Jetstar.
Gaius and Elodie are on the afternoon flight to Perth.
Elodie has bought them a muffin.
She breaks it in half.
Then she remembers their fellow traveller.
Want some muffin? she asks Baby Pierre.
What kind is it? asks Baby Pierre.
He won't eat anything, says Gaius, picking at his half of muffin.
I like to keep abreast of the times, says Baby Pierre.
What does that mean? asks Elodie.
Knowing what's in the muffin, says Baby Pierre.
Looks like currants, says Gaius. Or flies.
They're not flies, says Elodie.
Thank you, says Baby Pierre.
What for? asks Elodie.
The definitive answer, says Baby Pierre.
Is he showing off? asks Elodie.
What? says Gaius. No of course not. He's a pebble. Now what did I do with my notebook?
It's right in front of you, says Elodie. Behind the Jetstar magazine.
Gaius drags it out. Opens the notebook. Jupiter's jamjars! He's brought the wrong one.
What's up? asks Elodie.
Gaius shows her the title page. Deadly Frog Fungus.
Wrong notebook? asks Elodie.
Mm, says Gaius. This is my frog notebook. Deadly Frog Fungus.
Chytridiomycosis, says Elodie.
Is she showing off? asks Baby Pierre.
No, of course not, says Gaius.
This is a very long flight, says Baby Pierre. Can I get some excercise?
I suppose you want your bicycle, says Gaius.
Yes please, says Baby Pierre.
Gaius stands up and opens the overhead locker. He unzips the front compartment of his back pack and takes out a tiny bicycle with wheels made of green fluoroelastane.
How cute! says Elodie. Is he going to ride it up and down the aisle? Won't he get into trouble.
No way, says Baby Pierre.
He's ridden in the Tour Down Under, says Gaius. He won't get into trouble.
Baby Pierre hops onto his tiny bicycle. Whee!
He speeds down the aisle into business class where there's more room.
He does slides, wheelies, bunny hops and stoppies, while business men and women stare at their laptops.
Until someone with an itchy ankle looks down.
Sunday, March 31, 2019
Saturday, March 30, 2019
Can't Be An Atheist
So when are we leaving? asks David.
As soon as possible, says Gaius. I'll call Arthur.
He calls Arthur, but there is no answer.
This afternoon, says Elodie, looking up from her phone. There's a flight at three twenty.
How much? asks Gaius.
Two seventy three, says Elodie. No frills.
Gaius frowns. What about later?
Thursday, says Elodie. One seventy seven.
That's a big saving, says David.
What day is it today? asks Gaius.
Sunday. What a dilemma.
Shu and I'll go, says Elodie. We can suss out how to get from Perth to Lake Jasper.
No, no, says Gaius. I'm not waiting till Thursday. I'll go.
Okay, says Elodie. You and I'll go. And David, Shu and Arthur can join us on Thursday.
Shu is elated.
What about me? asks Terence.
He's forgotten he's not coming.
You're not coming, says Baby Pierre.
This is the first time Baby Pierre has spoken in Shu and Elodie's presence.
Who said you're not coming? asks Elodie.
He did, says Terence. He's right.
Shu makes a mistake he'll regret.
He picks up Baby Pierre and examines him closely.
Put me down! says Baby Pierre. I bear the the mark of the claw.
Shu drops Baby Pierre.
This is Baby Pierre, says Gaius. A remarkable pebble. A free thinker.
And atheist, says Baby Pierre.
How can you be both? asks Elodie.
Easily, says Baby Pierre.
He's an idiot, says Terence.
Not necessarily, says David. Being a free thinker just means he's open to changing his mind.
Okay, says Elodie, but if you're open to changing your mind you aren't a real atheist.
It's all in the timing, says Shu.
This is not particularly clever, but Gaius decides to pretend that it is.
How true, says Gaius, without saying exactly how true.
After all, he is leaving this afternoon with Elodie.
The team must get on well in his absence.
As soon as possible, says Gaius. I'll call Arthur.
He calls Arthur, but there is no answer.
This afternoon, says Elodie, looking up from her phone. There's a flight at three twenty.
How much? asks Gaius.
Two seventy three, says Elodie. No frills.
Gaius frowns. What about later?
Thursday, says Elodie. One seventy seven.
That's a big saving, says David.
What day is it today? asks Gaius.
Sunday. What a dilemma.
Shu and I'll go, says Elodie. We can suss out how to get from Perth to Lake Jasper.
No, no, says Gaius. I'm not waiting till Thursday. I'll go.
Okay, says Elodie. You and I'll go. And David, Shu and Arthur can join us on Thursday.
Shu is elated.
What about me? asks Terence.
He's forgotten he's not coming.
You're not coming, says Baby Pierre.
This is the first time Baby Pierre has spoken in Shu and Elodie's presence.
Who said you're not coming? asks Elodie.
He did, says Terence. He's right.
Shu makes a mistake he'll regret.
He picks up Baby Pierre and examines him closely.
Put me down! says Baby Pierre. I bear the the mark of the claw.
Shu drops Baby Pierre.
This is Baby Pierre, says Gaius. A remarkable pebble. A free thinker.
And atheist, says Baby Pierre.
How can you be both? asks Elodie.
Easily, says Baby Pierre.
He's an idiot, says Terence.
Not necessarily, says David. Being a free thinker just means he's open to changing his mind.
Okay, says Elodie, but if you're open to changing your mind you aren't a real atheist.
It's all in the timing, says Shu.
This is not particularly clever, but Gaius decides to pretend that it is.
How true, says Gaius, without saying exactly how true.
After all, he is leaving this afternoon with Elodie.
The team must get on well in his absence.
Friday, March 29, 2019
Preparations For A Long Expedition
The lunch is over. Gaius is packing.
Terence is watching his prune, which is sitting in water.
Are you coming with us? asks David.
He's not allowed to, says Elodie.
It's not fair, says Terence. Brown water.
Try it, says Elodie. It might be nice.
You said red, says Terence.
I was thinking of rust, says Elodie.
David says nothing, but he thinks: Ha! She's a slippery thinker.
Why aren't I allowed to? asks Terence. I went last time. I learned to make pots.
I don't know, says Elodie. Why don't you ask Gaius?
Terence plods into the bedroom, where Gaius is packing his crocs and a spare pair of chinos.
Hi Terence! says Baby Pierre.
I was LOOKING for you! says Terence.
I was here, says Baby Pierre. You should have shouted.
What are you doing? asks Terence.
Packing, says Baby Pierre. I'm going to Western Australia with Gaius to look for my cousins.
They're not your cousins, says Gaius. I merely said you have something in common.
Yes, says Baby Pierre. That's like cousins.
What? asks Terence.
I have the sign of the claw, says Baby Pierre. They have different patterns.
Yours is dirty, says Terence.
Is it? asks Baby Pierre.
He hops up to look in the mirror. But the mirror is unhelpful.
Let me see, says Gaius. Yes, you could do with a scrub.
Ha ha, says Terence. And I don't want to go anyway. I've got a new parrot.
Who is it? asks Baby Pierre.
A real one, says Terence. Celia.
Where is she? asks Baby Pierre.
She went to give pizza to Nobby, says Terence.
What does she look like? asks Baby Pierre.
A yellowish green body, wings with red and pink trimmings, says Gaius. An aprosmictus erythropterus.
Woo! says Baby Pierre.
She lost her sister, says Terence.
That's hard to imagine, says Baby Pierre.
Terence is over wanting to go somewhere with Gaius. He has just remembered that Gaius is boring and always says words like erythropterus. Better to stay here and hang out with Celia. If she comes back.
He stomps out to the kitchen.
David and Elodie are watching the prune, and each other.
Shu is looking out of the window.
Above I see the deepness and blueness of sky.
Not his best line you might think, but it reminds him of Arthur.
Terence is watching his prune, which is sitting in water.
Are you coming with us? asks David.
He's not allowed to, says Elodie.
It's not fair, says Terence. Brown water.
Try it, says Elodie. It might be nice.
You said red, says Terence.
I was thinking of rust, says Elodie.
David says nothing, but he thinks: Ha! She's a slippery thinker.
Why aren't I allowed to? asks Terence. I went last time. I learned to make pots.
I don't know, says Elodie. Why don't you ask Gaius?
Terence plods into the bedroom, where Gaius is packing his crocs and a spare pair of chinos.
Hi Terence! says Baby Pierre.
I was LOOKING for you! says Terence.
I was here, says Baby Pierre. You should have shouted.
What are you doing? asks Terence.
Packing, says Baby Pierre. I'm going to Western Australia with Gaius to look for my cousins.
They're not your cousins, says Gaius. I merely said you have something in common.
Yes, says Baby Pierre. That's like cousins.
What? asks Terence.
I have the sign of the claw, says Baby Pierre. They have different patterns.
Yours is dirty, says Terence.
Is it? asks Baby Pierre.
He hops up to look in the mirror. But the mirror is unhelpful.
Let me see, says Gaius. Yes, you could do with a scrub.
Ha ha, says Terence. And I don't want to go anyway. I've got a new parrot.
Who is it? asks Baby Pierre.
A real one, says Terence. Celia.
Where is she? asks Baby Pierre.
She went to give pizza to Nobby, says Terence.
What does she look like? asks Baby Pierre.
A yellowish green body, wings with red and pink trimmings, says Gaius. An aprosmictus erythropterus.
Woo! says Baby Pierre.
She lost her sister, says Terence.
That's hard to imagine, says Baby Pierre.
Terence is over wanting to go somewhere with Gaius. He has just remembered that Gaius is boring and always says words like erythropterus. Better to stay here and hang out with Celia. If she comes back.
He stomps out to the kitchen.
David and Elodie are watching the prune, and each other.
Shu is looking out of the window.
Above I see the deepness and blueness of sky.
Not his best line you might think, but it reminds him of Arthur.
Thursday, March 28, 2019
Bone Up
Next morning, in the office.
Are you sure you want to do this? asks Belle.
Yes, says David. A new me. Jolly camper.
Keep in touch, says Vello. Let us know if you discover a new spider.
Oh yes, says Belle. You might get the naming rights. Humus spider.
Very funny, says David. Well I'm off. Having lunch with the team.
Including Arthur? asks Sweezus.
Who knows? says David. But I should get to know Elodie and Shu a bit better.
Elodies's smart, says Belle. You'll get on well with her. Shu's a poet, and he's got this thing for Arthur.
Yeah, says Sweezus. He probably doesn't know much about spiders.
Nor do I for that matter, says David. But there's always the internet.
That's right, bone up, says Vello.
David gives him a v-sign, or something like it, and heads off to lunch.
.......
Lunch is at Gaius's.
Therefore it is lacking in forethought.
A tin of diced fruit! says Gaius, coming out of the pantry.
Surely you can do better than that, says Elodie.
She enters the pantry, and comes out with a tin of sardines, and a cellophane bag of dried prunes.
Any bread? asks David.
In the freezer, says Gaius. Good thinking!
He rubs his hands together. What a feast we shall have!
What can I have? asks Terence.
A prune, says Elodie.
A red drink? asks Terence.
A prune will turn into a red drink if you wait long enough, says Elodie.
Will it? says David. Wouldn't it be brown?
Terence's joy turns sour.
Brown? Which grownup is smarter?
He looks hard at a prune.
The prune looks back at Terence. Bluh! Why is HE here?
Terence goes off to find Baby Pierre, or maybe Lavender. Or that dickhead Ouvert.
This is nice, says David, peeling the sardine can open. Getting to know one another. Tell us about yourself, Elodie.
Yes, do, says Gaius. We only know that you play the guitar, and know something of spiders.
There is more to me than that, says Elodie. My parents sent me to music school, art school, swimming school, design school, maths school, logic school and cooking school, hoping I'd settle on something but I didn't, so I'm just good at everything.
A provocative answer, thinks David.
What about you, Shu?
I have always been a poet, says Shu. Middle Tang is my oeuvre. A thin frost glistens like little mirrors on my cold mat, the high lantern flickers, that sort of thing.
Very fine, says David. And I hear you're fond of Arthur?
Endless longing breaks my heart, says Shu.
What a team we shall make, says David. Gaius, a world famous natural historian, a heart broken poet, a self-confessed expert in everything, and me, a fun guy.
Don't undersell yourself, says Gaius.
On the contrary, says David. It's my ambition to be a fun guy. And to prove it, I shall eat this frozen slab of bread with sardines and diced two-fruits from a tin, while watching a prune for signs of increasing redness or brownness.
Terence has returned, not having found Baby Pierre and his cohorts.
Did David say redness?
He examines the prune.
Water, says Elodie. Nothing will happen without water.
Red water, says Terence.
That would speed up the process, says Elodie.
But it would be cheating, says David.
He's not yet a fun guy.
Are you sure you want to do this? asks Belle.
Yes, says David. A new me. Jolly camper.
Keep in touch, says Vello. Let us know if you discover a new spider.
Oh yes, says Belle. You might get the naming rights. Humus spider.
Very funny, says David. Well I'm off. Having lunch with the team.
Including Arthur? asks Sweezus.
Who knows? says David. But I should get to know Elodie and Shu a bit better.
Elodies's smart, says Belle. You'll get on well with her. Shu's a poet, and he's got this thing for Arthur.
Yeah, says Sweezus. He probably doesn't know much about spiders.
Nor do I for that matter, says David. But there's always the internet.
That's right, bone up, says Vello.
David gives him a v-sign, or something like it, and heads off to lunch.
.......
Lunch is at Gaius's.
Therefore it is lacking in forethought.
A tin of diced fruit! says Gaius, coming out of the pantry.
Surely you can do better than that, says Elodie.
She enters the pantry, and comes out with a tin of sardines, and a cellophane bag of dried prunes.
Any bread? asks David.
In the freezer, says Gaius. Good thinking!
He rubs his hands together. What a feast we shall have!
What can I have? asks Terence.
A prune, says Elodie.
A red drink? asks Terence.
A prune will turn into a red drink if you wait long enough, says Elodie.
Will it? says David. Wouldn't it be brown?
Terence's joy turns sour.
Brown? Which grownup is smarter?
He looks hard at a prune.
The prune looks back at Terence. Bluh! Why is HE here?
Terence goes off to find Baby Pierre, or maybe Lavender. Or that dickhead Ouvert.
This is nice, says David, peeling the sardine can open. Getting to know one another. Tell us about yourself, Elodie.
Yes, do, says Gaius. We only know that you play the guitar, and know something of spiders.
There is more to me than that, says Elodie. My parents sent me to music school, art school, swimming school, design school, maths school, logic school and cooking school, hoping I'd settle on something but I didn't, so I'm just good at everything.
A provocative answer, thinks David.
What about you, Shu?
I have always been a poet, says Shu. Middle Tang is my oeuvre. A thin frost glistens like little mirrors on my cold mat, the high lantern flickers, that sort of thing.
Very fine, says David. And I hear you're fond of Arthur?
Endless longing breaks my heart, says Shu.
What a team we shall make, says David. Gaius, a world famous natural historian, a heart broken poet, a self-confessed expert in everything, and me, a fun guy.
Don't undersell yourself, says Gaius.
On the contrary, says David. It's my ambition to be a fun guy. And to prove it, I shall eat this frozen slab of bread with sardines and diced two-fruits from a tin, while watching a prune for signs of increasing redness or brownness.
Terence has returned, not having found Baby Pierre and his cohorts.
Did David say redness?
He examines the prune.
Water, says Elodie. Nothing will happen without water.
Red water, says Terence.
That would speed up the process, says Elodie.
But it would be cheating, says David.
He's not yet a fun guy.
Wednesday, March 27, 2019
Fun Guy
Later that night, back at the Velosophy office.
Eating Uber Eats pizzas, ordered from Tony Tomatoes.
My treat, says Vello. Everyone did a great job. Here, David, try this one.
What is it? asks David.
Flying Anchovy, says Vello.
I want some, says Terence.
You don't eat pizza, says Belle.
I'm happy with this one, says David. Fun Guy. An amusing name for a pizza with mushrooms.
You're easily amused, says Vello. How's yours, Gaius?
Unadventurous, says Gaius. A plain Margherita.
Wah! says Terence. That was Nobby's favourite.
That's MY favourite, says Saint Roley.
We left Nobby behind! says Terence. Someone should take him some pizza.
No one's taking Nobby pizza, says Belle. He's got to wait in the Garden to be replanted.
He'll DIE! says Terence.
He won't die, says Elodie. He's tied up tightly with string.
That's worse! says Terence.
Not for him, says Elodie. The string'll keep his moisture in.
So you know about gardening too, says Arthur, wiping pulled pork from his chin.
I'll go and check on Nobby, says Celia.
If you're going, says Vello, could you check on the spades?
The spades! says David. We forgot to collect them!
There weren't many left, says Vello, but there might be one or two in the sink hole.
I'll check, says Celia, flying off, with a slice of Margherita.
So what's everyone's plans now? asks Sweezus.
You'll be busy in the office, says Vello. We've got a magazine to put out.
I'm going to Western Australia, says Gaius. Elodie and Shu are coming with me. And of course, Arthur.
Arthur scowls. He doesn't want to.
And me, says Terence.
Not you, says Gaius.
Seeking tiny spiders, says David. What an adventure. You know, I might just come too.
You! scoffs Vello. You're no adventurer.
You're welcome to come, says Gaius. As long as you pay your own way.
Naturally, says David. Yes, I'm going to do this. Have you booked a hotel?
Of course he hasn't, says Belle. He's expecting Arthur to do it, and Arthur won't do it, and you'll end up camping.
I like camping, says Elodie.
So do I, says Terence.
No you don't, says Sweezus.
David can't remember when he last went camping.
Does he like camping?
He looks at the remains of the pizza.
And finds inspiration.
David Hume, Flying Anchovy?
Maybe not that one.
Fun Guy.
Eating Uber Eats pizzas, ordered from Tony Tomatoes.
My treat, says Vello. Everyone did a great job. Here, David, try this one.
What is it? asks David.
Flying Anchovy, says Vello.
I want some, says Terence.
You don't eat pizza, says Belle.
I'm happy with this one, says David. Fun Guy. An amusing name for a pizza with mushrooms.
You're easily amused, says Vello. How's yours, Gaius?
Unadventurous, says Gaius. A plain Margherita.
Wah! says Terence. That was Nobby's favourite.
That's MY favourite, says Saint Roley.
We left Nobby behind! says Terence. Someone should take him some pizza.
No one's taking Nobby pizza, says Belle. He's got to wait in the Garden to be replanted.
He'll DIE! says Terence.
He won't die, says Elodie. He's tied up tightly with string.
That's worse! says Terence.
Not for him, says Elodie. The string'll keep his moisture in.
So you know about gardening too, says Arthur, wiping pulled pork from his chin.
I'll go and check on Nobby, says Celia.
If you're going, says Vello, could you check on the spades?
The spades! says David. We forgot to collect them!
There weren't many left, says Vello, but there might be one or two in the sink hole.
I'll check, says Celia, flying off, with a slice of Margherita.
So what's everyone's plans now? asks Sweezus.
You'll be busy in the office, says Vello. We've got a magazine to put out.
I'm going to Western Australia, says Gaius. Elodie and Shu are coming with me. And of course, Arthur.
Arthur scowls. He doesn't want to.
And me, says Terence.
Not you, says Gaius.
Seeking tiny spiders, says David. What an adventure. You know, I might just come too.
You! scoffs Vello. You're no adventurer.
You're welcome to come, says Gaius. As long as you pay your own way.
Naturally, says David. Yes, I'm going to do this. Have you booked a hotel?
Of course he hasn't, says Belle. He's expecting Arthur to do it, and Arthur won't do it, and you'll end up camping.
I like camping, says Elodie.
So do I, says Terence.
No you don't, says Sweezus.
David can't remember when he last went camping.
Does he like camping?
He looks at the remains of the pizza.
And finds inspiration.
David Hume, Flying Anchovy?
Maybe not that one.
Fun Guy.
Tuesday, March 26, 2019
It's A Wrap
The show is over.
The audience is subdued.
Perhaps it was wrong to end on a sad note.
But no.
Costa addresses the audience.
Costa: The cast will be happy to stay behind and answer questions, and that includes me.
Him. What a carrot!
About fifty people cluster around Costa.
My hairy melons turned yellow and dried up early. My apples have fruit fly. They're all soft in the middle. Where's the best spot for a bird bath? What can we do for the bees?
Fuck this, says Sweezus.
I agree, says Vello. We need to get going. The head gardener might turn up any minute.
I'll try and wind things up, says Belle.
She goes over to Arthur, and whips his curly black wig off.
Ah! A gasp from a few of the ladies. It's not really Costa.
No, says Arthur. It's not.
So you know nothing, says Peg. Only what's scripted.
I know enough. I did my own research, says Arthur.
You did a good job, says Merle. We were convinced you were Costa. You even rode a bicycle.
What's your next project? asks Peg. Another play?
No, says Arthur. Saving endangered species.
How wonderful! says Peg.
Some others have heard the words endangered species.
They were drifting away, but come back.
Birds? asks one. The swift parrot?
No, says Arthur. Spiders. You should talk to Gaius. He's the main man.
They surge towards Gaius, who is taking his skirt off.
It was a cushion! says Peg. I knew it!
Indeed it was, says Gaius. I'll be glad to see the back of it.
That young actor said you were the head of the next project, says Merle. Endangered spiders.
Wrong, says Gaius.
You're not?
They're not, says Gaius. Not these ones. Arthur needs to get up to speed. We intend to travel to Western Australia to a biodiversity hot spot, where new species of peacock spiders are continually being discovered. My aim is to join Project Maratus and discover a new one.
How exciting! says Merle. I'm from Western Australia. Whereabouts is this biodiversity hotspot?
Ur-hum, Lake Jasper, if my memory serves me, says Gaius. I must check the map for its exact location.
I know Lake Jasper, says Merle. I have family living in Albany. If you like I'll give you their address.
She scribbles a note on the back of the flier that highlighted Arthur's blue eyes.
Come ON! says Belle.
Sorry to have to love you and leave you, says Gaius, wittily.
Even though he is not.
Merle thrusts the note into a slit in his cushion, and leaves with Peg through the fence hole.
What a great night it was.
Soon the Botanic Garden corner is deserted, except for the Swiss cotton curtain, a few gutted candles, and.....
Nobby, still wrapped up like a coconut.
The audience is subdued.
Perhaps it was wrong to end on a sad note.
But no.
Costa addresses the audience.
Costa: The cast will be happy to stay behind and answer questions, and that includes me.
Him. What a carrot!
About fifty people cluster around Costa.
My hairy melons turned yellow and dried up early. My apples have fruit fly. They're all soft in the middle. Where's the best spot for a bird bath? What can we do for the bees?
Fuck this, says Sweezus.
I agree, says Vello. We need to get going. The head gardener might turn up any minute.
I'll try and wind things up, says Belle.
She goes over to Arthur, and whips his curly black wig off.
Ah! A gasp from a few of the ladies. It's not really Costa.
No, says Arthur. It's not.
So you know nothing, says Peg. Only what's scripted.
I know enough. I did my own research, says Arthur.
You did a good job, says Merle. We were convinced you were Costa. You even rode a bicycle.
What's your next project? asks Peg. Another play?
No, says Arthur. Saving endangered species.
How wonderful! says Peg.
Some others have heard the words endangered species.
They were drifting away, but come back.
Birds? asks one. The swift parrot?
No, says Arthur. Spiders. You should talk to Gaius. He's the main man.
They surge towards Gaius, who is taking his skirt off.
It was a cushion! says Peg. I knew it!
Indeed it was, says Gaius. I'll be glad to see the back of it.
That young actor said you were the head of the next project, says Merle. Endangered spiders.
Wrong, says Gaius.
You're not?
They're not, says Gaius. Not these ones. Arthur needs to get up to speed. We intend to travel to Western Australia to a biodiversity hot spot, where new species of peacock spiders are continually being discovered. My aim is to join Project Maratus and discover a new one.
How exciting! says Merle. I'm from Western Australia. Whereabouts is this biodiversity hotspot?
Ur-hum, Lake Jasper, if my memory serves me, says Gaius. I must check the map for its exact location.
I know Lake Jasper, says Merle. I have family living in Albany. If you like I'll give you their address.
She scribbles a note on the back of the flier that highlighted Arthur's blue eyes.
Come ON! says Belle.
Sorry to have to love you and leave you, says Gaius, wittily.
Even though he is not.
Merle thrusts the note into a slit in his cushion, and leaves with Peg through the fence hole.
What a great night it was.
Soon the Botanic Garden corner is deserted, except for the Swiss cotton curtain, a few gutted candles, and.....
Nobby, still wrapped up like a coconut.
Monday, March 25, 2019
The Last Bee
Scene three. The last one.
Fifteen years later.
Voices drift up from the sink hole, singing doleful songs.
Voice of Brother Giroflée: All our brothers.....aaahu!
Voice of Paquette: And all of our sisters.....waiwai!
Candide (looking into the sink hole): How are the bees doing?
Voice of Brother Giroflée: The last one has flitted.
Candide: This isn't how it was meant to be when we started our garden.
Martin: And yet, it was bound to happen.
Doctor Pangloss: Was it?
He picks up the tin. It's full of money.
Old Lady: All is not lost. I've just had a phone call from Costa. He's coming back to make a follow up program.
Cunégonde: Oh dear. He won't like how our garden is looking.
Old Lady: Don't worry. I've found another ball of string.
Stink bug: Where was it?
Old Lady: Hold the end of this string while I lay out a new garden.
Stink bug: Hello, my string!
Paquette (fluttering out of the sink hole): Would you prefer ribbons?
Stink bug: No way! Ribbons are girly.
Brother Giroflée (appearing next to Paquette): Our orange tree died.
Audience member: Struck by lightning?
Old Lady: Highly unlikely. And irrelevant. This is fifteen years later.
She starts spooling out string.
Costa cycles out from behind the curtain. He does not look fifteen years older.
He chucks down his bike.
Costa: How's the sunken garden going?
Old Lady: Our bees have all died, and the gardeners are losing hope, but I'm laying out a new garden.
Costa: What's wrong with the old one? Did you set up a mirror?
Candide: Yes, and our vegies all fried.
Costa: It's the climate, changing. What you need to do on the hottest days is cover the mirror.
Cunégonde: Now you tell us. And what about the bees?
Costa: You can buy bees on the internet, but they're expensive.
Audience member: Don't ask us for the money!
Old Lady (turning quickly to defend Costa): He wouldn't......arggh!
She trips on her string.
It's the best trip she's done. Super convincing.
Candide carries her off.
Pouf! The candles go out.
Dark figures lift Nobby from the sink hole and place him at ground level, in a central position.
He does his best to look dead.
The candles are relit, for the orange dance.
Brother Giroflée: Many hot suns since,
I lost my brother
And my sorrows began.
Now of sorrows I have another.
Woe!
Our last bee's hit the fan.
Paquette: Our last bee's hit the fan, o-waley-waley.
Nobby: And I'm cactus, ee-ho!
Stink bug: I'll string you up. Stay still, stupid.
Nobby: Eee-ho! I am.
Paquette, Brother Giroflée, and the stink bug circle Nobby, with string, until he looks like a coconut.
Anyone would think they had practised.
Fifteen years later.
Voices drift up from the sink hole, singing doleful songs.
Voice of Brother Giroflée: All our brothers.....aaahu!
Voice of Paquette: And all of our sisters.....waiwai!
Candide (looking into the sink hole): How are the bees doing?
Voice of Brother Giroflée: The last one has flitted.
Candide: This isn't how it was meant to be when we started our garden.
Martin: And yet, it was bound to happen.
Doctor Pangloss: Was it?
He picks up the tin. It's full of money.
Old Lady: All is not lost. I've just had a phone call from Costa. He's coming back to make a follow up program.
Cunégonde: Oh dear. He won't like how our garden is looking.
Old Lady: Don't worry. I've found another ball of string.
Stink bug: Where was it?
Old Lady: Hold the end of this string while I lay out a new garden.
Stink bug: Hello, my string!
Paquette (fluttering out of the sink hole): Would you prefer ribbons?
Stink bug: No way! Ribbons are girly.
Brother Giroflée (appearing next to Paquette): Our orange tree died.
Audience member: Struck by lightning?
Old Lady: Highly unlikely. And irrelevant. This is fifteen years later.
She starts spooling out string.
Costa cycles out from behind the curtain. He does not look fifteen years older.
He chucks down his bike.
Costa: How's the sunken garden going?
Old Lady: Our bees have all died, and the gardeners are losing hope, but I'm laying out a new garden.
Costa: What's wrong with the old one? Did you set up a mirror?
Candide: Yes, and our vegies all fried.
Costa: It's the climate, changing. What you need to do on the hottest days is cover the mirror.
Cunégonde: Now you tell us. And what about the bees?
Costa: You can buy bees on the internet, but they're expensive.
Audience member: Don't ask us for the money!
Old Lady (turning quickly to defend Costa): He wouldn't......arggh!
She trips on her string.
It's the best trip she's done. Super convincing.
Candide carries her off.
Pouf! The candles go out.
Dark figures lift Nobby from the sink hole and place him at ground level, in a central position.
He does his best to look dead.
The candles are relit, for the orange dance.
Brother Giroflée: Many hot suns since,
I lost my brother
And my sorrows began.
Now of sorrows I have another.
Woe!
Our last bee's hit the fan.
Paquette: Our last bee's hit the fan, o-waley-waley.
Nobby: And I'm cactus, ee-ho!
Stink bug: I'll string you up. Stay still, stupid.
Nobby: Eee-ho! I am.
Paquette, Brother Giroflée, and the stink bug circle Nobby, with string, until he looks like a coconut.
Anyone would think they had practised.
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