Like The Fellow In Kafka

Margaret is ordering drinks at the Caravan Bar in the Tuxedo Cat when Arthur arrives.

Over here, Arthur! says Gaius. Sit down. What's the matter?

Arthur sits down.

I have cockroach DNA, shudders Arthur.

Good heavens! says Gaius. How do you know?

Professor Donnellan told me, says Arthur. I need a stiff drink.

Margaret comes over with two glasses of beer.

Arthur grabs one and swallows it down in one gulp.

So you're Arthur, says Margaret. How did the Sprigg Lecture go?

Arthur's had some bad news, Margaret, says Gaius. He's learned he has cockroach DNA.

Nonsense, says Margaret. It's a misunderstanding.

Arthur looks hopeful.

No, says Gaius. I have heard of such things.

Arthur looks glum.

You know how I detest tomatoes, says Gaius.

Indeed I do, says Margaret. Those sandwiches I brought to our picnic that you wouldn't touch.....

With good reason, says Gaius. They modify tomatoes with cockroach DNA to harden their skins for tranportation.

Rubbish! says Margaret. They don't! And even if they do, it should not affect Arthur.

He does eat tomatoes, says Gaius. I've seen him.

Arthur resolves never to eat one again.

Now Arthur, says Gaius. Did you obtain an answer to my question?

No, says Arthur. I was too upset to ask.

What was it? asks Margaret.

It was this, says Gaius. Are caterpillar DNA and butterfly DNA the same? A fascinating question. What a pity, we shall never know the answer.

I know the answer, says Margaret. They are the same. The organism contains DNA that encodes both body forms.

This answer is not encouraging for Arthur.

Can a woman be any more irritating? thinks Gaius. And undoubtedly wrong.

He is about to challenge Margaret's answer when Vello and David come in.

Hello Arthur! Feeling better ? says David. Oh, Margaret, hello......

Well, we've got to run, says Vello.

You've only just got here, says Margaret. Sit down and cheer up poor Arthur. He thinks he's turning into a cockroach.

Ha ha, says Vello. Like that fellow in Kafka. Don't worry Arthur. It's all for the best. Have you ever seen a cockroach in a bandage .....?

Yes, says Arthur. It's still in my pocket.