a baby, with a flute and a peacock crown, says Sweezus.

Obviously, says Vello, something has happened to Terence. You should call Gaius.

You reckon? says Sweezus. How'd you figure that?

Baby, says Vello. You saw a baby. Terence is a baby. Not a real baby. And neither is Krishna.

The logic is convincing. The flute and the peacock crown may be redundant.

Okay, says Sweezus. I'm doing it.

He calls Gaius.

Gaius: Hello?

Sweezus: Gaius! Has anything happened to Terence?

Gaius: Not that I know of.

Sweezus: Where is he?

Gaius: Practising scales on Louisa's trumpet. Perhaps you can hear him?

( Parp-pee-PARP. Wark wark!)

Sweezus: Yeah I can. What's that other sound?

Gaius: His feral peacock. Of course Terence calls it a parrot. It's doomed unfortunately.

Sweezus: Doomed? Does Terence know? Hey wait, did you say a peacock?

Gaius: Yes, a peacock. Terence will know soon enough. No need to upset him this evening. How is the surfing? How's Arthur?

Sweezus: Killer waves, and Arthur got a shark bite.

Gaius: A shark bite! Great Neptune's fishballs! Is he all right?

Sweezus: Yeah, he's okay. We're eating eel stew now and chillin'....

Gaius: Ah. Eel Stew. The very best thing. Shall we be seeing you tomorrow?

Sweezus: Yeah, yeah, you will.

The call ends.

Well? says Vello.

Heavy, says Sweezus. Freakin' big-time mega heavy. I feel like .....woah....that was heaps weird.

I heard you mention a peacock? says Vello.

Peacock, yeah, and a trumpet, says Sweezus. Man, that's so like a flute it's not funny.

Sixth Sense Detectives

The eel stew smells better, with the onion in it.

Shu throws in the wild bush tomatoes and yellow bush peas.

They float cheerfully on a layer of oil amongst the coiled eel lumps.

Arthur is squeezing blood from his wound, into a teaspoon.

Sweezus is googling great white sharks on his smartphone.

Vello is setting the table with bowls of Chilli Popcorn, Kettle Chips, and Barbecue Shapes, and taking the beer out of the bar fridge.

Irene is leaving.

Well, I'll be leaving, says Irene.

No one tries to stop her. She leaves.

Should have thanked her for the onion, says Vello.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Hey! Did you guys know great whites have blue eyes?

No, says Vello. But that may come in useful.

And get this, says Sweezus. They've got a sixth sense. They can detect ......stuff. And they have to keep moving so they can breathe.  And they don't make noise, they use body language. And they don't fight over food, they have a tail slapping contest. Best slapper wins. Fricken' awesome!

I've got a sixth sense, says Shu.

Evidence? says Vello, opening a can of Crown Lager.

There's a Chinese government spy on my trail, says Shu. I sense it.

Me too, says Arthur.

Shu looks offended.

I sometimes feel I have a sixth sense, says Vello. For example, you would like a Crown Lager.

Thanks, says Shu, opening the can and extracting a wild bush tomato from the bubbling eel stew with the ring pull. He squashes the wild bush tomato with his finger. Seeds spill out.

Yes, says Vello. I also sensed that the eel stew was ready.

You can see it is, says Shu.

I sensed it earlier, says Vello.

When it wasn't, in fact ready, says Shu.

It was, says Vello. The eel strips had curled up fleshy-side out and become yellow and rigid.

That is quite normal, says Shu.

We shall see, says Vello.

Can I stir it? asks Arthur.

Of course, says Shu. Mind your fingers.

He watches as Arthur stirs the stew with a teaspoon.

The stew changes colour.

Sweezus is drinking his second Crown Lager. His ego is piqued. Sixth sense....have I got one? Should have. How'd I know?

Clear my mind. See if anything happens.

Ommmmm-nothing-nothing-nothing.....

(That's how you do it)

Into his mind floats a picture of Krishna as a baby, fingering a golden flute, and wearing a peacock feather crown....

Blood Is Thicker

The great white sharks are circling Arthur.

Partly because he is bleeding.

Partly because they can't stop, due to being obligate ram breathers, the result of non-functioning spiracles.

Guys..... begins Sweezus.

Then he notices: Woah! Their eyes look heaps funny.

Their eyes have rolled back. They are sleep swimming.

Arthur doesn't know the sharks are sleep swimming. He tries to kick one away.

The kicked one wakes up.

Gblgblwok! Who did that? Is it a seal? Or a person? One way to find out is: TEST BITING!

The shark opens its jaws and closes them round Arthur's leg.

A complication arises.

It spots Sweezus.

Another one!

The second great white shark wakes up.

Great white sharks can sense animal generated electromagnetic fields as little as half a billionth of a volt from some way off.

And somewhere, someone has thrown eel ends into the water!

Meanwhile shark number one ( the kicked one) has come to a conclusion.

Arthur has too many bones.

Both great white sharks head off to the shallows where Ssü-K'ung Shu has discarded his eel scum.

The dark bay waters run deep and silent. Arthur feels his leg for teeth marks.

Thanks, bro, says Arthur. You saved me.

No worries, bro, says Sweezus.

.........

Half an hour later, outside Number Six cabin.

A knock on the door.

Yoohoo! It's Irene! How's that eel stew going? I've brought you an onion! Oh! Who's behind me?

Vello opens the door. And eely-oily lemony smell floats from the cabin.

Irene stumbles in, followed by Sweezus and Arthur.

Ah! says Irene, are these your young friends? I'll just leave the onion, and get going.

She's about to leave when she notices Arthur is bleeding. Oh dear!

Ssü-K'ung Shu hands Arthur a tea towel.

Shark bit me, says Arthur, showing Shu the teeth marks.

Did you see it? asks Irene.

There were two of them, says Arthur. Circling.

Is that normal? asks Irene, looking at Vello.

Why ask me? says Vello. Here give me that onion. Or is it too late for an onion? What do you think, Shu?

Too late for an onion? says Shu. Is there a time frame?

Are you sure you know how to cook? says Vello.

Sweezus sniffs the eel-oily atmosphere. Not delightful.

How hard can it be? I'll do the onion.

So, says Irene, do sharks usually swim about in pairs, Mr Cousteau?

Oh, oh, hmm, err, yes, sometimes, says Vello. As I have observed many times from the windows of my underwater dirigible......sometimes they roam about in packs, looking for anything at all that is dangling.....

Good heavens, says Irene.

Yes indeed, says Vello. No doubt Arthur was dangling.

Bleeding, says Irene. They're attracted by bleeding.

And bleeding, says Vello. Has it stopped yet? This stew could do with more colour.

Everyone looks shocked, except Arthur, who likes the suggestion.

Killer Session

Sweezus and Arthur have paddled out to the dangerous reef at the end of the bay.

The swell is up.

Huge waves, moving water. Lower down, big rips and sharks.

They paddle out further.

........

It is dark now. The Nocturnal Tour is returning.

Look up everyone, says Ella. That's our Great Southern sky!

Ahh... say the tourists. You can see every star. How beautiful.

Take care driving back, says Ella, You don't want to hit any wildlife. They're active at night.

Ooh... says the tourists. Thank you, thank you, Ella. Good bye.

Irene comes over to say goodbye to the famous ecologists.

Are you in one of the cabins? asks Irene.

Yes, says Vello. We're going back there now to meet our friends and cook an eel stew.

Ssü-K'ung Shu is holding several sprigs of lemon myrtle.

Ella comes over. Did you pick that? Do you have a permit?

A permit? No, of course he doesn't have a permit.

You need a permit to gather bush tucker, says Ella. Just a friendly warning.

He is David Su-Zu-Ki, says Irene. Just so you know.

He still needs a permit, says Ella. He can download it from the government website.

Nonsense, says Vello. These sprigs fell out of a tree. A koala was chewing them.

That wouldn't happen, says Ella.

If Jacques Cousteau says it happened, it happened, says Irene.

Thank you, madam, says Vello.

"Permit to Collect Native Plant Material". Download it, says Ella.

She heads back to the Visitor Centre to turn the lights off.

What a stickler, says Vello. What a fuss over one or two twiglets.

Lucky she didn't see these, says Ssü-K'ung Shu, pulling a handful of wild bush tomatoes from one pocket, and a handful of yellow bush peas from the other.

......

Night time. The lights are on in the cabin, where Ssü-K'ung Shu and Vello are soaking dried eels.

From a distance, Sweezus and Arthur see the lights flickering on the water. It's late.

They would have come in earlier, but for the great killer session.

Easy six to eight foot waves breaking in on the exposed reef ledge. Wild and intimidating.

Arthur is bleeding of course.

They start paddling shorewards.

Do sharks sleep at night? asks Arthur.

Yeah, they do, says Sweezus. I reckon.

You don't sound too sure, says Arthur.

Me and sharks are like brothers, says Sweezus. Remember that time I saved Farky? Talked them out of eating his busted leg.

What did you say? asks Arthur.

 Dunno, says Sweezus. Can't remember. But it worked.

There is a swishing sound behind them, underneath them and in front of them. An agitation of bubbles. Two shark fins appear next to Arthur.

Better start talking, says Arthur.

The Special No-Thinking Collar

Hello parrot, says Terence.

"I'm a PEA-cock". The peacock looks pained

I knew that, says Terence, but I need a new parrot. My last one got kidnapped.

Oh, who'd be a bird? sighs the peacock. You know I'm supposed to be feral?

Does feral mean scared? asks Terence.

The peacock points to its radio collar.

Have you escaped? asks Terence.

I don't think so, says the peacock.

Like me, says Terence. I escaped, and I don't think so.

What does that mean? asks the peacock.

See those people, looking into that hole, says Terence. They won't let me do anything. So I escaped to this grass over here. And I'm being sad here. And that's because something.

Because what? asks the peacock. (This strange infant is becoming intriguing).

Because, says Terence. Because when you go somewhere else, your thinking comes with you.

Mine doesn't, says the peacock. I'm Hindu. But I know what you mean. It's like this collar.

Your collar is like thinking? says Terence.

No, it comes with you, says the peacock.

Louisa comes over.

Peacock! shouts Louisa.

Warrrk-warrk! says the peacock.

But Dr Yu Liu, Dr Diego Garcia-Bellini and Gaius are deep in discussion about the importance of microtomography in examining the characteristics of soft tissue fossils in situ, and don't hear her.

Stop shouting! says Terence. You'll scare her.

Scare her! says Louisa. She's feral. We're supposed to kill her. She sits on people's roofs, makes a lot of noise, fouls the water, spreads weeds and carries poultry diseases.

Who doesn't? says the peacock.

She's Hindu, says Terence. And she has a special no-thinking collar. And she's MY NEW PARROT!

The peacock does not look overly grateful.

........

Meanwhile on the other side of the island, somewhat later.

It's time for the Nocturnal Tour.

Guests gather at the Visitor Centre at sunset.

Everyone ready? says Ella. Got camera, water, binoculars? Right, follow me to the Koala Walk.

How long does this go? asks Vello.

Ninety minutes, says a fellow nocturnal walker. And koalas are guaranteed, you'll be glad to know. The staff here are wonderful. They put signs on the trees to show which ones have koalas in them.

Do they really? says Vello.

Yes, This is my second time, says the walker. We saw echidnas the last time, and bats, and wallabies and possums. My name's Irene. Are you French?

Yes indeed, madam, says Vello. I am Jacques Cousteau. This is my fellow famous ecologist Su-Zu-Ki. He looks Chinese, but the fading light is deceptive. He is Japanese-Canadian.

Ssü-K'ung Shu tries to look more Japanese-Canadian.

My stars! says Irene. How marvellous. I must tell the others.

But the others don't care. A kangaroo has joined the party.

This is Amy, says Ella. She was rescued and released into the wild a few years ago.

Aww, say the others. A-meee! She's so tame! How amazing!

Ssü-K'ung Shu has no interest in kangaroos and koalas and what-not.

Not everyone has.

He begins searching the Koala Walk for herbs to add to the eel stew he has promised to make later with Arthur's dried eels and hot water.

It has just occurred to him that it might taste too bland.