Half A Periscope

 Baby Pierre skids to a halt, in front of the half submarine.

You escaped! says Roo-kai. How did you do it?

There was an alarm. The guards ran out. I took off, says Baby Pierre.

It was me who set off the alarm, says Roo-kai. 

On purpose? asks Baby Pierre.

Yes, says Roo-kai. It was to save you.

Thanks, says Baby Pierre. But now the alarm's been set off.

Don't worry, says Roo-kai. I set it off in a different location. They'll be searching the buildings. Not here.

You are a good spy, says Baby Pierre. Have you had lots of practice?

None, says Roo-kai. 

Me either, says Baby Pierre. What do we do now?

Take photos, says Roo-kai. Where's the camera?

Here, says Baby Pierre. Do you want me to help you?

Yes, please, says Roo-kai. Wing tips are awkward things for pressing buttons. But when I think about it, I've not seen your hands.

Retractable, says Baby Pierre, extending his skinny arms proudly.

Fingers? asks Roo-kai. 

And fingers, says Baby Pierre. The strongest fingers in the universe.

You are a boaster, says Roo-kai.

Wait till you see me press buttons, says Baby Pierre. Shall we get started?

All right, says Roo-kai. 

He looks around in case the guards have stopped searching the buildings.

No, they are nowhere in sight.

An aerial shot would be nice, says Roo-kai. We might capture the periscope.

Does this half have a periscope? asks Baby Pierre. Aren't they usually in the middle?

I suppose this is one of the things the French government want to know, says Roo-kai. How far have they got? That was one of the questions.

Half a periscope? says Baby Pierre. 

Or nothing, says Roo-kai. Maybe a hole for the periscope to go in.

Or half a hole, says Baby Piere.

It might not be EXACTLY in the middle, says Roo-kai.

There might be no hole or anything, says Baby Pierre.

Even that would be valuable information, says Roo-kai. Right. Let's walk to the end of the submarine, then you climb on my back, holding the camera. I'll fly up and then slowly flap my way to the middle. When I get there, you take a photo. No, take a few. Then I'll descend. Don't drop the camera.

Strongest fingers in the universe never drop cameras, says Baby Pierre.

Good, says Roo-kai. I'm glad I've got you.

Not Faith, Not Skill, Lightness

The security guard drives away, with Baby Pierre and the tiny bike in his pocket. 

He stops at a low building. Gets out of his car and goes in.

Sits down at a desk, and glances at a screen.

Another security guard enters the office.

Nothing?

Nothing. But look what I found. I'm taking it home for the kids.

The security guard takes Baby Pierre out of his pocket. And the tiny bicycle.

Hey, says the second security guard. What's that mark? And why is it wearing a back pack?

Dunno. Must be that new City Lego. 

Yeah. My kids are into Lego Friends. Anything in the back pack?

Haven't looked. Let's see. Whoa! A miniature camera!

He places the camera on the desk.

Baby Pierre wonders if he should say something.

But what would he say?

Admit that he's Lego? Protest that he isn't?

He is weighing up the options when an alarm goes off in the office, and the security guards run outside.

Baby Pierre quickly picks up his camera, stuffs it back in his back pack, unfolds his tiny bicycle, mounts, and cycles full tilt to the edge of the desk, after which it is a matter of .....

Not faith, Baby Pierre is an atheist. 

Not skill, Baby Pierre is not great at jumps.

Lightness. It's a matter of lightness.

Baby Pierre flies through the air on his bicycle and lands on the floorboards. 

He then continues, towards the door. 

Does he slow, in order to check where the guards are?

Not he. 

He exits and zooms towards the gate of the Techport facility.

Will Roo-kai still be there?

No. Roo-kai has vanished. Has he left a message?

Baby Pierre checks the dirt, for a scratched message. 

There is no scratched message.

But there is a snail.

Are you Baby Pierre? asks the snail. 

Depends who's asking, says Baby Pierre.

Roo-kai, says the snail.

I am, say Baby Pierre. Has he given up and gone home?

No, he hasn't, says the snail. He flew towards that half-submarine over there. He said if you turn up, bring the camera.

Did he say what to do if I don't? asks Baby Pierre.

Like what? asks the snail.

Never mind, says Baby Pierre. That was a dumb question. Thanks for the message. 

Happy for a bit of excitement, says the snail.

Me too, says Baby Pierre, heading towards the half-submarine, on his trusty bike, with the miniature camera.

You Can Never Trust Birds

Baby Pierre rides away from Gaius's house in a northerly direction.

The tiny camera is safe in his back pack.

How he loves the open road!

He weaves in and out of the traffic.

He disobeys traffic lights. 

He is being quite reckless.

Roo-kai, flying above him, wonders if he should intervene.

By landing in front of Baby Pierre and saying.  Slow down! You must get there in one piece and so must my camera.

But it is a race, and Baby Pierre is a pebble.

So Roo-kai flies on.

This time he has a better idea of where he is going. 

No need to turn right at the marina, he will fly to Osborne directly, thereby cutting a corner.

Ha-HAH! 

Baby Pierre speeds under heavy vehicles, and through restricted speed zones.

He cuts through a grave yard.

Boo!

Bad idea. But no time is lost, he speeds even faster.

Now he is in Port Adelaide. Zoom!

It looks as it always looks. Bridges!

He zooms over a bridge. Whee!

He looks up, in case Roo-kai is above him.

Caramba! He is! He must have taken a short cut!

You can never trust birds.

Victoria Road, turn right at Veitch Road.

They arrive at the Techport Facility at the same moment.

Well done, says Roo-kai. 

You too, says Baby Pierre.

You took many risks, says Roo-kai. I like that.

Now what? asks Baby Pierre.

Yes, how do we do this? says Roo-kai. I have questions to answer, as well as take photos.

You fly over the gate, says Baby Pierre. I'll squeeze through this opening.

With your bike? asks Roo-kai.

It folds up, says Baby Pierre.

Now they are inside the grounds of the facility.

A security guard drives up to the gate in a vehicle.

Just a bird, says the security guard into his walkie talkie. And something else. Guess I'd better check it.

He gets out of his vehicle.

Sees the folded tiny bicycle with green wheels, lying next to a pebble.

Will he pick up the bicycle?

Will he pick up the pebble, aka Baby Pierre?

Yes! he picks them both up, and slides them into his pocket.

Sweet! The kids'll love these!

Beyond French With Green Wheels

I suppose I shall have to go back to Osborne, says Roo-kai. But how will I carry the camera?

In a back pack, says Terence.

But I need to be able to use it while in the air, says Roo-kai. 

Fly upside down, says Terence.

You haven't thought that through, says Baby Pierre.

No he hasn't, says Gaius. Perhaps the Instructions say something about it.

He goes back inside, and comes out with the Instructions.

Here, at the bottom, says Gaius. 

Si vous ne....da da da......pour apporter le camera.... on peut recruter un petit assistant francais. 

What does that mean? asks Terence.

If he can't manage the camera he may recruit a small French assistant, says Gaius. What a pity, there is no one here who fits that description. 

What about me? says Baby Pierre.

Are you French? asks Roo-kai.

I am beyond French, says Baby Pierre. When I was formed, there were no such nations.

Me too, says Terence.

It is not true in your case, says Gaius. You were formed in Barcelona.  But it is true in the case of Baby Pierre, who was formed many eons ago.

That's all very well, says Roo-kai. But does being beyond French qualify him for the mission?

Look at me, says Baby Pierre. See this mark? It's the Mark of the Claw.

Or a tulip, says Terence.

Shut up! says Baby Pierre. It's the Mark of the Claw and it qualifies me for any mission.

Okay, says Roo-kai. It's not like I have much choice. At least you have a French name.

Baby! says Terence. 

He means Pierre, says Baby Pierre. 

Just one thing, says Roo-kai. You're a pebble. How will you carry a camera?

I'll take my bike, says Baby Pierre.

What! You expect me to carry you and a bike and a camera? squawks Roo-kai.

I'll cycle there, says Baby Pierre, and meet you at the front gate of the Techport Facility.

How long will it take you to get there? asks Roo-kai.

Less time than you! says Baby Pierre.

He is fast, says Gaius. His bike has wheels made from fluoroelastane.

Roo-kai doubts that Baby Pierre can get there faster.

But Baby Pierre has ducked into the shed and come out with a tiny bicycle.

It has strange green wheels.

They do look like wheels made from fluoroelastane.

Gaius hands him the camera.

The Third Eye Won't See You

Gaius has dug a hole in the back garden.

Not too deep. The dead lizard is flat.

Would you like to say a few words? asks Gaius.

Pizza, says Terence.

That's not very nice, says Gaius. A few words about what sort of lizard he was.

A blue tongue, says Baby Pierre. 

With no sense of direction, says Roo-kai.

Allow me, says Gaius. Today we bury a lizard who had taken refuge in our back garden. Probably thinking it was safe. And it was safe, until I returned home and mowed the grass, which alarmed him. He lay low for a while, then made a decision. He would run across the road. Unfortunately....

Terence has been staring at the dead lizard, whose body is flat and whose head is flat also.

Wah! says Terence. What's that on the top of his HEAD!

A third eye, says Gaius. Most lizards have them. It is called the parietal eye, and is photoreceptive. By this means they can work out if it's day or night, and regulate body temperature.

Do I have one? asks Terence.

No, says Gaius. It's just a hole leading down to the brain.

You could get one, says Baby Pierre. Ask Gaius to drill it.

No way! says Terence. I don't even want one.

Ready? asks Gaius. Any more things to say?

Yes, says Terence. I'll make up a poem.

Go on then, says Gaius.

Goodbye lizard, you won't see us again, says Terence.

Is that all? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Terence.

That was good, says Baby Pierre. Short but effective.

And accurate, says Roo-kai. 

But not very moving, says Gaius. However, if that's it, I shall now cover him with dirt.

He covers the lizard with dirt, and spreads dried grass cuttings on top.

Dead Mini Wrap

Roo-kai flies back to Gaius's house, and lands in the back garden.

Terence and Baby Pierre are on the back step, looking sad.

Roo-kai, cries Terence. You're back early!

Don't get too excited, says Roo-kai.

You forgot your camera, says Baby Pierre. We were just thinking about how you wouldn't be able to complete your mission.

Guess how we know! says Terence

How do you know? asks Roo-kai.

Did you think we looked sad when you landed? asks Terence.

A bit, says Roo-kai. 

Remember the lizard? says Terence.

The one that doesn't know north from south? asks Roo-kai. Yes, I remember the lizard.

It DIED! says Terence. The postman found it.

In the back garden? Roo-kai is surprised.

On the ROAD! says Terence. Flat as a mini-wrap. With legs. And blood coming out at the sides.

The worst ever mini-wrap, says Baby Pierre.

What was it doing on the road? asks Roo-kai.

Being DEAD, says Terence. Gaius said we should bury it.

And did you? asks Roo-kai.

First we had to find something to put it in, says Terence. And Gaius said we could use the ripped packet.

With my instructions, says Roo-kai.

They weren't in it, says Terence. We took them out, remember.

I remember, says Roo-kai.

And so Gaius gave us the packet, says Terence.

And we sneaked out, says Baby Pierre. 

Aren't you in quarantine? asks Roo-kai.

Not me, says Baby Pierre.

Only me, says Terence. 

That was illegal, says Roo-kai.

No one saw me, says Terence. Anyway, we scraped the lizard into the packet and ran home.

And buried the lizard in the back garden, says Roo-kai. Where exactly?

We didn't do it yet, says Terence. Because guess what happened?

I can't guess, says Roo-kai.

When Gaius tipped out the dead lizard, a tiny CAMERA fell out of the packet! Your spy camera. It's really small. And you didn't take it. That's why we were sad.

I've come back for it, says Roo-kai. Where is it?

Inside, says Terence. This is a happy ending. NOW we can bury the lizard.

A Prescient What-if

No camera? asks the gull whose name is not Crark.

No camera, says Roo-kai.

A spy needs a camera, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

I realise that, says Roo-kai. 

You're stuffed then, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

Stuffed? says Roo-kai.

In the poo, says the gull.

Unless, says Roo-kai, I can borrow one. Is there a chip shop?

Chip shop? There's the Sailmaster Tavern, nearby.

Tavern, even better, says Roo-kai.

You're going to steal someone's camera, says the gull.

Or smart phone, says Roo-kai.

Phone won't work, says the gull. People have passwords.

I can crack the password, says Roo-kai.

Come on then, says the gull.

The gull whose name is not Crark shows Roo-kai the way to the Sailmaster Tavern, which is open for lunch.

People are sitting at outdoor tables under umbrellas, watching the boats, and waiting for their chips to arrive.

Some have placed their phones on the table.

All Roo-kai has to do is....swoop in and fly off with one of them.

Distract them! says Roo-kai.

Okay, says the gull.

He hops down onto the walkway, and loudly says CRARK!

Oh look! It wants chippies, says a woman. Sorry fella, our chips aren't here yet.

Roo-kai swoops in.

Shit! says the woman. Did you SEE that! Bird took my phone!

There is chaos amongst the tables. Everyone stands up, and heads for the railing. 

It flew that way! cries someone.

What if it drops it in the water? wails the woman.

A prescient what-if.

Roo-kai has not got a good grip on the phone.

He drops it in the water.

He is totally embarrassed. He wheels in the sky.

His only course now is to go back to Gaius's place and obtain a suitable camera.