Beyoncé's Ghost

Beyoncé is excited. She shows the email to her husband.

Look at this, Jay-Z, says Beyoncé. They've invited me to write an article for Velosophy.

Woah, Bee! says Jay-Z. You have reached the pinnacle of fame! What is Velosophy? I never even heard of it.

Sure you have, says Beyoncé. Have you heard of  Voltaire? Have you heard of David Hume? Have you heard of Camus, Wittgenstein, Murdoch?  Have you heard of the philosophy of bicycles?

Slow down, says Jay-Z. I'm with you now. So you have to write something bicyclo-philo-sophical! That's cool.

Think I'll say yes, says Beyoncé. It's an honour.

Sure, says Jay-Z. And Blue Ivy will be so proud of her mommy. Won't you little girl?

He jiggles little Blue Ivy on his knee, then lifts her up to kiss her on the nose.

Blue Ivy giggles at her dad, and burps creamily.

Ooh, says Jay-Z, wiping her mouth with his sleeve.

I'm awfully busy, says Beyoncé. With tours and exercise and things. And all my philanthropical work. And baby too. How will I find the time to write it?

Get it ghosted, Bee, says Jay-Z. Send them a short list of ideas, and they can write it up.

I love you honey, says Beyoncé. That's exactly what I'll do.

 ..........

Now Bunny is excited. Beyoncé has replied almost immediately.

Beyoncé's saying yes! says Bunny.

Awesome, says Sweezus.

But she's awfully busy, says Bunny.

She would be, says Sweezus.

She's sending us a list of ideas and she wants us to ghost the article, says Buuny.

Shit, says Sweezus. Vello won't like that.

We don't have to tell Mr Drone, says Bunny. Who can we get to ghost it?

Richard the Third, says Sweezus.

How? asks Bunny.

It was a joke, says Sweezus. Richard the Third is dead.

Yes, says Bunny. That's why you're going to have to write his piece for him.

Sweezus thinks about this, and how it would be creative, and therefore good for his career.

Okay, says Sweezus, I will. But we still have the problem of Beyoncé.

Problem solved, says Bunny. 'Richard the Third' can do Beyoncé's too. You being Richard the Third.

Sweezus is so impressed with the triple irony of this idea, he fails to realise that he'll be doing all the writing.