What Pliny Would Rather Not Know

I see you have a new book, said Pliny the Elder. What is it called?

The People of the Book, by Geraldine Brooks, I replied, but it was my second choice.

How so? asked Pliny.

I was looking for your book.

My book?

Your book, Natural History of Pliny, in Penguin Classics.

My book! said Pliny. I didn't know it was in print.

Well it is, I said, but I haven't been able to lay my hand on a copy. You can buy it through Amazon Books but they charge a lot for postage.

I am not surprised, said Pliny. It must be quite a size.

No, it isn't . It's just a little paperback.

Pliny turned a funny shade of purple.

A little paperback! he spluttered. But I wrote thirty seven books !

I know. This is a selection of the most interesting bits.

Tch! said Pliny, crossly. I fail to see the value in a selection of the interesting bits. It is meant to be a collection of all knowledge. And who is to say which are the interesting bits? I shall write to Penguin Classics and complain.

No, don't complain. Just ask them to send you a copy. I'm sure you must be entitled to one. Then we can see which bits they think are interesting. And then you can complain.

No, said Pliny. You just want a free book. I am going to complain.