The Wonders Of DNA Testing

What shall I do with you ? says the director.

Take me back to my friends in the bar, says Arthur.

Paul pushes him through to the bar.

Gaius looks up.

Arthur! says Gaius. Where have you been?

Paul drags Arthur over to Gaius, who is sitting with Vello, David and Ageless.

What's happened? asks Gaius.

I found him downstairs defacing a valuable painting with a cockroach, says Paul. And then he threw up on the floor.

Our fault, says Vello, shaking his head. We bought him too many drinks.

Yes, our fault, says David.

It was Gaius's cockroach, says Ageless.

Your cockroach! says Paul in amazement. Why bring a cockroach in here?

Ignorance, says Gaius. It was in an envelope with my tickets. Just look what it's done.

He shows Paul the tickets, smeared with brown faecal dots, which have not been successfully removed by the kind barman's cloth.

Well, sir, says Paul. If it was your cockroach he used, it seems you are partly responsible. I must ask you to go downstairs and clean up the mess. Young 'Arthur Rimbaud' as he calls himself, is too drunk to do it himself. And I see that you have a wet cloth.

Just a moment, says Gaius. What proof do you have that he was using my cockroach?

You've already admitted it, says Paul.

That was before, says Gaius, who does not like the idea of cleaning up vomit. It might have been another cockroach. This is a very old building. I wouldn't be surprised if it were infested with cockroaches.

Paul is annoyed. Of course it's the same cockroach.

Then I shall just have to prove it, he snaps.

How will you do that? asks Vello. DNA?

Exactly! says Paul. DNA. Give me that cloth!

Gaius gives him the cloth. At least without that he can't clean up the vomit downstairs.

Paul folds up the barman's cloth and marches back down the stairs to the painting. He dabs at the offending word written in cockroach smear with the corner of his personal hankie. He folds up the hankie.

He goes into his office, finds two sealable clear plastic bags and places the barman's cloth into one and his hankie into the other.

Then he marches back to the bar.

Right, says Paul. Evidence. Tomorrow I'm taking these to the SA Museum to show to my friend Steve Donnellan. We'll see whose cockroach it is!