Transmogrification of Matter

Spit it out, Alexis, says Steve. One cockroach or two?

At least two, says Alexis, consulting her notes. A French one, quite old but with young  DNA, and and English one with an interest in paleontology and a nose full of dust.

Gaius is pleased to hear this result, which exonerates him.

Two cockroaches, just as he thought.

But wait! A French one? An English one? What is this all about?

Paul is unimpressed.

Thank you, Alexis, he says. May I have my hankie back now?

No, sorry Paul, says Alexis. It's now part of our tissue collection. It won't be allowed out of the fridge unless you submit a written request.

Wonderful, says Paul. That was my Catalyst hankie.

Which one was the French one, just as a matter of interest? asks Gaius.

There was evidence of the French and the English in both of the samples, says Alexis.

Problem? says Steve.

Indeed, says Gaius. I do not see how that can possibly be. Unless one believes in the transmogrification of matter.

He turns to Alexis.

You said AT LEAST two? he asks her. What else did you find?

Oh evidence of wine, blood, crisps, mucous, and an Australian cockroach, says Alexis. The samples were highly contaminated as no doubt you already knew.

I knew, says Paul, that's why I wasn't planning to come here.

Gaius has had quite enough of this nonsense.

I'm off then, says Gaius. Thank you Alexis for your efforts. Thank you Steve, I hope the Sprigg Lecture goes well.

Pity you aren't able to come, says Steve. You'd enjoy it. The lecture is called Frozen Zoo.

I'll send young Arthur along, if I can find him, says Gaius. He is my right hand man.

Paul raises an eyebrow at Steve, and shakes his head almost imperceptibly.

He mouths the words: DON'T LET HIM IN.