You Can Never Trust Birds

Baby Pierre rides away from Gaius's house in a northerly direction.

The tiny camera is safe in his back pack.

How he loves the open road!

He weaves in and out of the traffic.

He disobeys traffic lights. 

He is being quite reckless.

Roo-kai, flying above him, wonders if he should intervene.

By landing in front of Baby Pierre and saying.  Slow down! You must get there in one piece and so must my camera.

But it is a race, and Baby Pierre is a pebble.

So Roo-kai flies on.

This time he has a better idea of where he is going. 

No need to turn right at the marina, he will fly to Osborne directly, thereby cutting a corner.

Ha-HAH! 

Baby Pierre speeds under heavy vehicles, and through restricted speed zones.

He cuts through a grave yard.

Boo!

Bad idea. But no time is lost, he speeds even faster.

Now he is in Port Adelaide. Zoom!

It looks as it always looks. Bridges!

He zooms over a bridge. Whee!

He looks up, in case Roo-kai is above him.

Caramba! He is! He must have taken a short cut!

You can never trust birds.

Victoria Road, turn right at Veitch Road.

They arrive at the Techport Facility at the same moment.

Well done, says Roo-kai. 

You too, says Baby Pierre.

You took many risks, says Roo-kai. I like that.

Now what? asks Baby Pierre.

Yes, how do we do this? says Roo-kai. I have questions to answer, as well as take photos.

You fly over the gate, says Baby Pierre. I'll squeeze through this opening.

With your bike? asks Roo-kai.

It folds up, says Baby Pierre.

Now they are inside the grounds of the facility.

A security guard drives up to the gate in a vehicle.

Just a bird, says the security guard into his walkie talkie. And something else. Guess I'd better check it.

He gets out of his vehicle.

Sees the folded tiny bicycle with green wheels, lying next to a pebble.

Will he pick up the bicycle?

Will he pick up the pebble, aka Baby Pierre?

Yes! he picks them both up, and slides them into his pocket.

Sweet! The kids'll love these!

Beyond French With Green Wheels

I suppose I shall have to go back to Osborne, says Roo-kai. But how will I carry the camera?

In a back pack, says Terence.

But I need to be able to use it while in the air, says Roo-kai. 

Fly upside down, says Terence.

You haven't thought that through, says Baby Pierre.

No he hasn't, says Gaius. Perhaps the Instructions say something about it.

He goes back inside, and comes out with the Instructions.

Here, at the bottom, says Gaius. 

Si vous ne....da da da......pour apporter le camera.... on peut recruter un petit assistant francais. 

What does that mean? asks Terence.

If he can't manage the camera he may recruit a small French assistant, says Gaius. What a pity, there is no one here who fits that description. 

What about me? says Baby Pierre.

Are you French? asks Roo-kai.

I am beyond French, says Baby Pierre. When I was formed, there were no such nations.

Me too, says Terence.

It is not true in your case, says Gaius. You were formed in Barcelona.  But it is true in the case of Baby Pierre, who was formed many eons ago.

That's all very well, says Roo-kai. But does being beyond French qualify him for the mission?

Look at me, says Baby Pierre. See this mark? It's the Mark of the Claw.

Or a tulip, says Terence.

Shut up! says Baby Pierre. It's the Mark of the Claw and it qualifies me for any mission.

Okay, says Roo-kai. It's not like I have much choice. At least you have a French name.

Baby! says Terence. 

He means Pierre, says Baby Pierre. 

Just one thing, says Roo-kai. You're a pebble. How will you carry a camera?

I'll take my bike, says Baby Pierre.

What! You expect me to carry you and a bike and a camera? squawks Roo-kai.

I'll cycle there, says Baby Pierre, and meet you at the front gate of the Techport Facility.

How long will it take you to get there? asks Roo-kai.

Less time than you! says Baby Pierre.

He is fast, says Gaius. His bike has wheels made from fluoroelastane.

Roo-kai doubts that Baby Pierre can get there faster.

But Baby Pierre has ducked into the shed and come out with a tiny bicycle.

It has strange green wheels.

They do look like wheels made from fluoroelastane.

Gaius hands him the camera.

The Third Eye Won't See You

Gaius has dug a hole in the back garden.

Not too deep. The dead lizard is flat.

Would you like to say a few words? asks Gaius.

Pizza, says Terence.

That's not very nice, says Gaius. A few words about what sort of lizard he was.

A blue tongue, says Baby Pierre. 

With no sense of direction, says Roo-kai.

Allow me, says Gaius. Today we bury a lizard who had taken refuge in our back garden. Probably thinking it was safe. And it was safe, until I returned home and mowed the grass, which alarmed him. He lay low for a while, then made a decision. He would run across the road. Unfortunately....

Terence has been staring at the dead lizard, whose body is flat and whose head is flat also.

Wah! says Terence. What's that on the top of his HEAD!

A third eye, says Gaius. Most lizards have them. It is called the parietal eye, and is photoreceptive. By this means they can work out if it's day or night, and regulate body temperature.

Do I have one? asks Terence.

No, says Gaius. It's just a hole leading down to the brain.

You could get one, says Baby Pierre. Ask Gaius to drill it.

No way! says Terence. I don't even want one.

Ready? asks Gaius. Any more things to say?

Yes, says Terence. I'll make up a poem.

Go on then, says Gaius.

Goodbye lizard, you won't see us again, says Terence.

Is that all? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Terence.

That was good, says Baby Pierre. Short but effective.

And accurate, says Roo-kai. 

But not very moving, says Gaius. However, if that's it, I shall now cover him with dirt.

He covers the lizard with dirt, and spreads dried grass cuttings on top.

Dead Mini Wrap

Roo-kai flies back to Gaius's house, and lands in the back garden.

Terence and Baby Pierre are on the back step, looking sad.

Roo-kai, cries Terence. You're back early!

Don't get too excited, says Roo-kai.

You forgot your camera, says Baby Pierre. We were just thinking about how you wouldn't be able to complete your mission.

Guess how we know! says Terence

How do you know? asks Roo-kai.

Did you think we looked sad when you landed? asks Terence.

A bit, says Roo-kai. 

Remember the lizard? says Terence.

The one that doesn't know north from south? asks Roo-kai. Yes, I remember the lizard.

It DIED! says Terence. The postman found it.

In the back garden? Roo-kai is surprised.

On the ROAD! says Terence. Flat as a mini-wrap. With legs. And blood coming out at the sides.

The worst ever mini-wrap, says Baby Pierre.

What was it doing on the road? asks Roo-kai.

Being DEAD, says Terence. Gaius said we should bury it.

And did you? asks Roo-kai.

First we had to find something to put it in, says Terence. And Gaius said we could use the ripped packet.

With my instructions, says Roo-kai.

They weren't in it, says Terence. We took them out, remember.

I remember, says Roo-kai.

And so Gaius gave us the packet, says Terence.

And we sneaked out, says Baby Pierre. 

Aren't you in quarantine? asks Roo-kai.

Not me, says Baby Pierre.

Only me, says Terence. 

That was illegal, says Roo-kai.

No one saw me, says Terence. Anyway, we scraped the lizard into the packet and ran home.

And buried the lizard in the back garden, says Roo-kai. Where exactly?

We didn't do it yet, says Terence. Because guess what happened?

I can't guess, says Roo-kai.

When Gaius tipped out the dead lizard, a tiny CAMERA fell out of the packet! Your spy camera. It's really small. And you didn't take it. That's why we were sad.

I've come back for it, says Roo-kai. Where is it?

Inside, says Terence. This is a happy ending. NOW we can bury the lizard.

A Prescient What-if

No camera? asks the gull whose name is not Crark.

No camera, says Roo-kai.

A spy needs a camera, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

I realise that, says Roo-kai. 

You're stuffed then, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

Stuffed? says Roo-kai.

In the poo, says the gull.

Unless, says Roo-kai, I can borrow one. Is there a chip shop?

Chip shop? There's the Sailmaster Tavern, nearby.

Tavern, even better, says Roo-kai.

You're going to steal someone's camera, says the gull.

Or smart phone, says Roo-kai.

Phone won't work, says the gull. People have passwords.

I can crack the password, says Roo-kai.

Come on then, says the gull.

The gull whose name is not Crark shows Roo-kai the way to the Sailmaster Tavern, which is open for lunch.

People are sitting at outdoor tables under umbrellas, watching the boats, and waiting for their chips to arrive.

Some have placed their phones on the table.

All Roo-kai has to do is....swoop in and fly off with one of them.

Distract them! says Roo-kai.

Okay, says the gull.

He hops down onto the walkway, and loudly says CRARK!

Oh look! It wants chippies, says a woman. Sorry fella, our chips aren't here yet.

Roo-kai swoops in.

Shit! says the woman. Did you SEE that! Bird took my phone!

There is chaos amongst the tables. Everyone stands up, and heads for the railing. 

It flew that way! cries someone.

What if it drops it in the water? wails the woman.

A prescient what-if.

Roo-kai has not got a good grip on the phone.

He drops it in the water.

He is totally embarrassed. He wheels in the sky.

His only course now is to go back to Gaius's place and obtain a suitable camera.

Mission Omission

Roo-kai is now flying north.

He flies over the airport, and continues, eyes peeled for the marina.

Ah! He spots it. This is where he turns right.

But he needs a rest, so he lands near a rocky breakwater.

And looks at the sea.

A silver gull lands beside him.

Crark!

Roo-kai, says Roo-kai.

That wasn't my name, says the silver gull.

No, it is mine, says Roo-kai.

I meant Crark wasn't my name, says the silver gull.

Oh, says Ro-kai. Forgive me. My mind was elsewhere.

Where was it? asks the gull whose name is not Crark.

In two places, says Roo-kai. Or three, to be honest.

And none of them here, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

None of them here, says Roo-kai. Although I am aware of my surroundings 

They do good chips here, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

Chips are bad for you, says Roo-kai. 

Do I look unhealthy? asks the gull whose name is not Crark.

No, says Roo-kai. It's just that I prefer fresh molluscs.

Tell me about the three places, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

Where I came from, where I've been, and where I'm going, says Roo-kai. And where I'm returning to after.

That's four, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

The more I think, the more places my thoughts go, says Roo-kai.

You need to focus, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

That is good advice, says Roo-kai. My current task is to take a right turn here and fly over the submarine building facility.

Not much doing there at the moment, says the gull.

That is one of the things I must report on, says Roo-kai.

So you are a spy, says the gull. I thought so. Where is your camera?

Roo-kai is taken aback. 

He has not brought a camera.

We Don't Fly Much These Days

Roo-kai flies high above the southern suburbs.

He is looking for a marina, to turn right at.

He sees no marina. 

But he does see the sea.

He heads for it. Lands on the sand.

What luck. There is an oystercatcher over there, poking about in the shallows

He goes over.

Hello.

Hello.

Any good molluscs?

A few.

Is there a marina anywhere in this vicinity?

No. But there is one up north.

Which way is north, if you don't mind me asking? I'm not from here.

I can tell by your accent. French is it?

I've come over from Brittany, as a parrot.

Did you have one of those parrot passports?

You know about them?

We all do. Only some of us have them. We don't fly much these days.

I assume you mean, in an aircraft.

Ha ha, yes. Brittany you say? Do you know Saint Roley?

Mon dieu! We all know Saint Roley. In Brittany, we constantly search for his brother.

Do you really? That is comforting to know.

How do you know Saint Roley?

I don't know him personally. I only know of him. He was recently spotted on Kangaroo Island, where he set up with a female called Porntip, but the egg they produced was destroyed by a four wheel drive vehicle, and they broke up soon after.

Tragic. Where is he now?

Not been seen for a while. Perhaps you'll encounter him on your travels. 

Perhaps. Which way is north?

That way.

Then I have been flying in the wrong direction

Keep your eye on the sun. It sets over the ocean. So you know that is west.

Thanks, brother.

Good luck. I hope you find the marina.

Thank you. But the marina is not my destination. I turn right when I get there.

Heading where? 

The Techport facility at Osborne.

I hope you are not a French spy.

Of course not. 

Look! A mollusc. Why don't you have it.

Thanks. (Chomp chomp). Nice to meet you. Goodbye.